Extracts from The Barmpot of Barnsley by Gyles Jankyn
BENJAMIN kneels at JENNY's feet, holding her hand.
BEN.I wager I can make as a fine a husband as any clodpoll Arundel your father can find.
JENNYYour wife methinks will raise protest.
BEN.The sour-faced wench who shares my bed,
with her sharp-brustled chin and her fat lardy arse,
is not a fit wife for a man such as I.
She drinks all day, a gallon each time,
and boxes my ears with her pudding pan
when I upbraid her.
She strangled my cock because it crowed loudly...
Jenny ... Jen ... sweet little girl...
(Sings)
O, it is June and the warm breeze blows,
So frolic and joy in the trees trees trees
Come, Jen, and frolic with me...
Together they grapple. A sudden noise without.
JENNYHark, 'tis my father.
BEN.I must not be found.
JENNYHide, my love, in the laundry basket here.
BENJAMIN clambers into the basket. JENNY covers him with soiled undergarments.
BEN.Pooh, such a stink, but your sheets and shifts are sweet as rain that falleth on a July morning. Methinks it would be Heaven to be buried in sweet soft garments from next your precious skin.
JENNYBut those are my father's stockings and somewhat stainéd undershirts.
BEN.(Struggling) Oh, then I...
JENNYHush.
BEN.To live in your basket is a midsummer dream.
JENNYHush.
She pushes a shirt into his mouth and slams the lid on his head. She sits demurely on the basket as PERSUIVANT bursts into the room with ARUNDEL and DODGER BANK.
JENNYHow now, my father. God give you good day.
PERSUIVANTHow now, sweet maid. You see, gentlemen, no Barmpot is here.
DODGER Do not be fooled, my lord. He has merely concealed himself within the chamber. Perhaps he is hiding himself in your daughter's basket beneath her skirts.
PERSUIVANTMy daughter's basket is stinking and foul. A man would be mad to conceal himself therein. The basket case is closed.
ARUNDELPerhaps we should remove the basket case from your sweet daughter's chamber and tip the contents into the fleet.
Should the maid's basket need cleansing. I am sure the Firker can give it a thorough sousing and scouring.
Notes:
York's lines are perhaps the earliest reference in the English language to "basket case" as an idiom meaning "insane".
The idea of tipping the laundry basket contents into the river was later stolen by Shakespeare for The Merry Wives of Windsor.
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