by J. L. Beck
Her vulnerability is pushing through, and I can’t do anything but cup her by the cheek and wipe the tears away. My mouth makes soft shhh sounds, the noises I’m expelling are so foreign, I didn’t even know I could make them.
After a while, she stops crying, but I continue stroking her cheek, loving the feel of her skin beneath my hand.
“What was your dream about?” I croak, wondering what could’ve brought emotions out of her like that.
“My mom,” she whispers. “In the dream, I was there again, in the bathroom. When she killed herself… and I found her. There was so much blood, on the tub, on her body, on my hands. I can still see the vacant look in her eyes, feel the coldness of her skin.”
I swallow, taking in everything she says. I’m shocked, mainly because that’s not the story her father told everyone. According to him, she died in a car accident. Why would he lie about something like that? It gets the wheels in my head turning and reminds me further of what a pig Romero is. He’s hiding something, and I’m going to figure it the fuck out.
“I miss her so much, Julian, and I wish she was here now. Wish she was going to be at our wedding.” She starts to cry again, and her broken emotions reach inside me, tugging at my heart. “She would’ve wanted to be here. I know it. She loved me. Far more than my father does.” She sniffles before continuing. “After her death, everything changed. I used to be able to go outside, cook in the kitchen, go shopping, and then he took it all away.”
Every word she speaks resonates through me. I don’t want to be like her father. I don’t want to lock her in a cage, but I have to. I can’t risk her leaving or someone getting to her. She’s reached a part of me no one ever has and as terrifying as that is, I can’t let her go. I won’t. I’ll kill, destroy, and hold her against her will if need be.
She is mine until death.
“Sleep, I will keep the nightmares away,” I whisper into her hair, my lips grazing her forehead.
“Will you ever let me go?”
“Untie you from the bed, yes. Leave me? Never. If you ever get away from me, I’ll hunt you down, find you and drag you back here. The day you signed your name on that contract is the day you became mine. I will never let you escape me. Never let you go.”
Silence settles over us, and even though she doesn’t say anything, I know she’s still awake. I ignore that fact and hold her until we both fall asleep, wondering if things have to change so much, or if I can keep her like this forever.
25
Elena
Julian has left me tied to this bed for two days now. My wrists are sore, and my arms ache from being in the same position all the time. I thought after the nightmare, and the way he held me, he would release me, but he didn’t.
What’s even worse than being uncomfortable is the loneliness. The only person I’ve seen or spoken to is Julian, and he doesn’t stay long when he is here. That probably has something to do with me constantly yelling at him and pushing him away. I hate and yearn for him all at once. Hate what he is doing to me, but also yearn for him, desperate for his touch. The way he held and comforted me has my body confused.
I know that part of it is only because he is the only human contact I have. But I can’t help but wonder if it’s more than that. The way he touched me, punished me… how he used me. It was… unexpected. Not the part of him acting that way, the part of me liking it.
There must be something fundamentally wrong with me. How can I possibly enjoy what he did to me? How can my body want more of it?
With nothing to do besides think about Julian and what we did, I’m in a constant state of need. My body feels hot, and every time he lets me go to the bathroom, I find my panties soaked.
I turn my head to check the time. He should be back with my dinner soon. Right on cue, my stomach growls.
Watching the minutes tick by, I wait for him to open the door.
When I finally hear him approaching, I curse myself for feeling the excitement bubble up inside of me. Yes, there is definitely something wrong with me.
The lock disengages, and the door opens, revealing Julian in all his glory. Like expected, he is holding a tray of food. What I don’t see coming is him being in workout clothes.
His usual suit and tie are gone, and he is wearing gym shorts and a T-shirt. Both are covered in sweat and clinging to his muscles like a second skin. I can see every one of his muscles flex as he walks toward me. My mouth goes dry, and my thighs rub together, desperate for any kind of friction. I want him so badly, and I hate that I want him.
“I lost track of time at the gym.”
I open my mouth, but nothing comes out. All I can do is stare at his chest, wondering what it would feel like to run my fingers over it.
“You’re doing it again.” He chuckles, sitting down on the edge of the bed.
“W-what?”
“Looking at me like you want me to fuck you.”
“Maybe I do…”
“Don’t be a tease, Elena.” Julian shakes his head, looking baffled. “Now, be a good girl and let me feed you.” Taking the fork, he loads it up with a small piece of chicken and tops it with a heap of mash potato.
I part my lips just wide enough for him to slip the food between them. Then, I close my lips and let him slide the fork back out, leaving me with a savory mouth full of food. I watch him watching me eat. His gaze never leaving my lips.
We repeat the process a few more times, each time feeling more erotic than the next. Who knew feeding could feel so… sensual? Him taking care of me like this, of my basic needs, there is something nurturing about it.
This feeling of him caring for me, and the memory of how he used my body, is a dangerous combination. I have to stop reliving the memory. It was a punishment, after all.
After the fourth bite, I shake my head. Indicating that I’m done.
“You’ve barely eaten,” he says, looking down at the plate.
“I know, I just…” I know this change in conversation is going to surprise him, but I’ve been thinking about this all day, and I can’t keep the thoughts to myself any longer. “Why do you want to wait until after the wedding to have sex?” It’s a question I have wondered about for a while. Julian doesn’t strike me as a religious man, so he must have some other reason.
“Tradition mostly. That’s the short answer anyway.”
“I don’t want to wait,” I blurt out. “I want to do it now. Today.”
Julian’s eyebrows pull together as he gives me a puzzled look. “Why? The wedding is in a few days. Why now of all the times?”
Lifting my chin, I look him in the eyes. “Because I want it to be my choice.” I didn’t even realize how true that was until the words left my mouth. Yes, I’m freaking horny, like a cat in heat, but I also want this to be on my terms. “My whole life, every choice has been taken away from me. This time, I want a choice. I want to decide when I’m giving my virginity away.”
Tilting his head, he stares at me like I’m a math equation he’s trying to solve. “Are you sure about this? I won’t untie you for it.”
“I don’t care. I want this to be my choice.”
“Fine, but under one condition.” His lips tip up in their signature smirk. “Admit that you liked what I did to you the other day.”
Suppressing a gasp, I ask, “What part?”
“Whatever part you liked.”
All of it.
Too embarrassed to say it, I opt to say my favorite part. “When you… you know… licked me… there.”
“You mean when I had my tongue on your tight little asshole?”
I’m pretty sure my cheeks are bright red, at least, it feels like they’re on fire. Looking down at the blanket draped over my lap, I manage to whisper, “Oddly, that too.”
I’m ashamed to admit how much I liked everything that we did.
“I think I might need to take back what I said about you before. I thought you couldn’t handle my dark and sinister needs. I think you’ll be able to
handle them just fine. More so, you’ll enjoy them.”
He gets up and sets the tray on top of the dresser. I’m about to ask him what he is doing. He better not be leaving again. My question gets stuck in my throat when he starts to undress, pulling his shirt over his head, he throws it carelessly onto the ground. Then pulls his short down and steps out of those as well.
He’s not wearing any underwear, and my eyes are glued on his already hard penis, swinging from side to side as he walks back over to me. He pulls the blanket off my legs and dips his fingers into my leggings, pulling them down, along with my panties.
“Are you sure about this? Last chance to back out,” he warns as he climbs onto the bed, spreading my legs and moving into the space between them.
“Are you really not going to untie me?”
Grinning, he shakes his head, no. “I like you tied up and helpless.”
“Like I would be any less helpless if I wasn’t tied up?”
Julian points to his neck. “May I remind you of some deep scratches across my neck? Scratches that your sharp nails put there.”
“I was just scared and angry.”
“And you’re not scared now?” He bends my knees and spreads me even wider, exposing my center to him as much as he can.
I gulp. “Not like I was before.” The truth is, I’m still scared, but it’s a different kind of fear now. I was scared of being hurt physically before. I was scared of being raped, beaten, and shared between men.
Now, I’m scared of being alone, being cheated on, lied to, and discarded like I don’t matter. I’m scared of not being enough, not measuring up to what he thinks I am or who he needs me to be.
Reaching into his pocket, my insides tighten when he pulls out the key to my cuffs and undoes them. As soon as my wrists are free, I lean forward, circling my arms around his neck. I cling to him like a monkey and tug him forward till our lips are almost touching.
“I want you.” I breathe against his lips, and lift my hips, trying to guide his tip into my channel. Julian’s gaze roams my face for a fraction of a second, and I worry if he’s going to pull away and end this, but then he’s on me, his lips pressing against mine. The kiss is punishing, teeth, and anger, and lust. A swirling cyclone of destruction waiting to happen.
I’m drowning in the kiss, mewling as his hands move over my skin, touching something inside of me that’s never been touched before. I need and want everything he is willing to give me. The things I’m feeling right now are terrifying. It’s like standing at a cliff’s edge, knowing the only thing you can do is jump.
By some grace, will he save me, or will he be my damnation?
I whimper when he pulls back, and escapes my hold, ducking underneath my arms.
“Don’t stop, please.” I sound as desperate as I feel, I’m sure.
Julian snickers as he drops to his stomach and tugs me forward, his face is so close to my lips that I can feel the hot breath against them. “Don’t plan on it. Not even if you beg.”
Leaning back into the pillow, I arch my back and lift my hips as he buries his face between my legs. His tongue moves expertly as he licks me from my ass all the way to my clit and back down again.
He’s barely started, and I feel my legs begin to shake, the pressure in my core building with each graze of his tongue.
“Fuck me, you taste so good. I want to live here and eat you until I die.” His words only encourage me, and I run my fingers through his dark hair, holding his head in place, loving the control he has over my body. His lips move slowly, nibbling and tasting every inch of my pussy, and when he hums in approval, the sound vibrates right through me.
Arousal coats the inside of my thighs, letting me know just how turned on I am. It’s like someone turned on a faucet down there. Caught up in the feeling of his tongue against my pussy, I sink deeper and deeper, my core tightening, a warmth zinging through it.
Sucking my clit between his lips, I crumble, free-falling into the abyss of pleasure. My legs shake, and I float away from my body for a second as my eyes drift closed.
Julian isn’t done with yet, though, and sinks two digits into my tight channel, pumping in and out at a vicious pace.
“Come for me, beautiful, come on my hand, coat my fingers, squeeze ’em, show me what my cock is missing.”
The way my body reacts to his touch is shocking, and as he coaxes another orgasm out of me, it feels like heaven and hell are colliding. My mouth pops open, and I thrash against the sheets, a coldness sweeping over me, making my nipples ache.
I need him in a way that I cannot even put into words.
Exploding, I bare down on his fingers, clenching, nearly pushing him out in the process. My breathing is erratic, and every touch is heightened. As he eases his fingers out of me, I open my eyes and look up at him.
It’s like two storm clouds hanging above my head. I can see the entire world in those two orbs, see how much I mean to him. The vulnerability within them rattles me to the core.
Pushing up onto his knees, he takes his cock into his hand, and I drag my eyes down at the motion. He’s so thick and long. Fear eats at part of my euphoric state, and even though I made this choice, I wonder for a second if I’ve made a mistake.
“If you’re worried about it fitting, I can promise you it will. You’re more than ready for me. I’ve prepared you, and now I’m going to steal the dangling cherry there, just as I stole you from your father.”
My entire world spins as if it’s been tossed into a snow globe. A soft gasp passes my lips when he moves between my legs, one hand moving, cradling the back of my head while the other guides him to my entrance.
I clamp up, my muscles tightening as he slides the mushroom head through my juices, and over my clit. The touch against my clit ignites a fire inside of me. All you need is a spark to start a forest fire, and Julian is my spark.
Pressing a kiss to my chin, he pushes against my entrance, the thick head of his cock slips inside, and I bite my lip, waiting with bated breath for him to plow into me. I wrap my arms around him, bringing him closer, and he slides in a little deeper.
Air swooshes from my lungs, and our eyes collide. Flexing his hips forward, he slides in the rest of the way, and my nails sink into his skin as my hips lift, my body trying to escape the overly full intrusion.
“So fucking tight and perfect,” he murmurs.
Leaning down, his hot mouth circles one of my nipples, and I mewl into the room at the sensations that slam into me. His tongue flicks against the hard peak, and then he nips at it, his teeth grazing the sensitive flesh, distracting me from the pain in my core.
My channel slowly adapts to the fullness, and Julian groans.
“I’m going to start moving.” He sighs against my skin. I can see the sweat beading his forehead, his shoulders bunch together, the muscles tightening, giving away how tense he is. He’s holding himself back for me, giving me a chance to find pleasure even within the pain, it makes me want to give back to him, to prove how much I want this. I lift my hips, seeking out his thrust as he pulls out and slams back in, his balls pressing against my ass.
Pleasure and pain collide like a cosmic phenomenon, a star being born.
His hand in my hair tightens, and he lifts my head, bringing our foreheads together. Our hot breaths mingle in the space between us, his manly scent surrounding me. His eyes lock on mine, and he growls, upping his pace, rocking his hips forward, owning another piece of me without knowing it.
My lips part and a whimper escapes, this is like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
A darkness flashes in his eyes, and he starts moving faster, pistoning his hips, pressing me harder into the mattress. The air seeps from my lungs as the pleasure and pain blend together, becoming one.
“Fuck, yes… I can feel you tightening…” Julian curls his lip, and plows into me again and again, swiveling his hips and hitching my leg a little higher, driving his cock deep, so deep that it feels like he’s breaking me in two.
An orgasm builds inside of me, but it’s just out of reach.
“I need more,” I pant, wanting to come badly.
Knowing exactly what I need, he snakes a hand down between our bodies and presses his thumb against my clit. It’s just the right amount of friction, and combined with his harsh thrusts, I explode, squeezing his cock so tightly his features fill with pain.
He thrusts through my orgasm, rutting into me until he finds his own release, his eyes bleeding into mine, the intensity within them knocking the air from my lungs. I can see into his soul, and it makes me want him more.
“I… I love you,” I whisper the words that just flow out of me like an overflowing sink.
His lips brush against mine, and I feel his sticky warm release dripping out of me and down his length.
“I know,” he pants and trails a finger down the side of my face.
Slowly, he pulls out of me, and I wince, shifting uncomfortably against the sheets. Peering down between my legs, he stares, and I look down to see what he’s looking at. My mouth goes dry when I see the proof of my virginity, and our combined juices against my thighs and the sheet.
“Come, my queen,” he offers me a hand, dragging my attention away from the sheets.
“Your queen?” I place my hand in his.
“Yes, my queen.” He places a gentle kiss against my hand, his eyes twinkle like rare jewels.
The air between us is different, and I feel as if I gave him the most sacred part of who I am, expecting him to protect and guard it. Will he guard it? Will he shelter me? I know he’ll protect me against his enemies, even against my father, but who will protect me from him?
Julian doesn’t love. He just takes, and while I’m left exposed to him, part of him is still hiding. How do I get him to break free and love me back?
26