“Why do I make you nervous?”
“You just told me your whole story, and I’m sitting here thinking how much I admire your strength.” He stood and fixed his shirt. “I wish my sister could have been here to hear your story. There are a lot of young girls out there who feel they’re alone. Maybe if they had someone to talk to who went through similar experiences, they would feel a little less pain and a little less alone.”
“You can always bring your sister here. I’d love to talk to her.”
“I appreciate that, Mia, but she left this world nine months ago now. I didn’t protect her when I should have, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for it.” I nodded, but my heart felt the depth of his sorrows as if they strangled me. “Anyway, thank you for your time. Call me if you come into any more trouble …” He rubbed his forehead and rolled his head back. “I keep forgetting … Don’t call me, Mia. Well, you can if you can, of course.” He shook his head. “Okay, I’m just going to walk out the door now.”
He turned, and my fingers shot out to stop him. He paused mid-step and turned back to face me. “I’m sorry about your sister, Ethan. She would be so proud of you.”
Ethan had moved me forward two steps in the last hour, and he would never be able to understand how he’d been a part of putting two more pieces back into their original places. He’d helped me, and all he’d had to do was sit there and listen.
“Thank you,” he sincerely said, and squeezed my hand before walking out the door.
Ethan was right. So many people who went through the same trauma as mine, and it would be a waste if I didn’t share my story and help others out of their darkness. If no one was there to hear them, to understand them, to carry them, I wanted to be that one.
I was discharged the day after with instructions from my Dark Angel to take it easy. “You’ll experience headaches, but don’t hesitate to stop in and I’ll give you something to ease the pain,” she explained. “You will resume class tomorrow.”
As I walked through the halls back to my room, the oversized gray sweatshirt and drawstring pants draped over my body. It was the only clothes the nurse had. Maintenance maneuvered their way, dorm by dorm while everyone was in class. They checked vents, and filtered through belongings. I was sure everyone would hate me, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was clearing Ollie’s name.
During lunch, gossip spread like wildfire. Isaac had been taken into custody while I had been recovering, Oscar was still M.I.A., and Ollie was still locked in solitary confinement. Bria sat in silence at her table with Jake and Alicia, her attention trained on the tray before her, but she wasn’t eating. Even though Bria was in denial about what had happened, I knew it wouldn’t be long before the aftermath of what Isaac had done to her would kick in. It wasn’t the fact she may never remember, but it was the knowing, and eventually, the knowing built walls without the need for memories. It was only a matter of time.
“Hi, Zeke,” I said as I sat across from him. “Sorry I wasn’t here yesterday.”
Zeke grunted and looked around. A part of me believed he was looking for Ollie. He wanted to see Ollie. I wanted to see Ollie. “He should be back soon.”
And that was how the rest of lunch went.
My appointment with Dr. Conway wasn’t canceled along with my classes. I was still required to see her. After I walked into her office, I avoided eye contact and took a seat on the leather couch. Our visits since Maddie’s return had fallen into a redundant routine: me being vague, and her being intrusive.
“I was going to visit you at the nurse’s station, but you were discharged before I had the chance,” she immediately explained.
It was an hour past noon, but shades of gray were smeared across the sky. Dr. Conway’s window faced the front of campus, and sitting in front of the building was a police car.
“Mia?”
“Yeah?” I lifted my head in time to see Dean Lynch and Officer Scott—I mean Ethan—exit the building and walk toward the police car.
“Do you want to talk about what happened?”
They shook hands, and for a split second, I caught Ethan with a smile. I had never seen his smile. It was hardly there, but the corner of his mouth lifted slightly, and my heart slowly unraveled from his sorrowful strangle.
“Ah, Ethan Scott … he’s got good genes.”
Cocking my head at Dr. Conway, I said, “You know him?”
“I was introduced. He starts here next week.”
“I thought he was a police officer?”
“He is. After what happened with Oscar, Dean Lynch found it necessary to strap down on security. He feels police presence is crucial for the safety of our students, and I couldn’t agree more, but don’t get any ideas. He’s a good one.”
“Afraid I’m going to corrupt him?” I smirked.
Dr. Conway peered down at me with an all-knowing glare.
“Relax. It’s not like that, anyway.” I turned back in the leather chair after Ethan got into his car. “I met him while I was in recovery. He told me about his sister, and it was the first time I think I comforted someone. I don’t know. It sounds ridiculous.” She was staring at me, wide eyes and smiling now. “Crap, I forgot I’m not talking to you. I’m still mad at you.”
Her smile disappeared as she narrowed her eyes. “What did I do?” I looked back at the window and watched the police car leave through gates. “Mia, now you’re being ridiculous.”
My head snapped back in her direction. “Why did you bring Maddie back?”
“You know I can’t talk about other students with you. That’s not fair.”
“She’s manipulative. She’s lying … She isn’t even taking her medication, you know.”
Dr. Conway crossed her legs and leaned her elbow over the desk. “This has been all about Maddie? You know, if you just would have talked to me from day one, it wouldn’t have had to go on this long, and you wouldn’t have over-analyzed this whole situation.”
I didn’t respond, so Dr. Conway continued, “One thing you need to learn, Mia, is you need to start getting it out. You have too much going on inside your head, and if you don’t let it out, one of two things will happen. Either you will have a panic attack, or your volcano will erupt like the time in the bathroom or the time you punched the wall.”
“What’s the point if you won’t even explain to me why you brought Maddie back?”
“Because if you never ask, the answer will always be no. A rejection is better than a regret. You can learn to live with rejection, but regret haunts you for the rest of your life.”
I fell back into the cracked leather and held my head in my hands. Exhaustion swallowed me entirely. My limbs were weak, my mind was mush, and all I wanted to do was cry, but I was too tired to deal with the tears.
“When was the last time you had a full six hours of sleep?” she asked, reading my mind and body language all at once. It had been a week since I’d had a full six hours. Since Ollie was taken, I hadn’t been able to sleep more than two hours at a time.
“My brain is fried. I can’t think past five seconds ago.”
“Go to your room and get some sleep, Mia. Oscar can’t get into Dolor. He can’t hurt you anymore.”
For four days, I debated whether or not to waltz into Dean Lynch’s office. Each time I paced my room, I played out the entire conversation in my head—what I would say, and whether or not I should take no for an answer. Dean Lynch had Oscar’s confession. He didn’t need Ollie anymore. Ollie was innocent. Why wasn’t Ollie with me this very moment?
It was morning, and Lynch was always in a better mood in the morning. Not a good mood, but a better mood. My palms were sweaty and my knees went weak as I walked down the wide spiral staircase. It smelled different on the first floor in the morning. The smell was new, a beginning, a million opportunities hiding behind a glass wall, ready for someone to
break it. The crisp scent was like a dare.
The handle on his office door was cold to the touch as I opened it after knocking. The smell of coffee instantly wrapped around my tongue and watered my taste buds. Lynch didn’t show any signs of how my unexpected presence affected him as he offered for me to sit.
“Why hasn’t Ollie been released yet when we both know now he didn’t do this?” I immediately asked as soon as I took the seat.
Lynch leaned back into his chair, and his face struggled to react to my question. He stared at me with sunken eyes. “Miss Jett, you can’t show up unannounced and demand answers.”
“I announced myself when I’d knocked on the door. What is keeping Ollie in solitary?”
Lynch looked down at his tailored suit and rolled his shoulders as he fixed his jacket. He probably thought this was going to be one of those days. He snapped his wrist and glanced at his watch. Yes, Lynch, it’s too early for this. “I shouldn’t be telling you this. Oliver had a … setback while in confinement. He will be released as soon as he is cooperative and agrees to go back on his treatment plan and take his prescribed medication.”
Were we talking about the same Ollie? Ollie wouldn’t risk a setback. “What did he do?”
“I’m not at liberty to say.” His voice was clipped and direct. He was already over the conversation. He had other pressing matters to take care of. Ollie wasn’t one of those important matters, but Ollie was my important matter.
“Please, let me see him. I can get through to him. He’ll listen to me.” He had already said too much, and now I was overreaching at this point. The air around me changed. It grew thicker, and too much oxygen was being shoved down my throat.
Dean Lynch chuckled as if my request disrespected him in a way. Though he chuckled, it was only because my request was absurd and the tension suddenly ignited. “Absolutely not.”
“Dean Lynch, with all due respect, this is a reformatory institution meant to help people, not to destroy them even more. Now, you had him arrested when he did nothing wrong, shoved him into an isolated room for a week, and now he’s probably scared and lashing out because he feels no one is on his side.”
Lynch, his mother, his brother, and Isaac were all supposed to be on his side, and each one of them had failed him. Ollie had to know I wouldn’t fail him. I was on his side. He wasn’t alone.
“Excuse me, Miss Jett, but he is in no way innocent in this, and neither are you. He may not have raped or drugged anyone, but he has broken more rules than one.”
Lynch had a point. We’d broken the rules. “I understand. Really, I do. But if you could just let me see him, I can talk to him, convince him to take the meds, he can get out and go back to his normal routine. Please. Give me five minutes with him.”
Lynch stared at me for a long hard moment. I held my breath as he stood from his chair and walked toward the door. I closed my eyes, waiting for his words of dismissal. “Well, come on, then.”
We walked through the corridor and down a flight of stairs to the basement—another security checkpoint. I’d been down here once before. It was quiet and bitter. There were three rooms on each side of the hallway. From experience, I knew nothing was in those rooms. The walls were padded much like my room, and there was no window, bed, or furniture. The rooms were meant to break you into submission.
Ollie wasn’t created to be broken down—he was created to burn bright.
Lynch stopped before one of the doors. “Five minutes,” he stated without looking at me, then stepped back as a guard unlocked the door.
After the door opened, my heart immediately caved. Ollie sat on the floor in the corner with his long legs bent at the knees. His head hung over his folded arms, and I couldn’t see his face. When the door closed behind me, he lifted his head, and his whole face changed when he saw me. At first, it was a look of denial, as if his mind played tricks on him. The lump in his throat moved when he swallowed, and then he blew out a shaky breath.
“Ollie?”
His whole body reacted to my voice, and his shoulders shook. He clenched his eyes, and my heart broke for him all over again. Suddenly, he pinched the bridge of his nose as the tears fell.
I collapsed on my knees before him, gripping his legs. Ollie had reached utter ruin, and he was ashamed as he held his face in his hands and lowered his head into a silent cry. He was rendered powerless, stripped. Gutted. Ollie arrived at his rock bottom, and I had never wanted anything more than to switch places with him.
Ollie had never prepared me for these kinds of tears. The overwhelming ones when seeing the one you love carrying so much burdened pain.
“I’m right here,” I choked out through staggering tears. I was scared to touch him, but couldn’t bring myself not to. I gripped his hair, and he dropped his head into my neck.
“I’ve never had so much hate in my heart,” were his first words. He pulled back, and his eyes were clouded with mist, his long lashes soaked with tears. His chin trembled. “I’m so angry, and I’m going fucking mad. I want to kill him, Mia.” Ollie’s breath wavered as he tried to get it under control. “I don’t know what I’ve done. What is it about me others seem to hate so much. All I’ve done was try to do the right thing, make sure everyone was happy, and in return, I get this”—he threw his palms in the air—”shoved in a bloody corner and hated upon.” He turned his head away, not wanting me to see him like this. His cheeks puffed as an unstable breath blew from his lips. “And now I even hate myself for what he did to you.”
The words seemed so foreign from his lips.
“Look at me,” I pleaded, and Ollie shook his head. I grabbed his face to force him to see me. “I love you so much. Give me your hate, let me carry it all for you because I have enough love to crush your burdens. There is so much, and there is nothing anyone can do to diminish that. I’m right here, Ollie. You don’t have to be strong anymore. You only have to hold on, okay?”
Ollie’s hardly used frown line between his brows deepened. “He raped you!” he whisper-shouted. “He stood right out there and bragged about it, wanting me to hear every bloody word.”
“No, Ollie. He didn’t. He never got the chance. He hit me. I had a concussion. I wasn’t raped.”
His eyes fixed on me for a moment as my words set in, and then he exhaled. His once weakened body went rigid. “He fucking hit you?” His voice was full of guilt and remorse as he looked me in the eyes.
“It’s over now. I got Oscar’s full confession recorded. You can leave here, Ollie.”
Ollie shook his head. “Please don’t tell me you put yourself in that situation on purpose.”
“No, of course not. I knew it would have only been a matter of time before Oscar tried again. So I carried your phone with me just in case, everywhere I went. I had to have proof it was him.”
There was a sudden lift in the air when Ollie wrapped his arms around me and finally pulled me to him. He reached for the back of my head, and even though I was supposed to be the strong one, I melted in his hold.
“The only way they’ll let me out is if I take my medication,” he said into my neck.
I pulled him away to see him. “What did you do?”
“I was so angry after I heard that, and when my door opened, I didn’t care who was on the other side. I fucking lost it.” Ollie fell back against the wall and ran his hands through his hair. “What do you want me to do, Mia?”
“I convinced Lynch to let me see you. I told him I could convince you to take your prescription so you’ll get out of here, but I can’t be selfish. I can’t tell you to do something you don’t want to do. It wouldn’t be fair. I just want you to be okay.”
“I’m so scared of what will happen to us if I take it. I know how I was before, and you will hate me, Mia. I’m certain of it. I was dead. No conscience.”
My heart was in my throat. The panic of the possibility consumed me,
but Ollie loved me. The small voice in the back of my head convinced me he couldn’t possibly be capable of making me hate him. “It’s not possible. We can’t be tainted, remember?”
“We can if it’s no longer me,” he stated with confidence. There was a long pause, and the worry grew bigger and bigger. “And when I take the meds, and they let me out of here, you have to promise you will bring me back, alright?”
Bring him back? Bring him back from what? What did the medication turn him into? None of this was making sense. As I remembered our conversation about what had happened with Maddie, I’d always thought it was because of how insane she was, not because of Ollie’s side effects from his pills. “How do I bring you back?”
“You have to remind me. You have to find a way.” He was so sure this would happen that there was no doubt in his tone. He didn’t even want me to have an ounce of hope. From the look on his face, he was telling me he would, in fact, change, his feelings for me would, in fact, change, and there was nothing he could do about it.
“Let’s go, Mia,” a voice said and I turned to see Dean Lynch with his head popped through the door.
“Shit.” Ollie sighed as we got to our feet. “I love you, Mia … always. You have to remember that, alright?”
I nodded, and he looked past me to Lynch as he ran his nervous hand through his hair and gripped the ends.
Another tear fell from his eye as his breathing turned jagged. “Fuck it,” he said and crashed his mouth to mine in a last attempt of desperation to convince me, or remind himself, or give himself something to hold on to, or all of it. He grabbed my face as he pressed his forehead to mine and his warm tears transferred to my cheek as he gasped for air.
“Close your eyes, Ollie,” I whispered, bringing my hands over his and removing them from my face. Ollie clenched his eyes closed as more tears shot down like dying stars.
I took one last look at him, hoping the next time I would see him, nothing would change. We were stronger than any pill. It seemed extreme, what medication could turn people into, and maybe he was overreacting. Medicine couldn’t come between us. He was confident it would, but I was confident what we had could conquer anything.
Stay With Me (Stay With Me Series Book 1) Page 33