by T. S. Joyce
When the sound of splashing touched her ears, Jenner crouched and eventually lay down on the pine needle-blanketed ground. Slowly, quietly, they moved forward toward a tall wall of marsh grass, and when he carefully pulled the barrier aside, she had to swallow a gasp of excitement before she scared the animals off. It was a moose, standing belly-high in a pond, and behind her was a newborn baby, still wobbly but splashing with one hoof in the shallows.
When she turned to grace Jenner with a grateful look, he had moved closer to her and was staring at the smile on her lips with the most peculiar expression on his face. Hunger?
Now her nerves were out of control, and Jenner was the cause of it. Desperate to steady her trembling hands, Lena dragged her attention back to the animals. Jenner hid her actions by letting the grass fall gently back into place, and slowly, she set up her tripod on the shortest setting. When she was ready, he pushed it aside again. Her first shot brought a big old grin to her face. Momma moose was broadside, staring directly at them with a long strand of deep green pond grass hanging from her dripping lips, and the baby was mid-splash behind her. A money shot, and the perfect way to start this trip. Bucks and Backwoods was getting low on moose shots, and she was about to pump up their photo options for future issues. And not just with distant, hurried shots. Jenner had got her in extremely close with a long range lens, and momma moose was a fucking supermodel. Morning sun bouncing off her clean coat, ears erect and interested, she kept freezing to listen for danger, giving Lena shot after shot of un-blurred photographic gold. God, she couldn’t wait to look at these pictures later because every one she reviewed between shots made her heart stutter. What an incredible, magnificent, gigantic, graceful animal, and her baby was adorable with personality for miles. And when the moose moved from the pond, Jenner brushed her waist lightly and gestured for her to follow him. Slowly, silently, they stalked the moose and set up again in the brush to take more shots of the pair drying off in the shade of a Western Hemlock tree. She even got shots of the mother nuzzling the baby’s face and of the little one nursing.
Lena had taken classes on animal behavior for every species she would potentially come into contact with, and she knew just how dangerous Moose could be, especially mothers, but here, in the cover of the brush, she was astounded by the moment Jenner had secured for her.
Jenner Silver was good. He was real good.
The animals meandered off slowly, but he didn’t make a move to leave. As they disappeared into the woods completely, Jenner turned to her from where he lay on his stomach beside her, and said, “Lena, I’m sorry about your dad.”
She jerked the camera as she began to remove it from the small tripod and accidentally took a picture of the ground. “What?”
“You talked about your dad’s funeral last night and how he taught you to shoot. Your voice sounds sad when you mention him, and I’m sorry for it. Sorry he’s gone. Sorry you hurt.”
For a minute, she couldn’t find her words, nor could she push them past her tightening throat if she had, but at last, she swallowed hard and rested her cheek on her crossed arms. The sunlight was throwing gold speckles across his cheeks and one right against his eye, making it look fiercely beautiful. “Did you lose your dad?”
His eyes tightened as he huffed a soft breath. “This isn’t about me. Let’s go.”
He made to stand up, but Lena clutched onto his wrist and kept him beside her. “What is your problem?”
His eyes empty, he shrugged and whispered, “I don’t have a problem.”
“You do!” she whisper-screamed. “One minute you’re nice to me, and the next you’re cold, and I can’t keep up with your changing moods, Jenner. And furthermore—”
Jenner’s lips crashed onto hers. Utterly shocked, Lena reared back and slapped him. The air sparked between them as they glared each other down, but Jenner had started a storm in her middle, churning and unavoidable, and before she could stop herself, she kissed him back. Hard. Jenner’s hands were fire against her skin as he rucked up her shirt and rolled on top of her. His lips moved against hers, relentless and overbearing, and he used his teeth when he sucked on her bottom lip. Angry, turned on, and out of control, she bit his lip hard, and a rattling sound filled his chest. Wild thing.
He moved over her gracefully as he grabbed the back of her neck and pushed his tongue past her lips, and holy fuck, she could taste him now. He even tasted feral. A helpless moan left her as she rolled her hips against him. He lowered his mouth to the tripping pulse at her neck, shoved her knees farther apart, and ground his thick erection against her sex.
“Oooh, that feels good,” she murmured, eyes rolling back in her head. This right here was what it felt like to lose her mind.
Jenner was like a star, too hot, too fast, and she was being burned up by him. But for some reason, she couldn’t find a damned thing wrong with that right now. It had been so long since she’d wanted a man this badly. No, scratch that. She arched her back and sighed as he rocked his hips against hers again. She’d never wanted anyone like this. Was it rushing? Hell yes, and Jenner wasn’t a man to give her heart to, but maybe if she could just forget about everything for a while, just let go, then perhaps she could find herself again in the aftermath. Aftermath? Ha. Jenner was a tornado that likely destroyed everything in his wake. If she did this with him, she faced destruction, but if she didn’t…it felt like destruction that way, too.
His lips were back on hers, his breath quick as though he was just as lost in this as she was. When his warm hand pressed under her bra, cupping her full breast, she lost all reason. And if he didn’t stop rubbing his giant dick against her jeans, she was going to come right here and now.
She reached under his shirt and clawed a long rake down his back with her nails, and Jenner arched his neck back. He reared up and pulled his shirt over his head, then tossed it into the grass beside them. The silver scars were stark against his tanned skin, and the new claw marks were red, raw, and un-bandaged. He was killing her with how fucking sexy he was.
“Claw me again.” His eyes looked darker now. Maybe lust did that to him, or perhaps the mid-day, saturated sunlight behind him was to blame. Either way, she didn’t care about anything right now other than the friction he was building between her legs and that sexy noise in his throat.
She obeyed, dragging her nails down his back again as he kissed her breathless. She ran her hands over the strips of muscles at his hips and reached down the front of his pants. The second she brushed the head of his shaft, a deep shiver took Jenner’s shoulders. She’d done that, affected his body so easily. Feeling bold, she reached farther inside his pants and pulled a slow stroke of him.
“Fffuck,” he murmured in a shaking voice as he rolled his hips against her hand.
And when she looked up to meet his gaze again, she could see it. The wildness, the abandon, the dazed look that said he was rutting and desperate for her.
“Jenner,” she whispered, his name tinged with desperation from her lips. “Touch me.”
There was a moment between them—just an instant—before Jenner leaned down, kissed her so hard she could feel his teeth against her swollen lips, then flipped her over like she weighed nothing.
Baffled on how she’d gotten on her hands and knees, she gasped as he unbuttoned the snap on her jeans and ripped her zipper downward. He reached into the front of her panties and as he dragged a finger against her clit, the sound rattling his chest turned guttural. It wasn’t until he’d yanked her pants halfway down that she realized what he meant to do. He was going to take her from behind like some wild animal, but this wasn’t the way it was supposed to be.
“Jenner,” she panted out. “Not like this. Not for my first time.”
Jenner jolted to a stop, one hand against the wetness he’d created between her legs, the other on the waist of her jeans. “What?”
Her arms were shaking now as the adrenaline in her pounding blood did something strange to her body. It softened the muscles and
made it hard to hold herself upright. “I want it differently for my first time.”
“Our first time,” he said in a strange voice.
Lena swallowed hard and looked over her shoulder. “No, I mean, it’s my first time to do this.”
“With anyone?” His eyes went wide and horrified, and his expression hurt like a slap against her skin.
Unable to speak, she nodded.
Jenner ripped his hands away from her and crawled backward, as if he couldn’t escape her fast enough. “You’re a virgin?”
Tears stung her eyes now at how mortified he looked. Slowly, she sat back on her folded legs and pulled up her jeans. Lips pursed, she nodded again with her back to him.
“Fuck, Lena. We almost…I almost…I could’ve hurt you!” His voice snapped with anger, and she hunched her shoulders against it. “You should’ve been upfront with me.”
“What are you talking about?” she cried in fury. “It’s not something I talk about with everyone, Jenner! And I didn’t know we were going to fool around. How could I have known? You like me one minute and reprimand me the next.”
Jenner stood and ran his hands through his hair. “Are you waiting?”
“For what? Marriage?”
“Yeah! Because I’m telling you right now, I’m not even good to date.”
“Yeah, everyone keeps telling me that, Jenner.”
“What?”
“Dalton said the same thing, and I’m pretty fucking sick of not being trusted to make up my own mind who I want to spend time with. And no, the idea wasn’t to wait until marriage.” She blasted upward and jammed her foot against the ground at the fact that Jenner was really going to pull this admission from her right now when she was pissed. “I was already married once.”
Jenner drew backward like she’d socked him across the jaw. “You were married?” Now he was yelling in earnest, and the sheer volume of his voice stung her ears. “That doesn’t even make any sense. How can you be a virgin if you were married?”
“Because it wasn’t like that! I’m not waiting to have sex on purpose, you asshole. I just haven’t found anyone I wanted to be intimate with since Adam died!” A pathetic sob clawed its way up her throat, and mortified, she grabbed her camera, tripod still attached, and half-jogged toward where the horses were tied. She had to get away from him—as far away as possible before she melted down completely—because nothing was more unacceptable in her life right now than crying in front of Jenner Ice-Heart Silver.
Gunner snorted and stomped his foot as she approached, but she didn’t care. He was about to get snuggled because she needed that. She wrapped her arms around his neck and ignored that he bopped her in the back with a well-placed head toss. She cried against his coat until it was damp and his neck was spotted with dark spots, almost black against the rest of his dark coloring.
“What are you doing?” Jenner asked quietly from behind her.
Feeling puny, Lena muttered, “Nothing you would understand.”
Jenner sighed. “Gunner’s trying to bite you.”
With a growl, she released the horse from her affection and stumbled toward the packhorse who looked utterly comatose. She was almost offended that the old horse hadn’t bothered to wake up for her sob-fest. The silence as she packed her camera lens and tripod was only punctuated with her sniffles as she studiously ignored the grumpy Sasquatch she could feel watching her. “I need a minute.” Stupid voice as it trembled.
She stomped off into the trees, and when she was good and alone, she slid her back down the rough bark of a pine and drew her knees to her chest. How dare he? No one had affected her so completely or made her feel so pitiful in all her life. She wasn’t a ten, but she surely wasn’t a two, and Jenner had looked at her like she was disgusting. All because she was a virgin? Yeah, she got it. Twenty-six was old to not have been with a man, but it wasn’t like she’d planned this.
When she looked up and rested her head against the tree, Jenner was standing there, hands on his hips, looking utterly uncomfortable.
“What part of ‘I need a minute’ was confusing to you?”
His shirt was still MIA, and his abs flexed and chest lifted as he inhaled deeply. “Who is Adam?”
“None of your fucking business. Go away.”
Jenner’s throat moved as he swallowed hard, but he definitely didn’t go away. Instead, he sat beside her, leaned up on her tree of shame and brought yet another round of heat flooding into her cheeks.
“I shouldn’t have done that,” he murmured. “I shouldn’t have kissed you and lost control. I had this plan to keep it professional and I…” He gritted his teeth and broke a twig in half. “I messed up. I’m sorry.”
“Yeah, well, I wasn’t sorry until just now. I actually wanted to be with you,” she gritted out bitterly. “I thought my stupid dry spell would finally be over, and I could just get this thing over and done. Then it wouldn’t be this huge, terrifying thing to me anymore.”
“Get what done? Losing your virginity? Lena, it should be special for your first time.”
“Oh yeah? Was it super special for your first time, Jenner?”
“Yeah, it was.”
His answer drew her up short, so she jerked her gaze to his to gauge his seriousness. He wasn’t teasing her, though. At least not that she could tell.
“You look surprised. What, you think a guy can’t have his first time be special?”
“I don’t know about guys, but from the way you just tossed me away back there, I thought maybe you were a player.”
“No, Lena, I’m not a player.” His voice was tired, and he chucked half of the broken stick into the woods as if her snap judgment offended him. “I was twenty before I lost mine. I had a girl I loved and sex with her meant something.”
“What happened?” she asked softly.
Jenner made a clicking sound behind his teeth and picked up another limb. He stripped the leaves off it one by one, then said, “She got pregnant.”
“You didn’t want the baby?”
“Oh, I wanted the baby. More than anything. It was this instant family, you know? But my woman didn’t really know me, didn’t know my secrets, and apparently she was keeping some of her own. I was over the moon, twenty, ready to be a dad because I was going to do this better than how my dad did with me and my brothers. Except when we went to get the ultrasound, they told us the baby was a girl.”
Baffled, Lena shook her head. “And you didn’t want a girl?”
Jenner clutched his fist around the snapped twig and slid his sad blue gaze to her. “I can’t have girls. She wasn’t mine.”
That didn’t make any sense. “How do you know you can’t have girls?”
“Because in my lineage, there have been zero female offspring for thousands of years. And when I told my woman that, she admitted she had someone else. Someone who was no good, not like I was to her, and she wanted me raising the baby instead of the other guy.”
“And you couldn’t?” Her whisper came out airy and devastated.
Jenner shook his head. “Not after all the lies. I couldn’t trust her. I haven’t told anyone that ever. Not even my brothers, so now it’s your turn. Who is Adam?”
“Adam was my best friend.”
“I thought you said he was your husband.”
“Isn’t that the way love should be, though? Friends first? We lived next door to each other growing up. Walked to school together, did our homework together. He used to sneak into my house and sleep in my bed when his parents argued. Even when he got popular in high school, he never made me feel like I wasn’t his world, you know? And it was never love, nothing like that. We were just…best friends. But when we were seniors in high school, he had this bruise on his leg that wouldn’t heal. He went to the doctor and was diagnosed with leukemia. I went to every appointment, nearly flunked out and only graduated because some of my teachers had pity on me. I spent every day with him. Cut class when he wasn’t strong enough to go to school anymore. And
one day, when we were lying on his bed, he asked me to marry him. He was his parents’ only son, and his mom had been crying over never watching him get married, so he asked me, and I said yes.” Lena’s bottom lip trembled too hard to go on, and a warm tear slid down her cheek. She swallowed, over and over, trying to regain her composure. “We were married three months before he passed. He was so sick...” She wiped the moisture from her cheek. “He wasn’t up for consummating the marriage.”
“Jesus,” Jenner murmured as he draped his arm across her shoulders and pulled her tight against his side. “I’m so sorry.” His hand cradled her cheek, so she pressed her palm against his knuckles to keep his touch there because she needed this. He hadn’t told anyone about the woman who had broken his heart, and she understood that because Lena had never talked to anyone about Adam either. It had been too painful to relive.
“I didn’t mean to be a twenty-six-year-old virgin, Jenner. God, I hate the way you looked at me when you found out. I just wasn’t ready to be intimate with a man for a long time after Adam because it felt like a betrayal to his memory. And when I was finally ready, I was full-on running—travelling constantly and never staying in one place long enough to meet a nice guy I trusted enough to sleep with.”
“And you trust me? Woman, I almost fucked you doggy style in the woods, directly following our first kiss. I’m not trustworthy with shit like this. I’m too rough, and I lose my mind—”
“And I understood that going into it, you ridiculous man. I wasn’t looking for candles, fireworks, and opera music. Maybe I did at one time, but the longer I go without it happening, the more intimidated I feel. No, I didn’t want a rough fucking from behind for my first time,” she said through a thick laugh. “But somewhere in the middle would’ve been nice.” Lena wiped her damp cheeks with the back of her hand and said, “And furthermore, I’m scandalous.”