Elisa gave her the expressionless look she’d come to expect in answer to her evasive responses. “Honey, you know what I mean.”
“I do. But I’m not ready, Elisa. Thank you, though, for encouraging me.”
“You’ve been quiet today. Are you okay? Is your hip bothering you?”
“No. It’s fine. I’m just tired. I had a big weekend.”
Elisa flashed a curious smile and said, “I heard you won the scavenger hunt.”
“How did you hear that?”
“The winners were listed on the Peaceful Harbor Gazette’s website. Will I have a chance to meet this Quincy Gritt you partnered with?”
Roni’s throat thickened. “Um, maybe one day.”
“Hello?” Gemma said from the doorway. “Sorry, Angela was at the front desk and she said I could come back and talk with Roni for a minute. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I can wait in the lobby.”
“I was just on my way out,” Elisa said, and as she left, Gemma walked into the room.
“Hi,” Roni said, wondering why she was there early and where Kennedy was. She hoped Gemma and Truman wouldn’t pull Kennedy from her class because of what was going on with her and Quincy. “Where’s Kennedy?”
“She’s playing with Emmie in the lobby. Lira is watching her.” Emmie was another student in Roni’s class, and Lira was her mother. “How are you doing?”
Roni breathed a sigh of relief and feigned her best upbeat attitude. “I’m great. How are you?”
Gemma’s green eyes turned serious and compassionate. “I’m well, but are you sure you’re okay? I don’t mean to be nosy, but Quincy came over Saturday night, and he was really upset. He and Tru talked for half the night. He came back over Sunday and spent all day with the kids, which is how I know he’s hurting. They’re like his little doses of happiness.”
Roni’s shoulders sank. She hated that he was as tortured as she was. “The truth is, I’m not okay, Gemma. I’m sad and confused, and…”
“I understand. Quincy doesn’t know I’m talking with you, but I wanted to because, well, we all really enjoyed getting to know you Friday night, and I’ve sort of been through what you’re going through. When Truman and I first met, he told me that he’d killed the man who was attacking their mother. I didn’t find out the truth until much later. I don’t know how Quincy survived with all the guilt he’d been carrying, much less how he found the courage to confess to me and the police. He didn’t even know me. But he told me everything, and Truman was furious at him for confessing.”
“Because he wanted to protect Quincy?”
“Always. The same way Quincy, who was no longer a scared, confused kid, wanted to protect Truman, and me and the kids.”
Tears threatened, but Roni fought against them. “Is it wrong that I hate their mother?”
“No. In fact, you’re in good company with those feelings.” Gemma softened her tone and said, “I’m not here to try to convince you to give Quincy a chance. This is your life, Roni, and it’s a huge decision to be with someone who has a history like Quincy’s. But I thought you might need to hear from someone who was there for some of it. I didn’t know what to make of Truman when I met him, much less Quincy. I came from an affluent family who snubbed anyone who was below their economic status. But I have never been loved as wholly as I am by Truman, and I’ve never been loved by family as deeply as I am by Quincy. I was there when he hit rock bottom. We found him unconscious on the lawn, and to be honest, it terrified me. I wasn’t sure I could be involved with someone whose brother was an addict. It’s a world I didn’t understand. But I thank God every day that my love for Tru and the kids was stronger than my fear of what having Quincy in our lives could have meant if he hadn’t gotten clean. Then Quincy went to rehab, and that was hard. There was a lot of pent-up anger and guilt between them, but Quincy never faltered. He was determined to get clean. He surprised us all when he confessed and again when he put himself back into rehab to finish his ninety-day program because it proved that his strength and conviction to leave that life behind was that much more powerful than the allure of drugs. He’s a good man who did terrible things to himself, and those things hurt others, but he’s in a better place now.”
Roni felt like she was going to cry. “He said he can’t promise he won’t use drugs again.”
“That’s true. No one in recovery can make that promise. I know it’s painful to hear, but I can tell you that in the time I’ve known Quincy, he’s never once taken a step backward. He doesn’t drink, he’s honest to a fault, and for what it’s worth, he’s never brought a woman around us until you.”
Roni had been thinking about his honesty, too, and knowing he’d never brought another woman around his friends confirmed what she already knew. Their connection was more powerful than anything she’d ever known. It was stronger than both of them. “Thank you for telling me all of this, Gemma. I miss him already, and it’s only been a day and a half.” It felt good to say that out loud. She missed his constant texts, his voice, and seeing his soulful eyes. She missed his friendship, his kisses, and the smile that stirred butterflies in her belly, but just as all that longing took hold, the crows swept down to feed again.
Chapter Nine
QUINCY SHOVED HIS laptop across the desk and pushed to his feet after typing and deleting the same line four times while trying to write a paper for his business ethics class. He could no sooner concentrate on schoolwork than he could on anything else besides driving his ass over to the dance studio and talking to Roni. She hadn’t responded to his texts on Sunday. He was anxious, and at the same time he felt completely wrung out and empty. He’d talked to Tru, to Penny, and to Jed, but nothing could soothe the ache of longing eating away at him. He’d barely slept the last two nights, and it didn’t help that Simone had needed extra support yesterday.
He checked the time, threw on his leather jacket, grabbed his keys, and headed downstairs. Truman, Jed, and Bear all turned as he walked into the shop. There was no escaping the concern in their eyes. He’d seen it so many times in the weeks after he’d gotten out of rehab, he could spot the are you on the edge looks a mile away. He hadn’t been tested like this since those first few weeks, and they all knew it. Dealing with the trials and tribulations of reentering the world without the safety net of being so drugged up that nothing could faze him had been a massive undertaking, but he’d fucking nailed it. This thing with Roni was totally different, and it was kicking his ass, but he’d have himself put in a straitjacket before he’d use drugs again. Although he wasn’t a fool. Anything that fucked with his head and his heart at the same time required backup.
Jed lifted his chin and said, “How’s it going, Quince?”
Shitty. “It’s goin’.”
“Don’t worry, man,” Bear called out to him. “The way Roni was looking at you Friday night, she’ll be calling before you know it.”
He wasn’t so sure about that.
“Hey, bro,” Truman said as he closed the distance between them. “You okay?”
Truman searched Quincy’s eyes, and it took everything Quincy had to keep from snapping at him. He loathed feeling that way toward his brother, but what he hated even more was making Truman worry about him.
“I’m standing here, aren’t I?” Quincy gritted his teeth. “Sorry, Tru. I’m agitated, pissed off that I made shitty choices and thrust this nightmare on Roni. But I’ve got it under control. I’m heading to an NA meeting.”
“You are?” The relief in Truman’s eyes was palpable. “That’s great, man. I’m proud of you. Do you want me to come with you?”
“No, thanks. I’m good. But I appreciate the offer. Would you mind if I pick up Linc from Red after the meeting?”
Truman stroked his beard, grinning. “Need a little buddy time?”
“That’s always great, but I actually need a little Red time.”
“No problem, man.” Truman stepped closer and said, “What can I do to help?”
“Exactly w
hat you’re doing, offering to help, being there to listen like you did this weekend. I hate to make you worry, but it’s good that you do. And as much as I hate being checked on, knowing everyone cares is important.” He looked at Bear and Jed, who were respectfully looking away. He raised his voice and said, “I’ll get through this, you guys. Don’t worry. I’m not going to fuck up anyone’s life. Most importantly, my own.”
The question is, how can I convince Roni of that?
“My door is always open, buddy. We believe in you,” Bear said.
“One hundred and fifty percent,” Jed agreed.
Truman clapped a hand on Quincy’s shoulder and said, “Two hundred percent, bro.”
With a nod, Quincy headed out to his truck.
ATTENDING THE NA meeting was exactly what Quincy needed to center himself. Every time he walked into a meeting, he was reminded of his first time, when he’d desperately wanted to succeed and feared he might not be strong enough. He’d looked around the room and had seen people from all walks of life working the program, validating the things he’d learned in rehab. And just like the first time, he walked out after the meeting feeling even stronger and more in control than he had when he’d walked in.
Thank fucking God.
He drove to the Whiskeys’ house on the outskirts of town, trying to ignore the voice in his head telling him to drive to Roni’s instead. He wanted to see her, to make the promises he shouldn’t. He wanted to do whatever the hell it took to make her his again, to hold her in his arms and see her smile, to wipe away her devastation and disappointment. As he drove down the long tree-lined driveway and parked in front of the Whiskeys’ modest two-story home, he tried not to think too much about why he felt the need to see Red, because doing so would bring his thoughts back to his worthless mother. He was just thankful Red and Biggs were in his life.
He thought about Roni and wondered who she’d talk to now that her grandmother was gone. Angela? Elisa? He tried to imagine her discussing his past with them, and his gut twisted. Who in their right mind would encourage her to give him a shot when she’d worked her ass off to escape the very life he’d walked willingly into?
He climbed from the truck and headed up the walk toward the front door. Tinkerbell, Bullet’s rottweiler, bounded around the side of the house, barking.
“Hey, Tink. I didn’t see Bullet’s truck.” Quincy bent to love up the pooch as Red came around the side of the house holding Lincoln’s hand. Red wore her leather jacket, while Lincoln was bundled up in a thick wool sweater, his russet hair peeking out from beneath his navy-blue hat. A familiar happiness came over Quincy at the sight of them, taking even more of the edge off.
“I wondered who caught Tink’s attention,” Red called out.
He waved, and Lincoln broke free from her grasp, toddling faster toward Quincy with his arms outstretched and an adorable toothy grin. “Incy!”
Tinkerbell ran after him, and Red hollered, “Tink, slow down!”
The dog slowed to a trot.
“Hey, buddy.” Quincy scooped Lincoln into his arms and kissed his cheek, inhaling the sweet scent of innocence. “Are you being good for Nana Red?”
Lincoln nodded and rattled off something too fast for Quincy to understand.
“What was that?” Quincy showered Lincoln’s cheek with kisses, making him squeal and giggle. “Maybe Nana Red can translate for me.”
“He ate lunch with Papa Biggs on the patio today. Right, honeybun?” She tickled Lincoln’s belly, and he giggled again.
“Where is Biggs today?” Quincy asked as Lincoln grabbed hold of his hair and tugged. He reached for Lincoln’s hand and kissed his tiny fist, earning another heart-melting grin. Lincoln immediately grabbed Quincy’s hair again.
“Papa Biggs is inside changing Axel’s diaper,” Red said, running an assessing eye over Quincy.
“Play wif Tink!” Lincoln tried to wriggle free, and Quincy set him on his feet. Tinkerbell licked Lincoln’s face, and he toddled toward the backyard with the pooch by his side.
“I see you’re babysitting Tink today, too,” Quincy said as Red embraced him.
“If you think Bullet is protective of Finlay, you should see Tink. She won’t let Finlay out of her sight. Poor Fin needed a break. It’s nice to see you, sweetheart.”
“Sorry I didn’t call first.”
“Oh, honey, you never have to call.” She looped her arm around his, and they followed Lincoln and Tinkerbell. “Biggs hasn’t stopped talking about your new gal since she took his picture.”
“I’m not so sure she’s my gal anymore.”
“Oh, baby, is that the trouble I see brewing in your eyes? I’m sorry. You two looked so close, I was betting she was the one.”
He was, too. “I’ve never felt anything like what I feel for her, and it was there even before we started going out,” Quincy admitted. “It happened fast, without any warning. Then we had our first date, and I swear to you, Red, the earth shifted beneath my feet. That’s some crazy shit.”
“Sounds like your little lady’s snagged your heart.” She waved to the patio chairs and said, “Why don’t we sit down and chat. Would you like some lemonade or a soda, honey?”
“No. I’m fine, thanks.” He leaned forward, elbows on knees, watching Lincoln plop down in the grass and toss a ball. Tinkerbell picked it up, ran around the yard, and brought it back to him.
Biggs walked outside, his cane in one hand, baby Axel in the other, and said, “How’s it goin’, son?”
Son. He wondered if Biggs knew how much that endearment meant to him every damn time he said it. “Things are a little complicated right now, Biggs.”
“Then this ought to make your day. Nothing’s simpler than a baby. Feed ’em, change ’em, love ’em up.” Biggs handed him Axel, bundled up in a thick sweater with a blanket around him. Wisps of dark hair stuck out from beneath a cute black beanie with MINI DARK KNIGHT embroidered on the front. Biggs sat beside Red, leaned in for a kiss, and said, “The boy looks good with a baby in his arms, doesn’t he?”
“Aw, Biggsy, don’t go rushing him into parenthood.” Red’s expression warmed as Quincy cradled Axel. “But yes, all our boys look good lovin’ our babies.”
Axel yawned, his tiny eyes squeezing shut.
“You know, I never knew what a family was supposed to look or act like, beyond Tru,” Quincy said, stroking Axel’s cheek. “I always knew he loved me, and I knew our mother had it out for him. But as a family, we were so broken. Tru showed me how to love, but you two and your family showed me how to love like a family loves. You showed me what a family could and should look like.” He looked at Lincoln rolling around on the grass with Tinkerbell, then at Biggs sitting with his arm around Red, her hand on his leg, and Quincy’s chest constricted. “I want that one day—a real family, kids of my own to love, teach, and be there for. I want to be a man my family can rely on, like you, Biggs, and Tru, and the rest of them. A man people respect and want to be around. Not anytime soon, of course. I’ve got a lot of ground to cover before I can be that man. But maybe five or six years from now, after I’m done with school and have several years in recovery under my belt.”
“You’re doing all the right things, Quincy,” Red reassured him. “Do you want to tell us what happened?”
“I told Roni about my past.” He looked at Axel. If he was lucky enough to have his own family, one day he’d have to tell his children about his past, too. “I didn’t sugarcoat it. I told her about the guy I killed, the kids living on the streets, and everything else, and for the first time in my life, I wish I was one of those guys who could lie.”
“No you don’t,” Biggs said gruffly. “Lying would tear you up and send you right back to the streets, because it’s not what you’re made of, son.”
“I know. Thank you,” Quincy said, choking up at Biggs’s support. “I didn’t mean it. But the tears and the fear in Roni’s eyes when I told her will haunt me forever.”
“As they should. More fuel
for the staying-clean fire,” Biggs said with a serious stare.
“Right, but it sure would be easier if I felt like I didn’t deserve to be loved. Then I could just walk away. I know I fucked up for too many years, but I’m a good man. Your family, Tru, Gemma, everyone has shown me that I’m worthy of giving and receiving love.”
“I believe you always knew you were, darlin’,” Red said. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have gotten clean or stayed clean.”
Quincy held out his finger, and Axel grabbed hold. “It’s crazy that I’ve got this empty place inside me right now. Like I left a piece of myself with her.”
Biggs studied him for a beat and said, “Are you fighting the dragon?”
“No. I have no desire to use drugs. Drugs can’t fill this void. It’s different from when Tru went to prison. I’m different. This emptiness is different from anything I’ve ever felt. But somehow I know nothing can fill it. It’s like a space inside me reserved for us, for me and Roni, and I know that sounds crazy.”
“That’s not crazy, son. I saw love between you, too,” Biggs said. “You might not know it yet, and she might not either, but it was as real and present as that baby in your arms.”
“I think I might have lost her,” Quincy admitted, the words cutting him like a knife. “I told her I’d give her space, but it feels wrong not to go plead my case and tell her how much she means to me.”
“Don’t push, honey, and don’t give up hope,” Red encouraged. “Matters of the heart don’t run on a timeline, and they can’t be forced. Look at Bear. He waited months for Crystal to finally go out with him. The boy was so lovesick, it dripped off him. And Bullet wanted to plow in guns blazing to claim Finlay, but for the first time in his life, he learned to listen, to be gentle, and ease in as best he could. He was kind of like a Mack truck plowing at half speed, but that’s what love does to a person. It shows them what they can be for the right person. It might take Roni a day, a week, or a few months before she knows what she can handle and what she wants. But if she chooses to walk away, then she wasn’t the right person and we were all wrong. That’ll hurt, baby, maybe worse than anything else you’ve ever felt. But we’ll still be here for you.”
The Gritty Truth Page 14