Still Rattled: A Baxter Boys Novella

by Jane Charles

  “I’m not sure I want to.” Her face is white as a ghost.

  “We need to know what’s out there. Not that anyone will care because it’s entertainment. But, we should know.”

  Before she can agree, I scoop her up in my arms.

  “What are you doing?”

  “You don’t have any shoes on, and I do. I don’t want you to cut your feet.”

  “I can maneuver around glass,” she argues.

  “Would you just let me take care of you?”

  Her brown eyes meet mine. They are so full of sadness and worry. “Thank you.” Then she lays her head on my shoulder and lets me carry her to the couch. I sit, but still hold her on my lap and I’m not sure if it’s because I think she needs me to hold her, or I need to be holding her. Maybe it’s both.

  Christian has pulled up the website on the television and found the auditions. He’s waiting to click on “Alex and Kelsey” as soon as Dylan comes in.

  “I’m sorry about the glass,” she says when Dylan comes back in.

  He shrugs “It’s a glass. Cheap one at that. Not the end of the world.”

  Christian looks back at us. “You guys ready?”

  I just nod, not even sure it’s possible to talk right now.

  There is complete silence from my friends the moment it starts. They didn’t even joke when Kelsey practically told me to fuck off. It’s probably because they could sense the tension. At least they cut all reference to Baxter, even the fact that Kelsey had a job interview there. And, they cut the dead time of when I was gone from the room or there was silence, showing only our conversations. By the time it ends the girls are silently crying, and a few of my roommates have wiped their eyes.

  Christian clicks it off and turns off the television.

  Dylan gets up and starts cleaning off the table, the guys follow to help. One by one the girls stand, taking dirty dishes into the kitchen. Is this going to be awkward now?

  Sean pauses and turns to me. “I remember that birthday. Sorry, man.”

  I just nod. In fact, it had been Sean’s birthday we were celebrating, and I’ve never even considered watching porn again.

  “Are you okay?” I ask Kelsey.

  She nods. “It’s not as bad as I was afraid it would be.” Then she turns. “And, what are the chances of people actually checking out the clips on the website. I mean, I’ve watched lots of shows where you can see extra footage, but I never look.”

  “True. I’ve never gone to a show’s website.”

  She smiles and gets off my lap. “We should help clean up.”

  “I kind of like you where you were.” I tug on her hand. “There’s not enough room in the kitchen for all of us anyway.”

  Kelsey tugs back. “We’re going to help.”

  “Fine.” I blow out a sigh and get up. Hopefully she’s right and nobody else will see that damn segment.

  The rest of the evening was fairly normal. Nobody asked about Brandy or Brandon and my very personal tattoo was seen by everyone. Nor did they comment on Alex’s past. Of course, they all have a past they probably want to forget, or at the very least, not discuss. Still, I didn’t want to be there anymore. I’m not sure if I’m exhausted or anxious. Both emotions are running through me, as if another shoe is going to drop, but I can’t imagine what it would be. It could simply be because of the anxiety that had been building all week--ever since I learned the segment would be aired--and it’s simply going to take time to relax and just let it go.

  As soon as Alex and I enter my apartment, Mary blasts from her room, tears streaming down her face.

  My heart starts pounding. “What’s wrong?”

  When she gets to me, she grabs me in to a tight hug. “Oh, Kelsey, I had no idea.”

  “It’s okay, Mary,” I say calmly.

  “How can you say that?” she cries. “It’s not. You poor thing.”

  Then she turns to Alex and grabs him into a hug. “And you. Just a little boy.” Her eyes well with tears.

  “It was a long time ago.” He looks at me. “All worked out.”

  “Well, it shouldn’t have happened at all.” She sniffs. “That’s what I was just telling my mom.”

  “Your mom?”

  Mary wipes tears from her cheeks. “We had a fight at Thanksgiving, her being controlling and all.” Her eyes start to water all over again. “I wasn’t appreciating how good I have it. You guys had nothing.”

  Alex grabs my hand. “We have each other. And friends.”

  Mary gives him a watery smile.

  “Well, I’m exhausted,” I blurt. I don’t want to stand in my living room with Mary and Alex rehashing my life. I just had to watch it, I don’t want to talk about it anymore.

  “Let me know if you need anything.”

  Is Mary going to start mothering me? If so, I’ll nip that in the bud real quick. “I’m fine,” I insist, and go into my room.

  Alex follows me inside and closes the door.

  “Do you think that’s what you’re going to face when you go back to school?”

  “No.” I chuckle. “I have few friends, and Mary is the most emotional one, and affectionate. I doubt anyone will say anything. It’s not like I hang out with anyone.”

  I pull my shirt over my head and walk into my closet. After turning on the light and shutting the door, I change into comfy pajamas.

  Alex is sitting in a chair and raises an eyebrow when he sees me after I come out.

  “You’re cruel, Kelsey.”

  That just proves how frazzled I am since I practically started undressing in front of Alex. Not that he hasn’t seen my boobs before, and this time I was wearing a bra. Everyone who watched the show tonight got plenty of my boobs. “Sorry.”

  “No apologies.” He grins at me as he stands. “Do you want me to go?”

  I may not want to be around other people, but I don’t want to be alone. “Mind staying?”

  “I was hoping you’d say that.” He kicks off his shoes and locks the door.

  “Can I get you anything?” My face heats. “I’ve got water.” I probably should put a better selection of food and drinks on my shelf in the fridge if Alex is going to be here a lot.

  “I’m good. He pulls off his shirt, then his jeans. “I am assuming in staying, you meant all night.”

  Just seeing him standing in his boxers, his body toned, makes my mouth go dry and my blood heat. My nipples tighten against my tight t-shirt. Alex’s eyes darken and the side of his mouth quirks. I cross my arms over my boobs. I don’t know why I’m embarrassed, but I am.

  “Kels, just because we have an agreement, doesn’t mean we’re dead. It’s nice to know the physical attraction is not one sided.”

  “Oh, it’s not.” I laugh and crawl up on my bed and then grab my laptop. “Want to watch a movie?”

  “You can watch movies on that thing?”

  “It’s not the basic computer I thought I was getting and I’ve got a free membership for one month to some video streaming sites, hoping I’ll pay for more.”

  “Watching everything you can until it’s over?”

  I grin at him. “I’ve only watched a few, when I couldn’t sleep this week.”

  He crawls up beside me and we fluff the pillows and get comfortable. “We might as well enjoy it while you have it.”

  She curls up against me and we click through the movie options. At least the free ones. “Why aren’t you sleeping?” I know it was restless sleep the few nights I was here. I just don’t know if that’s a norm for her.

  “I was worried about the show, that’s all.”

  “Nothing else?” I caress her upper arm, wishing I could caress more of her.

  “No. My grades are good. I have a place to student teach and a job after I graduate. That’s what kept me awake most of this semester.” She laughs. “Everything is beginning to work out. And now that the audition has been aired, I think I can finally relax.”

  We decided on an older horror flick and settle back.
I’m not sure if it’s more psychological or gruesome, but Kelsey has her face hidden in my shoulder for half of it and her fingers in her ears and tells me “tell me when the scene is over” several times.

  “We can watch something else.”

  “No, I love these.”

  I snort. “Yeah, I can tell.”

  By the time it’s over, I’m not sure she watched a third of the movie. Not that I’m complaining because she was pressed against me for most of it.

  She closes the laptop and sets it aside without moving from my arms, then smiles up at me. “Thanks for watching with me.”

  “You mean watching it for you?” I wink at her. “You’re welcome.”

  Then she kisses me. So far, I’ve been the one doing the kissing, but I’m sure as hell not going to object. Her lips linger, as do mine. Sweet, sensual, growing hotter, moving deeper. Her arms come around my shoulders and I pull her as close as two people can be. It’s heaven and it’s torture. I do want her and the more her tongue tangles with mine, the more difficult it becomes. I’ve got to keep my head, but it’s so damned difficult when I just want to let the sensations of Kelsey take over.

  Her chest is against mine, her nipples hard, pressing into me, and I want to touch her, taste her.

  I slide my hand around her rib cage and between our bodies, my fingers sliding across one perfect and erect nipple.

  She sucks in a breath and arches, leaving room between us for me to fully cup her boob. Damn it is perfection. Even if I already knew that from being up close and personal when I was doing her tat. But, that wasn’t about sex or wanting her. It was a job and she was the skin.

  Pulling the hem of her t-shirt, I shove it up, so that our skin is touching. It practically burns my chest.

  Her breaths hitch and increases and I know we should stop, but I can’t and I kiss my way from her incredible lips to her perfectly pert nipple, gently sucking it in to my mouth. This is both heaven and hell.

  Kelsey’s fingers are in my hair and she hasn’t uttered one objection. Yet.

  I switch to her other breast and take it deeply into my mouth before teasing the nipple with my teeth. She groans and I gently squeeze the other boob.

  I’m so hard I might come from doing just this. Which in the long run, might be best, even if it is embarrassing.

  Her skin is so soft, so silky as I trail my fingers down her waist, coming to the edge of her pajama bottoms.

  Kelsey’s hand covers mine and I freeze.

  Of course I was thinking about removing them, but I also knew it wouldn’t be allowed. I shouldn’t have even considered it, but everything else took over. The need and want of Kelsey overrode all reasons and promises.

  I glance up at her. “Sorry.”

  “No apologies.”

  “I wasn’t going to…”

  She puts a finger against my lips. “I trust that you wouldn’t, but we need to stop before I’m the one begging you to fuck me.”

  “I wouldn’t, even if you begged.” Though, I’d love to have her begging. Talk about a stroke to the ego.

  She smiles, almost grateful, as if I’m protecting her from herself, and then pushes me away and gets out of bed.

  “Where are you going?”

  “Can’t sleep in wet panties.”

  With a groan I fall back on the bed. Heaven has been yanked away, and I’m now in the abyss of desire without release.

  Kelsey pops back around the corner. She wasn’t gone long enough to change anything.

  “When’s the last time you were with someone?”

  She wants to talk about that now? “About eight months.”

  “And you haven’t done anything since? Anything at all?”

  Why does it matter? “Nope.”

  “Last test?”

  “It doesn’t matter, Kelsey.” I may want her to want me as much as I want her, but I’m not about to let her change her mind about the decisions she’s made. Wise ones at that.

  “Does to me.”

  “Two months ago. All’s good.”

  A slow smile forms on her lips and she starts walking back to the bed. Her eyes raking me from the top of my head to my toes and back, stopping at the bulge in my boxers. She stops at the edge of the bed and pushes my feet apart, then crawls between my legs.

  Kelsey’s almost predatory, her eyes dark, meeting mine, before she straddles my body and bends for the deepest, longest, hottest kiss yet.

  My heart’s pounding and my cock gets harder, reaching for her pussy right above. It doesn’t matter that we are both clothed. Her panties are wet. She’s wet and that’s knowledge I cannot let go of, even if it does me no good.

  Her lips then scald a path across my chest, down my abdomen as she starts to slide the boxers off my hips.

  “Kelsey.” I reach for her. Just because I’m harder than I’ve ever been in my life, we have an agreement not to do anything. I put myself in this position of being uncomfortable by kissing her and enjoying her boobs, and have nobody to blame but myself.

  “Shut up, Alex.”

  “Kelsey, we had an agreement.”

  “Silly boy, you can’t get pregnant from giving head.”

  Before I can respond, her lips latch onto my cock and any argument I may have formed evaporates.

  Between her fingers massaging my balls, her tongue caressing the back side of my dick, and her hot mouth taking me deep, I’m there almost before I can prepare. My balls tighten and I reach for her, to pull her away before it’s too late, but she sucks me in deep, tighter, grasping me, taking everything. My hips leap off the bed, and I try to bite back the deep groan so her roommates don’t hear me, but I’m pretty sure I’m not successful.

  Kelsey milks me dry, and breaks her hold before sitting up.

  “Now I can change my panties.” And she’s gone before I can form a coherent thought, let alone say anything.

  I can’t believe I just did that. I didn’t really think. I just did. I wanted to do that for Alex. Just because I won’t do the deed, doesn’t mean we can’t have fun. And getting in his pants is different than him getting in mine.

  Alex is under the covers when I come back in the room and he lifts the blanket so I can crawl in the bed. He pulls me close and I rest my head on his chest.

  “You didn’t need to do that.”

  “Are you complaining?” I grin.

  His deep chuckle rumbles in my ear. “Ah…no.”

  “You’ve been so understanding about my celibacy and I know you aren’t going to be comfortable, so I took pity on you.”

  He stiffens, and I tilt my bead back to see his face.

  “That was pity sex?”

  “No, not like that.” I try to make light of it and kiss his chin. “I was teasing.”

  I must have struck a nerve because Alex sits up. “I don’t need sex. I don’t need to get off. I’m not some guy who is going to complain about blue balls. I know what I’m in for with you Kelsey. Pity sex is not it.”

  “I didn’t mean it that way.”

  “How did you mean it?”

  “I care about you. I’m attracted to you. I do want you. It’s obvious you want me. I wanted to do that. For you and me.”

  Alex just stares at me.

  “It felt good Kelsey, I am not complaining, but...”

  My heart sinks.

  “We aren’t there yet. We got carried away.”

  I thought it was obvious that we were there.

  “That was sex. I want intimacy.”

  “We have been.” Or, maybe I don’t understand intimacy as I thought.

  “Here.” He touches my forehead. “Here.” He puts a hand on my heart. “And here.” He drags a finger across my pulse. “Yes, I want you. But, I don’t want to rush learning all of Kelsey there is to learn by skipping ahead.”

  So, I shouldn’t have given him a blow job? I just assumed that was the next step. Am I so out of touch by not being involved with anyone since I was sixteen? Hell, people practically have sex w
ithin a week of meeting. Or at least, that’s what it seems like. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, because I’m not.” He pulls me close. “This is about us, doing what is right for us. And as awesome as that was, I don’t want you to feel like you need to do something for me. I’m not going to get tired or pissed because I’m not getting my rocks off. Being with you, spending time cuddling, talking, all of it, is a lot more important than that physical.”

  “So, no sex,” I confirm.

  “No pity sex,” he corrects.

  “But it wasn’t,” I begin to argue.

  “It wasn’t.” He nods. “But, it was.”

  “I don’t want to be a tease,” I finally blurt out. “Getting you all hot and bothered and then not delivering.”

  This time he laughs. “You get me hot and bothered just by walking in the room. But, I’m a big boy and can take it. I know the rules, and I’m here because I agreed to them.”

  “Then I promise not to do anything like that again.”

  This time Alex groans. “That would be a pity too.” He tucks my hair behind my ears. “Sometimes I wish I, we, were born at a different time. When guys called on girls, they dated, and his big score would be a kiss at the door at the end of the night. Things moved slower before we were born. Couples got to know each other.”

  At least is seemed that way if you watch old shows.

  “I’m just as guilty. Or I used to be, but I like the idea of courting. Of getting to know someone. Really know them, before anything else.”

  I didn’t think Alex could melt my heart further, but he did. And, I think I like the idea of being courted.

  Kelsey is gone when I wake up. Since she’s not in the closet or her bathroom, I get dressed and leave her room. She isn’t there either.

  Mary is standing in the kitchen pouring a cup of coffee.

  “Morning,” She chirps with a big smile.

  “Where’s Kelsey?”

  “Went out, said she’d be back in a few.”

  “How long ago?”

  Mary shrugs. “Five minutes.”

  Shelby’s door opens, and she steps out then gives me a look of disgust. “You again.”