by J. P. Comeau
A sob heaved my chest. “What am I gonna do?”
Suri went to speak, but Guadalupe stepped between us. “Why don’t you come with me for a little bit? I think we should talk.”
I didn’t know what to think at this point, so I simply stepped out of the car. Suri closed the door and said she’d wait right there, then Guadalupe threaded her arm with mine. She led me over to a massive van, where she popped the trunk and sat down on its edge. Then, she patted a seat next to her and beckoned for me to sit.
So, I did, because I was done fighting with people for the day.
“Suri tells me you’re expecting,” she said.
I rolled my eyes. “Remind me to thank her for telling everyone my business.”
She pointed at me. “There. That’s the first thing you need to change.”
I blinked. “Sorry, change? It’s my fault when someone is spreading my business around when I don’t want them to?”
“It is your fault when you’re upset with a friend for helping you the best way she knows how, yes.”
I shook my head softly. “Yes, I’m pregnant.”
She nudged me softly. “Does this have anything to do with that alto, oscuro, y guapo we talked about once?”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “Possibly.”
“Let me ask you this: why does it anger you when people try to help?”
I scoffed. “Because most people only want to help if it benefits them. Not the other way around.”
She nodded slowly. “I see. So, you think someone will do something nice, then hold it over your head. Right?”
I shrugged and looked down at my lap. “Essentially, yeah.”
“Well, does Suri do that to you?”
My eyes whipped over to her. “Hell, no.”
“Have I done that to you?”
I blinked. “I mean, no. But, I also haven’t known you for very long.”
“Has this tall, dark, and handsome man of yours done it to you yet?”
My shoulders slumped a bit. “No, he hasn’t.”
“So, what are you afraid of? No one’s given you any indication that they’re going to do what you fear. Why are you still scared of it, then?”
“I just want to protect my daughter from people who could possibly do that to her. That’s all.”
“Ah, so you use your child as a human shield.”
I snapped at her. “You take that back. What an awful thing to say.”
She clasped her hands together. “What do you think you’re doing then? Because it sounds to me like you’re using your daughter as an excuse not to get close to people under the guise that those people may or may not hurt her.”
“And I think that’s a valid enough reason.”
“Even if it keeps you so isolated that you can’t even trust the man you love?”
I furrowed my brow. “I never said anything about—”
She cut me off. “You didn’t have to. No woman ever gets this worked up unless there’s a man involved, and she’s never this worked up about a man unless she loves him. Do you love him?”
I narrowed my eyes. “I don’t like how you can break me down so easily.”
She grinned. “People aren’t as different and unique as they’d like to think. We live in this world where unique somehow equals ‘more special.’ Like, someone who’s lived a terrible life is somehow more worthy of fame and fortune than the kid up the street who comes from a decent background and didn’t have to work three jobs by the time he was fifteen just to help his mother make ends meet.”
“That… was very specific.”
But, Guadalupe only smiled and cupped my hands within hers. “People aren’t as different as they’d like to think, and that isn’t a bad thing. What’s different about you doesn’t make you special, Leslie. In fact, other people can’t even deem you as special. Only you can do that.”
“I’m… not sure I’m following anymore.”
She scooted a bit closer to me. “What I’m trying to get at is this: if you love him, then stop fighting with him. Instead, talk to him. Express to him how he’s making you feel and why it’s happening. It might not make sense, but I think you’ll come to realize that if you walk him through it, you’ll find yourself walking through it as well.”
“And I might realize just how ridiculous it is.”
“Now, I didn’t say anything about it being ridiculous or not. You might have a completely good reason to be upset with him. But, if you can’t even articulate what’s wrong with him, then he has no way to try to fix it. And that, Leslie, is the mark of a good man. A man who tries to fix his mistakes, even if he doesn’t understand them.”
I slumped forward and pulled my hands away from hers. “He took away my control.”
“Over what?” Suri asked.
My best friend perched on my other side, and I leaned against her. “He started going on and on about my eventually moving in with him, and it was all too much. He just assumed it would be that way, and I don’t like that. It just sort of spiraled from there.”
Guadalupe settled her hand on my knee. “Did you tell him that?”
I sighed. “No.”
Suri clicked her tongue. “Then, maybe you should try telling him first.”
I groaned. “You two and your effortless sense-making. You’ll be the death of me.”
Suri giggled. “You know I say it with all of the love in my heart.”
I sat upright and turned to face her. “Do you think he’s a good guy?”
Suri studied me closely. “I think he’s got some power-tripping issues that come with always being the hotshot around here. But I also think he’s trying to work on it now that the table has turned. And that’s always a good thing.”
I peered over my shoulder. “Guadalupe?”
She patted my back. “Si?”
I puffed my cheeks out with a sigh. “Mind if I give you a call tonight so we can talk for a bit longer?”
“I’d love nothing more than that. If you’re feeling up for it, you can even come over. I’ll give you my address, you can bring your daughter, and I’ll make us all some tea and snacks.”
Suri leaned into my ear. “You should take her up on that. Her food is amazing… and so is her advice.”
I smiled softly. “I’ll give you a call tonight, then, if I’m feeling up for it.”
Then, Trey’s voice sounded across the aisle. “And if you’d rather go alone, I don’t mind watching Aurora.”
My gaze met his stare, and I found him standing there with his hands clasped behind his back. He was waiting patiently and without an ounce of anger etched into his features. I felt Guadalupe rub my back one last time before Suri helped me down to my feet. And as I made my way toward Trey, the words dripped from my lips as effortlessly as I had fallen in love with him.
“I’m sorry for my outburst,” I said as I hugged him tightly.
He held me close and snickered. “I’ve got the most to apologize about, you know.”
I peeked up at him. “I’m scared, Trey.”
His gaze met mine. “So am I.”
I furrowed my brow. “What are you scared of? You haven’t seemed scared at all.”
He chuckled. “I’m scared of losing you, for starters.”
I blinked. “Really?”
He kissed my forehead. “Really. I’m scared of chasing you off and never seeing my child again.”
“I’d never do that to you, Trey.”
“Doesn’t stop me from worrying about it.”
I nestled my head against his chest. “Just don’t make decisions without me, okay? I want to make these choices with you. I don’t expect you to simply throw things together, even if that’s what you want to do. I want to have input on where my life is currently going. It all feels so out of control, and I need something I hold the reins on. Okay?”
He squeezed me tightly. “Trust me, I understand that concept completely. I’m sorry I took that away from you.”
“And I’m sorry for yelling at you and getting defensive instead of simply talking to you about it.”
“I have to admit, it’ll be different for me to not take care of everything. I’m used to paying and placing phone calls to get things done so no one has to be burdened with it. Just give me some time to adjust.”
I kissed his clothed chest before looking up into his face. “Well, it’s not like that with me. I want to be your partner, not just some person who leeches off of you.”
He grinned. “I guess we have a lot to work out before this baby comes. I mean, if you’re keeping it, that is.”
“Do you want me too?”
He blinked. “It’s your body, Leslie. I won’t tell you what to do with it.”
“I love you so much,” I whispered.
He furrowed his brow. “What was that?”
“What?”
He paused. “What did you just say?”
My cheeks blushed deeply. “I said… uh…”
He gripped my chin as his face came closer to mine. “Say it again, Leslie.”
I swallowed hard. “I love you so much, Trey.”
He smiled brighter than I’d ever seen, and his eyes lit up like stars in the nighttime sky. “I love you, too, Leslie. And no matter what you decide, I’ll be here supporting you the entire time.”
“So… if I chose to keep it, you’d…?”
He captured my lips softly. “Of course, I’d stay. I love you. That should be a given when you love someone.”
I threw my arms around his neck. “My God, you’re perfect.”
He hugged me close. “We’ll make it work, I promise you. For both of our sakes and our child’s sake.”
And as we stood there in the parking garage of the business that had changed my entire life, I hoped and prayed that we could both stand by our word. I hoped and prayed that Trey and I became better at our communication skills and that he wouldn’t leave me the second it got hard. I prayed that he stuck around not just for our child but for Rori as well. Because I wanted her to experience the idea of a whole family. A man she could count on and grow up around, a man who could show her what a real, true man did for his family.
I wanted that for her, and I wanted that for myself.
I wanted a future with this amazing man, and I knew I’d do whatever it took in order to make it happen.
Epilogue
Trey
One Year Later
“Cannonball!”
I bolted upright out of bed quickly and wrapped my arms around a flying Rori. “Gotcha.”
She squealed. “Oh, no! The big, flying spaghetti monster got me. I need help!”
I rolled her over in bed and started tickling her as I quickly came out of the foggy haze of sleep. She had made it a habit to wake me up every Saturday morning like this: by flying face-first into the bedroom that her mother and I shared before she tackled me awake. I had come to love our Saturday morning ritual, especially since it involved cereal and morning cartoons while Leslie slept in.
But, after I tickled Rori half to death, she caught her breath and looked up at me. “Mommy needs you in the nursery.”
I paused. “Did she need me in the nursery when you came flying in here fifteen minutes ago?”
She blinked. “Maybe.”
I bent down and kissed Rori’s forehead. “We’re going to have a talk later about how Mommy needs her messages delivered immediately, okay?”
She giggled as she wiggled beneath the covers. “Oh, it’s all warm in here.”
I slipped out of bed and reached for my robe. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten about our cereal and cartoons, though. Let me go figure out what your mother needs, and I’ll be right back.”
After slipping into my house slippers, I eased myself down the hallway, listening as the beautiful sound of Leslie’s soft singing voice filtered through the doorway of the baby’s nursery. I stood outside for a few seconds, stealing a little slice of aural paradise for myself.
Especially since I had convinced her to move in with me.
It had been a fight, for sure. Leslie had it in her mind that moving in with me somehow meant giving up her independence. When really, all I wanted was to share what I had with someone. I gave her the keys to one of the cars, and it took two days of convincing her to take them before she finally relented.
But, I knew the only thing I could do was show her I’d never hold any of this over her head. Once I gave her something, it was hers. Just like the car she drove and just like the clothes I filled her closet with and just like the bedroom I let Rori design the way she wanted—these things were as much theirs as it was mine. I didn’t care that it was my card we were using. I didn’t care that this estate once used to be “just mine.”
It wasn’t “just mine” any longer.
It hadn’t been since the moment I had fallen in love with Leslie.
“I can hear you, you know,” she said.
My beautiful Leslie stopped rocking our daughter, Angel, and she peered over her shoulder. The morning sunlight streamed through the window, catching the breathtaking highlights of her hair, and it left me speechless. She had never looked more beautiful to me as she sat there, cradling our almost three-month-old little girl.
I walked over to her and kissed her forehead before I gazed into the sweet, chubby little face of our newest addition.
“Can you take her for a little bit? I have to pee,” she whispered.
I chuckled as I scooped our daughter out of her arms. “It would be my pleasure. You take your time. Get cleaned up and everything, if you want to.”
She stood to her feet. “You telling me I stink, Old Man Trey?”
I grinned at the sarcastic nickname she had bestowed upon me. “I’m telling you to take time for yourself. That’s all.”
She kissed my cheek as I sat down. “I’ll be back soon. She’s already fed and burped, but she does need a bit more sleep. She was up early this morning.”
I gazed down into Angel’s sleeping face. “When were you up?”
Leslie squeezed my shoulder. “About four this morning.”
I made a mental note to switch out the wooden rocker by the window with a nice rocker-recliner, so she had a comfy place to sleep if our daughter was going to be such an early riser.
I heard Leslie pad out of the room before a quick set of small footsteps scurried up behind me. I smiled from ear to ear as I reached around, offering Rori my hand. She slid her soft palm against mine, and I ushered her from around the back of the chair, then patted my lap so she could climb up.
Then, the three of us slowly rocked back and forth as we gazed out the window into the side yard.
I saw the pristinely kept lines from the landscaping crew who came by every week to mow the grass. And yet, I could see a sprinkle of Aurora’s footprints scrambling between the mow lines. It brought me so much joy to see those little feet stamps on my lawn. It brought delight into my life whenever I tripped over a small set of shoes or stepped on a fucking Lego, or even crashed my knee into a toy that didn’t belong in the corner Rori had pushed it into.
It was a constant reminder of the chaotic joy my girls had brought to my empty, listless mansion.
And I didn’t want to have it any other way.
As I cuddled Rori and cradled Angel in the crook of my left arm, I thought back to a time when they weren’t in my life. A time when I honestly thought this massive piece of property would stay as clear-cut as a magazine picture and be filled with nothing less than all of the anger I carried around in my heart daily. There had been a time in my life where I thought I’d live alone, be alone, and die alone with nothing to leave the world except my pathetic businesses.
But, my girls had changed all of that for me.
I promise to give you all the world for what you’ve given me.
“Trey?”
“Hmmm?” I asked as I peeked down at Rori.
“Can I ask you something weird?”
I grinned. “
You can ask me anything you want.”
She chewed on her lower lip before she spoke again. “So, I have a friend at school, right?”
I nodded. “I’m glad you do. Friends are very important.”
“Oh, yes. Very. And, well, she has a Daddy that’s not her real-real Daddy, like you.”
“Okay.”
“And, well… um…”
I pulled her close against my side. “It’s okay to ask. Whatever it is, I’ll answer it the best way that I can.”
She looked up at me with puppy dog eyes, and my heart melted. “Well, even though he’s not her real Daddy, she gets to call him Daddy. And I was wondering if I could do that someday, you know, with you.”
I swallowed the knot forming in my throat. “You want to call me Dad?”
“Dad-dy,” she corrected. “But, yes. Maybe one day, if it’s okay?”
I closed my eyes and kissed her forehead. “You can call me whatever you want, whenever you’re comfortable. How’s that sound?”
She laid her cheek against my shoulder and sighed with content. “That sounds good, Daddy.”
“Sweetheart, what’s this?”
Leslie’s voice pulled me from my trance, and I patted Rori’s thigh. She stood from the chair, and I turned around, trying to blink back the tears her question had rushed to my eyes. Rori tugged on my hand, and I bent down, only to feel her lips press against my cheek in a long, warm kiss.
“Love you,” she whispered, “I’ll go turn on Tom and Jerry for us.”
I nodded and patted her back, but I was afraid to speak for fear that my tears would overcome me. Rori rushed out of the room, and I turned my attention to the love of my life, wondering why in the world she had such distress in her voice.
Then, she held up a small red box that I had been moving around the house for weeks.
“Where did you find that, sweetheart?”
Leslie walked mindlessly in my direction. “It was, uh, just out on the bathroom counter.”
Shit, I forgot to move it. “It’s just a—well—I mean, if you really…”