by Eden Summers
“No. Nothing can be done. And losing my shit at the guys doesn’t help.”
“They deserved it. Ryan needs their support, not their judgment.”
“True.” Leah stared down at her hands in her lap and wondered why she hadn’t grown smarter with age. The last few weeks had been spent in the mind of a love-struck teenager. A careless, love-struck fool.
“You should’ve told me yesterday. I could’ve stayed with you.”
“I couldn’t broadcast his private life.” She continued speaking to her hands. “And besides, it’s not like we had a three-year relationship. We were together for a few days. I’ll get over it.”
Eventually.
“You’re not going to fight for him?”
“No.” In this she was adamant. “It’s too risky. It always was. We were stupid to think this would work out differently. If Julie hadn’t been the detonator, my job would’ve been.”
“But the two of you are great together.”
“And so are fries dipped in ice cream but that shit isn’t healthy. We’ve gotta move on.”
Alana remained quiet, the silence voicing innumerable questions Leah didn’t want to answer. This wasn’t going to blow over in a day, or a week. Her feelings for Ryan were always going to hover, no matter what he decided. There was no easy out. No quick fix. Just pain and torture she needed to ignore for the sake of her career and the band.
“For once, I don’t know how to react,” she admitted. “My entire world has turned upside down. I always thought I was independent. That I was this kick-ass manager who was strong and sure and capable. I was invincible until Ryan kissed me. Then, all of a sudden, I put everything at risk with my stupid feelings—my career, my income, my friends, my future.” She sniffed, then tensed her jaw, refusing to let pity take hold. “Nobody understands that I wouldn’t merely lose my job if my breach of contract was common knowledge. I would’ve lost everything.”
“Here, take this.” Alana reached into her pocket and pulled out a perfectly pressed handkerchief.
“Thank you.” She dabbed at her nose.
“I’m still listening. Please keep going.”
Leah sighed, hating the shame accompanying what she was about to say. “I don’t have friends outside of the band, Al. Or family. There’s no high school buddies. Nobody I can rely on for an uninformed opinion. I pushed everyone away in an effort to invest all my attention into building Reckless. I don’t even have a god damn hobby.”
She clutched the handkerchief in her fingers to curb her frustration. “Reckless defines me. Without them, I’m nothing. Yet, my happiness with the band and my love for Ryan are two completely separate things. They’re mutually exclusive. I can’t have both. It’s one or the other. And Julie’s pregnancy made the choice a simple one.”
Alana shook her head. “I refuse to believe this is the end for the two of you. Not when you love each other.”
“I want him,” she admitted. “I want him so bad it makes my entire body feel bruised. But I can no longer risk myself, or the family I’ve built. I won’t risk losing me.”
“What if you could buy out the clause in your contract. Or renegotiate?”
“There’s no way my boss would agree, not when Julie implicated me in that online interview. It’ll be even worse once the pregnancy is announced and thrown in the blender along with his fake relationship with Felicity. There’s too much scandal.”
“But what if?” Alana straightened. “You never know what’s going to happen next in the music world. Any number of things could change your situation. Your boss could sell the company. He could retire and someone new might be more amiable to your needs—”
“That’s a little far-fetched.”
“I don’t care. You can’t lose everything you’ve ever wanted with him because of this.”
Leah stood and looked Alana in the eye. “What I want is for Ryan to do what’s best for Ryan. He spent years doing what was best for Julie. Then he became caught up in this Slicker scandal because it was best for the band. And now he’s contemplating what path to take for his future and I know full-well his own interests aren’t at the top of that list.”
She sighed, long and low and cathartic. “He’s thinking about me when he needs to be thinking about the right choices for him. And none of this can be determined overnight. It can’t even be determined in a week or a month. He can’t anticipate how his life will change once his palm rests against Julie’s belly and the baby kicks for the first time. He can’t predict the pride and reconnection he’ll feel when he holds his child and knows Julie created that gift.”
She gave Alana a sad smile, not caring if she understood, because her mind was made up.
“I don’t want to be a ball and chain during any of that process. I already ruined his marriage. I won’t risk getting involved and destroying his chance at a family, too.”
“You didn’t—”
“Don’t try to argue.” Leah held up a hand, already anticipating the response. “He already admitted I was the reason his marriage ended. So there is no way I’m going to take this baby away from him, too. With me out of the picture, maybe they can make it work.”
She could sense another protest and was losing the strength to fight.
“Look, I’m not sure what the future holds. Who knows, something crazy might happen and Ryan and I might find our way back to each other. But for now, I need to sever all ties and concentrate on my job. It’s the best thing for both of us.” She straightened her shoulders, preparing to face her musicians.
“Please tell me if there’s anything I can do to help.”
“No, I’m good. I promise.” Leah yanked open the door, her step forward blocked by Ryan’s strong frame. Remorse gleamed in his eyes, freezing her in place. How long had he been standing there? What had he heard?
“I’ll give you two some privacy.” Alana squeezed past and made for the Reckless men trying to discreetly eavesdrop with their mouths shut and heads quirked toward the impending conversation.
“Ryan?”
He blinked away the deer-in-headlights expression and stepped into the space the opened door provided, giving them a modicum of privacy. “How are you holding up?” He clutched either side of the frame, his gentle voice in contrast to his now predatory stance.
“I’m taking it as it comes.”
“You’ve settled back into Wonder Woman mode?”
“I’m far from Wonder Woman.” Unless the superhero had started dropping balls left, right, and center.
“Not to me.”
She snorted. “Well…thank you. You should know that Felicity is behind you all the way, too. I called her last night to give her a heads up on the possibility of drama unfolding from the Julie camp. I didn’t give her specifics. I only made her aware she may need to pull out the no-comment card and flash it around if a storm arrives.”
“Shit.” He frowned. “I didn’t even think to call her.”
“Nobody expects you to think straight right now. This is why you need space to clear your head.” She gave a sad smile. “I also called my boss, and although he didn’t say it aloud, I know he’s disappointed in me. I should’ve had the situation with Grander settled already. Instead, I got caught up in my feelings for you and justified every reason why Bruce has the no-relationship clause in my contract.”
“But you were happy. I made you happy.”
“And you still will. But from now on it has to be as friends.”
He flinched. “No.”
He reached for her, strong fingers scorching the burning heat of her cheek. He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t touch. Couldn’t soothe. Not anymore.
“You wanted space yesterday and I reluctantly gave it to you. But I’m not going to go back to being friends. I don’t want to be with her.”
She nodded. “I know. But would you feel the same if I hadn’t torn the two of you apart?” He opened his mouth and she continued before he could protest. “I always thought I hid my fe
elings. Now I realize that was a lie. I sabotaged your marriage. I made it obvious I loved you. I didn’t have to say the words. You could see it. Everyone could. And my lack of professionalism cost you dearly.”
“In all honesty, sweetheart, that’s bullshit.”
“Is it? You were madly in love with her when you first married. I remember, because I tried to deny I was jealous. And at the first sign of trouble, I jumped at the opportunity to be your confidante. I never should’ve crossed that line, because deep down, I knew what I was starting.” She grabbed his hand from her cheek and squeezed his fingers. “The truth is, if I hadn’t ruined what the two of you had, right now you’d be celebrating the news of your child. You’d be so happy, Ryan. And through the envy, I would’ve been happy for you, too.”
“I disagree. The two of us were inevitable—”
“Because of my feminine wiles and subliminal messages. How could you resist?” She chuckled through her desire to crumple. “And now you need to put all that in perspective. We have to go our separate ways so you can concentrate on the pregnancy and I can focus on Slicker to ensure the tour doesn’t get extended.”
She dropped his hand and the jovial expression to drive home her message. There was no negotiating, even though his searching gaze made her want to falter.
He nodded, slow at first, then more convincing. “I’ll do what you want, Leah. I’ll think about it. I’ll make the decision that’s best for me, and when it brings me straight back to you, will you accept that? Will you support me having a child with someone else?”
She sucked in a breath, held tight until it turned toxic. He still didn’t understand. Those gentle eyes and loving heart weren’t allowing her message to sink in. “Ryan, my support is inconsequential. We both know this will never work. Julie is only one force trying to tear us apart. My contract is the other. It’s best if you let me go and concentrate on being the father you’ve always wanted to be.”
“You’re placing me back in the friend zone permanently?” He inched closer, his hand returning to her cheek.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, because it’s not going to happen.” His fingers brushed her skin, trailing over her jaw, her neck. Even his gaze lingered like a physical caress, his affection hitting her on every level. “Fighting the need to kiss you is killing me.”
She closed her eyes at the rapid sense of forming tears. She wanted his kiss. Wanted to rip it from him without apology or remorse.
“I love you, Leah.”
She whimpered—like a fool, like a weak, pathetic kitten.
“I can hate myself for it later, but right now all I want to do is place my lips against yours.”
She sucked in his breath and descended into the darkness of inevitability as his mouth touched hers. She was at his mercy, untethered, floating aimlessly. There was so much love in their connection, so much necessity in the softness of his mouth, his lips, his tongue.
All of it redundant.
“Ryan…” She pushed at his chest, demanding space.
I love you. I should’ve agreed to run away with you. And even crazier than that, I wish like hell I was the one carrying your child instead of a woman we both despise, but…
“Please don’t make this any harder than it needs to be.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
San Antonio, TX
“Ryan?”
Felicity nudged him in the ribs, dragging his attention out of the staring match with the carpet and back to the journalist sitting before them. “Sorry. What was the question?”
“There’s no more questions.” The woman offered her hand to shake. “I can see the final weeks of the tour are taking their toll. I’ll let you both get back to work.”
Ryan clasped her hand and they stood together. “We appreciate you taking the time to chat with us.”
“It was my pleasure.” She released her grip and pocketed her notepad as her cameraman began packing up equipment. “We’ll broadcast the segment on the news tonight. We wish you all the best with the show.”
He remained quiet, zoning out of the present and back into his thoughts while Felicity pushed to her feet beside him. At Leah’s request, he’d joined Flick in interview after interview to promote tomorrow night’s epic performance. The two of them were the face of the event. Slicker and Reckless joining forces to create unstoppable magnificence.
They’d promoted the outdoor activities available to people who didn’t have tickets to the concert. They’d boasted the thousands of promo items up for grabs and how the show would be live streamed to people outside the stadium for one night only.
He’d done everything Leah had asked, including keeping his distance for the last six days. Their interaction had been kept to a minimum and strictly band related. He hadn’t voiced his concerns about her wellbeing. He hadn’t confirmed if Alana’s comments were true—that Leah had been a mass of anxiety and nausea since New York.
He kept his promise. Even though it destroyed him.
“I guess this is it.” Felicity turned into him as the news crew left the room, pulling the door shut behind them. Her face was solemn. Big eyes and a furrowed brow. “Tomorrow this crazy charade will be over.”
“Yep.” And a new one would begin.
He tugged her into his arms and sank his chin against the top of her head. “Are you and Hannah excited?”
She shook her head. “I know I didn’t hide my resentment when we first started this crazy scheme, but I’m going to hate pretending we’re enemies even more.”
“Me, too.” Their fake relationship would end as soon as Julie announced her pregnancy, and then Felicity would play the role of scorned lover until the gossip died down. All he had to do was sit back and watch the carnage. “Hopefully, it will all work as planned and you’ll gain more followers from all the shared sympathy.”
“Popularity is the last thing on my mind. I’m more concerned about ruining your reputation.”
“Don’t be.” He’d already kissed his good name goodbye and finger-waved that fucker farewell. “As long as the two of us are still friends behind closed doors, I’ll be happy.”
She hugged him tighter. “We’ll always be friends.”
Friends. The word stuck in his head, reminding him of the one friendship he’d always valued above all others. There was no way he could last months, putting space between himself and Leah. Not even weeks. He’d already endured six days of hell where he’d had to watch her suffer from a distance. He couldn’t take much more.
“I’ve lost you again.” Felicity leaned back and met his gaze. “What are you thinking about?”
“I think I’m done waiting.”
“For what?”
“For her.”
A knowing grin curved her lips. “About time.”
“It’s only been six days.”
“And you made up your mind on day one.”
“True.” He inclined his head. “But Leah needed time, too—”
“To strengthen her resolve about never getting back together.”
He stiffened, the tiniest sliver of fear brushing the surface. “No. She wanted me to have a clear head.”
“Ryan…” She looked at him as if he’d missed something. As if he were a child who hadn’t caught on to an easy concept.
“What?”
“No woman ever wants a man to take his time making a decision about a relationship. You either want it or you don’t. At least, that’s the way I see it.” She shrugged. “From my point of view, she was banking on your kindness to give her space to move on.”
He shook his head. “No.” Leah wouldn’t play him. Yeah, she’d openly said they were back to being friends, but he hadn’t believed it. He couldn’t believe it. Not when they were in love.
There was a knock at the door. “Ry?” Blake’s tattooed fingers gripped the wood before his head came into view. “Come on, we’ve got three million posters left to sign before tomorrow night.”
“Give
me a minute.” He raked his hands through his hair. Was he back to square one? Would he have to repeat history all over again, convincing Leah they could make this work, all because he’d done the right thing in giving her space?
Fuck.
Blake pushed the door wider and stepped inside. “What’s going on?”
“I think Leah’s been playing chess, while I’ve been playing checkers.”
“Is that supposed to make sense?” Blake gave him a blank stare.
“Probably not.” He pulled tighter on his hair. Think, think, think. Space was one thing. Termination was another.
“Did you hear me? We’ve got sixty-three billion posters to sign, and if they don’t get done today, Leah’s going to shove the colored markers in a place I won’t appreciate.”
“Give him a second,” Felicity grated.
Blake raised a brow. “Bossy. Just the way my boy likes ’em. You sure you two haven’t hooked up?”
“He’s got a dick.” She rolled her eyes. “So, no, he’s not my type.”
“Lesbian?” Blake glanced to his left, pinning Ryan with a wicked grin. “Did you cause that, buddy?”
“Are you referring to lesbianitis?” Felicity cocked a hip. “Because, yeah, it’s totally catchy.”
“Don’t get your ovaries in a twist. I was merely referring to Ryan’s special skill set. One kiss from him sent Leah fleeing to the other side of the country. So…” He shrugged. “You never know.”
“I know,” she growled.
“And I totally respect and admire your decision.” Blake raised his hands in surrender. “In fact, I’d love to introduce you to my wife and maybe encourage you to sprinkle some of your girl-on-girl tendencies her way.”
Felicity gaped and turned her wide-eyed stare to Ryan. “Is he serious?”
“Unfortunately.”
“How do I make it stop?”
Blake chuckled. “I’m kidding. Lighten up.”
Movement in the doorway drew Ryan’s attention. Inch by inch, Sean silently backed into the room, his focus still on the hall.
“Out.” Blake pointed to the door. “This is my hiding spot.”