“It’s us! Megan, Hannah, and Kerrigan. The relationship-ruiners.”
I fell back into bed, planning on ignoring them. They’d go away eventually.
“We aren’t leaving, Heidi. You’re stuck with us on your porch until you let us in.”
I groaned. “Go away!”
“No, ma’am.” Evidently, Megan was their stubborn ringleader. “We’ll camp out here if we have to.”
The only reason I got up was so I could throw something at her. I scrunched my face into my best scowl and jerked open the door. “Go away. I don’t want to see you. Any of you.”
Megan shrugged and pushed her way past me. “Well, I suppose you’ll have to get over it. We’re not going anywhere.”
Kerrigan moved past me next. “I like your house. It’s cute.”
When Hannah just stood there, a stupid smile on her face, I stepped aside. “Well. You might as well join your pals.”
She patted my arm as she moved past. “I’m sorry we’re barging in like this. We have to, though. We messed up and we owe it to you and Alexei to stage an intervention.”
“Don’t say his name.”
Megan turned away from a picture of me with the boys and faced me. “Alexei, Alexei, Alexei. You’d best get used to it because you’re going to be hearing a lot of his name today and for the rest of your life. We have a lot to explain. Where should we set up? And would you like to shower first?”
I gave her an incredulous look.
She laughed. “Okay, no shower.”
Hannah groaned. “I’m so sorry. We’re all so sorry. Megan doesn’t mean to be so rude, but we’ve been watching Alexei mope around like his world came to an end. He’s so sad and it’s all our fault.”
“Oh, your fault, huh? Were you the ones who told him to convince me that he was a polar bear escaped from the local animal sanctuary? You told him to sit and listen to me pour my heart out about this really hot guy I met? You told him to use the information to get me to agree to go out with him?”
Kerrigan whistled. “No one ever claimed he was the sharpest tool in the shed.”
“He is the sweetest, though. He’s not a bad guy, Heidi. He’s just…clueless. He should’ve known better, yes. He should’ve done some things differently. He didn’t, though. And it doesn’t change that he’s your mate and that the two of you are fated to be together.” Megan put her hands on her hips. “Now, how about that shower?”
I scowled. “Rude, much?”
She shook her head. “You’ll forgive us later.”
“Doubt it.”
“I’m really going to enjoy being friends with you when all of this is over. I’m always saying how these two are just too nice.”
“You really just bullied your way into my house and are insulting me. Nice.”
She just grinned. “You’re going to enjoy us being friends, too. I mean, after you forgive me for all of this.”
22
Alexei
I’d never felt worse in my life. I missed Heidi more than I thought possible. My chest ached. I was usually the most laid back of the team. Things didn’t often ruffle my feathers, but this—my bear was slowly losing his shit and so was I. My world was falling apart. I’d even gotten my nose broken on the job by a nutcase rabbit shifter with a few too many beers in him who didn’t want to be calmed. I didn’t even know rabbit shifters existed. He’d gotten the drop on me and it would have been more than a little embarrassing except I didn’t care about anything but my mate.
I’d gone to the beach every morning waiting for Heidi, but she never showed. She was making it more than clear that she didn’t want anything to do with me. I got it. I’d pulled some stupid shit.
I should’ve come clean sooner, before she found out herself. I shouldn’t have used what she told me to try to win her over. I shouldn’t have let her spill her private info without letting her know it was me she was spilling it to not some dumb animal. Although right now, I supposed that description could accurately be applied to me—dumb animal.
I’d been pissed at Megan, Kerrigan, and Hannah at first for flapping their gums and assuming Heidi knew everything. They’d just dropped the whole thing on her like a bomb. They had to have freaked her out beyond belief. It wasn’t really their fault, though. Not really. I’d been the idiot.
“How’s the nose?”
I looked up at Serge and shrugged. “Fine. Healed already.”
He chose the chair opposite me in the office, and sank into it with a grunt. “You okay?”
Frowning, I looked away. “Not really.”
“She’ll come around. It’s just the way it works.”
I wasn’t so sure. I’d tricked her. I’d taken away the chance for her to want to tell me, the man, everything. “Sure.”
“Hannah and the other two went over there yesterday.” He grunted again. “Figured they’d try to repair what they’d broken.”
I sat up straighter. “What happened?”
“They all argued a lot, apparently. Your mate isn’t very trusting, it seems.” He laughed. “Hannah said she’s stubborn and is the perfect mate for you because you need someone strong enough to deal with your shit.”
The ache in my chest grew stronger. “She has plenty of reason to not trust people.”
“So, I hear.”
I stood up and went to the window. There were people walking past on the street, but no one that I wanted to see. “Did they say how it all ended?”
“I got the impression that they weren’t done talking to her.”
“I should’ve been the one telling her everything.”
“Well, it’s too late for that now. So, you can either feel shitty about yourself, or you can go and fix it.”
Frowning at him, I held my hands up in the air. “How? How do I fix it?”
“Not by sitting here and feeling sorry for yourself.”
“I don’t feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for what I did to her. There’s a difference.” I shoved my hands in my hair and tugged. “I fucking miss her. It feels like part of me is dying.”
Serge walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder. “Make it right. You can do it. We’ve all been where you are, wondering how the fuck we’re going to get our mates back. With Hannah, I thought I was going to fucking choke on the pain.”
“I don’t know what to do. I lost her trust. She fucking hates me, man. No big gesture is going to fix that.”
He squeezed my shoulder and then let go. “Don’t try for big gesture then. You’re smart. You’ll figure it out. She’s your mate. You’re literally made for her. Stop bellyaching in here and go get your mate back. You’re on leave until you do. I need you on the team, but last night was bad. You could’ve been hurt. You could’ve gotten the team hurt.”
I growled. “Serge, I have to work. I can’t just…do nothing.”
“Don’t do nothing then, asshole. Go get your mate.”
I watched him leave and sank back into my chair. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know how to make it right after breaking her trust. I couldn’t think through the haze of pain.
Sitting there for the rest of the day, I was finally so stiff from not moving that I forced myself to get up and go out. I walked down the beach, no real aim in mind. At least, that’s what I thought until I saw that I was outside of Heidi’s house.
I had no plan. I needed to think of something before I tried to talk to her, but still, I walked up to her door and knocked. She didn’t answer and I couldn’t smell her sweet scent close by. I sank onto the top step and deflated. I felt like I was barely holding on. I needed her.
“Alexei?”
I looked up and saw Megan coming towards me. I couldn’t pretend like I wasn’t broken to save face, so I just shrugged and stared out at the ocean view that Heidi had. It was beautiful, but I couldn’t truly appreciate it.
“Oh, Alexei.” Megan sat next to me and sighed. “I’m so sorry that we did this.”
“Not your fault.”
“Some of it’s our fault.” She nudged me with her elbow. “She’s going to come around.”
I wasn’t so sure.
“Just talk to her. Come clean about everything and put yourself out there. Show her your vulnerable side.” She stood up. “She’s stubborn, but she’ll hear you eventually.”
I just nodded and kept my eyes trained on the ocean.
“Ugh. You bears are all the same. You think you’re so strong, but you’re just lost little cubs without your mate.” She patted me on the head. “Get your mate, little cub, before you melt away in a puddle of sadness.”
“Too late.”
She just laughed. “If you don’t make some sort of effort soon, she’s going to think you don’t care.”
I finally looked at her. “I care more than I care about anything else in the world.”
“Well, act like it. This feeling sorry for yourself isn’t solving anything.”
I grunted. “You and Serge are pains.”
“Yeah, well. So are you.”
23
Heidi
I didn’t want to be at work, but I could only shirk my responsibilities for so long. My tips were going to be pitiful tonight since the only expression I could manage was a frown, but it wasn’t fair to Mimi and Sarah to have to cover my shift for yet another might.
My mind was elsewhere and I kept screwing up drinks. I couldn’t help it. All the things the trio of women had told me were running through my head on a continual loop. The women turned out to not be so bad. They were rather nice, really. But, the info they gave me…wow!
Polar bears and shifters of every kind existed. Men who shifted into animals, did whatever they wanted to do as animals, and then shifted back to men. It was mind blowing. And all true. I’d watched Megan’s mate shift. They hadn’t wanted to show me, but I insisted. If they expected me to believe something so off the wall, I needed to see it with my own eyes.
Not that I didn’t halfway believe it already. That stupid test I’d put Alexei through had proven that he knew exactly what I told Houdini. I mean, what I’d told Alexei. As Houdini. Since they were one in the same.
I dropped a glass of ice and swore. It was going to be a long night. I would get over it and move on at some point. No matter what the women said. They seemed to be convinced that nothing would get better for me until I talked to Alexei. I wasn’t ready for that, though. I still felt like such a fool. I’d opened myself—raw and exposed—never knowing I was spilling my innermost feelings to a man I’d just met and hardly knew. I mean, how the hell could I possible have known?
“You okay?” Sarah leaned over the bar, her worry evident. “You look like you’re a million miles away.”
I swept the broken glass and melting ice into the dustpan and tossed the whole mess into the trash. “I’m okay. Everything’s okay.”
“Mimi and I can do without you, if you need to go home. You look like you’re barely holding it together.” She ducked under the bar and came up to me. “It’s obvious you’re going through something, Heidi. Go home if you need to. You work hard for this place and no one is going to be mad if you need a little more personal time for whatever you’re going through.”
I blinked back tears and swallowed down the lump in my throat. “I actually do need a minute to myself.”
She sighed and straightened my hair. “Okay, just…take a break. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but you look like seconds from an all-out sob fest.”
She had no clue how right she was. As though I hadn’t indulged in enough sob fests already.
I took a five-minute break in the back and when I came out, I was a little more together and could at least pretend on the outside like I wasn’t such a wreck inside. Things were going better until I dropped another glass. This time, it shattered into the ice. Swearing, I braced myself on the bar and took a deep breath.
“Heidi?”
I glanced up at Sarah and shook my head. “I have to change this ice out.”
I’d just gotten started pouring pitchers of warm water over the ice when a couple of guys settled themselves at the bar in front of me. I glanced up and tossed them an absent smile before going back to my chore of melting the ice.
“Ahem. Are you going to take our order?”
I strained to keep my faux smile in place. “Yes. It’ll be just a minute. I’m in the middle of something. Sorry about this.”
I went back to cleaning out the ice, making sure everything melted, drained and was cleaned, ensuring no glass shards were inadvertently sent out in someone’s drink. I was just about finished when I realized the men were snickering.
My back instantly stiffened. I’d had snickers like that directed at me plenty of times over the years. They were never good. I looked up to find them recording me while I was bent over, working. Scowling, I turned to face them. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Whoa, sweetheart. We were just enjoying the view. It’s not a big deal.” The guy with the phone put it down and rolled his eyes. “It’s not like you’re not used to it.”
I had a job to keep, a level of professionalism I needed to uphold. That night, though, I couldn’t calm down. I was pissed, all the anger and sadness I’d been feeling finally had a solid outlet.
“Keep your eyes and your camera to yourself or I’ll break them both, you skinny little shit.” I glared at both of them. “You can leave now. I’m not serving either of you.”
Phone boy scowled back at me. “You don’t have to be a bitch. Jesus.”
“And you don’t have to act like a creep.”
“Fuck you.” He looked down at me like I was something gross he’d stepped in. “It’s not like either of us really wanted to look at a piece of trash like you. Everyone knows you’ve been around the block so many times that you’ll spread your legs for any Tom or Harry…oops, I mean Dick!” His buddy laughed like that was actually funny.
“Get out.” My hand reacted before my mind did, but I wasn’t sorry that I threw a pitcher of warm water at him.
He was drenched, water pooling in his lap until he jumped up and tried to shake it off. His face was beet red and his expression said he wanted to strangle me. “You bitch!”
Sarah came rushing over, her eyes wide. “You okay, Heidi?”
“Is she okay? That bitch just poured water on me. I want to talk to your manager!”
“Call her a bitch one more time and you’ll be scraping your jaw off the floor.”
The deep timbre of Alexei’s voice startled me, but it was nothing compared to how I felt when I looked at him and saw the dark expression on his face as he stared down the two men. His hair was disheveled, he was unshaven, and there were dark circles under his eyes. He looked rough. I got a sick satisfaction out of realizing that he’d been as miserable as I’d been.
“Fuck off, asshole. This doesn’t involve you.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. She’s mine and you’re a dead man if you keep talking to her like that.”
Sarah held up her hands and moved between the two men. “Okay, that’s enough. No one’s fighting in here.”
“So, your sorry ass got stuck with her? How does it feel to know your woman has been passed around like a bad cold?”
Alexei growled low in his throat. “Excuse me.”
I watched with widening eyes as he picked Sarah up and placed her back on her feet behind him as though he were relocating a figurine. She gasped at what she saw behind her, but before Alexei could turn back around, the asshole with the cell phone swung his fist out and hit Alexei in the side of the head.
He really shouldn’t have done that.
24
Heidi
Alexei picked up the offending asshole like he weighed nothing and easily tossed him overhead towards the exit. The guy hit the door sideways, and tumbled onto the floor. “I’m letting you go. Make the right choice.”
Asshole’s friend swallowed so loudly that I heard it from where I was standing. �
�I don’t want any trouble.”
“Take your friend and get the fuck out, then.”
Cell phone guy who was climbing to his feet wasn’t nearly as smart as his buddy, though. “Fuck you and your ho bitch, man.” This scene was going to get even bigger, apparently, because he then focused his gaze on me. “Everyone in here knows who you are! Everyone saw you on national television, fucking every guy with a pulse.”
The bar had gone quiet, except for the music which was oddly loud without the buzz of conversation. It was painfully obvious that everyone was listening to what was going on and all eyes were on us.
I wanted to sink behind the bar and never come out again. Not only did I want to, I actually did it. I couldn’t face everyone. It was one thing when I had to deal with people one on one, or two on one. A whole bar full of people was too much. I slid down behind the bar, my back to the bucket of ice that I’d been cleaning out, and wrapped my arms around my legs. It wasn’t my proudest moment, but I needed to get away.
“What kind of moron are you?” Alexei’s voice was raised, his anger palpable. “That shit isn’t real. It was all staged—completely fake. Everyone on the show followed a script. She was cast as the villain and did her job the way she was supposed to. But, even if it wasn’t all phony, that gives you no right to treat her like an object. Your vile behavior shows your character not hers.”
Sarah’s voice rose, too. “Yeah, you’re the only trash here. You and anyone else who would harass someone based on what you saw on TV show almost a decade ago.”
“She’s a better person than you could ever hope to be. She’s kind, smart, and caring. You’d be lucky to kiss her feet.” Alexei growled. “Which isn’t going to happen. She’s mine. Even if I’ll never deserve her either.”
Mimi’s voice rose from the back. “Okay, boys, this has gone on long enough. If you have an issue with one of my bartenders because you think you have the upper hand on some gossip about them, stay the hell away. Take your money somewhere else. Like back to the hole you crawled out of.” I really loved my boss, Mimi.
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