Go Dwarf Yourself

by Martha Carr

  “Yes.” The girl hurried toward the door and slipped into the hall with them before he slammed the door shut. The hydraulic hinge rendered his attempt completely unsatisfying as it slowed itself and shut with a click.

  “We’re takin’ the stairs.” He strode down the hall with Rex and Luther at his sides.

  Lisa looked at the girl beside her and muttered, “What was all that about?”

  “Nothin’.” Amanda shrugged and gave her a small smile. “I like him.”

  Fighting back a laugh, the agent tightened her grasp on the handle of her rolling suitcase and watched the dwarf moving ahead with his dogs. “Yeah. Me too.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Two federal agents in matching black suits and dark sunglasses neither one of them bothered to take off stepped through the front doors of the Greenwich Hotel when Benny the doorman opened it for them. “Good morning, gentleman. Looking to—”

  “FBI.” The agent with a double chin as the only sign of excess weight on his body flashed his badge. “We’ll be quick.”

  “Of course.” Benny stepped aside as the agents headed toward the concierge desk. He looked at Alexander, who’d seen the quick flash of the badge but didn’t give any indication that he knew why the gentlemen were there. That’s why they pay him the big bucks, ain’t it? Old man’s got balls of steel under all that posh.

  Then he saw the wicked-looking metal collar hanging from the back of the other man’s belt. Nothin’ about that looks good.

  “Good morning, gentleman.” Despite the four hours of sleep he’d had between his extended shift the night before and the start of his regular shift this morning, Alexander was wide-eyed and as gracious as ever. These days, he could only sleep five hours a night anyway. “Welcome to the Greenwich Hotel. Are you checking in?”

  “No.” The man with the double chin whipped his badge out of his interior jacket pocket again, let it drop open, and flipped it closed quickly. “Federal business. You understand.”

  “Oh.”

  For the first time in fifteen years at this gig, Benny saw surprise and confusion on Alexander’s face. No way. After everything he’s seen here, a couple of feds ain’t nothin’.

  The concierge’s eyes widened and he watched the agent tuck the badge into his jacket pocket. “My apologies, gentlemen. I…don’t understand.”

  “You don’t need to.” The other agent with a scar running down the side of his upper lip just off-center rested a forearm on the desk and leaned forward. “We’re here to meet a few associates. Johnny Walker and a fellow agent, Lisa Breyer.”

  “I’m sorry.” He shook his head with an apologetic smile. “I haven’t heard or seen either of those names. How long have they been here?”

  The man with the scar shrugged. “A few days.”

  “Hmm. They must have checked in during the night shift. Let me see…” He typed on his computer, then shook his head. “I’m afraid I don’t see either of those names in the system. Are you sure you have the right hotel?”

  The other agent scoffed and turned away from the concierge desk. “Do you think she used another name?”

  “Why the hell would she? No one’s looking for her.”

  At the far end of the lobby, Johnny poked his head around the corner of the adjacent hall and growled his annoyance. “Shit. They’re here and not interested in playing nice, either.”

  Lisa’s eyes widened. “What?”

  “They have a damn collar.” He grimaced at Amanda. “I’m not gonna let ʼem use it.”

  She clenched her eyes shut and shook her head.

  “We can go out back, right?” The girl tried to peer around the corner too but he guided her back gently.

  “That’s still the plan.” Slinging the strap of his duffel bag across his chest, he glanced at his hounds. “No squirmin’, got it?”

  “What? Why would we—woah!” Luther uttered a low whine as Johnny squatted and wrapped an arm around each dog’s back.

  Hefting the hounds, the dwarf sniffed again and gestured across the back of the lobby. “No whinin’ either.”

  “Johnny, we can walk.” Rex licked his master’s beard. “What are you doin’?”

  “Johnny…” Lisa frowned at him. “What are you—”

  “I ain’t cut their damn nails once since they were pups.” He adjusted the hounds under each arm. “And they’re easily distracted.”

  “Oh… You want us to be quiet.” Luther panted. “Yeah, yeah. I get it.”

  “Johnny, I’ll be quiet. Promise. I don’t like this—”

  “Shh.” He looked at Amanda. “Not a sound.”

  She nodded slowly and hurried across the open area at the back of the lobby with him.

  The two agents were still too busy interrogating the concierge to notice the first sign of movement behind them. The man with the scar nodded at Alexander. “Maybe you’ve seen them around and didn’t know who they were. Tall, leggy brunette who looks good in almost anything.”

  Lisa scowled as she listened to the conversation from around the corner. Johnny and Amanda were almost at the other side.

  “And the guy’s a dwarf,” the agent added. “He wears a lotta leather. You can’t miss the accent, either.”

  Alexander cleared his throat. “I believe the more appropriate moniker these days is little person.”

  “What?” The man wrinkled his nose. “No, he’s an actual—dammit. Never mind. How about any guests with two dogs, huh? Basset hounds or somethin’.”

  Safe on the other side of the lobby, Johnny froze when he heard the wildly inaccurate description of his dogs and whirled again. That bastard.

  He saw Lisa across the way instead. She shook her head slowly with a warning frown. His upper lip twitched in irritation and he turned toward the end of the hall and the back exit.

  “No, I’m sorry.” Alexander shook his head. “We don’t allow dogs here. That wouldn’t happen.”

  “It would if you’d met this guy.” The man with a double chin stroked it and grimaced. “How about a kid? They had a girl with ʼem. Twelve years old with long brown hair.”

  For the first time during this conversation, the young man didn’t have to feign surprise or cluelessness. “No young girls. I wish I could help you, gentlemen.”

  Lisa chose that moment to make a quiet dash across the back of the lobby, but her timing was off.

  Rubbing the side of his face in agitation, the man with scar started to turn toward the back.

  Benny leapt into action without thinking. “You mean that girl?”

  Both agents spun toward him and hurried toward the front doors, eager to see where the doorman was pointing.

  Clasping his hands behind his back, Benny turned quickly toward Lisa and gave her a quick thumbs-up. She returned it and hurried across the open space as fast as she could without making a noise.

  “Do you see her?” the first agent asked.

  “No.” The man with the scar turned toward Benny. “You saw a girl out there?”

  “Yes, sir. Walking down the sidewalk. I think she had some beagles on leashes.”

  The agents squinted through the glass front doors and scanned the sidewalk.

  One of them pulled his phone out and dialed Agent Breyer’s number. “This is ridiculous.”

  As soon as he put the phone to his ear, a low ringtone came from the back of the lobby. The agents looked at each other and hurried toward the sound, picking up speed.

  “Is there anything else I can help you with, gentlemen?” Alexander called after them. He received no reply.

  “Shit.” Lisa located her phone and switched it to silent. “Go.”

  Johnny thumped his back against the door, turned, and dropped the hounds to their feet. “The fucking keys are with the valet.”

  “Well, we’ll have to be fast.” She closed the door and tilted her head at a huge rock on the sidewalk. Way too convenient, but okay.

  She wedged it against the door, then hurried after Johnny, Amanda,
and the hounds.

  As the two agents who’d come to take the young shifter into FBI custody—protective or otherwise—fought to open the back door, the concierge retrieved the radio from under his desk and pressed the call button. “Vince? Would you be so kind as to bring Mr. Walker’s car to the front? Quickly.”

  “You got it, Al.”

  He replaced his radio and looked at Benny. “Over here, Mr. Frolish. If you please.”

  Benny cleared his throat, jerked his doorman’s uniform jacket down, and glanced at the front door before he approached the desk. “Did I get that wrong, Al?”

  “Not at all.” Alexander counted the bills out without looking, his hands hidden beneath the desk, then slid them across the surface toward the doorman. “You did very well. I value a man who can think on his feet.”

  Glancing from the stack of bills to Alexander and back again, Benny opened his mouth but couldn’t get a word out.

  “Take it, Mr. Frolish. You’ve earned it.”

  “Yes, sir.” His hand moved discreetly over the bills and he thumbed through them with wide eyes before he shoved them into his pocket. “Two hundred bucks?”

  “There’s more as long as you maintain that level of quality customer service.” Alexander smirked at the doorman and nodded toward the front again. “Much more.”

  “Yeah, I like the sound of that.” With a disbelieving chuckle, he returned to his post.

  The two agents raced past the front doors of the hotel toward the valet as a large black SUV drove down the street in the opposite direction. From the open driver’s window, a large hand with thick red hair along the wrist emerged to raise a middle finger. The agents didn’t see the fugitives drive past.

  Benny did and grinned.

  Lisa leaned back in the front passenger seat and thumped her head against the headrest with a sigh. “Sorry.”

  “For what?” Johnny slipped his sunglasses on and his other wrist dangled over the wheel of their rental.

  “I almost cost us this whole mission, Johnny.” She glanced in the rearview mirror to see Amanda in the back seat between the hounds. The girl stared at Luther and grinned, then turned sharply to look at Rex and laughed. “It almost cost her more than I want to admit.”

  “Naw.” He shook his head. “I don’t care what you say, darlin’. There’s no way a half-Light Elf Fed who bashes skulls in with her fancy heels can’t take on a coupla suits. It’d be a complete waste, anyway. Those two ain’t got a sense of humor.”

  Lisa snorted. “No, I guess they fit the fed stereotype very well.”

  “Or you’re merely the exception.” He gave her a hasty sidelong glance she didn’t see through his black sunglasses. “You put a lot on the line by sneakin’ us outta there.”

  “I know.” She closed her eyes with a quick sigh. “And I’ll answer for it when I have to. But after what we saw in that penthouse, Johnny, I know I couldn’t live with myself if I simply handed her over to—”

  “I know. Believe you me, darlin’. I feel ya.” Looking into the rearview mirror, he smiled. “Hey, kid.”

  Amanda’s crooked smile greeted him when she looked at his reflection.

  That damn smile’s gonna break a lotta hearts one day. Mine first, I reckon. “Have you ever been to Florida?”

  “What?” The girl grinned beneath a confused frown. “No. Isn’t that where all the old people go to retire?”

  Lisa laughed and ignored Johnny’s quick scowl.

  “No, there’s much more’ than that down there. The Everglades, for one. Big ol’ beautiful swamp. ʼGators. More huntin’ than you’d know what to do with.”

  “I can hunt?” Amanda’s eyes widened.

  “Down there? Sure.”

  Rex pressed his nose into her hand and lifted it onto his head. “Yeah, yeah. Scratch right there.”

  Luther whined. “Hey, no fair.”

  With a short laugh, she scratched behind his ears too. “I’ve never hunted before.”

  “No?” The dwarf looked at the rearview mirror again. “That’s a shame.”

  “Yeah. My parents don’t—” She swallowed. “They didn’t let me. Said it wasn’t safe.”

  “Well, not in New York. I tell you what, kid. There’s more than enough to get your goat down where I’m from. Best damn fried catfish too.”

  She wrinkled her nose. “You can eat that?”

  “Ha!” Luther’s tail thumped against the back seat. “You hear that, Johnny? The pup doesn’t know what a catfish is.”

  Rex laughed. “But it sure as hell isn’t a cat. Am I right?”

  Luther and Amanda both gave him blank looks before the girl cracked up laughing. “Catfish!”

  Johnny smirked and turned to look at Lisa. “I guess I’m buyin’ one more ticket to the Everglades, the sweetest place on two planets. Are you comin’ with us?”

  She folded her arms, shrugged, and stared out the windshield as they headed to La Guardia. “What the hell. I’m already on vacation.”

  “I think they call that suspension, darlin’.”

  Rolling her eyes playfully, she shook her head. “I choose to call it something else.”

  “Well, hot damn.” With a gruff laugh, he reached toward the dashboard and punched the radio on. A King Diamond song burst through the sound system.

  When she turned toward him with a raised eyebrow, the dwarf threw her the devil horns with one hand and didn’t take his eyes off the road.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  “Damn, it’s good to be home.” Johnny strode through the entrance of his cabin and took a long, deep breath through his nose. “It smells good too.”

  “Hey, pup.” Luther trotted into the cabin next to Amanda, staring up at her and panting. “Wanna see the swamp?”

  “Lotsa huntin’,” Rex added. “Water. Mud.”

  “Ooh, mud. Nothin’ like swamp mud.”

  “Ain’t that the truth. Hey, pup—”

  Johnny’s piercing whistle silenced the dogs immediately, and they looked obediently at him while their tails wagged. “Go on out back, boys. I’m givin’ the kid the grand tour.”

  Luther whined. “Can’t she come with us, Johnny?”

  “Come on—”

  The dwarf’s only response was to point a finger toward the back of the house. “Git.”

  The hounds’ claws scrabbled across the floor as they raced through the small, tidy house toward the dog door in the back. “Come find us when he’s done torturing you, pup!”

  “Yeah, look for the birds. I haven’t seen birds in years! Get ʼem!”

  The dog door clacked open and shut and Amanda laughed. He raised an eyebrow at her, and she harnessed her amusement into a smirk before she shrugged. “They are good dogs.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Lisa closed the front door behind her and dusted her hands off as she stepped down the short hallway. “For some reason, I appreciate this place far more than I did the first time.”

  “Yep.” Johnny hooked his thumbs through his belt loops. “Absence makes the bullshit flush itself out and all that.”

  The young shifter laughed and clapped a hand over her mouth. “That’s not how the saying goes.”

  “That’s how my saying goes.” He jabbed a thumb against his chest and grinned. “Come on. I’ll show y’all to your room.”

  “Um…” Lisa gestured toward the door. “I was gonna get a hotel down here—”

  “You what?”

  “I was gonna get a room—”

  He shook his head. “I don’t think so.”

  Folding her arms, she inclined her head in a challenge and stared at him. “Excuse me?”

  “You know what I’m sayin’.”

  “No, I don’t, honestly. It sounds like you’re telling me I can’t decide for myself where I’ll stay for the night. On my vacation.”

  Johnny’s mustache bristled when he gave her a tight smile that was more of a grimace. “I ain’t sayin’ that. I’m sayin’ it’s a boneheaded move to go t
raipsin’ all over—”

  “Let me stop you right there.” She raised a hand and glanced at Amanda. “Did anyone ever tell you that being an ass to women isn’t the way to get them on your side?”

  He snorted. “It usually works well for me.”

  When Lisa didn’t dial down the intensity of her warning stare, he frowned and slid his hands into his pockets.

  “It ain’t workin’ now, is it?”

  “Not really, no.”

  “Well, what do you want me to say, darlin’? It’s a long shot to think any of those bastards from the Burroughs are gonna come hightailin’ it out here after the ass-kickin’ we gave ʼem last night, but it’s still a shot. And I assume your FBI buddies ain’t too happy with you right now either. Maybe they’d like to scoop you up themselves, huh?”

  Lisa’s lips twitched into an unamused smile. “They are not my buddies, Johnny.”

  “Well, whatever. It’s a helluva lot safer for both of you right here in my home. It’s beautiful. Good food. Friendly folks. You don’t need anythin’ else.”

  A slow smile spread across Amanda’s lips when she looked at the agent but he missed it completely.

  The half-Light Elf stared at him without a word.

  “Dammit. What?”

  “If you want me to stay because you enjoy having your partner around, Johnny Walker, that’s all you have to say.”

  He flung his hands in the air and spun in a tight circle. “All this about a partner. That ain’t what I’m sayin’—”

  “Maybe it should be,” Amanda said. Both adults looked at her in surprise, and the girl shrugged. “Or whatever.”

  Johnny’s thick red beard moved when the muscles of his jaw worked over and over. “I guess…I don’t mind if you stay.” He pointed sharply at Lisa. “But if you decide to say screw it and end up in some nasty-ass motel in Medley where I can’t reach you, don’t blame me.”

  “The thought never crossed my mind, Johnny.”

  “All right.” He sniffed and nodded toward the hallway and the two bedrooms across from his workshop. “Now come on so I can show y’all where to put your heads. Then I need a drink.”