by Eden Summers
He took another step and she retreated as he moved into her room. She was always retreating. Always the weaker party when it came to him.
“What are you thinking?” he murmured.
She let her hands fall to her sides and concentrated on keeping her fingers still. “I’m thinking that I want you to leave.”
“That’s a lie.”
“No.” She shook her head. “It’s not. I need you to walk out that door and pretend we didn’t just lose our minds. Please, Ryan. For the sake of my job.”
His lips lifted in a sad smile. “You know I can’t do that. Not again.”
She turned away, trying to determine what she could say to make him leave. She couldn’t hurt him. Not anymore. But he couldn’t stay either. Not when her fingers were tingling with the need to touch and her heart was pounding with yearning beats.
“I know you’re scared.”
Those words kept getting repeated. Maybe it was time to listen. She’d dropped her warrior status long ago and hadn’t been anyone of strength for a while now. Not since Australia when she lost a part of herself. And definitely not since the news of his divorce.
“I’m petrified,” she admitted. “I’m scared sick of what I might lose.”
“Have you thought of what you might gain?”
“The fairytale of happily ever after?” She raised a brow. “Apart from me not being a fairytale kinda girl, I don’t think your marriage, your girlfriends, and our careers will allow for it.”
“It won’t be easy, but you know I can make you happy.”
Her heart clenched, trying to cling to his promise.
“Admit it, Leah.” He remained near the door, not encroaching, not demanding, because his words did that all on their own. “If it weren’t for external influences, we’d be perfect together.”
Her lips wouldn’t let her deny him, nor would she allow them to speak the truth. He was right. If life didn’t exist outside this hotel room, she would be undeniably happy. But the world was there, on the other side of that door, simply waiting for its chance to strike.
“Take as long as you need to think about it.” He leaned his shoulder into the wall, taking a casual stance. “I’ll wait around until you’re ready to admit it.”
She released a breathy chuckle. “You’re going to stand there until I surrender?”
“This isn’t a battle. There’s no surrender. You need to quit fighting and just acknowledge the truth.”
She opened her mouth, prepared to give him the speech on contractual obligations, but he cut her off.
“You spend too much time fixated on problems instead of focusing on what you want and what we could have together.”
“Believe me, I’ve focused enough on both.” She threw her arms up in the air. “There. I admitted it.”
He inclined his head. “Now prove it. Throw caution to the wind and give me a Leah-instigated kiss. Convince me I’m not alone in this obsession.”
She shook her head. “Don’t make me do that.”
“I’d never make you do anything. But we both know the last thing you want to be doing is thinking.”
“Thinking is constructive. Thinking is—”
“Safe. Yeah, I know.” Hope left his features. “Do you really want me to go?”
Her stubborn mind said yes. Every other molecule in her body screamed no.
He sighed and reached for the door.
“Wait.”
He straightened, chin high, shoulders rigid. Each glide of her toes along the carpet increased her rapid pulse. It was hard to breathe. Hard to strategize and scheme.
“Stop thinking.”
“I can’t.” She was a thinker. It was her thing. Plan, plan, plan. “If I stop thinking, I’ll never want you to leave this room.”
“Then we’ll both get what we want.”
She encroached, coming toe to toe, thigh to thigh, and again, became sucked into the lascivious vortex. “Don’t tease.”
“Tease?” He flinched. “Working with you for years, knowing I could never have you, was a tease. This right here is the exact opposite. We can be together. We can work this out. Make no mistake, Leah, I’m all yours.”
His fingers glided over her hip, gentle in touch yet jolting in effect.
“One kiss,” she demanded. “No hands.”
He held up his palms in surrender. “One kiss. No hands.”
Her heart was beating too fast. Her palms were sweating. It was as if her world hung in the balance. Be careful or careless. Be selfless or sinful. She was dying to taste those lips and tangle with his tongue. She yearned to see his shirt on the floor, his jeans around his ankles, and his cock deep in the back of her throat. But… But…
“I’m waiting,” he whispered.
“Give me a second.” She needed to work herself up to this. To suppress her fears and anxieties. Her career… Her family… Her future…
She swallowed on her approach, knowing this was the end. She couldn’t deny him. Couldn’t hold back. He remained still as she tilted her head and brushed her mouth over his. She kissed him, slow and soft and sweet. There was no world. No Leah. Only lips and teeth and tongues. There was only comfort and relief. Necessity and instinct.
She was kissing Ryan—the man of her dreams. And he was kissing her back, increasing her fascination with the deft way he made her burn. It wasn’t in a dingy stairwell, or in a drunken binge. This was a connection without risk, without harm. Until he gripped her hips and ground into her, sending an explosion of warmth to her pussy.
She found strength to wiggle from his grip. “You agreed, no hands.” She glared at the laughter in his eyes and turned to walk away, only to be wrapped back up in his arms.
“Don’t kid yourself. You knew I’d never hold up my end of the bargain.”
His breath tickled her neck, his chest deliciously hard and warm behind her. She wanted to be annoyed, wanted to be able to muster a growl, only her smile was too rebellious. The happiness too intense. Ryan was here. In her room. His arms around her, inspiring perfection, bringing her dreams to life. But the higher he took her, the harder she had to fall, right?
“You’re going to be late.” She turned in his embrace and stared back at eyes that were idolizing her. “Again.”
“Is that code for—I need time to obsess over what we just did?”
He knew her. Knew her so well. “Maybe.”
His lips kicked. “You’ve got thirty minutes. We can catch a ride to the stadium together.”
Thirty minutes wouldn’t be enough. Thirty years didn’t seem adequate. She needed to strategize and come up with an infallible plan to make this work. A plan she’d unsuccessfully strived to create for years, and now had to achieve within minutes. “I’ll be there.” As soon as she showered, changed, and found some Valium. “The lobby in thirty minutes.”
“We can figure out how to tell the guys while we’re on the road.” He kissed her forehead. “Don’t look so horrified. It’ll be fine.”
Chapter Eleven
He knew thirty minutes would be a long time for her to obsess. He even expected her text—I’m running late. I’ll have to meet you there. It was a typical Leah blueprint. Especially when he was involved. She wanted to keep her distance until she planned every single step in their path forward.
He didn’t have time for that. She had her strategy, and he had his. Only problem was, his involved smothering her into submission. Which was why he ended up standing outside her door, waiting until she was ready to leave.
“Damn it, Ryan. What are you still doing here?”
“Waiting.” He started down the hall after her, hanging back a little to take in the full effect of her tight pin-skirt. “I thought you were going to be late.”
“I am.” She glanced at her watch. “Two minutes.”
He chuckled to himself. “You didn’t think I could wait two minutes?”
She cleared her throat and continued to the elevator, pressing the call button harder than
necessary.
“So where are we at?” He was teasing, which again, was all part of the plan. “Have we reached the pinnacle of anxiety, or are we still waiting on a lower wing?”
“I’m not anxious. I’m in work mode.” She entered the opening elevator, rested against the back wall and met his gaze. “I’m trying to tally up my to-do list. For example, once I reach the stadium I have to have a stern discussion with the security team about who they let on stage during performances. And then I need to chastise the rhythm guitarist about arriving late to sound check. Again.”
“Chastise?” He entered the elevator, left barely a foot between them, and leaned in to encroach on the perfection of her personal space. “That sounds like fun.”
Her lips twitched. “Cameras, Ryan.”
She stared him down, the barely visible flames in her eyes making it hard to concentrate. Shit. This was harder than he thought, especially in the groin department. After a lifetime waiting to get here, he was finding it difficult to focus on anything other than kissing her. Everywhere.
“Did you speak to Felicity?” She slid out of reach, her focus now on the elevator buttons.
“Yeah. Not before she told Hannah, but they’re both going to keep quiet.”
Her eyes closed briefly. “I hope we can trust them.”
We. One word. Two letters. The statement was remarkably changing. They were a couple. At least as far as he was concerned. “We’re holding a major secret of theirs, too. They’re not going to want to risk discovery either.”
“Fingers crossed.” The elevator doors opened and she pounded out the distance toward the lobby doors, the authoritative tap, tap, tap of her heels seeming to strengthen her. Their escort to the stadium was parked outside. The black van with tinted windows kept company by the driver and one of their security team who stood at the open back door.
He ignored the few screamers as they walked outside and indicated for Leah to get in the back of the van before him. “Ladies first.”
She rolled her eyes and lowered her head to climb in, giving him a phenomenal view. Normally, she sat in the front. He didn’t think she realized her mistake until he was sliding along the back seat beside her. Right beside her.
“Would you like the window seat?” She drew out the words as if he had a learning disability.
“No, I’m good.”
“Are you sure?” She glanced down at where his thigh rubbed against hers. “Because you’re practically in it already.”
“I’m keeping things close while I can.” He brushed his hand over hers, entwining their fingers.
She sighed and rested her head against the window. “We need to cool it for now. I don’t even want the guys to find out until I have my bearings.”
He couldn’t help smiling at her. He was already in freefall and she was still grappling for stability. “Sure.”
“I’m serious, Ryan. Wipe the smirk off your face.”
“Anything you say, boss.”
“Stop it.” A grin pulled at her lips. “This isn’t a joke.”
He leaned in as the van started, his mouth temptingly close to her ear. “I’m trying,” he whispered. “But I’ve gotta admit, it’s kinda hard to keep my hands off you now I’ve been given a green light.”
She pulled her hand away. “There’s no green light.”
He shrugged. “Then maybe I should run the red.”
There was another kick to those gorgeous lips. “Maybe you should move over and give me a little space. We need to figure out what to tell Mason. He was there. He knows you went after me. Felicity probably told him, too.”
He skootched away, not for her sake, but for his. The crotch of his jeans was unbearably tight. It’d been months since he’d had any sort of sexual relief. “She didn’t. He took off straight after I did, in search of Sid. He doesn’t know anything.”
“I’d like to keep it that way.” She stared outside at the passing buildings, quiet in her contemplation.
The rest of the ride was done in silence, the barely audible drone from the radio seeping into the back seat. She continued to watch the scenery go by, while he stared at her, trying to read what was worrying her most.
He understood the troubles they faced. Some were bigger than others. Some external. Some emotional. Some revolved around his manhood and if it would work under the heat-of-the-moment pressure. But they were all manageable hurdles. Ones they were destined to leap, given a little practice.
He’d give her the chance to tell people in her own time. What he couldn’t give her was space. He couldn’t even allow a two-foot buffer as they climbed from the van and made their way through the staff entrance of the stadium.
She remained stuck in her own thoughts as they approached the sound of tuning instruments. Greeting the rest of the band wouldn’t be easy. The news of the mistaken cocaine incident would already be a hot topic, and the alone time with Leah would be up for discussion. It was all part of the process. Part of the awesomeness that being with her was shaping up to be.
“We’ve got this,” he whispered as they entered the main stadium, Mason, Mitch, Blake, and Sean all coming into view on stage.
She hit him with a frantic look. “Keep quiet and don’t elaborate.”
“Sure thing.” He winked.
She winced, probably at his enthusiastic smirk, and turned away, outpacing him on their approach.
“Nice of you two to join us,” Mason’s amplified voice carried from all angles. “What’s with the cocksucker grin, coke sniffer?” The question echoed around the empty outdoor stadium, attracting attention from the crew.
“Jesus Christ.” Leah stopped and glared at him. “Stop smiling.”
He tried. Failed. He couldn’t quit the upward curve. “Can’t help it.”
She mimicked his smile, hers threatening. “Try harder.”
“I will,” he muttered. “I promise.” It was a lie. The roll of her eyes announced she knew it, too. There was no point fighting the pull. The grin was there to stay. Unmovable.
She sighed and stopped three feet from the stage. “Mason, do you mind putting your immaturity on hold for a moment so I can give you all an update on the schedule?”
“Sure thing, captain.”
The guys came forward, Mitch and Blake taking the temporary stairs, Mason and Sean jumping to ground level.
“I spoke to the stadium manager this morning. He wanted to make you aware of the water leak in your dressing room. Contractors will be going in and out during the day, so make sure you don’t leave any valuables in there.”
Mason focused on him, scrutinizing, making the curve of his lips kick higher. Then it was Blake, the bass guitarist frowning in confusion.
“Tonight’s show is sold out, along with tomorrow,” Leah continued. “The only problem we’re currently facing is the lack of sales for Slicker. Their social media presence is increasing, but we’re not getting the necessary traction on downloads. So if you’re online, please think about retweeting or sharing to keep this ball rolling.”
“Can do,” Mitch offered, always the brown-noser.
“Everything else is on schedule… Oh, except—” She held up a finger and pinned him with a chastising look. “—Please be aware of the age demographic of your fans. Lurid simulations of sex shouldn’t be part of the show.”
He still couldn’t quit the grin. Nope. It was cemented in place. Every show was filled with some form of perversion unsuitable for teens. That wasn’t new. But this was—her jealousy. Her insecurity.
“Speaking of sex,” Mason drawled, “are you going to fill us in on what happened earlier?”
“Earlier?”
He noticed the heavy contraction of her throat and couldn’t help enjoying her panic.
“You got your panties in a twist and stormed off. I wanted a follow up on how Ryan may have untwisted them.”
“My panties were fine, Mason. But thank you for your concern.”
“We talked,” Ryan added. “We’re
good.”
“Seems you’re more than good.” Blake was still frowning. “What’s with the joker grin?”
Leah shot him another for-god’s-sake glare.
“Looks like a sex high to me,” Mitch added.
“Bullshit.” Sean started to scrutinize him. “I don’t believe it.”
“Could we all please focus?” Leah clapped her hands together. “Where’s Sidney? Didn’t you say she was flying in earlier?”
“Sidney, shmidney,” Blake muttered. “I want to know why Ryan looks like he’s just blown his load.”
Damn. The guys were determined for answers. One sniff of gossip and they were ravenous. His neck started to burn from their inspection.
“Focus.” Leah failed to get their attention.
“He does, doesn’t he?” Sean’s eyes narrowed. “You either got laid, or spent some time with your favorite porn site.”
“I didn’t get laid.” He glanced to Leah for approval, for help, for any damn thing to get these assholes off their scent, but she just stood there, eyes wide, lips parted, face pale.
“I think we’re wearing him down.” Mason snickered. “Did you get a knob job off the boss lady?”
Leah responded with an unhealthy gasp in the lead singer’s direction. “Do I look like the type to get on my knees for any of you?”
Mason dropped his gaze to the body parts in question. “Normally, I’d say no…”
“Keep your voice down,” she seethed. “You’ll start rumors.”
“You’re awfully testy.” Mitch switched his focus to Leah. “Panicked, even.”
“The crew are waiting for you to do your job.” Her foot tapped against the temporary outdoor flooring, only adding evidence to her nervousness. “Can we save the inquisition for later?”
There was a chorus of rejections— “No.” “I don’t think so.” “Not until we have answers.”
“Come on, guys.” Ryan placed a comforting hand on her back and she startled.
“We kissed, OK? Jesus Christ.” Her voice was viciously low. “Fuck the paparazzi, you guys are the real vultures.”
Ryan froze at her admission, then did a visual sweep of the stadium to make sure nobody else overheard. Yep. All clear. When he turned back, his friends were all staring at her in disbelief.