I took the device and clicked on locations and contact. “Mom, look.” I pointed at the screen. “He has outdoor recovery expeditions. One is here, and it starts in a week. Can I go?”
“Whoa! Slow down, missy. I need to review his credentials, vet his program, have a face to face, and then there’s the issue of money—”
I grabbed her arm. “But, I can contact him?”
“Yes.”
The second my alarm went off, I rushed to the kitchen to check my laptop for an email from Dr. Antos. The message I’d sent had been vague as I didn’t want to give out personal information, but I hoped he would have good news for me.
Seeing an email, I clicked it open. The message read:
Dear Ms. Thornton:
I am glad you contacted me. I would be happy to schedule a video conference with you and your mother at your convenience. I do have one spot left on the discovery camp session in Iceland next week if you decide to enter my program. I look forward to hearing from you soon. I am in London, so I am in your same time zone, which makes things easier.
Best,
Dr. Miguel Antos
“Mom, he emailed. When can we set up a phone conference?” I asked as she entered the room.
“Well, good morning. I work till eight tonight, so after that.”
“Cool.” Grabbing a bowl and cereal, I sat down to reply to Dr. Antos.
“Don’t forget your meds.” Mom handed me the bottle. “Tyler will drive you to your session with the psychiatrist tonight.
“Wonderful.”
“You feel better, don’t you? No more humming, no more visions?”
“No more buzzing and no more hallucinations, yes. Do I feel better? That would require a level of emotion that is unattainable on my current prescription.”
“The psychiatrist can evaluate the level of your dosage. I’m going to call him about Dr. Antos this morning. I want to get his opinion.”
“Okay.” I crossed my fingers and held them up in front of her.
“I’m not against you on this. I just want a permanent good solution for you.”
“Okay, thanks.” I kissed her cheek and walked to my room to dress for school.
My day felt strange without Alena and Hunter. Working on my homework after school, I fought the distraction of wondering what they were up to. Fortunately, music provided enough background to keep my mind present. Maybe I wasn’t happy or fulfilled, and that’s why my brain created those visions. Perhaps I needed to firm up some decisions on college. I opened the college applications and finished them off. Then I sent messages to teachers and counselors to request letters of recommendation. I used contacts from my prior high school in the States since my term here seemed to be getting bumpy.
Then, I navigated back to Dr. Antos’s site to read about the adventure camp. The description outlined a month-long camping experience in Skaftafel National Park, including hiking, ice climbing, and kayaking. Nowhere did it mention cost, and I imagined it to be very expensive. Plus, I’d need my own gear. Thinking of the supplies Eva often offered to loan me, and Dad’s sometimes-generous wallet, I made a mental note to contact each of them.
Tyler tapped me on the forehead. “What you got going on in that brain of yours?”
“Just stuff.”
“Well, I picked up some dinner.” He shook a bag in front of my face.
“Oh.” I looked at the time, realizing I hadn’t been hungry all day.”
I picked at the food with prompting from Tyler, thinking I would note the lack of hunger to the psychiatrist. Writing down no appetite and no emotion on a piece of paper, I stuck it in my bag.
“You driving?” I asked Tyler.
“Yep.”
We rode to the appointment in silence.
“Okay, so here we are. Are you okay? I mean, usually you talk to me.”
“I’m sorry. It’s the meds and everything else.”
“Well, good luck.”
“Thanks.” I forced a smile at him and pushed the door open.
Inside, I waited for my turn with the psychiatrist. Within a couple of minutes, Dr. Jonsson appeared.
“Come in.” He directed, as he bid goodbye to the prior client.
In his office, I cataloged my complaints about being on the medication.
“I mean, shouldn’t I be angry about my mom injecting me with a tranquilizer and being committed to a mental institution?”
“I believe that would be an appropriate reaction.”
“Well, I can think it logically, that I’m mad, I mean. But I can’t feel it.”
“We’ll pull back on your dose.”
We talked about Dr. Antos and the reservations he’d voiced to Mom about the holistic approach. “In a vacation setting, you may very well feel better, who wouldn’t?”
“So, you’re saying my schizophrenia is stress-induced?”
“It may be. It could also be hormonal.”
“At three and seventeen?”
“At three, you were facing your parent’s divorce, and now you’re facing going to college.”
“I finished all my applications today.”
“That is good. How do you feel about them?”
“I don’t. That’s the point. Last week, I was excited but anxious about how to pay for them. Now I’m neither.”
“We could talk about the anxiety.”
I listed my trepidations about money and school location. “But what senior doesn’t feel these things? It can’t be the cause of my schizophrenia.”
“We may never know the cause. Some people’s brains are just wired differently. But schizophrenia is treatable.”
We wrapped up the session, and I zipped up my coat, waiting for Tyler. When we arrived home, Mother was at the table eating.
“How was your session?”
“Fine.”
“You talk about Dr. Antos?”
“Yes.”
“I did more research on him. I expected to find something to be wary of, but there’s nothing. I called five prior clients he gave as references, and they’re all still happy and well-adjusted two years out.”
I squeezed her shoulders. “This is good, Mom. Did you talk about cost?”
“No. I think you should talk to him. Make sure you’re comfortable. If so, maybe your dad will find some ancient relic and strike it rich.”
“I’m not going to hold my breath.”
My alarm beeped, and I opened the laptop, pulling up the video-conference program. Within a minute, Dr. Antos’s chiseled face appeared on the screen. Opening and closing my eyes, I fought comparing his features to my memory of Thanatos. Thinking he could be an evil witch proves you’re crazy, I thought.
“You okay?”
“Yes, sorry, something in my eye.” I wiped it for effect.
“I’m glad you contacted me. I spoke with your mom earlier today. It’s good to cyber-meet you.” He curled his fingers in quote shapes as he said cyber.
After introductions, I gave him my history of hallucinations, buzzing sensations, and our attempt to control them, ending with a brief description of the last six weeks and two days. He outlined his theories on psychiatric anomalies, as he called them, and held up a bracelet of black stones.
“Are you familiar with lodestones? They are magnetic and used for pain control. I have found that they also chelate metals and other toxins and, along with my cleanse diet, enable many psychiatric patients to live medication free.”
“That’s your big secret? Lodestones?” Mother threw up her hands and paced away from the table.
“I believe they siphon off extra neural impulses that cause hallucinations. I heard you were contacting prior patients. What did they say?”
“Every one of them reported two years without incidents.”
“My son was also diagnosed with schizophrenia. He was my first patient and has been symptom free for four years.”
“This all sounds wonderful, but what about the price? I don’t see any information on your site.” Mom wrun
g her hands beside me.
“My practice is very successful. I only do two of these trips a year, and I only ask participants to pay for meals. The cost is thirty dollars per day.”
“Nine hundred dollars? That’s it?” I asked.
“US dollars, yes. You are quick with math.”
“Must she attend the camp to get your treatment? Could she just video conference with you?”
“Of course, that could work. She wouldn’t get the benefit of the cleansing diet. Also, my normal fees would apply at one hundred fifty dollars an hour. I wouldn’t be able to start sessions until returning from the trek. The group setting really is the best for the kids. I can monitor them first person, and we can assess and make changes along the way.”
“Okay, well, Camille and I will discuss this and get back to you.”
“I need an answer in two days for planning purposes. I can send you all the details via email.”
“That would be great. Thank you.” Mom pushed the end call button.
“Nine hundred dollars? I can go, right? I have that much in my savings.”
“That is college savings.”
“That won’t even get me through a month in school. It’s worth it to be drug free. The medication costs a hundred dollars a month anyway.”
“Well, let me sleep on it. You get to your homework.”
“Can I take the computer to my room? I need it.”
“Nope, you can sit here.” She knocked on the table.
“Fine.” I loped to my room and retrieved my backpack. Settling beside her again, I mentioned being able to borrow gear from Eva.
“Tomorrow, love.” She kissed my head and walked from the room.
“I can’t believe you’re going to be gone a month.” Eva sighed as she pulled a sleeping bag from her closet.
“I can call you on Saturdays. We get one day a week for communication.”
“Okay, well, you better be prepared for a long conversation because I’m taking notes every day.”
“I expect nothing less.” I unrolled and rerolled the sleeping bag and pad she placed in front of me, fitting them in the bottom of the backpack.
Part of me wondered if I’d thought this trip through. We’d done some hiking but not much camping. With my emotions dialed down, there was no way to know if I should be feeling more anxious. Eva piled base layers, hiking pants, and all the newest technology warmth gear into the pack.
“Maybe you’ll meet a boy.”
“Eva, that’s not what this is about.”
“Well, it’s possible.”
“I guess.”
I hoisted the bag onto my back, wishing she could come. Only crazy people allowed, I thought. I stored that bit of information into my psyche in case I did meet a tall, dark, and handsome guy who I shouldn’t be thinking about.
“I’m glad you told me what was going on. I couldn’t figure you out the past couple of weeks.”
“Nobody likes to admit being crazy.”
“Well, it takes a really brave person to do what you’re doing.”
“Or someone shot with a horse tranquilizer.”
“Okay, so maybe that.” She giggled.
Later in the evening, Mom and I sat across from Dr. Antos in a room of his hotel suite. We’d had an hour session one on one and then a half-hour segment with Mom to get my history and discuss my issues.
He arched his hands on his brow “So, we won’t discontinue your medication cold turkey. And you can be assured, Mrs. Thornton—”
Mom held a finger up. “That is Ms. Thornton.”
Dr. Antos cleared his throat. “Sorry, Ms. Thornton, you will receive a status update every day. Here is the bracelet.” He handed me a heavy stone piece. With three strands of black beads strung together, it spanned at least an inch wide. “I apologize for the weight, but most of my patients get used to it fairly quickly.
I laid it on my wrist, and the ends popped together, attracted to each other by their opposite poles.
He slid a page across the desk. “Here are your instructions for tonight. You will take a half dose of your medication tonight and tomorrow morning. If you have no symptoms, then we’ll have you off it completely within twenty-four hours. I assume you have all your gear packed for the trip?”
“Yes, I have everything from the list you sent.”
“Great!” He clapped his hands together and stood. “We’ll see you here tomorrow at four then. There’ll be a bus to transport everyone to the base camp.”
“And you said they get study time every day?” Mom interjected.
“Yes. They will have access to laptops for three hours each morning to complete the lessons their school has provided them with. If they complete the lessons during the week, then they have extra free time on the weekends.”
“And she will be able to contact me on Saturdays?”
“Yes. We allow an hour communication time on Saturdays.”
Mom took a deep breath. “I guess that’s all.” She pulled a check from her purse. “Here is the meal payment.”
“Thank you.” Dr. Antos bowed his head and walked around us to open the door. “I will see you tomorrow.”
Mom and I walked to the car in silence.
“I can’t believe you’ll be gone for a month,” Mom said as she started the engine. “It’s going to be weird. I’m going to miss you so much.”
“I’m going to miss you too. But I think this is going to be really good.” I spun the bracelet on my arm.
“That thing looks like a pain.”
“If I don’t have to take that medication, I’ll wear it for the rest of my life.”
“You could spray paint it white for your wedding.”
“Wow, you skipped all the way to my wedding?”
“I don’t know. It’s the first thing that popped in my head. I saw black and thought white.”
At home, Mom, Tyler, and I made lasagna, salad, and bread together and stayed up late playing board games. When it came time for my meds, I popped one pill in my mouth, praying the bracelet worked.
I slept soundly and woke up with a sense of enthusiasm. “I feel excited,” I told Mom at breakfast.
“That’s a good thing.”
“I can’t believe I can actually feel something.”
“And no dreams? No ringing? Visions? Anything?”
“Nope.” I popped the last bit of banana in my mouth and went to wake Tyler.
He drove me to school, and I found Eva at her locker.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving. I’m so jealous.” She hugged me.
“Well, don’t be jealous yet. It could be one horrible failure. What if I’m cold and miserable the whole time?”
“Okay, now you’re just being downright offensive. You won’t be cold in my gear.”
“You’re right. I should think positive.”
“Are you kidding? A month of hiking to glaciers and rocky cliffs? I can only dream. When I get out of this place, I’m heading straight to the mountains.”
“You’re leaving out that all the people participating in said adventure are crazy.”
“Don’t call yourself crazy. You just have an active imagination.”
“Yeah, well now I have this.” I held up my wrist to show her the bracelet.
“Wow, that is—”
“Hideous, I know. But…” I leaned closer to whisper in her ear. “I’m on half meds, and I actually feel excited and anxious versus nothing.”
“I’m so happy for you.” She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. “I’m going to miss you.”
The bell rang, and we made our way to class. I had a couple of other friends, more like acquaintances, who I spoke with on a regular basis, but I didn’t say anything to them about my impending absence. I didn’t know how to explain and hated lying, so I figured it better to leave it till my return.
Most of my teachers requested that I meet with them after class, and I smiled through their uncomfortable well wishes. When the bell r
ang at three, Eva and I walked to my house. She helped me double check my gear until Mom and Tyler showed up.
“Okay, this is goodbye.” Eva hugged me. “Call me.”
“I will and thanks for all this.” I motioned to my backpack.
After she left, I changed into one of the outdoor outfits, wool socks, and boots. “I’m ready,” I told Mom and Tyler as I entered the living room.
Mom had tears in her eyes and gathered me to her chest. “I’m not going to drive you. Tyler is. I don’t want to cause a scene. No visions? Migraines? Buzzing? Anything today, right?”
“No, Mom. It was a good day.” My eyes brimmed with water.
“Okay.” She wiped her cheeks. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” I hugged her again. “Thank you for this.”
“Of course. Okay.” She clapped her hands together. “Off with you.”
“Bye.” Fitting my pack on my back, I waved at her as we walked to the car.
“I can’t believe she is letting you do this,” Tyler said as we rode to meet the bus.
“I won’t live my life halfway. That’s what it feels like on the meds, like you’re getting half of everything you could have.”
“I’m sorry you have this thing. Please just promise you’ll be honest with us. I get that the meds suck, but not having a sister would suck too. If you’re in the other world, you’re not with us.”
“I know. I’m sorry about before. It won’t happen again.”
“It better not, or I’ll beat you up.” He parked the car in the lot.
Seeing the bus and the surrounding area scattered with teens and families, my heart skipped a beat. Was this the right thing? Was I totally crazy? I reminded myself Mom had vetted the doctor, his research, and practice to the nth degree. After our initial call, Dad had been off the grid and unavailable, but Mom assured me this would be right up his alley.
Lifting my pack from the trunk, I took a deep breath.
“Okay, this is it.” Tyler approached.
“Yep. Take care.”
“You too, pipsqueak. Don’t break a leg or anything.”
“Wow, thanks for that.”
“You know what I mean.”
“Yeah, thanks.” I hugged him.
“Okay, bye.” He stepped back and waved, and I turned to face the group.
The Kingdom Journals Complete Series Box Set Page 29