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"IF you count the words in a text and list them in order of decreasing frequency, the following pattern will emerge. The first fifteen words will account for 25 % of all the words in the text, the first 100 for 60 %, and the first 1000 for 85%. These proportions can, according to a study by the philologist Zipf, be found in any text of a reasonable length in any language." Jerboa proudly polished his medal.
"Right," said Veda, clutching the banister desperately.
"In Britain at present there are some 2,100 railway sleepers per mile of track, whilst in France there are nearer 2,800 and in the United States anything between 3,000 and 3,500, depending on the heaviness of use and the state concerned."
"Excellent." She glanced around frantically.
"The medicinal leech, or hirudo medicinalis, is the only British leech with teeth that can penetrate the human skin. A full-grown specimen can take in five times its own weight of blood at any one time, hence its popularity as a blood-letting device. It lives in fresh water and is almost extinct."
"Very nice," she said.
"The oldest man in English history, Henry Jenkins, was 169 years old. He lived in Bolton-in-Swale in Yorkshire from 1500 to 1670. He claimed his long life was due to cold water, raw onion and wearing rough flannel next to the skin."
She wrenched herself away and patted him on the cheek.
"In 1954, 109 inches of rain fell at Ribblehead."
"Goodbye" she whispered, and scampered upstairs. She locked her bedroom door and weighed the white envelope in her palm. It had been delivered earlier in the evening. She slit the envelope. A cassette slid out.
IZZY COHEN AND THE KOANS
Zen and the Art of Bagel Baking
(Dedicated to the Six Patriarchs and the search for Satori (No-mind))
Jargo Jaconet had popped by.
Oi weh blues.
Oi MU, Oi MU
What you gonna do
When the bagels burn
And the chicken soup sticks
And the Torah is torn
And the sideys are shorn
And the shul's not enough
And they call our bluff?
Weh, weh, we'll all fade away...
Oi MU, oi MU
What you gonna do?
Oh my, thought Veda. The Jewish Zen Blues.
Hey Mr Koan, your logic's a-showin'
The monk said to Baso, what is Buddha?
And Baso said "This mind is Buddha"
The monk said to Baso - what is Buddha?
And Baso said "This mind is not Buddha"
And he was enlightened, oi weh and schechem.
Veda sat on the bed and shook her head.
Three Worlds - Song for Sukkoth
A monk asked Ganto "When the three worlds threaten me, what shall I do?"
Ganto answered "Sit down on the ground."
"I don't understand," the monk replied.
"Pick up that mountain and bring it to me. And then I shall tell you."
She curled her legs under her. Whilst Zen was baffling, it was always fun, breaking the boundaries of language and logic.
Wooden Shoe Blues (Maazel Tov)
Hymie wished to send a monk to open a shul and set a short test.
He placed a water jug upon the ground and asked
"Who can say what this is without using its name?"
The chief monk said "It is not a wooden shoe".
Hearing this excellent answer, Isak the cook tipped the jug over.
Hymie smiled, appointed Isak and they all sang
“Maazel Tov Maazel Tov Maazel Tov Maazel Tov.”
She reached the last track. Her heart skipped a beat.
Joshing with Joshu
Zen Master Joshu, a hundred and ten, walked with a monk
And spotted a DOG.
The monk said to Joshu "Does a dog have a Buddha nature? Tell me please"
And Joshu replied with the single word "MU"
The last page bore a photo of the band. As Veda looked at it, everything seemed to slow down.
There from the photograph, from the Izzy Cohen band, with their guitars, keyboards, yarmulkes, sidelocks and amps, next to Jargo Jaconet, a prayer shawl wrapped round his shoulders, grinned Iestyn Thomas and the said joshing Joshu. Written in spidery writing on the rear of the envelope was the message
Bewahre doch vor Jammerwoch (JJ)
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