by Linda Ford
Holly nodded. "Unwisely, yes."
Nan chuckled softly. "When is love wise?"
"I have been praying I can forget him." Saying the words felt like acid on her soul.
"Holly, sweetie. Are you sure that's what you want? Or are you just afraid to take a risk? Look at Henry and my and see what happens when you're afraid of risks."
"But look at Mom and Dad. They married and they discovered they couldn't get what they needed in a marriage."
"I admit your parents are going through a rough time. But I know they'll be okay. And maybe marriage isn't about getting what we need as much as it is about loving someone enough to see they get what they need. Meeting their emotional needs becomes our emotional need."
Nan's statement made Holly realize how small and selfish her desires were. And yet...
Nan continued. "Love is so many things. It's being romantic; it's being practical. It's speaking kind words. It's forgiving the unkind ones. It's changing the baby, fixing a tire, mowing the lawn, holding hands, holding a basin while someone is sick. People need different things at different times and that's what real love is. Doing what the person you love needs at the moment."
Tears stung Holly's eyes. "Nan, that is beautiful, you should make it your wedding vows."
"Maybe I will, but right now I want to know, do you love Steele enough to meet his needs? If not, maybe you don't love him enough."
Nan turned back to the flowers and left Holly to consider her words. How much did she love Steele? Enough to be practical? She smiled, thinking of how she'd learned to be just that in the past few weeks. In little ways she'd hardly noticed—fixing Steele his favorite sandwich, applying a bandage when he scraped his knuckles bringing in a table. She'd seen it as romantic but it was practical too.
How could she be sure? She didn't want to end up like so many couples, visiting lawyers begging for a divorce. Or stuck in a relationship that left her empty and unsatisfied.
Could she trust a man who would help her parents get a divorce?
She had to know what was right. She didn't want to make a mistake. Too many people could be hurt. She'd seen how devastated her father was by his marriage problems. She knew her mother's pain, had listened to her cry and been powerless to do anything. Dear God, please help my parents find a way back together and show me what's best for me.
Nan was beautiful in beige suit with a corsage of red, red roses pinned to her jacket. Beside her, in his black suit with a red rose boutonniere, Henry looked as handsome and proud as a gold medal winner on a podium.
Holly held her father's arm. "Don't they look nice together?"
Dad nodded. "I'm glad for my mother. I just wish..."
"Me too."
"Is your mother coming?"
"She said she was. Nan ordered it, you know. Don't think that leaves much room for excuses."
They chuckled together, sharing the knowledge that family members didn't disobey a directive from Grandmother Hope.
But Holly wondered if Mom would show. She allowed herself a glance around the room telling herself she was only checking to see if Mom had slipped in. But it wasn't Mom her gaze sought. It was Steele.
He wore a casual grey blazer and dark pants. His white shirt lay open at the neck, emphasizing his summer tan. His hair had lightened. He must be spending time outdoors.
She was glad. He should enjoy the lovely weather.
He turned. Their gazes collided.
Even from this distance she jolted from the demanding power in his eyes. Her knees began to wilt like yesterday's flowers. She loved him. She ached to be able to give him what he needed. But she was her mother's daughter in so many ways. She would walk away right now rather than risk hurting Steele further down the road, as her mother was hurting her father with her hunger for romance.
Steele pulled a rose from the bouquet in front of him and lifted it to her.
She jerked away. What did that gesture mean? Was he saying she must be happy to see all these flowers and feel the romance that filled the room as much as the scent of candles and roses? She was happy but not for the flowers and scents. Rather, she was happy for the love Nan and Henry had rediscovered. She'd have been just as happy in a tiny hall without a decoration or flower in sight or huddled around the kitchen table, if it allowed her to share this moment.
She saw a movement at the doorway. "Dad, Mom just came in."
"Holly, she looks lost and scared." He took a step toward her, stopped. "She doesn't want to see me." He turned back to Holly, his face so filled with sorrow she grabbed his shoulders and hugged him.
His words strangled, he said, "Go to your mother and make sure she's all right."
She studied his face, saw the tears on his cheeks. "Oh, Dad. This is just so wrong."
"I wish your mother agreed." He tried to smile but failed miserably.
Holly glanced over his shoulder to her mother, wanted to go to her but didn’t want to abandon her father. "Will you be okay if I leave?"
"I'll never be okay again." He gave her a little shove. "Go to her."
Holly crossed the room, felt Steele's gaze as she passed him but carefully avoided glancing his direction.
"Mom, I'm glad you made it." She hugged her mother and felt the tension in her that made Holly hold her gently for fear of breaking something. Her mother had lost weight. Her eyes lacked their usual sparkle yet she was still beautiful in her royal blue dress.
"I shouldn't have come. I don't belong here."
"Of course you do. You're part of the family."
"Things have changed."
Holly held back the words crowding her mind. Yes, Mom they have. And you're the only one who can put them back together. "Mom, I wish you'd give Dad a chance."
"Let's not talk about that. I'm finding it hard enough to stay here without having to face my guilt."
Holly couldn't let it go. "Mom, didn't you teach me there is a remedy for guilt?"
Mom turned her startled gaze toward Holly.
"You said there is nothing God can't forgive. Nothing. I remember how you emphasized that word."
Mom's surprised expression turned into stubbornness. "It's not that easy. Sin has a consequence."
"For which, if I remember the Bible correctly, Jesus died. Again, it was you who taught me the verse in John eight thirty-six—" She grinned triumphantly. "See I even remember where it's found." She was rewarded with a fleeting smile from her mother. "'So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.'" Her voice fell to a hoarse whisper. "I remember the day you taught me that verse. I had done something really bad and I was miserable about it. We were visiting Nan and I had stolen raspberries from the neighbor's bushes. I was so filled with guilt. It was you who said I had done wrong and I needed to apologize for it. You said one must always do what they could to make up for wrong doings. You went with me to speak to the neighbor." She wrapped her arm around her mother's thin waist. "I don’t remember what she said but I remember as clearly as if it were today what you said. ‘Use this as a lesson to never repeat the sin, but move on from here knowing God has forgiven you.'"
Mom shuddered twice as if holding back sobs.
"Mom, maybe you should follow your own advice."
Mom turned to Holly, her eyes watery. "If only—"
At the front of the hall, Henry cleared his throat. "Folks," he roared, and instantly had everyone's attention.
Holly held her mother's elbow. "What?" She wanted to know what Mom had been about to say.
Mom shook her head and turned her gaze toward the front of the room where Henry and Nan stood.
Holly swallowed back her disappointment. If only what? Why couldn't Henry have waited two more minutes? She sucked in a deep breath. It was a start… Lord, help Mom to be willing to believe in Your forgiveness
Henry held up his hand to command attention. "I expect you all know why you're here but allow me to do the honors." He reached for Nan's hand and pulled her to his side. "Jean has generously agreed to ma
rry this old goat of a man. She has given me joy I never expected to have again. We haven't set a date yet but it will be soon. We haven't near enough time left to enjoy each other."
People laughed.
"Now that our two families are to be joined, I think we need to make introductions."
Mom jerked like she'd been jump-started with electric paddles. She stepped away from Holly and darted a glance to the door.
"I have to leave," she whispered.
"Not until you are introduced as my mother." Holly grabbed her hand and refused to release her.
Henry called Steele's parents up. "My son and daughter-in-law, John and Justine."
Holly studied the couple—Steele's parents. The man wore jeans and a button-front, open necked denim blue shirt. He had the rugged appearance of a man who worked outdoors, made his living doing physical work.
Steele's mother wore black jeans and a shirt much like her husband's in a softer shade of blue. She shared a similar rugged appearance. But the look they gave each other spoke of mutual love and care.
Nan kissed each of them on the cheek then turned to her son. "Glenn." She held out one hand to Holly's father. "Karen." She held out the other to Holly's mom.
Holly urged her mother forward, one painfully slow step at a time. She stood back as soon as Nan took Mom's hand. Nan quirked an eyebrow and Holly knew Mom would not be escaping Nan's firm grasp until Nan decided it was time.
"My son and daughter-in-law," Nan announced.
Henry kissed Mom on the cheek and shook hands with Dad. "You did a fine job of raising Jean," he said. Everyone but Mom laughed.
Steele's parents shook hands with Holly's parents.
"My grandsons," Henry boomed. "Mike, Steele and Billy boy."
Holly chuckled as a young man groaned. Apparently Bill didn't care for his grandfather's nickname. She smiled at Mike, skipped past Steele and smiled at Bill as he took his place in the family lineup.
"Three strapping young men and none of them married. Can you believe it? Where did I fail?"
More laughter. Holly giggled as the three young men groaned.
Nan beckoned to Holly. "My one and only grandchild."
Holly moved to stand at her mother's side, took her hand, let her squeeze as hard as she wanted.
Nan smiled at Henry. "I'm dreaming of a whole bunch of great grandchildren."
He chortled. "At the rate this bunch of ours is going, you might have a long wait."
Holly wouldn't look at Steele to see his reaction to all this good-natured teasing. Just a quick glimpse to see if he found it amusing or annoying.
A jolt raced through her whole body when their gazes connected. She felt Mom glance at her aware of the way Holly had jerked. She couldn't tear her gaze away from Steele's to assure Mom everything was okay.
A sudden, terrible, lovely truth filled her.
Not only did she love him but he'd given her everything she needed. Maybe he'd get over his pink phobia. Maybe he wouldn't. It didn't matter. She knew his tender side. Had felt his pain at rejecting his inner needs. Knew he ached for the words and gestures she would willingly give.
Mom squeezed her hand hard enough to make her fingers hurt.
Holly knew how much she and her mother were alike. Would she hurt Steele with her needs and demands? It was a risk she couldn't take. But how could she live without him? Again, she prayed for wisdom and guidance.
Henry spoke. "I want you all to be friends. Now help yourself to coffee and tea. Enjoy the cakes and sandwiches. Most of all, enjoy visiting."
Mom broke free and with stiff dignity walked to the back of the room.
Holly grabbed coffee and snacks, hurried after her and persuaded her to sit. She knew the strain was taking its toll and feared Mom would faint.
As she sat beside her mother, she watched Steele and her dad talking. Was he counseling her father about a divorce? She wanted to trust Steele but this aspect of his work bothered her. She did not believe divorce was the answer for troubled marriages.
Mike approached her and she rose to speak to him.
"You're the girl who came with Steele to rescue me a few weeks ago. Thank you."
"I didn't do anything." She studied him. Liked his loose-limbed casualness. "How are you doing?"
"Better. I guess each day gets a little better though it will never be the same as before, if you know what I mean?"
"I can only understand from my perspective." Experiencing the idea of divorce through her parents hurt bad enough. She couldn't imagine Mike's pain. Or how he dealt with it.
She shifted to check on Mom. She wasn’t there. She stood near the door, talking to Steele. First Dad and now Mom. This then was God's direction. She couldn't trust a man who counseled her parents about divorce. How dare he?
Mom nodded at whatever he said and moved away.
"Excuse me." She left Mike in midsentence and headed for Steele. He must have seen the anger on her face for he backed away at her approach.
"I do not want my parents to divorce," she spat out. "Don't be telling them the best way to do it."
He gave a smug smile. "Hello, Holly, how are you? Nice get-together for the grandparents. I hope they'll be very happy."
She faltered. "Steele, why do you have to make it possible for people to get a divorce?"
"I am not responsible for marriage break down."
"I know that."
"I see my job being to protect people when they're too vulnerable to make sound choices. They have to live with their decisions long after the papers are signed. And there are often children to consider."
She hesitated. He made it sound so logical. But it was personal when it came to her parents. Too confused to know what to say, she turned, saw her mother across the room and went to join her.
"Do you know what Steele just offered me—us?" Mom said, sounding surprised, almost hopeful.
"No." She didn’t want to know. She didn't want to deal with this aspect of Steele. Yes, it was his work. But it hurt her somewhere deep inside to think of him helping people end their marriages. Marriages, he pointed out, that were already over. Suddenly she had an insight into his thinking. His concern was protecting the people involved. She gave a little laugh.
Mom sent her a startled look. "What's so funny?"
"Sorry, Mom. I was thinking of something else." Maybe she could live with this part of his work if she just kept in mind how he'd explained it. "What did Steele say to you?"
"He said he thought what your father and I had was too precious to throw away. He offered to pay for some marriage counseling and a weekend in a resort near Seattle. He said if we both felt the same way afterward, he would then help us with the divorce and property settlement."
Holly massaged her chest as if she could stop the pain by the action. She'd been so wrong about Steele. She grabbed her mother's arms. "You're going to take up his offer, aren't you?"
Mom sniffed. "I don't know."
Holly continued to rub her chest. "I've made a really stupid mistake." She told how she'd misjudged Steele.
"It was an understandable mistake. Forgive yourself," Mom said.
"It's not easy, is it?"
Doubt returned to her mother's eyes.
"I'll tell you what. I'll forgive myself if you forgive yourself."
Mom allowed hope to enter her eyes then shook her head. Suddenly, she smiled, taking ten years off her face. "I guess I have to practice what I preach. I think you and I are a lot alike. Holly, honey, we can't afford to overlook the love that's right under our noses." Mom patted Holly's arm. "Now if you'll excuse me, I am going to talk to your father. Steele's right. We need to give our marriage another chance."
Holly watched Mom through a haze of tears. She dashed them away so she could see the love and relief on Dad's face when Mom spoke to him. Thank you, God. Thank you.
Maybe being her mother's daughter wasn't something to fear but to embrace.
Her father gave Holly a thumb's-up sign.
&n
bsp; It was a beginning. A new beginning for them.
She looked around for Steele. Found him standing with his brothers. She gathered up her courage and headed his direction but before she crossed the room, the three of them hurried outside. She rushed after them and reached the door in time to see them drive away in Steele's SUV.
For a long time she stared after them.
She had no one but herself to blame that he couldn't wait to get away from her. She'd hurt him so many times. She vowed she'd never hurt him again. With your help, God. She wanted to share his joys, halve his sorrows, but never again hurt him. His mother had done so in the past through her own strong character. Out of ignorance, Holly was sure. But Holly wanted to spend the rest of her life nurturing his gentle side while enjoying his practical side.
She remembered Nan's words, "It's about loving someone enough to see they get what they need. Meeting their emotional needs becomes our emotional need."
She smiled into the now empty street, seeing Steele's gestures—filling her coffee cup, pushing in the planters. A unique combination of romantic and practical.
"The boys left, did they?"
Holly turned to acknowledge Steele's mother. "Yes."
The woman studied her openly. "So our families are to be united."
Holly felt hot embarrassment rush up her neck, thinking the woman read her thoughts, startled to realize she'd been thinking marriage to Steele. Then her mind kicked into gear. "Nan and Henry. Yes."
"Henry is nice man."
"Nan's a nice woman."
"I'm sure she is or he wouldn't be marrying her."
Their conversation felt like a duel of words. She welcomed the relief when the woman looked down the street again.
"Steele is like Henry." She sounded more exasperated than proud. "A strange combination of hardness and softness. I never did know how to handle him. Now the other two, they're not so complicated. Give them some good hard work and they're happy."
Although the other woman sounded frustrated, her words filled Holly with growing assurance that Steele was exactly the sort of man she needed and wanted.
But how to make up for all her mistakes and prove to him what was in her heart, buried for a time beneath doubts and fears?