Gage finally stopped talking and realized that Lola was looking at him with anything but joy. It took a moment for her to get words out, as the anger that had at first simmered was now threatening to boil over.
“You, you, you –” Lola sputtered.
“What?” Gage asked.
“I don’t need you to do anything for me, Gage.” Screw it, the anger was boiling over. Lola stood up and threw her napkin on the table. Turning, she strode across the room and gathered her purse, only stopping when Gage grabbed her arm.
“Lola, wait. What’s wrong? What did I do?”
“Did I ask you to fix anything for me? I don’t need you swooping in and playing knight in shining armor, Gage. I’ve lived my life very successfully on my own, and I can handle my problems on my own,” Lola seethed. “I am not some wilting damsel in distress who can’t figure out how to handle her own problems. I never have been. I don’t need you, or anyone else, coming in and fixing my issues. They are my problems and I will handle them as I see fit.”
“Lola… I was just trying to help,” Gage said, his eyes wounded.
“Don’t you understand? I don’t need your help. I need to do this on my own. I’ve told you that all along, but you just don’t listen, do you? You push and you push until you get exactly what you want.”
“That’s not true. What I want is you here with me, every night. I want a life with you. And I’ve been very careful to step back and let you take your time with this.”
“A life… with me?” Lola’s mouth worked as she tried to pull herself out of her fury. “We can barely get through dinner. I don’t think this is going to work. I’m sorry. I… I have to go.”
Lola fled into the night, grateful that Gage didn’t follow. Back at the Laughing Mermaid, she snuck into her room, not wanting to speak with anyone.
Refusing to cry, she picked up her phone and made a call.
“Yes, good evening. I’d like to book a flight.”
Chapter 34
Lola gave herself a mental health day that Sunday, hopping on her scooter early in the morning and disappearing to the other side of the island where there was a trail she could hike to a private beach. Turning off her phone, she spent the day reading in the shade, taking a dip in the water whenever she wanted to. It was only when she floated for a while in the water that her anxiety finally calmed and she realized what a mess she’d made of things.
In theory, she understood that Gage was a nice guy and he was doing what nice guys do – trying to help. But to have someone swoop in and neatly handle all her problems like that was just… annoying. Then when he’d dropped the bomb about wanting a life with her – well, she’d panicked.
Something glinted in the water, and Lola dove for it without thinking. Surfacing, she gasped at what she’d found, and barely made it to the shore before coming to her knees. Shuddering, she looked toward the sea, but saw nothing other than placid waves and a lazy gull swooping in the sky. For hours, Lola stayed at the beach, unable to bring herself to the leave the water, until her skin was pruned, and her mind had worked through what she needed to do.
“I hear you, okay? I just have to do this on my terms,” Lola called out.
The gull cried in response, but nothing else happened. Standing, Lola crossed the beach, sand grating between her toes, and packed her stuff. Tucking her find in her knapsack, she went back to the Laughing Mermaid and packed her bag. Picking up her phone, she texted Sam.
I have a flight out in the morning. Details later. No, I don’t want to talk. Yes, I’m okay.
Wait, what? Are you coming back? Lola… helloooooo.
I need space.
There had been few times Lola and Sam had asked that of each other. But when one of them did, the other respected it. Even if they didn’t like it.
Fine. I love you. Call me the instant you’re ready to talk.
I promise. I love you too.
That night, she barely slept. Finally, beleaguered, she dragged herself from bed and climbed into the swing chair, rocking gently as she sketched picture after picture, trying to put all her memories of the past couple of weeks into drawings. When the sun finally rose, she grabbed her bag and slipped from the house, grateful that she didn’t run into anyone.
Lola had one stop to make on her way to the airport. She dreaded it, but wouldn’t be able to respect herself if she didn’t at least go and apologize to Gage – face to face. Because that’s what grown-ups do, Lola reminded herself the whole way to Gage’s house. She took her time parking her scooter, noting that there was another car at his house, and wondering who was there this early in the morning. The large front door was open, and Lola dawdled a moment, pretending to sniff the blooms of a frangipani tree, stalling before she went inside. Finally, knowing she couldn’t put it off any longer, Lola turned and took a few steps toward the door.
And stopped dead in her tracks.
The woman she’d seen out to dinner with Gage that night was at his house. At eight in the morning. And she was currently plastered against him, her arms locked around his neck as she pulled him into a desperate kiss.
It was all Lola needed to see before she turned and ran.
“Lola!” Gage shouted, but she didn’t look back.
She raced her scooter onto the main road and then down a few other dirt roads, in case Gage decided to follow her. Too shocked and numb to even feel the pain, Lola refused to let tears come to her eyes. Instead, she focused on the one thing she had to do.
Get off this island.
At the airport, she pulled out her phone.
“Prince? Yes, I have a favor to ask.”
Chapter 35
“Cynthia! What the hell was that?” Gage shouted, racing back inside, ripping his hands through his hair. He was torn as to whether he should chase after Lola, or fire his assistant and kick her out of his house. Finally, he decided against chasing Lola down. If he scared her while she was on the scooter, she could have an accident or get hurt. Furious, he paced his kitchen, trying to get his breathing under control.
“I’m sorry, Gage, please don’t be mad at me.” Cynthia did her best to look contrite.
“What the actual fuck, Cynthia? I’m serious. What you just did was… I don’t even know what to think. What to say! What were you thinking?” Gage shouted, not caring when Cynthia flinched and backed away from him. Gage paced the house, not sure what to do, but convinced that his chance with Lola was now gone.
She’d come to him.
That was all he could think; all he could see was the hurt on her face as she drove out of his life on her scooter.
“Gage, I –” Cynthia began.
“No, just don’t. Not yet. I swear to god, I could throttle you right now,” Gage said, still pacing, his mind racing.
“Please, hear me out,” Cynthia said.
Walking over to the kitchen counter, Gage pulled out a bottle of whiskey and poured a glass. He stood at the counter for a moment, seething, before he drank the glass down in one burning gulp.
“Talk,” Gage ordered.
“You see… I knew how upset you were. It’s why I’m here, isn’t it?”
“Yes, you did know. So to pull a stunt like that…?”
“I know. I understand why you’re mad, I’m sorry.”
“I need your logic. Like now.”
“Well, I was kind of mad at Lola. I mean, you’re such a great guy, and all you were doing was trying to help her. There was no reason she should have treated you that way. Which got me thinking that maybe she doesn’t really have feelings for you. Or maybe she doesn’t even know if she has feelings for you.” Cynthia paused and clenched her teeth in remorse.
“Go on,” Gage ordered.
“And well, I saw her outside, you see? You couldn’t see her from where you were standing, and I saw that she was hesitant to come inside. And it just came to me in a flash – if she saw us kiss and got angry, then we’d know for sure if she really had feelings for you. Don’t you see?
She really cares about you, Gage. All is not lost. This is a good thing,” Cynthia insisted.
Gage looked at her like she’d just grown horns.
“Did it occur to you that maybe, since she has trust issues when it comes to commitments, seeing me with another woman so soon after we’d been together would only reinforce her belief that relationships are bogus?”
“Um…” Cynthia stalled.
“No, no it did not,” Gage continued, so furious he could barely see straight. “And did it occur to you that since she was coming to see me, on her own, without an invitation, maybe she felt bad and wanted to talk the argument through? And that we could have worked our way around to figuring out what her feelings are without you meddling?”
“Um…” Cynthia said again, wringing her hands.
“And that now I have to go search the island for her and try to convince her that she didn’t see what she thought she did?”
“Oh, Gage. I’m so sorry. I really screwed up. I thought – I don’t know, I thought I’d be forcing her hand and showing her what she really felt about you. I didn’t think it through – you know I can be impulsive. Please, let me go find her and explain. I’ll tell her the whole story. I promise I’ll make it right,” Cynthia pleaded.
Gage pointed a finger at her and then to the door.
“You’ve done enough. Handle the charters today. Call Mark in to captain. Double pay. I won’t captain today. I have to find Lola and make this right.”
“I’m so sorry, Gage. You know I love you and I only have your best interests at heart.” Cynthia was openly crying again.
“I understand that. And when I’m done being mad, I’ll forgive you. But right now? I need you out of my face.”
“I’m gone. I’ll do anything you need to make up for it. I promise.”
“Just go.”
Gage glanced at the whiskey bottle once more after Cynthia left, but he knew he shouldn’t have another. Instead, he grabbed his keys and hit the road. First, he drove past the Laughing Mermaid and Lucas and Sam’s house, looking for Lola’s scooter. Not finding it there, he stopped by the coconut hut to see it locked up tight. For the next hour, he drove the island, stopping at any rental scooter that looked like hers, before finally giving up and returning home. Once there, he picked up his phone and called Lucas.
“Hey, Lucas, Gage here. Long time no chat. Um, question for you – is Lola with you? Or have you seen her?”
Gage waited while Lucas passed the phone to Sam.
“Hey, Sam. Have you seen Lola? I’m looking for her.”
“Gage, what’s going on? Did you two have a fight?”
“Yes, kind of. Well, yes, and then a misunderstanding. I’d really like to find her and explain,” Gage said, trying not to spill Lola’s business, knowing she’d be mad at him if he did.
“Gage, she caught a flight out this morning. She’s not talking to me right now. She asked for space. It’s rare that she does that, so I had to respect it.”
Gage closed his eyes and cursed, long and low.
“Do you know if she’ll be back? Where she’s going?”
“She didn’t say. I’m so sorry, Gage. I’ll keep messaging her and let you know anything I can when I have more details.”
“Thanks, Sam.”
“Gage?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t give up on her. She’s a tough one, but she needs someone she can rely on.”
“The problem is, she now thinks I’m untrustworthy.”
“Shit.”
“Indeed.”
Chapter 36
Lola held onto the numb feeling, refusing to break, reminding herself over and over that she was strong. If Irmine could weather the devastating loss of Nalachi, the father of her children, Lola could certainly handle the pain of losing someone she’d never really had. She carried the numbness through overseeing the packing of her apartment, and got in her landlord’s face until he backed down and agreed to not charge her the penalty for breaking her lease in exchange for her agreeing not to take him to court for refusing to allow the moving company to pack her things.
The numbness stayed with her on her stop to Calista Island, the neighboring island that Prince’s cousin lived on. From there she had a lovely day touring workshops and sourcing furniture for Siren Moon and meeting with local artists. It was the first sliver of joy she’d felt in days, and she held onto that with the hope that the numbness would fade in time and she’d be back to her normal resilient self soon enough.
Lola had deleted all of Gage’s messages – both voice and text – without reading or opening them. Sam, true to her word, gave her space, except for one text message asking if she was okay when Lola hadn’t checked in after a couple of days. She did respond to that, because Sam was her family, and then finally placed a call she’d been avoiding.
“I’ll be fine, Mom. This one just stung more than others.”
“Tell me what happened, baby. I’m so sorry you’re hurting,” Miriam said, her voice surprisingly clear for the distance. Lola sat at an outdoor café across from the airport, waiting for her plane to Siren Island.
“Where are you?” Lola stalled, sipping her rum and Coke. She was grateful she’d snagged a shady spot, as there wasn’t a cloud in the sky today.
“Denmark, if you can believe that,” Miriam laughed, as if to say, ‘Why in the world would I ever go to Denmark?’
“I can believe it. I like Denmark.”
“Oh, well, so do I, but you know I much prefer southern Europe. I’m thinking Portofino next. Though I do have a friend hosting a lovely art show in Portugal in a few weeks. Maybe I’ll fly there for a while. It’s a lovely time of year to be there, if you remember?”
“I do, yes. Portugal is a favorite, for sure,” Lola said, her tone listless.
“Okay, enough stalling. Tell me.”
And so Lola did, leaving nothing out except the magick and mermaids, because – well, that was private. The rest, though, she dropped right on her mother’s shoulders. By the time she was finished, her drink was gone, and her plane was getting ready to board.
“You need to talk to him,” Miriam said immediately.
“I tried. He was too busy sucking face with someone else to notice.”
“That’s absolutely untrue.”
“What? I know what I saw. How can you be so sure?”
“A man doesn’t try to save you, take care of you, and solve all your problems – and then cheat on you. Those are two different kinds of men. Trust me.”
“You can’t possibly know that.”
“Oh, I do know that. The men who cheat? They’re entirely self-focused. They need attention. They want excitement, to feel like they’re the biggest, baddest man in the room. The men who want to be the hero? Who want to save you? They get their rush from making sure their woman is taken care of and happy. That’s the man you hold onto.”
“Have you known any of these men?”
“Sure, I’ve been lucky to know a few in my life. And when we parted, it was of mutual accord – not because of hurt feelings and lies. Trust me on this, Lola, this man does not want to hurt you. Oh, my darling, please give him a chance. It’s the one thing I’ve wanted for you.” Miriam sniffled into the phone a bit. “To find someone who would put you first. You need love in your life. I’ve been so worried for you.”
“Worried for me? Why? I’ve been fine.”
“You’ve been drifting for quite a while now. And that’s fine and dandy. But now? Your own gallery! And a man who loves you. Oh, just do me a favor and don’t go all ice queen on this man. I know you’re an independent woman, and nobody is trying to take that from you. But remember that when you let people help, it’s doing them a favor too. How does it feel when you help people?”
“I feel good. I like to help people.”
“So why wouldn’t you let someone who loves you try to help? It makes them feel good.”
“Because I need to know I can do this on my own,
” Lola said, stubborn to the end.
“Do what on your own?” Miriam asked, exasperated. “You’ve done everything on your own since you could toddle away from me. Isn’t it time to share your light with someone else?”
“I… Mom, my plane’s boarding. I love you.”
“Just think about what I said. Call me soon. You know I’m always here for you.”
“I know that, Mom. You’re the absolute best and I love you always.”
“Safe flight.”
The whole ride back to Siren Island, all Lola could think about was what her mother had said.
Those two different types of men.
Maybe she’d only ever known the first.
Chapter 37
A knock sounded at her door.
Lola ignored it, but then heard Irma’s voice through the door.
“This is an intervention. If we don’t see you down at the beach in the next ten minutes, I will use this key and drag you out of there.”
Lola looked at the door in shock.
“Yes, you heard me correctly. Ten minutes. Don’t worry, no men allowed.”
Lola sighed and stood up from where she’d nestled back into her swing chair, rocking herself over and over in a soothing motion as she tried to figure out how she wanted to handle things. Stalling, she looked in the pretty shell jewelry dish by the mirror where her necklace lay, along with her find from the other day. Taking a deep breath, she put them both on, and met her eyes in the mirror.
“You are powerful beyond your belief.”
With that, Lola left the room and followed the footpath to the beach where Irma, Jolie, Mirra, and Sam all sat around a little bonfire. They’d pulled up little bean bag chairs and were talking quietly among themselves. When Sam saw her, she stood up and launched herself at Lola.
“I hate when you don’t talk to me,” Sam said, “but I’m glad you’re back.”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t shut you out. I’ll try not to do it again,” Lola said, hugging her back tightly. “I love you and I know you’re always there for me, but that wasn’t right of me to make you worry.”
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