Isaac did notice Bria’s subtle movements. It was interesting how each time she leaned back and her shirt would rise higher, he leaned back and itched the tip of his nose with his thumb and finger, thinking it would hide his thoughts.
Ollie’s entire body was pointing toward me now and I wondered if it was to avoid Bria’s body language or because he was into me. It could have easily swung either way.
I never said I was a mind reader.
Even though I disliked humans, and tried to avoid conversations, I was brilliant at reading people. My father refused to watch movies with me because I could always call out who the killer was or predict the ending, but in situations like this, I had the upper hand. After many years of studying human behavior, there were no surprises. Actions of men were expected, the reactions of women just as predictable.
Take the trainee, Oscar, for instance. I knew the moment I opened the door he would submit himself to me—the way his eyes dilated as he leaned into the doorframe. It was typical. But he hadn’t believed my advancements until I’d undressed before him. He could have said no, he could have walked away, but he wouldn’t have.
Ollie pulled a bottle of vodka from his pile of things, and everyone’s face lit up. “Now for the real fun.” He waved the bottle from side to side and returned to my side.
“Seriously? But how were you able to get the liquor in?” Perhaps Ollie had connections.
A twisted smile appeared over Ollie’s face as he winked at me. He ran his empty hand up his forehead and through his thick brown mess on his head. “Someone ready for a good time, yeah?”
Alcohol and I never mixed well. People normally succumbed to the pleasure of alcohol drowning their emotions, but it had the opposite effect on me. With alcohol in my veins, I tended to feel things. After taking a sip, I passed the bottle to Jake beside me as the clear liquid sizzled down my throat and burned in my chest.
The bottle continued to be passed along within our disheveled circle.
“We only have one rule,” Alicia said to me from across the circle once the bottle reached her.
“Yeah? What’s that?”
“No hurt feelings. Whatever happens in this room, stays in this room,” Jake answered.
No feelings? Perfect.
I nodded in agreement, relieved I wasn’t in a room with a bunch of little bitches.
After about an hour of banter back and forth, and everyone taking their fair share of vodka, I was finally able to enjoy a buzz for the first time in what it seemed like forever. I never needed a high—or a low—but it did help awkward situations such as this. I only hoped after the side effects of the buzz wore off, the paralysis of my feelings wouldn’t hit me ten times harder like it had in the past.
Living without emotions was easy; it was the coming out of an induced emotional state that was hard—like an addict trying to get sober. Alcohol and drugs made me feel, and if I wasn’t careful, tonight could get bad.
Low music filled the room from somewhere, and I looked down in Ollie’s lap to see an older model iPhone. I didn’t bother asking questions, and honestly, I didn’t care to know the answers. He could wheel out a popcorn machine, and I wouldn’t be surprised at this point. As long as he shared with me, and made my time here a little enjoyable.
Bria was feeling a vibe and stood to her feet. Her hips swayed back and forth as she lifted her arms above her head. The bottoms of her breasts peeked from under her cropped shirt. She sucked in her lips and scanned the room to see if the boys were paying attention to her. Following her gaze, I caught Isaac watching as he gnawed at his bottom lip from the edge of the mattress. Glancing to my right, Ollie’s eyes met mine when the corners of his lips turned up.
The temperature was rising. One room, too many people, and that dimple.
“Come on, Mia,” Bria begged with the come-hither finger. “Come dance with me.”
Waving my hand in front of me, I said, “No, I don’t dance.” The only dancing I did was alone in my room.
Ollie tilted his head in my direction and raised a brow. “What are you afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid of anything. I just don’t dance.”
Isaac stood and joined Bria. Her body rubbed up against his pelvis to an electronica song as his reckless hands gripped her sides.
“I thought you and Bria were together,” I said casually, looking over to Ollie. I knew this wasn’t the case, but I was curious to see everyone’s reaction to the idea.
Jake and Alicia spit out a laugh as Ollie shook his head.
“No, definitely not,” Ollie said through an incredulous chuckle.
“There are no relationships at Dolor,” Jake added.
Alicia’s smile quickly dissolved and she turned her attention toward Bria and Isaac dancing.
“Really? Relationships aren’t allowed?”
Jake leaned in. “Oh, there’s no rules against it … but trust me when I say, you don’t want to be in one.”
“And why is that?” I didn’t like people telling me what I could and couldn’t do, even if a relationship was at the bottom of my list.
Alicia, Jake, and Ollie exchanged glances until Ollie faced me again. “A long story for another day.”
“So, where you from?” Alicia quickly changed the subject just as Bria lifted her arms and wrapped them around Isaac’s neck. Her cropped shirt raised higher, nipples almost showing. Isaac dragged his hand up her side to her breast and grabbed a handful, caressing beneath the thin fabric.
As I winced, Bria moaned while her eyes stayed on Ollie, but Ollie was oblivious as he scrolled through the music on the phone.
After a few seconds of the groping, Bria turned around and kissed Isaac. I’m not talking about an innocent kiss. No. This was a tongue-dueling, spit-swapping, manic kiss, and I forgot Alicia’s question altogether.
“I … eh …” I snapped my head away from the two who were locking lips and back to Alicia. “P.A.”
“P.A.?”
“Pennsylvania.” I took another swig of vodka as Jake stood. He made his way toward Isaac and Bria with his bottom lip between his teeth.
All three of them danced. Well, I wouldn’t use the term “dance.” I didn’t even know what term to use to explain what they were doing. They looked like three mammals in Antarctica fighting for warmth.
Alicia and I went back and forth with irrelevant questions to pass the time, and finally, the perfect amount of drunk hit, and I was feeling good, but not good enough to participate in the friction of the three starved animals.
Somehow our conversation went from twenty-one questions to laughing about Stanley, the security guard. Ollie sat with his long legs out in front of him and ankles crossed, leaning on his hands behind him and listening intently. The weight of his gaze stayed on me as I turned my attention back to the entertainment of Isaac, Jake, and a sweating Bria dancing.
“Come on, Ollie. There’s room for you in here, too,” Bria whined. Ollie shook his head, and Bria made a pouty face. “For once in your life, have a little fun.”
“What are you afraid of, Ollie?” I asked mockingly as I bumped him in the shoulder with mine.
A nervous smile rose, and his adorable dimple appeared. “That.” He nudged his head Bria’s direction. “I’m afraid of whatever that is and what it will eventually turn into. That’s not my cuppa tea.”
Bria pulled Jake’s face down to hers and they kissed. My eyes almost popped out of their sockets. “I thought he was gay,” I whispered over to Alicia.
Ollie looked over to the mammals for the second time tonight. “He is,” he stated simply.
What in the hell did I walk—or drop—into?
Alicia lifted her shoulders in a half shrug before she stood to join the other three, leaving me alone on the floor with Ollie.
“What about you?” Ollie asked.
“Wha
t about me?”
“Are you the type of girl to have fun or the kind who sits back and watches everyone enjoying themselves?”
“I don’t know … neither … both.” I sighed. “I usually don’t drink, so I suppose drinking is my way of letting loose tonight.”
Ollie smiled and leaned over on one elbow. “Why don’t you drink?”
“Because I like being in control, and I don’t want to end up doing things like that …” I pointed over to Bria making out with Isaac. “I don’t kiss people. I’ve slept around but kissed only a few—fewer times than I can count on one hand. The act is too personal.”
Ollie raised a brow. “You’re trying to tell me kissing is more personal than sex?”
“Yes, both psychologists and scientists can prove kissing is more intimate than sex.”
Ollie tried to control his lips, but small laughs blew through them.
“Laugh all you want, but it’s true. You ever saw Pretty Woman?” Ollie shook his head as he recovered from his smile. “It’s about a prostitute who meets a man. They have sex but agree not to kiss. But eventually they do, and once the kiss happens, everything changes.”
“You’re full of it,” he said to me. “Sounds to me you haven’t met the right one to prove you otherwise.” He raised a challenging brow.
I glanced back at the other four dancing, lost in music and alcohol swimming in their veins, and decided I was done being boring. I brought myself to my knees and knelt in front of Ollie. He lifted himself back on his palms, supporting his upper half, as his expression changed.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“Don’t worry. I don’t want to kiss you … I want to prove something.” A sudden rush of adrenaline hit me all at once.
Ollie’s mouth parted slightly before he nodded. He cleared his throat. “Alright.”
Straddling his lap, I faced him and he lifted off his hands and leaned forward. He placed his hands over my lower back and dragged me closer to him. Our faces were now only inches away from each other. I tried to avoid eye contact. I hadn’t thought this through. What was I thinking? Why was I doing this again? My mouth opened to say something, but nothing came out as everything else around us blurred.
Then my eyes helplessly met his, and a sudden calmness swept over me. He held my gaze as he crossed over an invisible barrier to whatever was hiding inside me. My mouth moved, and I didn’t recognize my own words. “Your desire to look into my eyes right now is far greater than the thought of sex, even though you just touched me and pulled me across your lap.” My fingers found his warm arms, and he closed his eyes momentarily at the sudden touch. “At this point, you don’t want sex. You want something far greater, something deeper. All you want is to feel close to me. You want to take in my scent, take in my breath—”
“How do you know what I want?” Ollie asked, his voice cracking. He was still. Unmoving. His arms rested over my thighs, and his hands hadn’t moved from their spot on my back.
“Because I’m sitting on top of you, and you’re scared to move. I’m surprised you were capable of speaking, since you hardly could get through that sentence.”
Ollie’s lip twitched, but his eyes remained locked on mine.
I continued, “You’ve dropped your guard already because I can see it in your eyes. But you’re still afraid I won’t accept you because I hear the worry in your breathing. Yet, you haven’t turned away because you have already accepted all of me, and the anticipation of knowing it’s mutual is worth every torturous second.”
Ollie’s eyes fell from mine to my mouth. He wet his lips. My heart pounded. His fingers inched below the back of my shirt until they found my bare skin. I sucked in a breath as he exhaled. His fingers grazed their way up my back until his palms rested over my sides. It felt right when it shouldn’t—it shouldn’t have felt like anything. He dropped his forehead to mine and his chest rose and fell unevenly. “And I can’t kiss you?” His minted whisper over my lips sent a shiver across my skin.
I shook my head against his and he closed his eyes. “Normally, kissing would increase an attachment among both parties. It’s the only sexual act that allows both people to equally penetrate and be penetrated with the same, incredibly sensitive body parts—which is the lips. The lips have the thinnest layer of skin on the body, along with the tongue. If you truly want to be connected to someone, mind, body, and soul, then kissing would accomplish that. Not sex.”
There were only two sounds: my pulse and his erratic breathing.
“We can’t kiss, Ollie. Now that we both know we have chemistry, if we took it further with kissing, you would fall for me.” I shrugged. “It’s science.”
My breath staggered as his green eyes sparked with vulnerability I hadn’t seen in him before. The transformation of his sincerity caused the ice block in my chest to pound against my ribcage. The sounds in the room grew distant as I struggled to maintain my point in all this. I could smell the mint from the gum in his mouth and tried to find words.
Anything, Mia. Say anything.
“Do you believe me now?” I whispered.
Ollie swallowed. Ollie licked his lips. Ollie nodded. And I attempted to get up from his lap when Ollie stopped me.
“Don’t,” he stated or pleaded—I couldn’t quite tell. “It’s my turn now.” His eyes searched mine. “I don’t understand your need to have to over analyze a situation, or turn to science to justify the way you look at me from across the mess hall—and trust me, I notice—but sometimes you have to let go and allow moments happen the way they are meant to.”
“Meant to?” My mouth went dry, and I was surprised my voice didn’t shake under his intensity.
“Yes, moments like this are meant to happen, and you are fighting against it. Look what this alone is doing to us. Could you imagine what our kiss would be like?” He brought his thumb to my bottom lip and grazed his fingerprint across the surface. One simple touch and my entire body was caving. “Mia, after everything you said, give me a clear indication as to why I shouldn’t at least try.”
“Because …” I’m losing control. “Because I have rules.”
His brows dipped and he pulled his head back. “Rules? You have more rules?”
“Yes, my ‘don’t let a boy fall for me’ rule. It’s a dangerous position for you to be in and it’s for your own good.” I stood from his lap, taking the music player along with me.
In an attempt to calm my nerves from what had just happened, I fell across the mattress on my stomach and looked through his music. The alcohol managed to bring a moment of relapse, and I had to stay away from the liquor for the rest of the night. I only felt when I was under the influence, and I hated the feeling. The feeling of my arms being tied behind my back with a dozen rifles pointed at me while stranded on a deserted field. A defenseless target, waiting for an open fire which could destroy me in a matter of seconds. Only this wouldn’t kill me. At least not in the way I wanted it to.
My gaze slid down to Ollie on the floor, who was now lying on his back, facing the ceiling. He met my gaze and let out an exhale. “Why do I feel like you just took something from me?” His tone was low and controlled.
“You’re drunk. It will pass eventually.” I was sure of it, but he closed his eyes and shook his head in denial. Bringing my attention back to the playlist in front of me, I changed the music to the only song seeming to fit the moment. I pressed play on “Feel for Me” by an artist named Foy Vance, which I didn’t recognize. A beautiful acoustic guitar drifted from the small speaker, and the others groaned at the loss of their encouragement to dance, but I didn’t care.
The others eventually died down as they all sprawled out over the floor. Their conversations became white noise in the background, and I lay on my stomach, resting my head over my folded hands, looking down at Ollie on the floor. His green eyes kept me steady as I relaxed under my tipsy spell, f
alling into a trance.
“Good choice in song,” he said as we fixed on one another. “Science is wrong, you know.”
“Science is never wrong.”
He turned on his side to face me and held his head in the palm of his hand. “There are notions more powerful that even science can’t grasp,” he said, and I had no idea what he meant. My brain wasn’t working correctly.
Ollie folded his arms under his head and stayed silent afterward. I couldn’t break away from the steadiness of his green eyes as the room swayed around us. Distant laughter and chatter stayed behind Foy Vance’s beautiful raspy voice. His lyrics poured from the speaker as if they were intended for my ears. Ollie’s allure kept me locked, or Foy’s—I couldn’t quite tell anymore. “The coincidence …” I sighed out loud.
“What’s the coincidence, love?” Ollie asked as the song changed.
“You, me, Foy, the vodka, Dolor, this country … all of it.” I didn’t even understand my own words as they were leaving my mouth. I wasn’t making any sense, and I attempted to lift my head, but gravity was unforgiving.
“Is there a science to back up your coincidence?” Ollie’s tone was honest, but the grin across his face said otherwise.
“Science and coincidences are unrelated.”
Chapter Five
“I’m bulletproof,
yet she’s slowly
penetrating every
part of me.”
—Oliver Masters
LEAVING OLLIE’S DORM was far more complicated than entering. I wondered why he didn’t have any furniture for us to climb onto to get out, but they configured a system: climbing on top of one another, then the first person pulling the next through the hole.
Stay With Me (Stay With Me Series Book 1) Page 5