by Kiera Cass
I was left so breathless it was hard to get the words out. “And who exactly am I?”
“Don’t be silly,” he breathed with an easy smile. “You’re Hollis Brite. You dance and sing, but you ask questions, too. You battle with ladies on boats, but you provide for those around you. You love to laugh, but you’re learning about sorrow. You are loved by a king but can see him as a mortal. You met a foreigner and treated him like a friend. In a short time, that’s what I’ve seen. To know everything you are would take years to study, but you are the only person in the world I truly want to know.”
Tears came again then. Not because of sadness or fear, but because someone had seen me. He saw me and took me as I was. He was right, there was so much more, but good or bad, he was willing to take me.
“I want to go with you, but I cannot. Surely you understand that. If we were even seen now, my reputation would be ruined! I could never come back to court.”
“Why on earth would you want to?”
And in that instant, I realized I never wanted to be within an arm’s length of a crown so long as I lived. Everything that had been constant in my life now was vividly superfluous. It was intoxicatingly freeing to see it now for what it was: a bunch of empty nothing.
“Come away,” he asked again. “Even if your reputation is ruined, you will be beloved by my family. You would make losing my country, my home, everything, all worth it. To know there was one good thing I could dedicate my days to, to live with and for . . . you would change my world.”
I stared deep into the eyes of Silas Eastoffe . . . and I knew. I had to go with him. Yes, love was a part of it—a huge, sweeping part that I’d been terrified to own up to—but that nameless thing drawing in my chest calmed when I decided I would go wherever he did.
“Ready the horses,” I said. “And tell your family. If I’m not back in thirty minutes, you should run without me.”
“Tonight?” he asked, in shock.
“Yes. There’s something I have to do. If it doesn’t work, I’m trapped, and you should go for your own safety. If it does, we need to leave now.”
Silas nodded. “I’ll be here in thirty minutes.”
I reached up, kissing him quickly, and turned to go back into the Great Room. I couldn’t think of anything I’d experienced in my life as frightening as what I was about to do, but there was no way to get around it.
I needed to speak to my king.
Twenty-Six
IN THE SHORT TIME I’D been gone, the courtiers had already gotten swept up in the festivities. I had to press myself up against the wall to walk to the head of the room so I didn’t get trampled. Jameson was poking one of the lords in the chest, laughing at a joke or comment, loving the mood of the room and the adoration of his people.
“Hollis!” he called out upon seeing me return. “I have something I must take care of.”
He moved to get the attention of the room, but I pulled his hands down.
“Please, Your Majesty. Before anything, I must speak to you in private. It’s urgent.”
He squinted his eyes, as if he couldn’t believe I might have any need that could be considered urgent. “Of course. Come with me.”
He ushered me into his private rooms, closing the door and locking out the fray.
“My Hollis, what is so imperative that we had to speak now?”
I pulled in a breath. “It has come to my attention that you intend to ask me to be your queen tonight.” He smiled, knowing this was no secret to anyone anymore. “I had to tell you that I am not prepared to say yes.”
The excited fidgeting he’d been doing all night came to an abrupt stop. He stared at me as if I’d taken an axe to the stained-glass windows, as if the shards were showering down around us now. Very carefully, he reached up and took off the Crown of Estus, setting it on the nearby table.
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s difficult to explain. You have shown me such respect and care, but I’m not ready to live this life.” I held my hand out. “You once said yourself that this role could change people, and I’ve found . . . I’ve . . .”
Jameson’s demeanor changed, and he came over, taking me by the shoulders. “Hollis, my love. Yes, I wanted to announce our engagement tonight, but that doesn’t mean we have to rush into a wedding. You can take your time, adjust. That won’t change my feelings for you.”
I swallowed. “But . . . but what if my feelings . . .”
His face grew darker. His mouth hung slightly open, and I watched as he menacingly pushed his tongue against the back of his teeth, looking me over.
“Have you been lying to me, Hollis?”
“No. I did love you.”
“Did? And now?”
“And now . . . I don’t know. I’m so sorry, I just don’t know.”
He turned, walking in a circle as he rubbed his hand against his chin. “I signed a treaty with you in mind. I’ve sent off drawings for your coin. As we speak, our initials are being embroidered on tapestries to be hung across the castle. And you would leave me?”
“Jameson, please. I don’t want to hurt or offend you, but—”
He held up a hand to silence me. “So what do you propose?”
“I need to leave the castle. If I have shamed you, then you may make up any story you please about me. I will bear it without complaint.”
He shook his head. “I wouldn’t do that. I’ve fought too hard to preserve your name to tear it down with my own hands.” After a moment of quiet thought, he looked up at me, his face decidedly softer. “If you must take your leave of the castle, then do so. I have no fear. You will come back to me, Hollis. I know, without a single doubt, that you will be mine. In the end.”
He didn’t know that Silas was waiting with a horse. He didn’t know that I’d be married as soon as I could arrange it. He had no idea I wanted to distance myself from him and the crown for the rest of my life.
And now was not the time to correct him.
“I will always be your faithful servant,” I said, sinking into a deep curtsy.
“Oh, I know you will.” When I rose, he nodded toward the door, and I took my leave without hesitation.
In the Great Room, the festivities were in full swing, with roaring laughter and jovial conversations marking the night. I pulled up my skirts, moving as quickly as I could. When a tray passed with cups of ale, I took one and downed it in a gulp.
“There you are!” Delia Grace ran up to me, grabbing me as I was trying to move. “Did he do it? Do you have a ring?”
“Now’s your chance,” I told her.
She dropped my arm. “What?”
“Now’s your chance. You can do it, with or without me,” I assured her as I rushed from the room.
Out among the carriages, Silas was waiting with two dark horses and a furrowed brow. He’d managed to gather a few things quickly and put them in bags across the horses.
“I hope you’re ready to go,” I told him. “I don’t want to wait and see if he changes his mind.”
“Wait, you told the king?” he asked in shock.
“I told him . . . something. I can explain along the way. Let’s go.”
“Let me help,” Silas offered, hoisting me up on my horse. Grabbing a torch and reins of his own, we set off.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“You’re going to laugh when we get there,” he promised.
He took off and I followed suit, already laughing with excitement, lacing through the streets of town, rushing past people as their celebrations poured out of the taverns and into the walkways. Every moment I placed between the palace and myself, I found that my breaths came easier, that my smile grew bigger. I knew what I wanted, and he was within my grasp. I would follow Silas Eastoffe into oblivion.
A minute down the road, my flower crown flew off behind me and landed somewhere in the dark.
Twenty-Seven
Dearest Valentina,
Before you read another word, pl
ease make sure you are sitting. I have no time for codes or intrigues, and I wouldn’t want to startle you or the precious baby you are soon to bring into the world.
I have left the castle.
When you trusted me with information that could have ruined your very existence, I ought to have told you I had my own dangers unfolding in the wings.
It’s quite possible that I have loved Silas Eastoffe since the moment I laid eyes upon him. I didn’t know it at the time, but this morning, I find myself at his family’s new manor in Dahere County, waiting for the rest of the Eastoffes to arrive. Seeing as we left by night on horseback without informing a single member of the court—not even my parents—and the rest of the Eastoffes left calmly on their own, their journey is taking slightly longer than ours.
The manor here is in need of attention, but it has several outbuildings for Silas and Sullivan to continue their work in, and they even have a beautiful garden. It is in disrepair, but I’m sure Lady Eastoffe won’t mind me helping tend to it. She is, after all, soon to be my mother-in-law. Yes, that’s right! Silas and I plan to marry as soon as possible, which will be within a few weeks if we can manage it. My next letter will be to my parents to inform them that I am at Abicrest Manor, which happens to be a short ride from my family’s own lands. Once my parents are here, I intend to make myself an Eastoffe before Jameson can decide he’d like to attempt to woo me back. When I left, he made it clear he would try, and I didn’t want to disappoint him. I feel confident that he will find a suitable replacement quickly. I’d wager money on it.
I hope you are not too disappointed in my choice. It didn’t seem like the Eastoffes were too friendly with the royal family of Isolte, and King Quinten made his feelings for them quite apparent. I have kept our friendship a secret from my soon-to-be family for now, but I would like to tell them of it if that would be acceptable to you.
As I said, I know this news will be a surprise for you, but I’m sure it will be a great comfort to your king, who didn’t seem too delighted at my place in Jameson’s life. I know that I am now only a private person, but I am still hoping you will find time to write to me. Of all the things I’ve said goodbye to recently, you are the one I miss the most.
Please write to me as soon as you’re able and tell me all your news. You will always have a trusted friend in me, and I hope that I shall always have one in you. Send all letters to my family’s manor: Varinger Hall, Dahere County, Coroa.
Your dear friend,
Hollis
“Who are you writing to?” Silas asked as I pulled out a new sheet of paper.
“Friends, family. My parents are next on the list so they’ll know to come home.”
He shook his head, looking around the empty, dusty manor that his family was going to make new. “You left a palace for this. . . . I’d be lying if I didn’t say I felt a little embarrassed. I want to give you more, Hollis.”
I stood, walking over to him in my mud-stained ball gown from the night before. “I would live in a shack if it meant you would be there with me, Silas Eastoffe. I don’t want that life, not in the least.”
“All the same,” he said, wrapping his arms around me. “When I said I didn’t want you to worry about your reputation, I didn’t know exactly how bad this could be.”
“It’s not as if I eloped,” I protested.
“No. You simply left the castle with no chaperone to go with a man who is not your intended to live in the country while your would-be fiancé—who happens to be the king—deals with the aftermath of your humiliating departure.”
I grimaced. “It does sound rather bad when you say it like that, but I’ve lived in Keresken Castle for years. Trust me, within the week, there will be a new scandal so outrageous that I will be a whisper of a memory forgotten in time.”
“Do you really think so?”
I tilted my head up, thinking. “Hmm, maybe a week is too soon. Let’s start counting. This is day one. If something entirely new hasn’t swept up the attentions of court in, let’s say, fifty days, then you can choose your reward.”
“Deal.” He sealed the bargain with a kiss, and it was the most beautiful thing, to be free and alone with Silas.
We heard the unmistakable sound of horses in the distance and ran to the front of the manor to see. Coming down the weathered path, Lady Eastoffe poked her head out of the carriage, waving. Silas and I stood on the front steps, ready to welcome our family to their new home in Coroa.
Twenty-Eight
“LET ME DO THIS FINAL knot, and you’ll be ready.” Scarlet laced me into one of her dresses with slightly less extravagant sleeves so I could brave the trip to Varinger Hall. It had taken a day for my letter to reach the palace, another for a reply, and now it was time to face my dragons.
“Did you all intend to buy a home so close to mine?” I asked, still nervous about my mission.
“Not at all,” she answered with a laugh. “We had four replies for estates, and this was the least expensive one.”
I looked around at the ragged room we’d been sharing the last two days for the sole purpose of improving one room at a time. “I can’t imagine why.”
“Silas made me swear I’d never tell you where we were settling. He said you would be living at the castle forever now anyway, so you’d never know. Personally, I thought it was fate.”
She turned around so I could line up her laces, quite content with her assessment. “Fate, you say? I’ll ask you about that again when we’re sweeping cobwebs from the corners this afternoon,” I teased.
She giggled as I pulled her in tight, and I was pleased to see I hadn’t lost my talent for tying a gown.
“There. Pretty as a picture.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” she offered.
“No, I think your mother will suffice. Besides, I’m not sure how the staff will behave when I show up without my parents.”
“I’m sure it will be fine.” She kissed my cheek. “Come visit soon, all right?”
“I don’t think Silas would let me stay away too long anyway. You have my word. I’ll bring your dress back by the end of the week, at least,” I promised, going to find Lady Eastoffe.
She was waiting in the entryway, sliding her gloves on. It was a move remarkably reminiscent of my own mother, the final touch to make sure she looked like a lady. She walked over, giving me a warm embrace.
“All ready?” she asked.
“Yes. The dress is a bit long on me, but at least it’s not a muddy ball gown. Thank you all again.”
She laughed. “Anything for you, darling girl. Let’s get going. Your parents will have a lot to say to you, and I don’t want to keep them waiting. I’m sure they’ve got enough to dislike me for at the moment,” she added with a wink.
I followed obediently into the coach, and we sat in comfortable silence for most of the ride to my house.
“Silas says you two would like to be married quickly. Are you quite sure about that? You were just in a very serious relationship,” she offered.
“No, I wasn’t.” I looked away, going through the memories in my head. “It was short. And manipulative. And one-sided. I was so caught up in the fun of being elevated that I didn’t see for a long time how Jameson was treating me. I hate to admit this, and you must never tell him I said it . . . but Etan was right. Jameson wanted me to be pretty and entertaining, but never to think or fail. I’m not sure that can be called a relationship. Not really.”
She shook her head, an understanding smile on her face. “No, I suppose it can’t.”
“I love Silas. He sees me as I am and loves me with all my faults. I don’t want to wait when I already know.”
She patted my leg, looking quite pleased. “Sounds a lot like me when I found Dashiell. There were people who warned me about rushing, of course . . . but I couldn’t help it. He swept me off my feet.”
That was a feeling I knew all too well. When it was real, there was nothing to be done.
We pulled up on t
he main road to Varinger Hall, and as we rounded to a stop, I saw my parents waiting for me on the front steps. Mother had her gloves on, which meant she didn’t plan to be there for long.
“Oh dear,” I muttered.
“That doesn’t look good. Should I stay?”
“No. They’ll want to talk to me alone. I’ll send a letter once things calm down.”
I stepped out of the carriage, turning to wave to Lady Eastoffe before facing my parents.
Father pointed, and I saw that, just in front of the carriage I’d gotten out of, another one was waiting.
“Get in,” he insisted.
“Where are we going?”
My mother crossed her arms. “To the castle. You are going to beg King Jameson for forgiveness and smooth this over before another girl catches his eye.”
“I would be delighted if that happened! Jameson deserves someone who understands his position, who’s suited to be royalty.”
“You are suited to be royalty,” Mother insisted, coming down the steps. “We are suited to be royalty! Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”
“Claudia,” Father said warningly.
“I haven’t forgotten,” she shot back. I realized then they were keeping secrets from me, and I didn’t have the slightest idea what they were. “Hollis, I hate to disappoint you, but you cannot marry this boy. He’s common. He’s Isolten.”
“Mother,” I urged her under my breath. Lady Eastoffe was still right behind us.
“She knows she’s a foreigner! That her son is! How could it be missed? Hollis, your departure has made us the laughingstock of court. Now, you will get in that carriage and make this right before anyone realizes why you left. The king has been so generous with you! He adores you! And if you give him the opportunity, I’m sure he would do everything he could to make you happy.”
“Perhaps he would, Mother,” I replied, my quiet voice almost startling next to her barks. “But try as he may, he would fail. I don’t love him.”