I wondered if Xavier knew about it.
Examining the hard metal, I ran a finger along the barrel. It was beautiful and deadly at the same time…so very Ballad.
James called through the closed door. “Put the gun back were you found it, Emily.”
I shoved it beneath the pillow.
“No sugar in my coffee,” he added. “I like it strong.”
Make your own fucking coffee.
I was an open book. He, however, was uncharted territory. Of course, I knew his Navy background had contributed to his love of adventure, a need to explore, and a willingness to risk his life. And there was so much more to discover.
With a turn of the handle, I eased open the bathroom door.
I shouldn’t have.
It would’ve been wiser to go downstairs and brew some dark roast in that posh Keurig. But there was something compelling about him. And having James on top of me had stirred an arousal I couldn’t shake.
Still, I had an agenda, and nothing was going to stop me.
I stood before the shower—his shower—staring through the glass at this naked and very soaped-up Royal Highness. Streams of water drenched his dark hair and splattered over his face as he tipped his chin into the stream, the downpour striking his ripped torso and splashing over his taut thighs and pert ass—the same one I liked to squeeze and dig my fingernails into.
He noticed my presence, and wiped his eyes so he could see me better.
Moving closer, I dropped my towel and pressed my palms to the glass.
My eyes swept over his erection, full and long, and I felt a swell of pride that he was hard because of me.
The only words that slipped from my lips were honest ones. “I want to watch.”
Conflicting emotions flashed across his face and perhaps he, too, was considering if watching could be construed as intimacy.He turned his body to face mine, his intense focus making the atmosphere thick and erotic, like molecules were shifting and dancing around us, joining us together.
All I could do was press my forehead and both hands to the glass. Despite my nakedness, I had lost all feelings of self-consciousness. With him all barriers dissolved.
He pressed his forehead against the glass, his eyes staring down into mine. James wrapped his hand around his shaft. He slowly began to stroke himself, soon quickening the pace, and I watched his erection grow in size.
His dazzling dark eyes watched me watching him.
James was all hard muscle wrapped in sophisticated, devastating allure. My mind flipped back to the moment I’d first seen him. I’d looked away because his refined beauty had been blinding.
Now, I couldn’t look away.
It was impossible not to be captivated by his erotic expression as he brought himself closer to the edge.
His long groan echoed within the four walls of his shower, and I felt the distance that kept us apart. I desperately wanted to wrap my hand around the hard length of him and ease his strain as his hips rocked. I wanted the chance to feel the warmth of those silver steaks as they became glistening ribbons.
I loved the way his lips pouted, the way his rigid body rode out the bliss with shudders…the way his eyes rose to meet mine as though to say it’s because of you.
Because of you…
Our hands mirrored each other’s on the glass—pressed together to keep a connection as though neither of us could bear it to end. Neither of us was willing to break this heady spell.
“You shouldn’t be in here,” he said softly.
Blinking, as though awaking from a dream, I stumbled out, grabbing my towel on the way. I hurried down the hallway and entered the room I should have chosen.
I found my clothes and more toiletries and shoes and all the things I would ever need. And all of them had been brought here by James, I just knew it. Some were new, some from my old life, and the thought that he’d touched these things sent a wave of excitement through me. The way everything was hung or folded or tucked away in the chest of drawers showed Ballad’s touch.
Thinking quickly—though not clearly—I slid into my underwear. My mind was still in James’ bathroom, replaying that sensual scene over and over. I chose my old jeans, pulling them off a hanger, along with a satin shirt. That long cardigan would give me the artsy bohemian look I craved because it was from my old life, the one where I had some say.
Though crave was now a word reserved for the way I felt about Ballad.
Heading downstairs, I gripped the banister. Perhaps one day I’d know every creak on every step and every inch of every room. In a daze, I made it to the kitchen.
I understood now…
I finally realized why Xavier had done what he had to get this man back in his life in this intimate way, why he’d blackmailed him. All because James’ love had been denied, and for Xavier, it might as well have been oxygen James was holding hostage.
Moving swiftly, I placed a filter into the coffee maker, and then found three mugs, the milk and the sugar, all those movements helping me keep my mind busy…
Arms came around my waist.
I turned, peering up to see Xavier towering over me. He was my port in the storm. My one true love.
But was I his?
He looked fresh and gorgeous and as complicated as he always did. This morning he’d dressed down in jeans and a jumper, which he wore over a white shirt to round out his casual style.
Reaching up to cup his face, I gave him my forgiveness. I bestowed upon him absolution for his past, forgiving him for returning to James—and for taking me to that castle in the middle of nowhere, and for everything that transpired within its ancient walls. And I also forgave him for this…a continued unknown.
Because I truly got it now…more clearly than I ever had.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Just making coffee.” Because it didn’t feel right to tell him I was shaken from bathing in his friend’s aura.
The delicious aroma of dark roast and vanilla filled the room.
Xavier’s attention drifted to the door.
We watched James stroll toward us. In contrast, he was wearing a white shirt and a waistcoat and jeans. He hadn’t shaved that stern jaw. He seemed to be going as an alternate version of himself, oozing a devilish suaveness.
“What?” He noted our stares as he stopped at the kitchen table.
Surely he knew how devastating he was? How that swagger and decadent smile made time stand still.
“Nice waistcoat,” said Xavier.
James gave him a look of disinterest.
“I’ll make toast.” Xavier got to work preparing breakfast.
I poured us all a coffee and handed them out. When my hand reached James’, it trembled, and I hoped he’d not caught it as the mug was passed to him.
James accepted his drink with a nod of thanks and sat down at the kitchen table.
I, the moth, had flown directly into the flame unknowingly. I stared at him and he offered me a smile. I could tell it was meant to reassure me that what had happened in his shower was no cause for guilt. Not for him, anyway.
A chill ran through me as I noticed that Xavier had been watching the two of us. My heart rate sped up as I wondered if he’d caught that special moment. The one that revealed I’d walked into the wrong damn room this morning.
After joining James at the table, I played with the Special K in my bowl. Xavier remained standing as he ate his muesli while running his thumb across the screen of his Smartphone. It made me wonder if that chess game was still going on.
James bit down on a slice of buttered toast covered in Marmite and then took a sip of coffee and gestured for us to join him.
The silence was awkward.
From James’ wink my way, I could tell he felt it, too.
Xavier didn’t move. “How can you eat that?”
James paused mid-bite. “Marmite?”
“Yeah.”
James bit off a corner and then slipped into a cute smile. “An acquired taste
.”
“Your tastes are unusual,” chided Xavier.
“As are yours,” James quipped.
“I would say you’re looking awfully dapper today, but I’m sure you’re aware.”
“Did you get out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?” asked James.
“Why?”
“No reason.”
Xavier grinned. “Do your Jamaican accent for Emily.”
“Playing games so early?”
“You love games…”
“Did you live in Jamaica?” I asked.
James ignored me.
“You’re both so serious this morning.” Xavier bit his lip. “What brought this on?”
James nodded at his phone. “How’s the weather?”
Xavier looked at the screen. “The usual.”
“Do I need an umbrella?”
Xavier gave a shrug.
James leaned back. “I miss my London Times.”
“Read it on your phone.”
“Not the same.”
Xavier’s gaze rose to meet mine briefly before once more landing on James.
“What happened this morning between you both?” he asked.
My cheeks burned as I watched them parley.
James studied him. “Any more coffee left?”
“Come here,” Xavier said to me.
My chair scraped the floor as I stood. “I’m looking forward to going into the Academy today.”
Xavier grabbed my mug from me and placed it near the sink. Then his large hands gripped my shoulders and he pushed me back against the counter. He peered into my eyes to assess my reaction.
“What?” I whispered.
“I’m trying to work out what happened this morning.”
James set his mug down. “She needs to get ready for school.”
Xavier’s steely glare fixed on me. “Something scared you.”
I swallowed hard.
“What happened, Em?”
“She came into my bedroom,” admitted James. “She got turned around.”
Xavier arched a curious brow.
James let out a sigh. “I was going to tell you.”
His chin raised in suspicion. “Confess your sins.”
“Don’t,” snapped James.
“I gave you permission to finger-fuck at will.” Xavier glared at him. “That’s it.”
My breath left me, and I looked from one man to the other, struck silent by the tension coming alive, turning into something more between them.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
Xavier smirked. “Guilty.”
James sipped his coffee. “No need to be jealous.”
Jealous of whom, though? My thoughts raged with this question.
James reassured him. “It was quick and unimaginative.”
With wide eyes, my mind contradicted this as the scene played out in my memory of that beautiful man in the shower, all ripped and gorgeous and coming in his clenched fist.
Xavier caught every flicker of an eyelid, every dilation of a pupil, every quirk of a lip.
“I shouldn’t have followed him in there,” I stuttered. “His bathroom.”
“That’s why we’re in this place,” Xavier soothed. “To bond.”
“I just looked.”
“At what?” He furrowed his brow. “What scared you?”
James pushed his plate away. “I pointed my gun at her.”
Xavier flinched. “You pointed your fucking Glock at my girlfriend?”
“Obviously, I didn’t know it was her.”
Anger blazed in Xavier’s eyes. “Be. More. Careful.”
James took a swig of his coffee, dragging out the tension.
“And after that you did something sexual?” snapped Xavier. “Seriously? While she was feeling vulnerable?”
“Stop judging me.”
“Let me clarify what I’m picking up,” snapped Xavier. “To make up for almost shooting Em, you displayed your dick in the shower?”
“Yes, I shower naked.”
Xavier blinked at him. “You jerked off in front her.” It wasn’t a question.
Jesus, how did he do that?
“We had a moment,” admitted James.
Xavier slid into a devilish grin. “Has she melted your black heart, Ballad?”
“And your point is?” snapped James.
“Wish I could have been there,” said Xavier with a wry smile. “I wouldn’t have let you spill a drop.”
James finished off his coffee and set the mug down. “Em, what time do you need the car?”
“Eight, please.”
James nodded. “I’ll tell the driver to be ready.” He looked at Xavier. “Give Emily her new phone. Our numbers are in it, Em. Call anytime. For anything.”
I felt a great rush of relief that I was getting a phone.
“Whenever you’re ready.” James raised a finger in the air as he walked toward the door.
“I’m not going in,” Xavier called after him.
He paused but didn’t turn.
“I want a day off,” added Xavier.
“Very well. Plans?”
“Haven’t decided.”
James looked back at him over his shoulder. “Escort Emily in and then go do something fun.”
“Don’t patronize me.”
James pivoted to face him. “Want to talk about it?”
Xavier’s stare snapped to his phone and at that moment I realized he was reacting to something he’d seen on there.
“Get your fucking AI off my back,” said Ballad.
Xavier gave him a thin smile. “I’ll meet you later to brief you on what I know.”
“And what’s that?”
“What you’re plotting, Ballad.” Xavier smirked. “You need me to sign off on it.”
“Actually, I don’t.” James flashed him a smug smile. “You left your queen exposed. You know better.”
“Thought we agreed there’d be no games.”
“Good, then. Glad we go that cleared up.”
“Wait.” Xavier walked over to the kitchen table and reached for James’ mug. He carried it over to the counter and poured fresh coffee into it, then closed the gap between them and handed it back.
James wrapped his fingers around the mug. “If this is a peace offering, it’s accepted.”
“It is.”
“Much better attitude.”
“See you later then.”
Ballad’s eyelids became heavy as though affected by his words. “I look forward to it. Keep me abreast of your movements.” James looked at me. “Emily, no straying from the Academy. You go in and then come home.”
“I don’t want to be followed,” I said.
“That’s a shame, Em. Have fun.”
James seemed to be considering what else to say, but then spun around and left.
“What’s wrong?” I asked Xavier quietly.
He was staring at the spot where James had stood seconds before. “He spies on me. I spy on him.”
My face blanched. “Why?”
“We’ve got each other’s back.”
“And?”
Xavier broke into a smile. “We’re just watching out for each other. That’s all.”
“Is everything all right between you?”
Xavier raked his fingers through his hair. “What did he say to you in the House of Commons?”
“Why?”
“You were rattled when you got in the car, yesterday.”
“He controls the government. It’s mind-blowing. He didn’t want me to talk about it in the open. He got all controlling and bossy.”
He waved that off. “Before that?”
I swallowed, not liking the bitter aftertaste of the coffee. “He gave this long speech about how…”
“Say it.”
“He might find me of use?” I said softly.
“Those were his words?”
“Yes.”
Xavier rubbed his eyes in frustration.
“Do you regret this?” I asked.
“No. It’s just…there are always consequences with him.”
“That’s what he told me.”
“He hasn’t shown you how possessive he can be. Not even close.”
“He’s like that with you?”
He shook his head. “I’ve done worse.”
Was he referring to running from James and living with me? From the way Xavier shook himself out of his daydream, I felt this was the only conclusion. But James had hunted down Xavier until he was back under his command, so they were both guilty for their freefall into chaos.
“Your relationship with him is complicated,” I whispered.
“He owns my soul, Em. Sure you want that?”
“What should I do?”
“Ballad’s falling for you.” He gave me a rueful smile. “Use that to your advantage.”
“You love him,” I said.
“Fervently.”
“Has something changed between you both?”
He pulled me into a hug. “We’re wrong and yet so fucking right. You’ve merely glanced at the black star that is Ballad. I’m inside it.”
And once you were caught in the gravitational force of a black hole, there was no escape.
Xavier looked down at me. “He’s gotten to you.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I recognize that look in your eyes. Same one I had after I met him.”
“Does it bother you?”
“I’m hiding you beneath his wings, Em. Safest place.”
“I’m sorry about the shower thing,” I whispered.
Shame scorched my cheeks.
His hands wrapped around my waist and he lifted me up onto the countertop, his fingers working the zipper of my jeans.
I stared at him. “What are you doing?”
“You’re going to talk while I go down on you.”
“About what?”
“What happened in his bathroom…tell me everything in precise detail. Leave nothing out.”
“You mean…”
“Describe how he looked. What you saw him do.” He yanked my jeans off and dropped them on the floor. “And I’ll do this.”
He slid my panties down.
It was good to be back in class at the Royal Academy of Music. The familiar presence of my classmates had restored some normality to my life.
I sat clutching the Strad to my chest like it was a baby, trying my best to concentrate on the class. It was like trying to traverse two worlds—one with two men who consumed my every waking thought, and this, my old life of lessons, practice, and big dreams for a future in music.
The Pervade Duet Page 25