by Myers, K. L.
Chapter 32
Xander
There’s a fine line between love and hate. If I wasn’t sure of it before, I am now. My brain and my heart are at war with one another. There’s the part of my mind that struggles with letting go of the betrayal I feel when I think of the years I’ve missed out on with Brooklyn. Even though my little girl welcomed me unconditionally into her life as if I’d been a part of it for years and graciously calls me Dad, I can’t help but feel the bitterness inside. But then, there’s the part of my heart that constantly battles back as it remembers the little quirks that make Maddie who she is. The way she unknowingly tries to hide her beauty all the time and that resurrects the love for her I’ve never been able to shed.
Like now, I stared at her as she sat on my sofa. She wore yoga pants and a grey t-shirt bunched up on her right side and tied into a knot. The perfectly pedicured bright red toes she unconsciously wiggled now and then as she read the book in her hands didn’t fail to catch my attention and forced a stir in places it shouldn’t.
Love? Hate? Which is it?
As much as I tried to find the answer, I couldn’t. But one thing is for sure; I desperately need to make a decision soon, or our future will end in peril. Our already splintered hearts will never mend, and our young child's hopes will be destroyed.
I stood and made my way to the kitchen, grabbed two wine glasses from the cupboard, and poured us each a glass. Walking back to the living room, I stopped when I noticed a tear run down Maddie's cheek. She always loved reading a good tear-jerker from that Sparks guy. Turning around, I grabbed the hand towel that lay on the counter then placed it on her lap after I set her glass of wine down.
Maddie’s eyes briefly left the pages of her book, just long enough to acknowledge that she was aware of the wine glass. But she quickly looked away from me. As if I didn’t exist, she reached for the towel and then dabbed her eyes. I thought maybe she’d acknowledge me standing over her, but she didn’t. Her hand reached out, turned the page, and she began devouring the words in front of her.
That was my cue to leave her alone, and I had no problem giving her the space she wanted.
Chapter 33
Maddison
I’d just about finished my book when a flash of light caught my attention. The sun had set an hour ago, but I hadn’t noticed the rain pelting against the window until the lightning caught my attention. I’d forgotten to grab a bookmark from my bag when I decided to read in the living room. Dead set against committing the evilest thing you could do to a book, dogearing the corner, I placed the hand towel next to me between the pages and made my way to the vast 10x10 windows that helped create the wall along the south side of the apartment.
Red taillights glistened on the wet asphalt below us. I was surprised to see the slew of umbrellas that shielded the pedestrians from the rain. I thought to myself; nothing dampened the spirits of these New Yorkers. Just then, the door opened and closed, and I heard Brookie call out.
“Mom, where are you?”
Stepping away from the window, I hollered back.
“I’m in the living room; it’s to your left.”
Brookie stepped into sight a moment later, her smile more prominent than I’ve ever seen it before.
“What’s with you?”
“Hailey said a famous movie star lives in this building. I’d die if I saw whoever it is.”
“Well, I’m sure you won’t be dying anytime soon.”
“Who’s dying?”
“Our daughter.”
It felt odd saying those words aloud. Xander has said them many times, but this was the first time I’d referenced her as ours.
“She’s star-struck right now because she just found out that a celebrity lives in the building.”
Xander nodded and turned to Brookie.
“Don’t get too excited, Kiddo. She’s rarely here. I’ve only seen her a handful of times in all the years I’ve lived here.”
“Who is it, Dad? Tell me.”
“No one you’d know, Bookworm. She hasn’t made a movie in over twenty years, and she’s been retired for some time.”
I watched the once infectious smile drop from Brookie’s face at the realization she wouldn’t be meeting any famous people while she was here.
Xander dropped to one knee. “Hey, now, I hope you’ll still be able to enjoy your time here. I want you to like my house because it’s where I live not because of who lives in it.”
Brookie reached out and placed her hand on her dad’s shoulder. “I like it here.”
Our daughter rolled her bottom lip between her teeth several times. I could tell she was contemplating what she wanted to say next.
“So, Kelsi’s house was super big.” She looked around for a second “Is your house that big, too?”
Xander smiled. “Bigger.”
“Really?”
“Come on. I’ll show you.”
As we wandered through Xander's apartment, I tried to imagine if things had been different what it would have been like to live here. Though everything was perfectly designed and laid out, it felt cold. My home was open and airy with soft colors, and it felt like home. The neutral tones in his place enticed no emotions and left me feeling afraid to touch anything. Each decoration, pillow, or piece of furniture was precisely placed, ensuring everything fit together symmetrically. We stopped at the library, and sure enough, just as Xander promised, the lower half of one wall sat empty.
“I thought you could fill these shelves with books.”
“No way!” Brookie exclaimed.
Xander winked at me before addressing our child. “Yes, way,” he voiced in the same tone Brookie used.
As we moved further down the long hallway, we stopped in front of two bedrooms, one slightly smaller than the other, but each had private baths.
“This one is for you.” He motioned for Brookie to go in and look at her room. “I thought we could decorate it the way you want while you’re here.”
Squeals of joy bounced off the walls as our daughter jumped onto the full-size canopy bed that took up most of the room.
“Mom is next door, right?” Her eyes narrowed.
“Yes, sweetie. I’m right next door.”
“Your room is huge, isn’t it?” she asked Xander.
“I’m not sure huge is the proper word to describe it. Would you like to see it?”
Brookie nodded, and we both followed Xander through the double doors. If I had to use one word to describe his room, I’d choose colossal. I’d never seen a closet as large as the one we stood in. It expanded what felt like half of the house with access to two bathrooms—one for him and one for the woman of the house, if there was one. At least I felt like that is how it would be marketed. There was one with a gorgeous marble shower and one with the most fantastic clawfoot tub I’d ever seen.
While Brookie climbed into the tub, I turned to face Xander.
“I’ve never seen a master suite this massive before.”
Xander leaned in close and whispered in my ear. “Everything about me is massive, or have you forgotten?”
He dropped that tidbit, then walked away, leaving me standing there with my lady parts tingling. Oh, I remembered everything about him, all right.
Chapter 34
Xander
Huey squawked at the top of his lungs as we entered Hollis’s apartment.
“You have a bird,” Brooklyn said to Hailey.
“My Uncle Hollis does. His name is Huey, and he’s kind of a pain sometimes.”
“My friend Bridge back home has a bird, a fish, and a cat. She calls it the 3 F’s club. I told my mom I wanted to have those, too, but she said no. But Xander, my dad, he gave me a fish. I’m kinda hoping he’ll get me a dog and a bird if we end up living here.”
“Stick with me, and I’ll show you how to get what you want. I’ve got my Uncle Hollis and Elodie wrapped around my finger.”
Both girls giggled as they walked away. I was confident neither wer
e aware I heard their conversation. The truth was, I was not opposed to getting my daughter anything she wanted. Well, maybe a parakeet, but not a bird that fucking talks.
Hollis and I enjoyed a few beers while the two women talked about everything under the sun. With Maddie and Elodie hitting it off so well, I knew I could use that to my benefit when it came time for my girls to move here permanently.
“Hollis,” Elodie called out, “go tell the girls it’s almost time for dinner.”
“I’ll go,” I responded
I placed my glass on the table and headed down the hallway. Hollis’s penthouse had a similar layout to my uncle Malcolm’s. Which reminded me I needed to decide what I was going to do with it, now that it sat vacant. As I drew closer to the tiny voices, I couldn’t help but want to eavesdrop, imagining what two young girls would be talking about. Was it boys or school? It certainly wasn’t what I expected to hear.
“Yeah, my dad’s in prison, so I've lived with my uncle Holsey for a long time now. What’s it like finding out you have a dad?”
That question had me perking up my ears. I know I should have knocked and interrupted them, but I couldn’t do it. I was curious to hear what my daughter had to say, so I just stood outside the cracked door and listened.
“It’s kinda weird cause I’ve known I’ve had a dad since I was six. Mom always told me he had some really important job that kept him away. But I never understood why he didn’t ever send cards or call. I asked mom about it a couple of times, but it was always the same. She’d say he was so busy and because he lived in a different time zone, it caused an issue. Honestly, I finally stopped asking and just assumed I wasn’t that important.”
“Oh, man. That sucks.”
“Yeah, well, I just found out he didn’t know about me at all.”
“Shut the door,” Hailey blurted out. “Your mom lied to you?”
“Yep. But I guess it could have been worse. I could have grown up not knowing my dad. But Mom kept pictures of him all around the house, and she’d tell me stories about the two of them. So, I felt like I knew him, even though I hadn’t met him.”
“That’s sorta creepy and messed up. Don’t ya think?”
It was time for me to end this conversation. I’d heard more than I should have, so I knocked on the cracked door before pushing it open a little further.
“Girls, Elodie said it’s time for dinner.”
If I didn’t know better, I would have thought there was a sale on puppies at the pet store. Both girls flew past me without saying a word as they ran toward the dining room.
* * *
Hollis had given me the heads up earlier that he was going to let Maddie know about the trust fund Uncle Mal had set up for Brooklyn. Now, they were both in his study, and with the girls back in Hailey’s room, Elodie started the inquisition.
“So, Maddison. She’ll be visiting with Brooklyn on the weekends?” She raised one eyebrow.
“I don’t know if it will be all the time.”
“But she’s here for a week? You’ll be playing house; you do realize that?”
“We are not playing house. She is here for business, as well.”
Elodie shook her head. “You really are dense for an intelligent man. Hollis had the same problem. How can you not see the obvious? Your daughter is going to see firsthand what it would be like to have her mom and dad living in the same house with her. Do you not think she’s going to want to have that permanently in her life?”
Until Elodie said the words, it didn’t even cross my mind what precedent I’d be setting for Brooklyn. I hadn’t thought of the bigger picture of what family dynamic I was creating.
“Shit, I hadn’t thought of that.”
“Of course you didn’t because you men only think about what your actions can achieve instantly and not what ramifications you cause for the future. Why don’t you talk to the two of them and explain that you feel its best that Maddison stay elsewhere, say, in a hotel.”
Elodie must have noticed the aversion to that idea on my face.
“Okay, maybe not a hotel, but what about the penthouse? It’s empty except for the staff.”
“No, that won’t work either.”
“Xander, is there something I’m missing here?” Elodie asked. “Because it sounds to me like you’re dead set on having Maddison stay with you, and unless you’ve sorted out your feelings for her, that has disaster written all over it.”
I was beginning to question why I felt the need to share so much of my personal life with Elodie because it was starting to feel like I was on an episode of Dr. Phil.
“Look, I’m not trying to tell you what to do. I’m just giving you a friendly warning and trying to keep you from making a bigger mistake.”
With a nod, I acknowledged her concerns. I was about to reply, but the two girls came running into the room.
“Mr. Livingston, can Brooklyn stay the night here tonight and go shopping with me and Elodie in the morning?”
“Can I Dad?” Brooklyn pleaded. “I could get stuff to decorate my room and books, oh-my-gosh, some fun clothes. Please?”
Maddison had entered the room in time to see her daughter's hands pressed together in prayer.
“Brookie, what are you pleading about?”
Quickly, our daughter turned to face her mom.
“Hailey wants me to stay the night here tonight and go shopping with her and Elodie. Can I please, Mom? Please?”
“It’s your first night here, Brookie. I think you should stay at your father's house. Maybe another night.”
My little bookworm lowered her head in defeat, but a quick nudge from her partner in crime had her debating her options with her mother again.
“But Mom, you and Dad have work in the morning, and I don’t want to go there with you, so I’d be staying with Elodie and Hailey anyway. If I stay here, I can sleep longer and get a good night's rest. So, it makes better sense for me to be here than at Dad's tonight. I can stay there tomorrow, and we can do family things then.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Elodie mouth the words I told you so. It was time for me to take control of the situation, or I could see this debate escalating out of control.
“Well, since you’re here visiting me, I guess I should be the one making the decision.”
Maddie narrowed her eyes at me, daring me to go against her, so I knew my answer was probably going to cause some contention between us. But I was ready to exercise my parental rights.
“If Mr. LaCroix and Elodie say it’s all right, then you can stay. But in the future, when the two of you hatch a plan, you are going to have to run them past one of the parental figures before you get all excited about them.”
I looked between both of the girls, who looked at each other, then all of us.
“And, for the record, I’m saying yes because I think it would be good for you two to get to know each other. Not because you think you sold the idea of getting up early as the way to entice a decision. The thirty minutes it would take for you to get ready and take the elevator up here wasn't a factor.”
I glanced over at Maddie, who now sat expressionless next to Elodie and knew this conversation wasn’t over. It was the thumbs up I got from the smiling female beside her that eased some of my worries. Knowing she approved of how I handled it gave me strength.
Chapter 35
Xander
“You had no right,” Maddie exclaimed the minute we were inside my apartment. “I had said no, and you went ahead and said yes. Now Brookie knows she can play us against each other, and you’ll side with her.”
“You never said the word no. You said, and I quote it’s your first night here, and I think you should stay at your father’s house. Maybe another night. Had you of said no, I would have left it at that. Since you merely suggested to her, and we are at my house for this week, my rules go. Or do you see that differently?”
“We’re supposed to be a team,” Maddie snapped as she walked past me, forcing me
to grasp her by the arm and stop her.
“Team? Where was that team effort twelve years ago?”
“I’ve told you I’m sorry at least fifty times. You can’t keep throwing that in my face.”
Maddie struggled to free herself from my grasp.
“It’s kind of hard to let go of such a betrayal.”
“Look, I can’t take back the past. If you can’t get over it, our working together doesn’t make sense, and for that matter, I’m not moving us here to New York.”
With each word of my reply, I forced Maddie to step backward until her back was against a wall. I was asserting my dominance in the situation, and she wasn’t getting the opportunity to run away again.
“If you test me on this, Maddie, I’ll fire you and make it so you can’t get a job anywhere. Then I’ll have my attorneys come after custody of Brooklyn. Is that what you want?”
Tears flowed down Maddie’s face. I would never do that, but I wanted her to know how serious this would be if she didn’t oblige my wishes, and if she knew me at all, she knew I wouldn’t do it. But Uncle Mal gave me a miracle gift by buying the company she worked for, and I wasn’t above threatening to get what I wanted.
“You’d never do that to me.”
“Are you sure of that, Maddie?”
“I’m positive. And before you ask me how I’m positive, I’m going to tell you. Because you still love me.” The sting of her palm against my face infuriated me. “I hate you, Xander. I hate you for trying to force me into doing something you know I don’t want, and threatening me is lower than low.
Her other hand collided with the opposite side of my face. When she raised her palm once again, I took hold of her wrist and rendered it immobile above her head.
“I hate you with a passion right now.”
“No, you don’t. If anyone hates anyone, it would be me.”