“Goodbye, Ryan.” I sobbed as I got into my car.
I placed my head on the steering wheel for a moment. When I looked up and into the rearview mirror, he was gone. I came undone right there. I screamed and sobbed for my fucked-up life. I didn’t want to leave him, but I had to go home. I had a life in Tampa. As I tried to compose myself, I had a strong sense that he was still around. I glanced in my sideview mirror and saw him standing against the exterior wall of the hotel, his head in his hands. Was he crying? Oh, God, please tell me he isn’t crying. I got out of my car and ran to him.
“Ryan!” I yelled as I threw myself into his arms.
“Kate.”
His eyes were red from trying to hold in his tears. My heart shattered. I hugged him tight, kissed his lips one last time, turned, and walked back to my car. I put the car in drive and made sure I didn’t look back. If I looked back, I knew I would never leave.
The ride home was uneventful. My mind was a mess. My thoughts swirled all over the place, and my heart ached for Ryan. I tried listening to the radio, but even music wasn’t a welcome distraction. Every song that came on the radio reminded me of Ryan.
“Goddammit!” I yelled, slamming the button to turn the radio off.
I arrived home at seven, opened the door to my house, and dragged myself inside. I immediately went upstairs, threw myself on my bed, and sobbed. I let myself have my little pity party. Tomorrow, I had to have my shit together. I was meeting with a potential client and also interviewing a possible employee. Tonight would be mine, to feel sorry for myself, cry and drink a lot of wine. My house phone rang. It startled me.
“Hello?” I answered reluctantly.
“Hey, friend! Why do you sound so glum?”
Just her voice broke me, and I sobbed into the phone. Jesus, all I did was sob anymore. When did I turn into this sniveling wimp? When my heart was broken, that’s when.
I filled Jen in on all that happened in Charleston with Ryan.
“Wow, friend. That man loves the shit out of you. Why are you even here?”
“What do you mean? I have a life here, Jen. My kids are here. My business is here.”
“Um, last I knew, your kids were in North Carolina, in college, so they are not here anymore. You have no idea if they’ll ever move back, Kate. Both of them love where they are and who knows where they’ll get jobs when they graduate? As for your business, you’re lucky enough to have the kind of business that you can work anywhere. You already have a stellar reputation here, so people will find you if they want you for their event. They’ll want you so you can travel to their locations. Your lease is up on your rental. Your landlord has been nice enough to let you lease month-to-month until you figure out your shit. I don’t know why you even bothered coming back.”
God, I really wanted to slap her. She thought it was so easy to simply leave the life I had here.
“Please, Jen. This is hard enough. I don’t need you filling my head with possibilities that will never happen.”
“Well, I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. It’s your life. How are you going to choose to live it?”
“Sometimes I really can’t stand you.” I sighed.
“I know. It’s why you love me so much.” She giggled.
I hung up with Jen and let my mind wander to those possibilities. Could I really pack up my life there to start a life with Ryan? What if it didn’t work out? What if our relationship was based solely on lust, and the distance was what made it so exciting? What if he got sick of me in a few months and didn’t want me around anymore? What if, what if, what if….my mind was buzzing. I poured myself a glass of wine and sat out back for a while. I tried not to think of Ryan and the possibility of a life with him, but the thoughts kept creeping in.
“Time for bed, Kate Jones,” I said to myself.
I tossed and turned all night. Ryan filled my dreams when I slept and my thoughts when I was awake. When I finally got out of bed, I was grouchy. Coffee was calling my name as I trudged downstairs. I picked my cell up off the kitchen counter. There was a text from Ryan which had come through after I had gone to bed last night.
I hope you made it home safe. I miss you. Patiently waiting. R.
Tears welled up in my eyes.
“I miss you too, Ryan,” I whispered.
I set my phone aside and made a cup of coffee, then sat down at the kitchen table and stared out the window. I loved that man. I so desperately wanted to be with him but didn’t see how it could work. With a heavy heart, I went upstairs to shower. I had to get my game face on for the day. There was so much to do and I couldn’t be distracted by thoughts of Ryan and what-ifs.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
My first appointment was with a potential client for an elaborate holiday party in mid-December. The client was referred to me by Tom, whose daughter’s wedding I just shot in Charleston. We were meeting for lunch at eleven at Season’s 52. It wasn’t too far from my home, so I had some time to get ready. I hated being late, so I gave myself enough time to arrive ten minutes early and was brought to the table where I waited for Sam Andrews to arrive. I set out my portfolio, arranged my business cards, and waited.
I had heard a great deal about Sam. He was another financial planner in Tampa, in his late forties, never married, kind of a playboy, and loved to throw big parties. Money wasn’t an issue for him. It appeared that the more he spent, the more showed up for him. It was as if he and money had a symbiotic relationship.
“Hello, Ms. Jones,” said a voice from behind me.
I turned to look and there stood Sam, all 6’3 of him.
“Hello, Mr. Andrews. Please, call me Kate.”
“Call me Sam.”
“Okay. I’m glad we were able to meet today.”
“Me too. I’ve heard great things about you, Kate. Tom swears you work magic through the lens of your camera.”
“Tom is too kind. Truly he is.”
Our server came, and Sam ordered a glass of wine for himself. He asked if I’d like one but I declined politely.
“I have a few more appointments today that I need to be clear-headed for.” I laughed nervously.
“Well, maybe we can get a drink sometime, Kate.”
I didn’t respond. Yes, Sam was handsome. I could see why the ladies fell for him so easily, but he wasn’t Ryan. I needed time to heal from Ryan. Jumping into a date with Sam wasn’t a smart thing to do.
We spent lunch looking through my portfolio. Sam was impressed with what he saw.
“Kate, the party I’m putting together is B-I-G. Everyone who’s anyone will be there. I have clients flying in from all over the world for this thing. I want it documented tastefully. I want my guests to have pictures of themselves at the party, dressed up, having a fabulous time, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that they went to the party of the year. There’ll be about five hundred people attending.”
“Sounds amazing.” I smiled.
“Do you think you can handle a party of this magnitude?”
“Yes, I’m quite capable. I have a few ideas for you, actually.”
I talked about setting up a specific area for photos, where his guests could get more professional photos taken, and where there’d be props available for those who wanted to be silly and add some fun into their pictures. I’d also do candids throughout the night. People mingling, dancing, laughing—you name it, I’d capture it. We’d have a link to a database where the guests could log in and see all the pictures from the night and order prints.
“I don’t want them paying for anything, Kate.”
“That can be arranged, Sam. It will be part of the package I provide to you.”
Sam liked what he heard and hired me on the spot.
“I look forward to working with you, Kate.”
“Likewise. Thank you for lunch. I appreciate it, Sam.”
He walked me to my car after lunch and opened the door for me to get in.
“Until we meet again, Kate.”
My next appointment was an interview for a photographer/assistant. I desperately needed to hire someone. At the pace I was going, I wouldn’t be able to keep up with the demand all by myself.
I met Jillian at a local coffee shop in Hyde Park. She was a bubbly brunette with short cropped hair, wire-rimmed glasses, and lipstick as red as the devil himself.
“Hi, Ms. Jones. It’s so nice to actually meet you in person.”
“Kate. Please. Call me Kate. It’s nice to meet you too, Jillian.”
“I’ve brought my portfolio so you can take a look.”
“Great. I’m looking forward to seeing it.”
Jillian had a great vibe about her. She was sweet and funny, yet I could tell there was a part of her that was hardworking and very meticulous about her work. Her portfolio was stunning. Jillian had a way with the lens and capturing the essence of people.
“Photography has really been a love of mine since I was a little girl. My dad bought me my first camera when I was eight, and I loved looking through the lens and capturing images and emotions. There’s something so comforting about it.”
“I absolutely agree with you. Tell me, why the change in careers?”
“Well, I went the college route, got my business degree, worked in corporate America for a few years, and realized I wasn’t happy. It wasn’t for me. I know some people love it, but I like my freedom. I like creating and I hate working nine to five. I was beginning to feel like a caged animal who only lived for the weekends. I don’t feel like that’s the way to live.”
“I hear you. You do know this is a lot of weekend work? Most of our events are on the weekends.”
“Oh, yes. I’m totally okay with that. I like the flexibility photography offers me.”
We talked an hour more. I hired her on the spot. I liked Jillian and felt she was the perfect fit for Captured. She was thrilled. We decided on some office time during the week to help me out and then, of course, any events on the weekends.
“I just booked an amazing holiday party on December 12th, so I will definitely be needing you for that. Sam Andrews is throwing it.”
“Sam Andrews? OMG! You’ve got to be kidding me!” she squealed.
“No, I’m not kidding,” I laughed.
“He’s so hot, Kate. Have you seen him? I mean, I know I’m a little young for him, but a girl can dream, right?”
“Yes, I’ve seen him. He is good looking, but from what I hear he’s also a player, so beware.”
“I wouldn’t even have a chance. That man is totally out of my league. I’ll keep him in my dreams.”
Jillian was a hoot. I knew she and I would work well together. We made arrangements for her to come over on Monday so we could go over my schedule and get her up and running. I’d take her on a few of my shoots. Then, when she was ready, I’d release her to her own events.
Captured was growing. I was a proud momma. My business was a baby I had birthed and nourished, and watching her grow was a phenomenal feeling. I was proud of myself. I set an intention, didn’t give up, and watched it grow into what it was today. Life was good. I was happy. Well, as happy as I could be without Ryan in my life. Seeing him again had opened up so many emotions I had tried so hard to forget. He was hard to forget. Impossible. He was entangled in my soul. The last year had been painful. Not because of my divorce, but because my heart longed for Ryan. I could have thought my dissolving marriage would have been the reason behind my pain, but no, it was the ache I had for the man I loved and couldn’t have.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
The months leading up to the big event were busy. Training Jillian, who turned out to be the absolute right choice, working many events, the kids coming home for Thanksgiving, and life in general kept me occupied. The nights when I was alone with my thoughts were consumed with Ryan. I hadn’t reached out to him because I didn’t know what to say to him. I never looked back that day I left. I wanted to, but how could I possibly stay? Jen continued to tell me that I should drop everything and run to him, but life wasn’t a movie. There wasn’t a happily ever after. My heart continued to ache. The ache never receded. If I was honest, it only intensified over the last few months. Whoever said that time heals was full of crap.
I was meeting with Jillian the day before, to go over the details for the big event the following night. We’d gone over them a dozen times before, but I wanted everything to be perfect. I knew the night would go off without a hitch, the pictures would be beautiful, and I would have another satisfied client. Sam had actually turned out not to be so bad once you got to know him. He was charming and a flirt, but also a gentleman who knew where I stood. Jillian was completely besotted with him, which made me smile. She was young and looking for her Prince Charming. I’m not sure if Sam was it.
Jillian and I met at the venue, which was already being decorated for the next night.
“Damn, this man spared no expense.”
“I know. He takes his entertaining very seriously.” I laughed.
“He certainly does. It’s going to be absolutely stunning in here tomorrow night.”
“It definitely is. His guests are going to feel like royalty.”
Jillian and I walked the venue, talking about our vision for the party. The pictures would be magnificent with the decor and backdrop of the place. I knew Sam would be pleased.
We set up our equipment for the professional photo booth. Our backdrop was black with a beautiful cascade of gold shimmer. It almost looked like hundreds of falling stars cascading against a dark sky. It was perfect for the look we wanted for Sam’s guests.
We wrapped up an hour later and headed to an early happy hour. Jillian and I made our way to the bar for a glass of wine.
“Why aren’t you dating, Kate? Are you not ready?” she asked.
“Ugh. You would have to ask that question, wouldn’t you?”
“I’m just curious. You’re beautiful, brilliant, and so talented, someone would be very lucky to have you.”
“You’re so sweet, Jillian. Honestly? My heart is taken by a man I cannot have.”
“Oh, Lord. You’re in love with a married man? Shouldn’t you know better?”
I laughed. “No. I’m not in love with a married man. I’m in love with a man who lives in a different state. We’re worlds apart, or at least states apart, so it could never work. My heart aches for him every single day.”
“What? Kate! What are you talking about? Why aren’t you with this man? Long distance is a thing, you know? It could work!”
“I don’t want part-time, Jillian. I had part-time when I was married. I want full-time. I want someone who I can share my life with, every single day.”
“Well, I just want someone I can share my life with.” She giggled.
We both laughed. Jillian and I talked about Ryan for a while. I told her our story, and it brought so many raw emotions to the surface.
“He sounds like one in a million, Kate. I agree with Jen. You need to pick up and go be with him.”
“It’s not as simple as it sounds, Jillian. My life is here. My kids are here. My work is here.”
“I’m not going to argue with you, with you being my boss and all, but if I had a man like Ryan, I’d leave everything in a heartbeat. You don’t find that kind of love often. It’s rare, Kate.”
“This isn’t easy for me, Jillian. I wish it wasn’t as complicated as it is.”
“Do you keep in touch with him, at least?”
“No. That would be too difficult. He deserves someone who can give him what he needs. I can’t be that person so far away. I had to let him go.”
Jillian rolled her eyes.
“Kate, sometimes it’s good to step outside of yourself and take a peek back in. You might be surprised by what you see.”
We wrapped up happy hour and I headed home. I hated talking about Ryan. It brought so many emotions that I stuffed down deep inside back up to the surface. It seemed like no one under
stood why I couldn’t be with him. They thought it was so easy. If it were that easy, I would be with him. I wouldn’t be living in complete misery, aching for him. I knew I would have a rough night’s sleep after my conversation with Jillian. I already had a tough time sleeping, but my emotions felt a bit raw tonight. I needed sleep. Tomorrow was a big day, and I had to be on point.
I woke feeling a little groggy, but I’d slept better than I had anticipated. My dreams were of Ryan, so I woke with him at the forefront of my thoughts. I missed him. I missed everything about him. My heart ached, as usual, but I had to get myself together.
“Head in the game, Kate. You’ve got a huge event in front of you today. Focus.”
I showered and headed downstairs for coffee. Jillian would meet me at the venue at three. The event started at six, so we had plenty of time to ensure things were just right. Jillian would take on the arrivals. Guests would be dropped off in front of the venue. They’d walk up a magnificent plush red carpet, hanging sheers with icicle lights would line either side of the walkway, while icicle lights also hung from the portico shea. Guests would feel as though they were walking into a winter wonderland. I would be inside, capturing their expressions as they walked in the door. It would be absolutely thrilling for them. I couldn’t wait to see their faces.
As the arrival time approached, Jillian and I were ready. We had everything in place. Both of us were excited for this night. It was big. Captured would be featured in a write-up which would really catapult my business. If all went well, I’d be hiring another photographer within a month.
Guests started to arrive. Wow, those women were dressed to the nines. They wore absolutely stunning gowns, and I loved the look on their faces when they walked into the venue. Gasps, wide eyes, the complete joy and excitement in their facial expressions. I knew Sam would be pleased. It was then that my world came to a screeching halt. I couldn’t catch my breath. There he was, with his hand on the back of a stunningly beautiful brunette.
Wanted (The Dare to Dream Series Book 1) Page 14