“We both do it. You’re not alone in this.”
“But I do it more than you do. I push, I run, and then I come back hoping you’re still there. If I’d told you I was pregnant while I was away and you were here, it would have only made things more confusing for both of us. I’m sorry. I should have told you right away, but I had so much in my head, and when we’re together I’m not good at putting my thoughts out there in a way that makes sense. I wanted to figure out how to fix that before I came back, and I thought I had, but I obviously screwed that up. I guess I didn’t realize how badly I get all caught up in us, and some things come out wrong when we’re together.”
“Really? I could have clued you in,” he said with a biting tone.
“It’s not like you’re a great communicator, either.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” he said less harshly. “At least I made an effort to show you when I couldn’t tell you. But every time I tried to get closer, you pushed back. If I said you were the prettiest woman in Oak Falls, you rolled your eyes. When I asked you to go to your prom with me, you said you’d save me a dance but you were going with your friends. When you went to college, I said we could make a long-distance relationship work and you said—”
“Why label it,” she said as new fissures formed in her heart. “You’re right. I told you I was at fault.”
“We both are for different reasons. I pushed you away too, because with your every reaction, I learned to act like I didn’t want those things. I know you don’t like to feel fenced in. I get that, because I don’t either. The difference is, I do want to be fenced in with you. And I wish I could wrap my head around this baby being ours right now, but you’ve had months to accept it. I’ve had thirty chaotic minutes, and as much as it sucks—and trust me, it sucks for me as much as it does for you—I need time to process all this.”
She closed her eyes, telling herself not to react, not to speak, to count to five the way Andre had taught her to. The hell with five. She counted to ten, because she really wanted to figure this out. As she counted, she realized that as much as it hurt, this was what she’d asked for. The truth.
“I do want to be fenced in with you, Trace. I just didn’t know it until a few months ago. Where do we go from here?” she asked. “We can’t pretend our relationship can go on like it always has. I don’t want to be a bad influence on our baby. Even if you don’t want to be involved in our baby’s life in a bigger way, I do, and I don’t want our baby to ever feel like we don’t love each other.” Tears filled her eyes as she said, “If that means we have to only be together as friends, for the good of our baby, then…” She turned away as a sob stole her voice.
“Brindle…” He put his arm around her and pulled her closer, pressing a kiss to her head. “I love you, and I can’t imagine a life without you, but how can I commit to raising a child with you when I can’t be sure you really want to commit to me?”
“Did you not just hear me say how much I love you? How I’m trying to change because I want us to last? How much I want to communicate better? I’m sorry I had to leave to figure it out. You can hold that against me, but I hope you won’t.”
“I’m not holding it against you, and I’m glad that you’re willing to make changes. I love you, and you know I love our baby regardless of how screwed up my head is right now. We created that baby out of love and lust and all the things that make us us. Of course I want to be in our baby’s life. But I need to change, too, and you might not like that.”
“Why not? I’m all for it if it’ll make us better. That’s the whole reason I stayed away, to figure out how to change. I love you so much, Trace. Can’t you see that?”
“Yes, but I can’t play by your rules anymore, Brin. I’ve fought for your happiness, and now it’s time I fight for mine.”
Her nerves prickled with fear. “I don’t know what that means.”
“It means that maybe we need to start over. Not as thirteen-year-old Brindle and fifteen-year-old Trace. But as adults.” He pushed to his feet and made a clearing motion with his hands. “We wipe the slate clean and figure it out.”
“O-kay,” she said. “But how?”
“We start by trusting each other explicitly. You need to believe that I will not ever let you down.”
“I do—”
“You thought I slept with Heather. That’s not explicit trust, Brin.”
“You’re right. I just know I’m not easy to be with, and other girls are, and that—”
“Doesn’t mean shit.” He stood over her, his dark eyes holding her captive. “If I wanted easy, we never would have gotten past that first kiss. Suck it up, darlin’, and accept the fact that this man right here”—he banged his chest with both hands—“is as loyal as the ocean is deep. If you want me, you need to believe that.”
“I will,” she said softly. “I do. But how do we do this without falling right back into our old ways?”
“We start right now.” He turned on his heels and walked out of the bedroom.
“By walking out? Trace!” She pushed to her feet to go after him.
He strode back into the room with a coy smile on his face and his cowboy hat on his head.
He tipped his hat and said, “Howdy, darlin’. I’m Trace Jericho. I run a ranch here in town, and I’m wondering if you’d like to go out sometime.”
“Well, hello, cowboy—”
“Nope. Try again,” he said with a serious expression.
“Trace,” she said, feeling ridiculous.
“I’m not fooling around, Brindle. I want to do this right and so do you. If we go straight back to sexy talk, we’ll never make any headway.”
“You like my sexy talk,” she argued.
He scowled, looking unfairly hot in his boxer briefs and hat. “We’re playing by my rules, or we’re not going to be playing for long.”
“Fine!” She looked up at him, remembering the first time she’d challenged him to kiss her. He wore the same strained expression now, like it took all his control not to put his arms around her and take everything he wanted.
Even after all this, you still look at me like that.
She had to be the luckiest woman on earth, and she wanted him to know he was the luckiest man, too. She schooled her expression, prepared to give them her all, and said, “Hi. I’m Brindle Montgomery. I teach at the high school, and I run the drama club at the elementary school. I love to dance, so if you’re into that kind of thing, I’d be happy to go out with you. But you should know I’m pregnant, and I’m due the beginning of March.”
He swallowed hard, emotions swimming in his eyes. “March. I think I can handle that.”
“I need my rest, and I can’t stay out too late.”
“You might be a little too good at this,” he said as he pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head.
She pushed free and said, “And I don’t kiss on the first date.”
He feigned a cough to cover “Liar…”
“Excuse me, Mr. Jericho,” she said primly. “We’ve only just met. Please don’t assume you know me. And really, you should put on pants, because I’m a lady and I don’t need to see your bulging…thighs.”
Chapter Eight
BRINDLE AWOKE FRIDAY morning excited about having cleared the air with Trace and equally worried about what starting over really meant. After she’d gone home last night, she’d studied the relationship books she’d bought and realized how far off the mark their communication skills were. They’d learned to communicate as teenagers, and now they needed to learn to communicate as adults. She’d known this, but reading about it really drove the point home. Coming clean to Trace was only the first step in making changes to how she handled herself. As she got ready for work, she gave herself a pep talk about telling her family the truth. She thought she was ready to face them at breakfast. But as she parked behind Sable’s truck and Amber’s car in her parents’ driveway, her nerves prickled again.
She climbed from
the car and headed up the driveway, walking past her father’s truck. It felt like just yesterday that he’d taught her to drive the old clunker. If you can handle old Stargazer, you can navigate anything. Her father wouldn’t part with that truck because it was the one he and her mother used to lie in the back of and stargaze. Brindle knew a lot more than stargazing had gone on in the bed of that truck.
She saw her father coming up from the barn and waited for him by the kitchen door. He had pieces of hay on his shirt, and the front of his hair was tousled, hanging over his eyes. He pushed it back as he approached.
“There’s my beautiful girl.” He kissed her cheek and said, “I thought you wanted some space. We didn’t expect to see you for a while.” Her parents would never truly be empty nesters, and she knew they liked it that way.
“I wanted to see everyone. Do you know if Morgyn and Grace are coming over?”
“They’re not, but I’m glad you’re here. Amber and your mom are making omelets.”
She wasn’t about to repeat this morning’s announcement for each sibling. She’d just have to get the others on the phone before she said anything.
“Sounds delicious,” she said as they went inside. “I swear I’ll gain fifty pounds with this pregnancy. I’m hungry all the time.”
Reno, Reba, and Dolly greeted them as they walked in.
“What a nice surprise,” her mother said as she set a pitcher of orange juice on the table. “I’ll grab another place setting.”
“Thanks, Mom.” Brindle took off her coat and hung it on the back of a chair.
Amber carried a plate of toast to the table and said, “Good thing we made extras. You have perfect timing. We’re ready to eat.”
Amber looked cute in a pretty multicolored blouse and a long navy skirt. Her sunny disposition underscored the difference between her and Sable, who was leaning against the counter in dark skinny jeans, a tight black T-shirt with BORN WITH A WRENCH IN MY HAND, A FIRE IN MY SOUL, AND A MOUTH I CAN’T CONTROL across her chest, black cowgirl boots, and her cowgirl hat. Her eyes were trained on Brindle, and there was no smile tugging at her tight lips.
Great.
Brindle and Sable had a complicated relationship, even though they were close. Sable was the toughest of all her siblings, and she had always taken on the role of being everyone else’s protector. But she’d also been Brindle’s confidante when her confessions had been too racy or off-colored to share with Morgyn.
“Have fun the other night?” Sable asked as she sat down.
“Yes, actually.” Brindle sat at the table and poured herself a glass of orange juice. “It was exactly what I needed. I was glad Trace came over and dragged me out of my apartment.”
“I’m glad to hear he’s man enough not to abandon you like that other guy did,” her mother said. “Then again, he’s always been there for you.”
“He sure has,” Sable said with an edge to her voice as she buttered her toast.
Brindle pushed the food around on her plate, too nervous to eat. “That’s what I want to talk to you guys about. But I kind of want to tell everyone at once. Would it be okay if we got the others on the phone?”
Her parents shared a concerned glance.
“Honey?” her mother said. “Is something wrong?”
“Actually, I think things are finally going to be right.” Brindle grabbed her phone from her coat pocket and sent a group text to Grace, Morgyn, Pepper, and Axsel. A minute later, several phones rang. “Answer them, please, and put them on speakerphone. I’m only doing this once.” She answered Axsel’s call. “Ax, hold on a sec. I need to put you on speaker.” As she pushed the speaker icon, her mother answered Morgyn’s call.
“Hi, Gracie,” Amber said as she answered her phone.
Sable eyed her as she put her phone on speaker and said, “Hi, Pepper. You’re on speakerphone.”
“What’s going on? Is something wrong?” Grace’s voice came through the phone.
“No,” Brindle said, trying not to let her nerves get the better of her. “I wanted to tell you all at once that I lied about the father of my baby.”
“No shit,” Sable said flatly. “I saw this coming.”
Brindle glared at her. “Do you mind? When I was in Paris, I met two guys, Andre Shaw and his friend Mathieu. Mathieu is a screenplay writer, and he was only there for a week, but Andre stayed much longer. Nothing happened with either of them. They showed me around Paris and we talked a lot. After Mathieu left, Andre and I talked even more, and he helped me understand a lot of things. It wasn’t fair of me to use him as a scapegoat when he’s the one who showed me that I needed to slow down and listen when Trace talked and to stop being afraid of the truth. That’s what I intended to do when I came home from Paris. To tell everyone the truth, that Trace is the father of my baby. But as always, Trace and I managed to miscommunicate and screw things up.”
“Oh, thank God you admitted it.” Morgyn’s voice boomed from her mother’s phone. “The secret was killing me!”
“About freaking time,” Sable said.
“Did you really know?” Brindle couldn’t keep the astonishment from her voice.
Sable nodded. “I wasn’t sure until I saw you dancing with him the other night. I saw it in your eyes.”
“We had a feeling, too,” her father admitted, sharing a glance with her mother. “But we didn’t want to say something and then be wrong.”
“I had a feeling, too,” Axsel admitted. “But I thought you’d have told me.”
“Me too,” Grace said.
“You guys didn’t believe my story and you didn’t call me on it?” Brindle crossed her arms. “I’m not sure if I should be thankful or hurt over that.”
“Wait,” Amber said softly. “How did everyone figure that out except me? Brindle told us it was someone else. Why didn’t you guys believe her?”
“I didn’t know, either, Amber,” Pepper said. “I took Brindle’s word as gold. She’s rebellious, but she’s never been a liar.”
“Thank you,” Brindle said with a dose of guilt. “I’m sorry for breaking your trust.”
“I understand. But I was concerned that being pregnant by someone other than Trace would destroy you,” Pepper said. “I’m glad it’s Trace’s. But is he happy about it?”
“He’s in shock, and he’s not happy with me for lying about it, but he said he will love our baby, and he loves me.”
“We know he does,” her mother said, placing a hand on Brindle’s arm. “But why did you lie about something so important?”
“I’ve thought about that a lot since I first lied about it. The easy answer is because Trace said something that hurt me in retaliation to his own pain, and once the words came out, I just kept digging a deeper hole. But I’m trying to change the way I do things, and I don’t want to take the easy way out anymore—”
“When did pigs start flying?” Sable asked, earning a chuckle from several of their siblings.
“Sable,” her mother warned.
“The harder answer,” Brindle said softly, because this was difficult to admit in front of her entire family, but if she could do it here, she could face anything, “is that Trace and I always take the easy way out. We argue, accuse, storm off. We say things we don’t mean, and even though we always forgive each other, it’s not a good pattern.”
“It’s good that you two recognize that, honey,” her mother said. “We all come to realize things at different points in our lives, and I’m glad you’re trying to work through this together.”
“Thanks, Mom. I really want to be a good mother, and I want to be a good girlfriend. We’ve never officially been girlfriend and boyfriend, and I know our relationship has always been up and down, but our love for each other has never wavered.”
“You’re just passionate,” Morgyn hollered through the phone.
“We are, but there’s more to it. We had a long talk last night about how to fix things. I don’t want our baby worrying about if we’re going to fight or
walk out on each other. Neither one of us is very good at communicating when things get tough, so we’re going to work on that, but I need your help.”
“This should be interesting,” Sable quipped.
“Sable, give her a chance,” Grace said. “Brindle, I’ve seen you with your students. You’re an excellent communicator.”
“In school, I think that’s true. But for whatever reason, I’m not with Trace. I think part of that is because I love him so much, I’m afraid of losing him, and it’s easier to walk out than face my faults. But I want to fix that, among other things. I think I need a meeting of the married minds to help me learn how to communicate more effectively. Morgyn? Grace?” Brindle looked at her mother and said, “Mom? Would you be willing to help me?”
Grace said, “Sure,” at the same time Morgyn said, “Of course.”
“Honey, you know I’m always here for you,” her mother said. “Whatever you need, and I’m proud of you for wanting to work on yourself. That’s a hard thing to admit.”
“Thank you. I would ask the rest of you for help, but I think I need to focus on relationship communication for right now, and they’re the only ones who have relationships.”
Her father cleared his throat.
Brindle smiled at him. “I love you, Daddy, but I think I need to get a female perspective.”
“It’s fine, pumpkin. My only advice is to lead with honesty and to end everything you do with love.”
“In other words,” Sable said, “when you tell him he’s an asshole for not doing something, tell him you love him anyway on your way out the door.”
“That’s why I’m not asking Sable for advice,” Brindle said. “Anyway, I just wanted to let everyone know before you heard it around town. Oh shoot. Do you think I need to address the rumors?”
Sable scoffed. “When have you ever addressed gossip?”
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