by Myers, K. L.
I shook my head. He was right. I knew he had a teen living with him, and I would have wanted advice from him on how to relate with someone so young. “Was Malcolm ever going to tell me?”
“Your uncle never said how he found out about the girl, just that he wanted this account set up, and he explained why. That’s how I found out she was your daughter. That’s also the day he discussed wanting to buy Get Off My Cloud. He hoped that forcing you and Maddison together would allow her to tell you on her own accord.”
I stood and made my way to the glass windows that overlooked the city that never slept. Now what? I still needed answers, and I had none. I want to get to know my daughter, but how does one make up for the lost time? But what weighed on me most was how I would explain to her the fact that I didn’t know she existed.
“I’m sorry you are going through this, Xander.”
Hollis stood and made his way to me. He rested his hand on my shoulder briefly before giving it a slight squeeze.
“Try to get some rest. Later on, stop by and talk with Elodie, she may have some words of wisdom to share. Her childhood issues gave her an ability to relate to Hailey on a level I’d never have been able to. Maybe she’ll be able to guide you through the waters of dealing with Maddison and Brooklyn.”
I shook my head in acknowledgment. I had no words to give Hollis now as I watched him leave. I still had so many unanswered questions.
Chapter 23
Xander
Sleep eluded me for the majority of the morning. My mind couldn’t wrap around the fact that Malcolm had kept something so important from me. I wanted to be angry at him, but I couldn’t. I was upset that was for sure, but it was Maddie my fury was directed at. She’d deprived me of seeing my daughter come into the world. Of holding her tiny body in my arms. Her first steps, the word daddy, and the first day of kindergarten, all stripped from me.
Giving up on trying to sleep, I made my way to the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee.
“Talk to Elodie…”
Maybe that wasn’t such a bad idea. But first, I needed a shower and a cup of coffee to clear my head.
* * *
A fresh young smiling face greeted me as the door opened. Before I could open my mouth, Hailey called out. “Uncle Hollsy, it's your friend.” She opened the door wider then walked away, leaving me alone.
“Squawk, who’s there?” I moved further into the room, closing the door behind me. Peeking my head into the kitchen, I caught Huey flapping his wings. “Squawk, who’s there?”
“Hello, Huey.”
Just then, Elodie came around the corner, catching Huey's attention. Huey whistled a catcall, “Elodie’s hot.”
“Good morning, Huey.” She then turned to me. “Hollis said you might be by. Want to have a seat and chat for a bit?”
“I’d appreciate that very much.”
Elodie sat in the chair, catty-corner to where I sat on the sofa. She reached out, taking both of my hands in hers.
“I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
“Thank you.”
Elodie released my hands and sat back. “What can I do to help you?”
I took in a deep breath and released it while shaking my head. “Where do I begin? I’ve got an eleven-year-old daughter I never knew I had.”
It felt good to say it aloud; better than it should have. It didn’t matter that I was scared shitless about having a daughter, but something felt right when I said it.
“I have no idea how to relate to her, let alone what I'm supposed to say to her for being absent all these years.”
I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply before blowing it out. “She knew who I was the moment she saw me. She acted like I’d been her best friend for years.”
“So, obviously, her mother has told her something about you.”
“Yes, but I don’t know what exactly or how much.”
“I think that might be the best place to start. You need to speak with Maddison, don’t you think?”
I looked up at the ceiling. “I can't talk to Maddie right now, Elodie. I’m furious with her, and I’m afraid I’ll say something I can't take back.”
“Worse than her being a gold digger?”
My eyes widened.
“I heard all about that story from Lucas. Even though you were just kids back then, I can tell you, as a woman, that is something she’ll never forget. Even if she says it’s water under the bridge, it might be for now, but it will always be something stuck in the back of her head. Whether you meant them or not, it shows you didn’t have faith in the love you shared back then.”
“I said them in anger. To hurt her like she was hurting me.”
Elodie raised an eyebrow. “I’d like to believe you're not a douche, so I’m sticking with it being something you felt in the moment. Anger, alcohol, and fear tend to make us say what we truly are feeling. Things we normally wouldn’t voice aloud.”
“I can't talk to Maddie right now.”
“Then you need to talk to Brooklyn, at least. Maybe she’s thought all along you’ve known about her, or maybe she hasn’t. But now that you’ve met face to face, you can’t ignore her.”
I nodded in acknowledgment,
“Trust me on this. My father was a drunk. He ignored me more than he acknowledged me. I acted out to get his attention. There’s nothing more heartbreaking to a kid than knowing your father couldn’t care less about what you do or, in her case, who she is.”
“I understand, and trust me I want to get to know her, spend time with her, and I want her to get to know me, as well. But what if I'm not who she’s made me out to be in her mind?”
Elodie’s sincere smile eased some of my concerns. “Then you’ll both get to learn each about other together. I know what you're thinking.”
I looked at her quizzically. “Do you?”
“You're wondering what happens if she ends up not liking you once she knows the real you and never wants to speak to you again.”
“Exactly”
“Trust me. That will never happen.”
“How can you be so certain?”
Elodie leaned forward and took my hands once again. “Because, after my father disgraced our family…that’s a story for another day. I hated him, at least I told myself I did – but after he died, I hated myself for not talking to him. I loved him, and that will never change. Just like Hailey. She still loves her dad, even though he’s in prison and doesn’t write to her. He’s still her father.”
I took in what Elodie had just told me. I sat silent for a moment, just staring at our linked hands.
“Just so you know,” Elodie began again, “Hailey recently had us take her to Ohio to visit with her dad? When we were leaving, she told Hollis she loved her father, but she was afraid to live with him again. She didn’t trust him to keep her safe. But that didn’t change the fact that she loves him and he’ll always be a part of her life.”
I released Elodie's hands and stood. “Thank you. I know what I have to do now.”
As I turned to walk toward the door, I stopped and faced Elodie. “Hollis is fortunate to have you.”
“And I’ll never forget it, either,” I heard Hollis say as he entered the room and walked toward his fiancé, placing an arm around her waist and kissing her briefly on the lips. “I almost lost her. Good thing I came to my senses before it was too late.”
“Damn straight.” Elodie’s eyes sparkled as she looked up at Hollis.
They walked together to the front door, and Hollis reached out, pulling the door open.
“Whatever you decide, do it soon.”
As the door closed behind me, my mood felt a little lighter.
Brooklyn Alexandra Hightower, I’m going to do right by you.
* * *
I spent the rest of the day focusing on work. When I looked at my watch, it was already eleven at night, so that made it eight in California. I had ignored the calls and texts that had come in from Maddie all day. Now it was time to deal
with her, so I opened the last message I received from her.
Maddie: Please stop ignoring me and let me explain
I still wasn’t ready to hear her excuses, but I was prepared to open the line of communication with my daughter. Maddie could work with me on this, or I would get my attorneys involved.
Xander: I can’t talk with you right now. I'm too angry. I do, however, wish to speak with OUR daughter. Have you provided her with a cell, or do I need to have Millicent schedule a time for me to call so that Brooklyn will answer the phone?
I knew I was childish by not wanting to hear Maddie's voice, but that was my prerogative. I wasn’t sure how I wanted to handle us, let alone our future.
Xander: By the way, I expect you at work tomorrow until I can figure all this shit out and what that means for me both personally and professionally. It’s the least you can do.
A few hours later, I received an email from Maddie with a phone number to reach Brooklyn and her agreement to be at work Monday morning. Now there was only one thing left to do.
Xander: Hi, Brooklyn, it's your dad. I’d like to talk with you.
Chapter 24
Maddison
The dinner table was silent. The only sounds that filled the room came from the clinking of silverware against the ceramic plates. A pensive frown marred Brookie's face as she shoveled spoon after spoon of Mac-N-Cheese between her lips and scrolled through her Facebook feed. More than once, I wanted to tell her to put her phone away, but I knew that meant she’d want to talk about Xander.
I’d just washed down my last bite with the remnants of my tea and stood to carry my plate to the sink.
“Mom, do you think Dad will stay mad at us for a long time?”
My heart ached that she thought Xander was mad at her. His anger wasn’t her fault; it was all mine.
“Oh, baby girl, your dad isn’t mad at you at all.”
“He was mad at someone, Mom, and he loves you. So that only leaves me.”
Closing the distance between us, I reached out and stroked her hair, moving a stray piece behind her ear. The glimmer that usually shined in her eyes was gone—replaced by an emptiness that forced me to choke back a whimper.
“Brookie, I don’t ever want to hear you say your dad is mad at you or doesn’t love you. The fact that you feel that way is all my fault. I’ve been so vague about things between your father and me that I’ve caused you to doubt your worth to him, and I’m sorry.”
“I don’t understand.”
“It’s time you did.”
Brookie sat patiently, waiting for me to finish refilling her glass of milk before I took a seat beside her.
“Remember when I said I’d introduce you to your dad when the time was right because he had super important obligations that kept him away from us?”
“Yeah, you said just like a soldier who was away from his family; when dad's job was done, he’d come back and I’d meet him.”
I cringed when my little girl repeated the explanation I’d given her years ago. How could I have been so stupid as to compare my situation with Xander to someone forced to be away from their family while defending our country?
“Yes, I said that, but now that I think about it more, I didn’t explain it to you in the right way. Your dad wasn’t forced to be away from us.”
“I don’t understand, Mom.”
I took a deep breath and prayed she’d forgive me when everything was said and done.
“When I found out I was pregnant, it was the happiest time of my life. I had a whole celebration planned, but then he called and told me his new job was taking him to New York.”
Brookie shook her head. “You didn’t tell him, did you?”
A single tear fell from the corner of my eye. “No, I kept it to myself because I knew your dad, and there were only two options for him. Stay here and find a job to support us, or move us to New York, where he would have worked constantly, and I would have ended up resenting him for not being around when I needed him.”
I couldn’t control the flow of tears any longer, so I gave in to the emotional tsunami and began to sob uncontrollably. My chest felt as if an anvil sat on my rib cage. I couldn’t breathe, and the pain was more than I ever thought I could handle. My decision had denied my daughter of her father.
“I loved him so much, I didn’t want to derail his life, so I decided to travel the road alone and bring you into the world without a father. I’m so sorry, sweetie.”
“If you had to do it all over again, would you have done it differently?”
“Possibly. I know I wouldn’t have told him upfront, but maybe I would have informed him sooner, given him an opportunity to be a part of your life early on.”
Brookie lowered her eyes briefly. I could tell she wasn’t happy with my answer. I only hoped that, in time, she’d understand my decision.
“Thanks, Mom.”
I saw the disappointment in her eyes as they filled with tears. She tried to hide it by quickly exiting the room, but she wasn’t fast enough.
Chapter 25
Brooklyn
I read the same page over and over again in my book. No matter how hard I tried to concentrate, I just couldn’t focus on what I was reading. How different would my life be if my dad knew about me sooner?
I guess I kinda understood his anger now, and how could I have been so dumb not to ask more questions every time Mom said he was too busy. Irked with myself, I threw my book across the room, then slammed my fists against my mattress.
Frustrated with everything, I started rooting around on my bed, looking for my cell. I found it tucked between two pillows. It was then I saw a text.
212-555-1234: Hi, Brooklyn, it's your dad. I’d like to talk with you.
My dad wants to talk with me.
I felt giddy just reading his text. I started to type back a reply, but thought, what the heck, I’m just going to call.
Chapter 26
Xander
I had been scouring over the newest financials from London when my phone rang. It took me a moment to recognize the number.
What the hell?
Without pause, I swiped right.
“Brooklyn?”
“Hi, Dad.” Her cheerful voice was music to my ears. “I was going to text you back, but then, I thought, why text back when I can call? But then, I thought, what if he’s busy and he doesn’t pick up? Should I leave a message? Or what if I was interrupting you or something. And then…”
“Whoa, slow down, Brooklyn. Take a breath.”
I had to stifle a laugh when I heard her suck in a deep breath and blow it out, right into the receiver.
“Okay, sorry, Dad, I’m just excited to talk to you.”
I let out a soft chuckle. “You're fine,” but then, silence fell. Instantly, I had no words to say. For the first time, I wasn’t sure what to say. Luckily, Brooklyn filled in the silence.
“Kinda weird, isn’t it? Talking to a kid you don’t know?”
“Yes, it is.” I smiled. “So tell me a little bit about you, Brooklyn.”
I listened to her tell me about her school and her best friend, Bridgette. With each passing minute, my anxiety lessened. My daughter was very animated when she articulated, which I was positive she picked up from her mother. Maddie had always spoken with enthusiasm, which was one of the traits that drew me to her when we met.
“Dad, I know you're busy and all, but could you come out here and spend some time with me? I’ve waited so long to finally meet you; it sucks doing it over the phone. Oh, shoot. I didn’t say sucks. Please don’t tell Mom I said that word.”
“It will be our secret. I promise. Now about that trip out there. I’ve got a busy schedule right now, Brooklyn.”
“I understand.”
The defeat was evident in the way she drew out the word understand and the heavy sigh that followed. This was not how I wanted to start our relationship. Disappointing my little girl was the last thing I wanted.
“How ab
out this?”
Brooklyn seemed to perk up. “How about what?”
“How about I move some things around, and I try to get there on Wednesday.”
“Yay, thanks, Dad.”
We spent another thirty minutes talking about life in New York before I had to insist that we hang up. I had a lot of things to accomplish to facilitate the arrangements I had just made with my little girl.
Little girl.
I like the sound of that.
* * *
To: Maddison Hightower
From: Alexander Livingston
Re: Upcoming visit
Maddie,
I will be in town Wednesday through Sunday. Please schedule a meeting with all department heads while I am there. Once you have a date and time, please advise Millicent so she can place it on my calendar.
Xander
Several minutes after I hit SEND, Millicent’s voice rang through the intercom, announcing I had a call on hold from Maddie. In hindsight, I should have just called Maddie, but I was still battling with my feelings when it came to talking with her. Inevitably, I’d have to speak with her sooner than later, considering I would be seeing our daughter in a few days, which meant I’d be seeing her, as well.
Hesitantly, I reached out and pressed the speaker button.
“Maddie.”
“Honestly, Xander, you couldn’t pick up the phone and call me about this meeting? You had to send an email? Look I get that you’re angry—"
She spoke with conviction, but I wasn’t going to sit by and let her lecture me about my choice of communication.