“He cares about you.”
“I know. He wasn’t exactly thrilled I’d kept my problems a secret from him. I know you’re aware he’s dealing with an anxiety disorder and lying and sneaking around can act as triggers for him. He’s still stressed out even now.”
Stuart winced and set his bowl aside. “That’s on me. I’ll have to apologize to him. I didn’t mean to put any of your friends in an uncomfortable position. I was just worried about you.”
“I know you were.” Malcolm hesitated. “I’m grateful. I’m not happy about the way it all happened but it is a huge relief to get it all out in the open and let go of the burden of carrying it around by myself.”
“I’m glad.”
“And if Jackson and my dad and I can figure out a way to help my mom get back on her feet, that’ll be good.”
“You’ll let me know if there’s anything I can do to help?” Stuart asked softly.
“I will.”
Malcolm placed his bowl on the coffee table, then leaned in to kiss him. Stuart kissed him back, relieved by the contact. It reassured him, soothing the raw edges of worry that had formed after the argument and during their time apart. The kiss was sweet and tender—almost tentative—and so perfect it made Stuart’s chest ache. He could do this for hours, just kiss Malcolm and relearn the taste and feel of him.
Stuart shifted backward and Malcolm stretched out over his body until they were both horizontal. Malcolm threw his leg over Stuart’s, and Stuart wrapped his arms around him, pulling him closer. Now that he had Malcolm close again, he had no desire to let him go. He wanted to gorge himself on the feel of Malcolm’s lips against his and their bodies wrapped snugly together.
His chest was tight with feelings he couldn’t express, so he let his hands and mouth do the talking as he leisurely explored Malcolm’s neck and face, teasing his tongue against Malcolm’s and tracing his fingertip along the shell of Malcolm’s ear until he shivered. Stuart worked a hand up under Malcolm’s shirt, enjoying the feel of Malcolm’s skin against his palm.
Malcolm slid his palm over Stuart’s stomach, then hesitated a few inches from his cock. “Could I do something for you?” he asked, voice soft and somewhat tentative.
Stuart gently captured Malcolm’s hand and pulled it away. A puzzled frown crossed Malcolm’s face as he looked down at Stuart, so he kissed Malcolm’s palm and smiled at him. “I appreciate the offer, but honestly, my head isn’t in it right now. I’d just like to hold you if that’s all right?”
“That’s great.”
Malcolm settled against Stuart’s body again, this time with his head on Stuart’s chest. Stuart smiled and pressed a kiss to the top of Malcolm’s head. He’d missed this so much. They lay like that as Malcolm’s breathing evened out and eventually slowed as he drifted off. Stuart’s eyelids were heavy too and he closed them, letting Malcolm’s warmth and nearness lull him to sleep.
He awoke when Malcolm stirred and a glimpse at the clock showed they’d napped for more than an hour.
“I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you,” Malcolm said thickly as he sat up.
“It’s okay. The nap was nice. I haven’t been sleeping well,” Stuart admitted. He sat up, too, shaking his hand. His arm had gone numb from the way they’d been lying.
“No, me, either.” Malcolm reached out and grabbed his wrist. “Did your hand fall asleep?”
“Mmhmm.” He could feel the prickly pins-and-needles sensation as the blood started to flow again. “I hate that feeling.”
Malcolm rubbed Stuart’s hand between his own, massaging it to speed up the process.
Stuart looked at Malcolm, taking in the crease on his cheek from where it had been pressed against the fabric of Stuart’s shirt and the flattened section on the side of his head where his hair stood up funny. A lump rose in Stuart’s throat. He hated to think how close he’d come to losing Malcolm.
I’ll do better in the future, he thought. I have to. Because he couldn’t bear Malcolm not being in his life. He was only now beginning to realize that he was falling hard and fast for Malcolm. He’d cared deeply for Becky as a friend, but he’d never loved her the way he should. The way he could with Malcolm if they kept going. This past week had been terrible, and he never wanted to go through that again. Which meant that he needed to tell Malcolm his own secret. Soon.
As if aware of his scrutiny, Malcolm glanced up and gave him a smile. Though brief, it filled Stuart with so much warmth he wondered if he were outwardly flushing. Malcolm leaned in and brushed his lips across Stuart’s lightly, as if reminding him he wasn’t going anywhere.
“Do you want to stay the night?” Malcolm asked as he drew back.
“I’d love to.”
“Good. I’d love that, too.” Malcolm leaned in for another kiss and Stuart hugged him close, humming against his mouth with the pleasure of being with him again.
Chapter Fifteen
The echo of childish voices pulled Malcolm from sleep. Despite the early hour, he smiled, then stifled a chuckle when Stuart stirred beside him.
“What the hell is that?” Stuart grumbled, his voice still thick with sleep.
“I think you mean ‘who’ and not ‘what,’” Malcolm replied. He rolled so he could face Stuart, who used the arm he’d slung over Malcolm’s waist to pull him closer. “In this case, the ‘who’ are Sadie and Dylan, Carter’s kids.”
“Mmm, right. Didn’t know they’d be up early.” Stuart peeled one eye open. They’d arrived at the beach house in Southampton after ten the night before, just ahead of Kyle and Luka. That’d given the adults time to relax and catch up a bit while the younger Hamiltons were already in bed. Stuart had yet to meet them.
He checked his watch now and groaned. “Ugh, it’s not even seven. Don’t kids sleep in on the weekends?”
“Depends on the kids, I think. Sadie and Dylan don’t do that much. Plus, I’m sure they’re excited about the wedding and that probably has them on the move even earlier than usual.”
“Makes sense.” Stuart closed his eyes again. “We don’t need to be down there right now, do we?”
“Not unless you want in on the first wave of breakfast.”
“First wave?”
“Breakfast comes in waves around here when there’re a lot of us. There’ll probably be three waves before the morning is done.”
“I see. You people and your odd customs.” Stuart set his chin on Malcolm’s shoulder. “I’m good for now—got everything I need right here. I can wait for breakfast. And chatter. Too damned early.”
Malcolm ran a hand over Stuart’s thick hair. Between the occasional favor of an after-school pick-up and weekend socializing, he saw the Hamilton children with some regularity. Dylan had been a toddler and Sadie not much older the first time Malcolm had met them, and he’d grown to know them well over the years. He liked them. He liked kids in general, actually, yet realized now that he had no idea how Stuart felt about them. Not that Malcolm needed to examine why he wanted to know.
“You’re really okay with this?” he asked instead. “I know we talked about how there’d be lots of people here this weekend, but we didn’t go into it much.”
“I’m fine. Your friends equal an acceptable form of people. Kids can be fun,” Stuart said, then burrowed in closer, his voice drowsy again. “Always figured I’d have a couple at some point.”
Malcolm nodded, though he knew Stuart couldn’t see the motion. “Even after Becky?”
“The future got kind of murky after Utah, y’know? Had to find my way. Put stuff like family on hold. ’Cause it wasn’t the right time.”
“Sure. Makes sense.”
“’S not like I forgot.” A longish pause followed Stuart’s words and Malcolm could tell he was fighting sleep. “Jus’ need to figure myself out first.”
Malcolm closed his eyes. This man had already figured out more about himself in a few years than most people did in a lifetime. He held Stuart close, the sounds of the house waking up around t
hem fading as he savored the heat of the body against his. Satisfaction built inside Malcolm as Stuart’s breathing evened out and he slipped back under.
They’d spent many nights together in the last two weeks doing exactly this—holding each other and sometimes kissing, often for hours, even after their bodies made it clear they would have welcomed more. Malcolm hadn’t wanted anything beyond those simple and uncomplicated touches. He’d needed to reconnect with Stuart and work past the doubts that had sprung up in his mind in the wake of their argument. To Malcolm’s quiet delight, Stuart had been on the same page.
He’d eased off trying to insert himself into Malcolm’s money issues. He’d given Malcolm space to work on talking to the speakeasy guys about those problems, too, while still providing a friendly ear and honest words when Malcolm wanted them.
Malcolm quickly understood that he wasn’t the only one who craved reconnection. The searching quality he glimpsed in Stuart’s gaze these days said as much. A dark cloud hung over him when he’d been present for a second grocery delivery at Malcolm’s and the tension that rose between them had lingered for hours. For whatever reason, Malcolm’s withdrawal had shaken Stuart, and it seemed he needed time—and Malcolm’s reassurance—to work through those feelings. That only made Malcolm more determined to work on improving the way he communicated as they moved forward.
* * * *
Dylan ran his fingers over the designs etched into the skin of Stuart’s forearm, an eight-year-old’s admiration clear in his voice and the way his blue eyes shone. “These are badass.”
“Um, thanks.” Stuart grinned and used his other hand to fork up some eggs while Malcolm and Carter pretended not to laugh. “Glad you like them.”
Riley aimed a look across the table at Dylan. “Language, Dyl.”
“Badass isn’t a swear, is it?” Dylan raised an eyebrow. “Besides, Stuart’s tattoos are cool. And his beard is the biggest I’ve ever seen in person.”
The Hamilton-Porter-Wrights had gathered in the kitchen after Malcolm and Stuart had finally come downstairs, and Dylan and Sadie had immediately wanted to get to know the tattooed newcomer in their midst. Kyle and his boyfriend, Luka, turned up soon after and volunteered to fix breakfast, which included a tantalizing cold brew coffee for the adults spiked with homemade hazelnut liqueur and coffee milk coolers for Sadie, Dylan and Carter.
“Mmm, I dunno.” Sadie fixed an appraising stare on Stuart that made him smile again. He seemed to enjoy the attention of the Hamilton children. “I think Kyle’s beard was bigger last year,” she said at last.
Kyle belted out a laugh. “It was pretty epic until Jesse taught me how to trim it.”
“Remember we talked about decorating it for Christmas?” Sadie threw a playful grin his way. She’d be turning eleven in the fall and appeared suddenly very grown up and even more like Carter than Malcolm had thought possible.
“I absolutely remember,” Kyle said. “Almost makes me wish I hadn’t shaved it off.”
“Why did you shave?” Stuart asked.
“I grew a beard because I had stitches in my face at the time. Despite its epicness, it wasn’t really me. I did grow to appreciate it. Oops, I punned.” Kyle ran his fingers over his chin and winked at Luka, who smiled in return. “I could always grow another one.”
“We all know it wouldn’t take you long—you’ve got a five-o’clock shadow by noon,” Luka quipped. He set a hand on the nape of Kyle’s neck. “Up to you, babe. You said Lady Sadie here wanted to dye it fun colors, right? That might give Stuart here a run for his money.” Luka nodded at Stuart, who was watching them both with interest. “Kyle’s beard really was epic. Almost as much as yours. Both are way more impressive than, say, Jesse’s.”
“I heard that.”
“Which is why I said it.” Luka’s eyes twinkled as Jesse strode into the kitchen, a smile on his face.
“No fair talking smack about me,” Jesse said, “or the gloriousness that is my beard before I’ve had even one cup of coffee.”
Malcolm rolled his eyes. “Lack of caffeine hasn’t slowed down your mouth.” He smiled as Jesse swiped a hand over Malcolm’s hair on his way to the stove. “Where’s your better half?”
“Still sleeping.” Jesse wrapped his arms around Sadie, who’d gotten up to give him a hug. “Cam had a nasty cold last week and he’s still wiped. Poor guy needs some extra sleep.” He straightened and stared at the remnants of food on the plates that sat on the table. “Is there really nothing left to eat?”
“There’s a whole platter of pancakes and sausage warming in the oven, you big baby.” Kyle waved Jesse off. “You’re out of luck if you want eggs, though, ’cause I’m pretty sure Luka and I cooked whatever was left a little while ago.”
“Well, heck.” Jesse made a face. “Didn’t you say you’d make cookies this weekend, Mal?”
“There’re more eggs in the fridge out in the garage and extras for Malcolm’s cookies,” Dylan piped in. He crossed the kitchen and grabbed one of Jesse’s hands, then inclined his blond head toward the door at the far end of the room. “I’ll show ya. The dads always buy more when you’re invited ’cause they say you never met an egg you didn’t like.”
A chorus of laughter rang out, Jesse’s louder than anyone’s.
“I’d be offended by that if it wasn’t so painfully accurate.” He shot a mock glare at Carter and Riley before he allowed Dylan to lead him away.
“What’s all this about cookies?” Stuart asked Malcolm, who merely smiled.
“I like to bake,” he said. “Cookies especially and I’ve got a ton of recipes.” He glanced back to Sadie when she called for Carter’s attention.
“Isn’t Jesse always invited, Dad?” she asked.
“Yes, he is. And it’s not like he’d listen if I said otherwise, honey.” Carter shared a smile with his daughter, then gathered up some of the empty plates. “Jesse is one of my favorite people—just like everyone else in this big family—and I love him to pieces. And we’ll have even more people around when Will and David get here.”
Sadie nodded. “What about Aunt Audrey and Uncle Max?”
“They’ll be here, too.” Carter set the dishes in the sink. “They’re going to hook up with your Uncle Dan and Aunt Mel and rideshare with the kids.”
Malcolm caught Stuart’s mystified expression. “Audrey is Carter’s sister,” he said quietly as the others at the table rose. “Dan and Mel are old college roommates of his and Riley’s. They and their three kids flew in from Chicago earlier this week.”
“Ah.” Stuart set his fork down. “Guess I didn’t realize there’d be more than speakeasy people here. Which sounds silly now that I think about it.”
“Outside of the aunt and uncle types, you’re not far off. Oh, my coworker Astrid will be here with a date. She’s another speakeasy person. Carter’s ex and her partner, too.” Malcolm smiled at Stuart’s disbelieving chuckle. “I think that’s everyone. Twenty-three’s not a lot for a wedding, right?”
“Definitely not. Except I might need a cheat sheet where names are concerned, so don’t wander off.”
“I didn’t plan to.” Malcolm studied Stuart’s face. “Something bothering you?”
“No. Why?”
“You look like you want to ask a question but haven’t figured out how.”
“Oh.” Stuart rubbed his thumb over his forehead. “You’re getting good at reading me, you know. I’m not sure yet if that’s a good thing or bad.” He gave Malcolm a wry smile.
“Good, I hope.” Malcolm glanced up as Jesse and Dylan re-entered the kitchen with a double carton of eggs, then inclined his head toward Stuart’s glass of coffee. “C’mon—let’s take these outside.”
“I really don’t understand how all of this works,” Stuart said once they’d stepped onto the deck connected to the kitchen. Leo, the family’s old border collie, immediately got up from his spot in the sun and crossed the deck to Malcolm. “You told me about Carter dating both Jesse and Kyle, and
that Riley and Will used to be an item.”
“That’s right.” Malcolm settled onto a chaise. He scrubbed Leo’s scruff with his fingers and smiled when the dog settled down by his feet. “Good boy.”
Stuart sat beside Malcolm. “Then there’s the other hookups with Kyle and Jesse and their boyfriends—”
“Well, there’re a few more than that,” Malcolm said. “I wasn’t joking when I said I made a diagram showing the pairings-slash-groupings.”
“Yet they’re all friends? Along with Carter’s ex-wife, who is coming to his wedding where he’ll marry the man he left her for?”
“Carter didn’t leave Kate for anyone. But yes, they all make it work.”
“How?” Stuart stared through the glass doors into the kitchen where Jesse and now Cam were chatting with Riley and the Hamilton kids. “I can’t imagine having stayed friends with Becky after we split, and we didn’t have half the emotional baggage your friends do.”
“Well, there were only two of you. Fewer people, less baggage.” Malcolm waited for Stuart’s grin.
“You’re an ass.”
“I know. I can’t explain the hows of why this works. I’m not even sure I understand it myself.” Malcolm turned his focus toward the beach nearby where a bamboo gazebo stood at the end of a short aisle drawn in the sand with white stones. A small army of white folding chairs stood on either side of the aisle, and both they and the gazebo were decorated with garlands of pink and white flowers.
“Carter and his ex have kids to keep them connected. The rest of us… There’s more than friendship going on here.” Malcolm glanced back down at the dog. “Carter wasn’t speaking figuratively when he called us all a family because that’s what we are. Maybe that sounds strange to someone who hasn’t watched it grow over the years but it’s true.
“Some of these guys—Carter, Riley, Will—lost a lot of people in their lives when they came out. The only McKee that Kyle has left to count on is his brother.” He shrugged, though he could tell his words had registered with Stuart in the way he’d gone still. “I think those losses have made them fight hard to hang on to the people they love, which inspires the rest of us to do the same.”
Straight Up Page 21