“I’ll be your punching bag if it’s what you need,” he choked out. “Whatever it will take to get you past this.”
I jerked my head from his hand and turned to face him. “Get past this? Am I a game to you? A conquest?”
His eyes glossed over—hazy. He shook his head as tears gathered at the corners, threatening to fall. “God, no, Mia. I care about you, alright? More than I’ve ever cared for anyone or anything.”
“You need to leave. Now.” I reached my breaking point, and Ollie reached his.
“No, I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what you’re feeling.”
“Right now, I feel … I feel …” I searched inside me, and there was absolutely nothing. “I told you I don’t feel, Ollie. What the hell do you want from me?”
Ollie took a step back and whispered, “You, Mia. I just want you.” He studied my face for a moment as his tears held on by a thread. All it would take was one blink of his eyes, and they would roll down his cheeks.
There was so much he wanted to say, but I was already gone, and Ollie was defeated.
He let my arms go, took in a deep breath, and glanced around the room until he located his shirt. “You hate me. It’s a feeling, and I’ll take it for now, but we have something, Mia. I don’t know what it is yet, but it’s real, and it’s rare, and I’m not letting it go. You can deny it and push it down as much as you want, but we’re both here for a reason, and until you start realizing what’s going on, I’ll be the one to show you.” He paused and slipped his shirt over his head. “I’ll continue to fight for as long as it takes.”
I glanced up at Ollie in silence as his lively eyes searched mine one last time, but there was no going back to him. He closed his eyes, let out a breath, then turned and walked out the door.
Inevitable.
Life with Ollie was like a broken record.
Numb. Ollie. The walls fell. Feelings. Memories. Anger. Without Ollie. Walls rebuilt. Numb. Repeat.
A tedious cycle no one had prepared me for on the flight to the United Kingdom. I had thought my barriers were invincible—not susceptible to a beautiful creature walking an offbeat path filled with unrealistic notions.
Eventually, the side effects of Ollie Masters would wear off, but all I needed to do was keep my distance from him. As long as he stayed away, I would stay numb.
It was six in the morning. Since there were no classes on Fridays, I planned on everyone else sleeping in, and the bathroom would be empty.
And I was right.
I reached into the stall to start the water, then stared blindly at myself in the mirror and noticed a few changes. My eyebrows had always been thick, but without the ability to pluck them, they looked even fuller. I was growing to like my freckles. Maybe once I left this place, I wouldn’t cover them up any longer.
“I’m starting to think you are avoiding us,” a high-pitched voice said, breaking me away from myself. Bria strolled toward me with her clothes pinned to her chest.
“Your thoughts are correct.” I stepped into the shower and undressed, but her questions didn’t stop.
“You didn’t make it to Ollie’s last night. Did something happen?” she asked as the sound of her shower turned on beside me.
“Nope.”
“Eh, it was boring, anyway. Ollie was in a mood, and no one wants to be around Ollie when he’s in a mood,” she called out over the sound of the water. “Why don’t you hang out with us today? After breakfast, we’re heading out to the woods.”
“No, thanks.”
My curtain opened with an annoyed Bria on the other side. She raised her finger at me. “I don’t understand you. You’d rather be cooped up in that dorm of yours, yeah? I’m trying to be nice, and if this is about Ollie …”
I rolled my eyes as a laugh blew from my lips. “It’s not, trust me. I don’t want anything to do with Ollie. He’s all yours.”
Ollie would never belong to anyone aside from me. I knew this, and he knew this. Even my damn demons knew this. It was the reason they were running around scared as shit this very moment, trying to erase the damage he had done yesterday.
“Well, Ollie doesn’t want to go, anyway, and we need one more per—”
“Ollie won’t be there?” Distraction was what I needed, and if Ollie wasn’t going to be around, I didn’t mind using Bria and her friends as my diversion from him.
Confusion crossed her face. “No?”
“Okay, I’ll go.”
A pleased smile flashed across her face before she closed my curtain, and I relaxed under the water while enjoying the rest of my shower in blissful silence.
Sitting at my old table during breakfast, Zeke stared at me from one table down. Each time I took a bite of my food, he blinked, but the rest of his facial expression maintained transfixed. There was so much I wanted to tell him, and I couldn’t understand why I needed to pour everything out to the mute. Another bite and Zeke’s gaze burned a hole in me. Sighing, I said, “Alright, Zeke. You win.”
After lifting my tray, I walked one table down to sit across from him.
“Better?”
Zeke didn’t move, but a small grunt came from somewhere inside him.
“Okay, I won’t do that again. I’ll always sit with you. No matter what.”
As I told Zeke what had happened, the weight of Ollie’s eyes drifted through me, comforting me like a warm blanket. I turned my head slightly to my left to legitimize the peace washing over me. And there he was, his beanie flopped over his head as his hair stuck out from beneath in all directions. He held my gaze, trying to see which Mia he had today. Was it his Mia—the one he’d gone on about before we made love?
I didn’t know myself, but he always knew.
All he had to do was look into my eyes.
“Mia, you coming?” Bria asked from across the room, disrupting my thoughts.
Ollie stood, his eyes darting from Bria and back to me. He said something to her I couldn’t quite make out.
“We needed another person,” Bria replied to him with a shrug.
Leaving Zeke behind, I walked toward their table. “Need me for what?”
“Power,” Isaac said. “It’s better with at least five players.”
My brows rose. “Power?”
“I’ll explain on the way.” Bria stood with the rest of them. “Have fun in your dorm, Ollie.”
“No, I’m coming,” Ollie muttered under his breath.
His agreement to join should have been my cue to back out, but before I could, Bria already had me by the arm, dragging me toward the double doors.
Fresh air hit my face, and I hadn’t realized how much I’d missed it. Coming to a standstill, I lifted my face to the sun, appreciating the way it felt against my skin. The slight smell of tree bark and freshly cut grass mixed in the gust of cold wind as it brushed through my hair, making the hairs on my arms stand instantaneously. Even with the sun shining behind my closed lids, it didn’t help the sixty-something-degree temperature. When I opened my eyes, the rest of the group was already ten feet ahead, but Ollie stood beside me, mesmerized.
“Okay, so, we all write down an action, and we’ll use … Ollie’s beanie to place the actions. You have to perform that action, and the rest of us will judge based on a number one through three. No one can know the action until it’s complete. By the end of the game, whoever wins has the power, and they get to be in charge for a full hour. You have to do whatever they say,” Bria explained as we reached the woods.
“That’s the stupidest game I’ve ever heard,” I sighed.
“You can either play with us or have fun playing football over there with those wankers,” Bria said, pointing back to the kids kicking the ball around.
I let out a moan. “Fine.”
We walked through the sparsely scattered wooded forest until we reached the en
d of the lot, and sat in a sloppy circle near the tall brick wall. I sandwiched myself between Jake and Isaac while Ollie sat across from me with Bria to his left and Alicia to his right. He pulled his knees up and rested his long arms across them.
Tall trees hovered over us, and I looked up to see the sun above, coming through the branches. The brisk wind blew the weakest leaves off the branches as they fell around us.
I focused on one leaf, watching it wobble back and forth against the force of the wind until it dropped between Ollie and Alicia in its final resting place.
Alicia ripped a paper into six parts before passing a piece around. “No screwing around this time. I can’t lose because I refused sex with Jake,” Alicia said.
“Yeah, that was harsh,” Jake whined.
“You guys have sex in this game?”
“Not today, apparently,” Bria muttered.
“Actions have to be specific. If another person is needed, make sure to write their name,” Isaac explained. “What’s the level of nudity?”
“Knickers,” Ollie insisted.
“Full nudity,” I countered.
Bria put her hands together and agreed, “Full nudity it is,” then snatched Ollie’s Beanie off his head, and his thick brown mess bounced free.
Ollie ran his hand up his forehead and through his hair, but refused to look in my direction. When the pen was passed down to me, I wrote out an action, folded up my paper, and placed it in Ollie’s beanie in the center. “Who’s keeping score?”
Alicia held up a paper and pen. “I got it.”
Jake went first and withdrew an action from the hat. He giggled as his eyes scanned the words across the paper while his face flushed. “Alright, alright.” Jake stood and took in a deep breath as I watched him from below. He brought his hands over his face and shook his head, and when he dropped them to his side, a broad smile appeared. He giggled as his body moved to a beat only he could hear in his head.
And then he sang as his torso rolled in what I could only describe as Jake’s attempt at sexy dancing. The first verse of Ginuwine’s “Pony” came from his lips as he stripped his shirt and dropped it over my face. His fingers landed on his pants, and Alicia stifled a laugh with her hand over her mouth. Isaac covered his eyes and turned his head away from the view of Jake’s strip number.
“Someone help me out here,” Jake interjected between lyrics.
My fingers snapped, and I belted out the second verse with him.
Ollie shot his head in my direction, and Alicia squealed, “Ah, she’s brilliant!”
Alicia and Bria joined in on the chorus as Jake tried lifting Alicia off the ground. Alicia waved him away through uncontrollable laughter, and Jake turned to me with his palms and shoulders in the air.
After gathering to my feet, I danced and sang the chorus while Jake continued to strip.
Ollie sat amused with a bona fide smile and nirvana in his eyes. He wet his lips while flashes of our moments together sent a rush of heat through me. Everyone else around us laughed or sang, but Ollie mouthed “I want you” as he leaned back on his hands.
I shook my head. He made me feel so right—it was so wrong.
“Okay, okay … striptease. Now let’s score,” Alicia said as Jake and I sat back down, “Mia?”
“Three,” I said before everyone else rambled off their scores.
It was my turn, and I reached for an action in the hat. It read, ‘Give the person to your left goosebumps whichever way you wish.’ Grinning, I crouched behind Isaac, and Ollie shifted in place and narrowed his eyes.
My hair fell over Isaac’s shoulder as I leaned over him. Keeping my eyes on Ollie’s, I traced my tongue up the length of Isaac’s neck until my lips fell over the tender spot behind his ear—the spot I knew drove Ollie insane. Ollie clenched his jaw as my lips touched Isaac’s skin with delicacy. My fingertips traced the length of his arm, and I whispered sweet nothings in Isaac’s ear.
“Shit, Mia,” Isaac breathed. I looked from Ollie down to Isaacs’ arm as goosebumps and the hairs on his arm raised.
Ollie averted his gaze.
“Goosebumps? Really, Alicia? Every time …” Bria scoffed as I settled back in my place between Jake and Isaac.
“Five. I give her a five,” Isaac said with enthusiasm.
“The score goes up to three,” Bria reminded him.
“I still give her a five.”
“Three it is.”
The rest of the group rambled off scores, and when it got to Ollie, he refused to score.
It was Isaac’s turn, and he had everyone stand up in a circle. After blindfolding him and spinning him around three times as he directed, I took a step back. Isaac put his arms out in front of him, and no one had any idea what the goal of this was. Isaac took a step toward Alicia and found her face. Alicia froze as Isaac dipped his head down and planted a single peck across her nose, completely missing her mouth.
A mortified expression crossed Alicia’s face as Isaac pulled off his blindfold. “Sorry, darling.” He laughed.
“Oh, come on, you could have done better than that.” I laughed. “One for me.”
“Wish he chose you?” Bria asked.
My eyes rolled at her nonsense. She was next, and with only three people left, I hoped she was the one who got my action. After everyone said their scores, Bria reached into the hat and pulled out a piece of paper. Her eyes went wide as she read it before snapping her head in Ollie’s direction.
Mission complete.
“In front of everyone?” she repeated as she read the last part out loud.
“W-w-whoa, you can’t say anything,” Jake reminded her.
Bria stood and reached her hand down to Ollie. “Come on. You’re a part of this one.”
Ollie looked back at the group, and I pressed my lips together to avoid laughing.
“Whoever this was will be ruined,” Ollie said as Bria pushed him against a tree. She dropped to her knees and reached for his waistband.
My heart went haywire in my chest, and though this had been my idea to begin with, regret filled me without notice. His top button came undone, his zipper was pulled down, and Ollie lifted his face to the sky. Inside, I was screaming. Why did I do this to myself?
Then Ollie pushed her hands away. “No, I can’t.” He took the paper out of Bria’s hand and read it. “I’m not bloody doing that, are you mad?”
“You’re turning down a blow job with no strings attached?” Bria asked, surprised.
“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m doing,” Ollie said with his hands in the air. “I can’t … not with you.”
Bria stood as her hands flew to her hips. “Excuse me? What do you mean not with me?”
“Just forget it,” he muttered under his breath, and walked away from her and back to the group. “Now, who did that?”
Jake was in tears from laughing so hard, and I was still recovering from the fact I had tested my feelings for Ollie without realizing it, and I didn’t like the outcome.
Ollie bent down and snatched a paper from the hat and read it. “I need someone to count mentally for one minute.” Bria sat back down, the rejection stinging her a million times over as Ollie walked over to me. “Come with me,” he said and held out his hand.
Taking his hand, Ollie helped me to my feet and I glanced around at the others while he led me over to the brick wall. He positioned me against it, and I glanced past him to the group behind him, all having no idea what was about to happen.
“Keep your eyes on me,” Ollie said before turning over to Jake. “One minute, mate.”
Ollie drew in a deep breath as he took a step closer. A lump made of concrete formed in my throat as he came within inches of my face. “I don’t know what you’re trying to do, love, but I can promise you it won’t work. If you hadn’t already noticed, you had me from day one …
”
Ollie exhaled and placed a palm against the wall beside me. Leaning into my ear, he said, “Mia, I only want you … I want to be found by you across the room, I want your lips on mine whenever I want, and I want to feel myself inside you. I need it. You and everyone else your entire life has told you that you’re incapable of feeling, but you’re all wrong. What happened in your room, that was real—a feeling so strong, you flipped out because you haven’t felt like that before, and I promise you will never feel that again with anyone else. I’m not going to save you, Mia. I don’t want to be the one. I’m going to show you how to save yourself.”
“Twenty seconds,” Jake called out.
Ollie brought his attention back to me. “Now this paper in my hand says I can’t touch you, and I’m not supposed to have you speak, but I have to hear it from you. And be frank with me, Mia, do you feel for me?”
My palms began to sweat and my mouth went dry as his green eyes searched mine. “I know you’re in there,” he whispered as the mint from the gum in his mouth brushed my trembling lips, and I wasn’t sure if it was a reaction to Ollie or the biting cold. All I was sure of was I needed his warmth.
I dropped my chin in a small nod and met his eyes again. A boyish smile reached his eyes and a single finger rested under my chin as he leaned in a little closer. “Say it, Mia.”
“Time’s up, Ollie,” Jake announced.
Ollie turned around. “Ah, fuck off, mate,” he called out, and while he was distracted, I stole the paper from his hand and read it to myself. “Give Jake a hand-job OR finger Bria for one minute.”
He snatched the paper from my hand and stuffed it into the pocket of his joggers. “It’s between you and me.” He returned his palm to the brick and leaned back in. “Now, I’m dying right now. Answer me.”
“Yes,” I said, voice cracking. “I feel for you, I always have. And no matter how hard I try not to”—I shrugged—”it won’t go away. It’s always there.”
Ollie’s lips twitched. “You can stop fighting now, Mia.”
My heels lifted off the ground, and without an afterthought, my mouth found his. I felt his smile against my lips before they molded with mine, and I slipped my tongue inside, craving the taste of him. Ollie’s body relaxed against me as he held my head in his hand, and took my bottom lip between his teeth.
Stay With Me (Stay With Me Series Book 1) Page 16