“God, no … stop!” Ollie shouted and ran his hand through his hair.
I was already angry. And drunk. And those two didn’t mix well. “What about you, huh? When was the last time you really took your meds, Maddie? Or tell me what you had to do to get to Dr. Conway …”
Maddie stood to her feet as I crouched down and reached for the bottle. Shoving it into her chest, I said, “Want to answer or want to drink?” Hastily, I took a sip and brought it back to her chest. The adrenaline made me insane. The liquor made me slur. And Ollie took the bottle from my hand and set it over the dresser before standing in front of me.
He brought his hands to my face, and I latched on to his imploring green eyes. “Let’s go, alright? She’s done enough already.” As I held on to his arms, he kissed my forehead. “Please.”
“Exactly what I thought,” Maddie stated.
Once we crawled back to Ollie’s room, he laid me down over his mattress. “Ollie?”
“I’m right here,” he said as he climbed in beside me.
“I think I’m going to puke.”
Ollie immediately jumped from the mattress to across the room and grabbed a small trash can. He made it just in time as my body hurled over the side. My hair was instantly pulled back as Ollie crouched down beside me. The only thing coming up was pure vodka. My throat burned as the residue of the dry heaving brought tears to my eyes.
Bringing my hands to my forehead, I shook my head. “I’m so embarrassed.”
Ollie moved the trashcan and let my hair fall before taking off his black shirt. “You think this is my first time seeing you vomit, Mia?” He smiled and took my face in his hand, wiping my tears and my mouth.
“I’m embarrassed for reacting the way I did. I should have never let her get to me.”
“I’m surprised you didn’t yank her by the hair and drag her across the floor.” He grinned. “You good now?” he asked, patting the trash can.
I nodded.
Ollie tossed his shirt across the room and climbed back over me. As he pulled the blankets around us, his scent and the covers both blanketed me. Calming. He intertwined his legs through mine and moved my hair off my neck before pressing his lips against my skin. “I can’t keep pretending, Mia.”
“Ollie …”
He pinned me to his torso. “No. What we have isn’t meant to be a secret.” He took my hand and brought it out in front of us before slipping one of his rings over my finger. “My promise to you, Mia. Whatever happens, it will never burn out, alright?”
Nodding, I laced my fingers into his and brought his hand close to my chest as Ollie burrowed his head into my neck.
I didn’t know much about love, but one thing he had taught me was to embrace it. Seize it as soon as it touches you. Drown in the feeling when it penetrates your soul. With love so deep, and a tomorrow never promised, every second in its brilliance was precious.
These were our moments that would fade into memories, and no one could take them away from us.
Chapter Twenty-Two
“I knew it was forever
when I cherished our
conversation as much
as our love making.”
—Oliver Masters
TWISTING OLLIE’S RING around my pointer finger, I waited for him to stroll through those doors. Even though he’d put the ring over my ring finger, my thumb or pointer were the only two it didn’t fall entirely off from. I ran my thumb over the scroll of the ring, feeling its edges, its swirls, taking in its silver beauty with black lines. Intricate details. He’d never told me where the ring was from, or what it meant to him, but the fact his promise to me was now tied to the ring was all I needed to never be without it.
It was a Wednesday, and our last day before Christmas break. The professors left for two long weeks on holiday—but our Christmas would be spent on Dolor grounds. We were punished, not them. But a Christmas with Ollie was a far cry from a punishment.
In psychology, I sat in the back. As soon as Ollie entered the room, his smile sent a warming circulation within me. His hair grew longer, crazier, piling over his head. The lopsided wave transformed into a tsunami, but it only meant more for me to hold on to. He took his seat before Dr. Kippler arrived.
Dr. Kippler, disheveled and sloppy as ever, apologized for his tardiness like every day before.
There was no class after lunch today, only my counseling session with Dr. Conway. I wanted to trust her, but after what had happened with Maddie, I couldn’t bring myself to let my guard down again. Why would she make an exception for someone who isn’t assigned to her?
None of it made sense to me.
Jealousy.
I was jealous and territorial over my counselor. It sounded ridiculous, I know. “That sick feeling in your stomach, the knotted pit growing when you saw Maddie talking to me, or heard she got to Dr. C. That’s jealousy, Mia. Jealousy will destroy you if you let it,” Ollie had said to me.
Though I was considered an adult, the child who’d never gotten to live still resided within me. Having no experience with the multitude of emotions sweeping through me on a day-to-day basis had me questioning everything I thought I knew. All the research I’d done, now out the door.
When they were your own emotions, everything changed.
The halls were quiet as I quickly walked back to my dorm from Dr. Conway’s office. I took the stairs two at a time, rushing to get into my sweats, rushing to get to Ollie. We were almost finished with The Notebook, and I would still agree to the fact I hated reading, but having him read to me had become my favorite part of my week—next to our sexcapades.
“Whoa, darling. Where you off to in such a hurry?” Oscar asked as soon as my foot came off the last step. His gelled hair was combed back as his dark eyes sliced into me, charring my bones to ashes.
“My dorm,” I said flatly, pushing past him. I’d been trying to avoid him since my return from the Looney Bin, but each time our paths crossed, his perseverance had only strengthened with time.
He snatched me by the arm and pinned me against the wall. What I wanted to do was backhand him, knee him in the groin, or call out for help, but he had me by my past. He gripped those threats tightly around my neck every chance he had.
“I’ve seen this ring before. Where did you get this?” he asked, examining the ring on my hand. Jerking my hand from his hold, I took the ring off and slipped it into my pocket. My most treasured item. I had to keep it safe. “Mia, where did you get that?”
“It was a gift. A family heirloom,” I lied, then ducked under his arm and attempted to take a step from his stifling space. He pressed his hand against my chest as he slammed me back against the wall.
“Oh, no you don’t,” he growled.
Trembling, I asked, “What do you want from me?” He became more confident, surer of himself and the hold he had over me.
“What you owe me.” Oscar grinned as he drew closer. His hot breath against my cheek held me rigid. “Remember I own you, Mia. “His hand was between my legs, inching its way up. “I fucking own you, and there is nothing you can do about it.” Then he cupped my sex. I turned my head, wanting to cry as he applied more pressure. A knot of fear lodged in my throat as the aching swelled in my eyes.
“Please stop,” I begged. “Just stop this.”
“You know what they say when a girl says no.”
He didn’t stop, only rubbed his fingers more forcefully over the fabric of my jeans and I shook my head violently. Oscar grabbed my chin. His cigarette breath coated my lips. “Stop fighting it, Mia. It’s better that way.” And then he let me go with a single step back. “I’ll see you real soon, darling.”
I ran the rest of the way back to my dorm. Clicking the lock behind me, I fell back against my door and slid down until my bottom hit the marble. If I told Ollie, he would do something to get himself kicked o
ut. If I told Dr. Conway, Oscar would only use my record against me and say it was all lies. He would say I had come onto him. Every time, Oscar reminded me of the repercussions, scaring me so I wouldn’t run. And it worked.
A rap at my door caused me to wince. Crawling away from the door, I waited.
Another knock.
“Mia, it’s me.”
I jumped to my feet and unlocked the door. As soon as it opened, I flung myself around Ollie, wrapping my arms around his neck and digging my head into his chest. He stroked my hair with one hand while wrapping the other around my back as he held me tight. “Shit, Mia. What happened?”
I was only able to shake my head, so he walked me into my room and closed the door behind us. “We talked about this. You have to talk to me,” he said, pulling my head off his chest and searching my face. “Please, this is fucking killing me …”
“I can’t, Ollie. I wish I could, but I can’t. Not this.” The tears fell rapidly. “I can’t tell you and it’s for your own good.”
“You keep saying that, but it doesn’t change the fact I can’t do anything to fix this until you talk to me.”
“Just read to me.”
And after I changed into my sweatpants and pulled his hoodie over my head, he did.
He read chapter after chapter, threading his fingers down my hair and over my back. His comforting touch soothed me from the moment he was unaware of.
Forcing myself to focus on Noah and Allie’s troubles, my thoughts were slowly stolen by Oscar. He invaded my reading time, my moments with Ollie, my brain.
If I allowed this to go on any further, it might bring me back to a place I had worked so hard to get out of. Was my mind capable of building a switch again, then flipping it? Would Oscar bring back my walls? I wasn’t going to make the same mistake again. Telling someone was my only option. Dr. Conway was my only option. Either she wouldn’t believe me, and I would be forced back to the psych ward permanently, or all the lights inside me would shut off again if Oscar went too far. Either way, I would be defeated.
But what if she did believe me?
In two weeks, she would return.
I only needed to get by for two more weeks.
“I know something Ollie doesn’t know,” Maddie sang as she approached me in the hall. Christmas was in six days, but Dolor didn’t necessarily reek of holiday spirit. There was a small tree set up in the corner of the mess hall, but its lack of lights and ornaments made it look like a bad joke. It had been a donation—a pity donation by someone who only wanted to feel good about themselves during the holidays. Without classes to keep us occupied, and half the staff gone, the campus felt like a ghost town.
Tilting my head in Maddie’s direction, I wondered if entertaining her childish games was even worth it. “Good for you, Maddie.” Nope, not worth it. Maddie was never worth it.
“And I know something you don’t know,” she bit back.
Her comment stopped me in my tracks, and I crossed my arms over my chest, taking her in. The devilish smile on her face, the satisfaction in her eyes, her posture, it all screamed the fact she couldn’t wait for whatever she had planned to come to a head. “Whatever you have to say, just say it.”
Ollie appeared beside me and slung his arm around my shoulder. “Maddie starting her games again?” He looked down to me without so much as paying her a lick of attention.
“Trying to.”
“Ah, she’s reaching, love. Come on,” he said into my ear and pulled me away from her toxic antics.
Maddie’s voice bounced through the hall as we put more distance between her. “He will never forgive you for what you did!”
I jerked my head around right before Ollie opened the door to my room and pulled me inside. “Fuck her,” he breathed as soon as the door closed. “Remember what I told you about jealousy? Well, she’s jealous of you. Forget her.”
“What do you think she meant by it, though?”
“Who the hell cares? She’s like a little rat, crawling and scratching at whatever she can get her claws on.” Ollie weaved his long fingers through his thick hair before cupping the back of his neck. “Let’s not waste any more time on her. Christmas is in six days, and I was going to wait until then to give you this, but I’m like a kid when it comes to these things.” Ollie dug his hand into his back pocket.
He groaned. “Shit. Hold on.” He turned around while I sat at the edge of the bed and watched his shoulder blades move against his white shirt.
When he turned back around, he dangled a white origami rose from his finger by a ribbon attached. My eyes darted back and forth between the rose and his lopsided grin as I brought my hand to my mouth.
“You like it?” he asked, crouching down in front of me.
“Ollie …”
He took my hand from my mouth and laid it flat before placing the rose inside. “Truth is, I’d never cared much for Christmas. Most people don’t know it’s a busy season for prostitutes.” He shrugged. “Growing up, I spent all day on Christmas in a bloody closet, and as I got older, the day only got worse. But with you, I want to experience everything. And when we leave here, together, we’ll have a tree, lights, music. A proper Christmas. And this here is going to be the first ornament on our tree.” He grinned. “If the paper survives.”
I ran my fingers over the delicate edges. “Where did you … How did you learn to do this?”
“Zeke knows origami. I went to the library the other day and tore a page from one of my favorite books and Zeke taught me the rest.”
Zeke. My heart swelled. Ollie kissed my forehead.
“I didn’t know we were … I didn’t get you anything,” I quickly said, then let out a deep sigh. “I always hated Christmas, too.”
But suddenly, I wanted to decorate a tree, play Christmas music on the piano for him, send out ridiculous Christmas cards from Ollie & Mia, and surprise him with gifts, wanting to experience all of it—with him.
Ollie removed the rose from my palm, stood, and set it carefully on my suitcase. “I already have you. What more can I ask for?” His eyes held the daydream look, and I knew what was coming next. “Well, if you really want to give me something … you, on top of me, naked, always works.”
There it was, and when he talked like this, it was no underlying joke. He wanted me now. This very moment. No filter, always telling me what was on his mind.
Me. On top of him. Naked.
He tilted his head, spiked an eyebrow, and his eyes held on strong. My insides pulsed as the tingling sensation ignited. Leaning over, I wrapped my hands around his legs and pulled him toward me between my knees. Glancing up at him standing over me, I slipped my fingers into the waistband of his joggers.
“Mia …” he breathed. My name falling from his lips meant everything. It was a beg, a plea, a demand, a promise, a relief, a praise, a question, an answer, a longing, a desire.
It was everything, all in one breath.
“I want to give you something I’ve never given anyone.” And it was true. Before, my egotistic needs were my only concern. Giving head was a purely selfless act, and I had been a self-centered, egotistical, bitch before Ollie.
Ollie grabbed my wrist and stopped me. “You never had your mouth around anyone?” He was surprised. I didn’t blame him.
Staring up at him from the edge of the mattress, with his fingers wrapped around my wrist, I shook my head. “No.”
He turned his head slightly as a dimple beamed from his cheek, and he ran his palm down his face and through his hair. When his eyes met mine again, his smile was everything. “I can’t seem to wipe this stupid smile off my face.”
“Why are you smiling?”
He sighed, still smiling, still in awe. “I haven’t gone down on anyone either before you …” A laugh pushed through his lips.
My brows pulled together as I leaned back on m
y hands. “You never went down on anyone?”
Ollie shook his head. “Not until you.”
“But you’re so good at it.”
“You make me good at it.” He winked and released my wrist. “And if I could go back and take away every other first, I would … If I knew one day you’d come into my life, I would have waited.”
“All those small steps were leading you to me, Ollie. If a stone was thrown in one of our paths, if one little thing had changed, would we have met at all?”
Ollie smiled. “Every second is a life-altering decision, but all routes lead to one destination. Weaknesses aren’t strong enough to deter you from your fate—they never were. We’re created with fault, Mia, and whether or not we made a different decision, all my paths would have still led me to you.”
Shaking my head, I said, “How am I supposed to give you head if you keep me smiling. Now, stop. You’re killing my gift-giving vibe.” I returned my hands to his legs and looked back up at him. His expression was a mixture of adoration and lust, his eyes heavy with need, and his lips parted slightly in anticipation. “Take off your shirt, Ollie.”
Ollie reached behind him and withdrew his shirt on command before dropping it to the floor. The lines peeking above his joggers deepened, and the ink on his torso stretched as his muscles flexed. He lowered his hand to my face and ran his thumb over my bottom lip. I kissed his fingertip, and Ollie closed his eyes. “You have no idea how fucking beautiful you are right now,” he whispered, blinking his eyes open again. “Fuck, Mia. You’re always so God damn beautiful, but right now …” He shook his head in awe.
His hard-on pressed against the thin fabric of his joggers, starving for release. Pulling his pants and boxers down together, they slid over his arousal and down his thighs, and I kissed his lower abdomen. Ollie combed his fingers through my hair, keeping the locks away from my face as his eyes drowned in desire.
Grabbing the length of him, I ran my tongue up the bottom of his shaft before wrapping my lips around him. Ollie’s eyes closed as every muscle in his face relaxed. My lips slid across the tight skin, each stroke taking him deeper. Ollie’s head fell back as he moaned. “Holy … Christ, Mia …” He looked down again, and I held his gaze.
Stay With Me (Stay With Me Series Book 1) Page 27