Go Dwarf Yourself

by Martha Carr

“Right, Johnny?”

  As he shut the Jeep door, Johnny ignored his hounds’ rapid-fire questions and looked at the girl, who slowed to a jog past the front of the cabin. Out of all the things he could have said to her in that moment, his mouth decided on, “What happened to your shoes?”

  She glanced at her bare feet and shrugged. “They made too much noise. And this feels better.”

  “Huh.” He scratched the back of his head and glanced at the hounds. “Did you take her out in the swamp, boys?”

  “No way.”

  “Not without you, Johnny.”

  Rex’s tongue lolled out of his mouth. “Anyway, she just woke up so it’s not like we had time to—”

  “Hey, you’re not supposed to tell him that.”

  “Why not?”

  “Great. I have my hounds playin’ me.”

  “What’s that?” Lisa slid out of the passenger door and closed it behind her with a sigh.

  “Nothin’.”

  “You bring us anything, Johnny?”

  Luther raised his head toward the dwarf and his nose wiggled frantically as he sniffed all over. “I smell catfish.”

  “Aw, come on. I bet it’s in his pocket.”

  “Yeah. Yeah, good thinkin’.”

  He snapped his fingers. “Y’all don’t need anythin’ else until suppertime. Go on.”

  The hounds trotted away from their master, their tails wagging as they sniffed the dirt. “He’s got something in his pockets.”

  “It’s catfish.”

  “Maybe fries.”

  “Maybe steak.”

  “We should go through his clothes. That’s a lotta pocket steak pilin’ up.”

  Luther’s head whipped toward the house and he froze. “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go.”

  Clouds of dirt kicked up as the hounds raced past Amanda and down the side of the cabin to reach the dog door in the back.

  The girl gave Johnny a mocking grimace that turned into a quick smile. “They’re crazy.”

  “Not crazy if it’s your instincts.” He gestured toward the door and turned to look at Lisa. “Let’s have us a—what?”

  The agent grinned at him and gestured vaguely. “Only…the stuff that comes out of your mouth sometimes.”

  “Instincts are funny?”

  “Never mind.”

  Johnny shook his confusion off and nodded at the front porch. “Come on, kid. I think it’s time for a little sit-down. We have a few things to go over with you.”

  As he opened the screen door, Amanda looked at Lisa with wide eyes. “What happened?”

  “Nothing.”

  “So why did he say we need to talk? That always means something happened. Usually not good.”

  The agent put a gentle hand on the girl’s shoulder and guided her toward the porch. “Everything’s fine. I promise. And I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.”

  “Also something that means the complete opposite.” The girl gritted her teeth and stepped through the open screen door and the front door Johnny hadn’t bothered to shut behind him. “Does he have a rule about bare feet or something? ʼCause I can put the shoes on again.”

  “Give him a chance, okay?” Lisa nodded down the hall toward the living room. “Go on.”

  “You’re coming too, right?”

  She nodded. “Sure.”

  The dwarf was already slumped on the leather couch and his boots rested on the coffee table with one ankle crossed over the other. He stared at the boar’s head mounted over the fireplace as the two women entered the room and he slapped a hand onto his belly. “Boy. That catfish sure sticks around, huh? Go ahead and take a load off.”

  “Okay…” Amanda glanced nervously at Lisa, who gave her an encouraging nod. The girl crossed the living room slowly to take the high wing-backed armchair beside the fireplace. Her shoulders slumped as she waited for him to say something. “You’re telling me I have to leave, aren’t you?”

  “What?” He jerked his boots off the table and leaned forward. “What made you say that?”

  “Well…we’re having a talk.” She shrugged. “And you haven’t had a kid around here in a long time. Most people don’t want to start all over again after that. Especially not halfway through.”

  “Halfway.” He snorted in amusement and an attempt to cover up his embarrassment. If she can see through my bullshit and solid walls, I’ll eat my foot. “Look, kid. I don’t know what you’ve heard about me—”

  “Enough.” Amanda frowned and sighed heavily. “How old is she?”

  “Who?”

  “The girl with you in the picture. It’s the only one you have. That’s your daughter, right? She looks like your daughter.”

  Johnny wheezed out a slow breath and pointed at her. “You went in my room.”

  “You left me alone in your house.” She leaned back in the chair. “If you didn’t want me to go into your room, maybe you should have left a note.”

  The dwarf glanced at Lisa, who stood with her eyebrows raised at the growing tension in the living room. There’s an I-told-you-so waitin’ for me after this.

  “All right. Let’s start over.” He kicked against the floor to scoot farther back on the couch and folded his arms. “First of all, no. I ain’t sayin’ you have to leave.”

  “You’re not?”

  “Not yet. But we gotta lay down ground rules, and that comes after we—”

  “Yeah, yeah. Whatever you want. I’ll do it.”

  He gritted his teeth. “Can I finish?”

  “Uh-huh.” Amanda pulled both bare feet up onto the cushions of the armchair and wrapped her arms around her bent knees. Her hazel eyes glistened in the low light as she stared intently at him.

  “Man.” He ran a hand through his hair, stroked his beard, and opted for folding his arms again. “Before anything else, kid, I gotta ask. Do you have any extended family somewhere?”

  The girl shook her head slowly.

  “Right. So at least I won’t have any—”

  “Do you?”

  “Huh?”

  “Have family around?” Amanda tilted her head. “You know. Extended.”

  “Er…” Johnny grimaced and his tongue moved around his mouth like he tried to get rid of the bad taste in there. Even the taste of this chat isn’t goin’ anywhere near the way I wanted it to. “No, kid. It’s only me.”

  “And your daughter. Obviously.” The girl gave him a completely innocent smile and shrugged. “So where is she?”

  He swallowed.

  Lisa cleared her throat and pulled her phone from her jacket pocket to wave it at them. “I’m gonna…check some emails. Outside. Better reception.”

  She turned away without waiting for a reply and he didn’t move until after the front door shut behind her.

  “Listen, kid—”

  “Do you even have reception out here?” Amanda frowned and looked around the room. “I heard people all the way out in the boonies don’t have anything. Even magicals.”

  “The boonies.” Johnny shook his head. “We have much to go over.”

  “I don’t see a TV, either. Is that like a personal choice or ʼcause you can’t get cable?”

  “Amanda.”

  She jerked her head toward him and widened her eyes. “Yeah.”

  “Can we stick to one question at a time?”

  “Sure. Let’s start with the first one, then.”

  Johnny rubbed his mouth and muttered, “You mean the one about cell reception?”

  “No. I asked where your daughter is.”

  “Yeah, I didn’t think so.” He took a deep breath to reply but she beat him to it.

  “It’s kinda weird to think about you having a daughter but kinda cool too. Like, does she hunt? I bet she’s good with guns too, huh? That could be a genetic thing. Like how Claire and I—” She froze and the daydreamy smile filtered away from her face as she scanned the floor and realized what she’d almost said. “Well. I only wanna know everything about your kid.”


  The dwarf stared at the coffee table, breathing heavily through his nose as he stroked his beard in a tense but absent gesture.

  “Why aren’t you saying anything?”

  “I will. Gimme a minute.”

  Amanda pressed her lips together and stared at him so intently, his forehead started to itch.

  “I don’t talk about this much, kid. I got a little rusty because of it, understand?”

  “Not really, but okay.”

  He responded with a wry laugh. “If we’re gonna do this—whatever we’re tryin’ to do— I need you to sit tight, open your ears, and keep your mouth shut until I’m done. You can do that, right?”

  When he looked at her, Amanda raised her chin and mimed zipping her lips.

  “Right.” Fuck, I’m not ready for this. I probably never will be. He cleared his throat twice before he felt like he could start. “Her name was Dawn.”

  “Oh.” The girl leaned toward her bent knees and rested her chin on them.

  “I haven’t said her name out loud in…a long time.” His next sigh emerged as another wheeze. “And I wouldn’t normally lay all this out for a kid, but after what you’ve been through and after seein’ what you can do… Hell, it might be good for both of us.”

  She stared at him and studied him from head to toe without moving a muscle.

  “I lost her when she was your age,” he muttered, his gaze fixed on the coffee table. “I did everythin’ I could to bring her up right and I’d like to think I did. She was…huh. She was somethin’ else, that girl. Much like you in some ways. Minus the wolf part.”

  They both uttered nervous, semi-humorless chuckles.

  “The one mistake I made was in not bein’ there when she needed me most. Now, I ain’t sayin’ you wouldn’t be fine without me or that you owe me a damn thing.” Slowly, he raised his gaze to meet hers and nodded. “But I don’t aim to make that mistake a second time.”

  “Okay.” Amanda nodded. “So far so good.”

  Johnny snorted. “You got some way of lookin’ at the world, kid. I tell you what.”

  “But I can stay with you, right?”

  “Only if you want to.”

  “I do.”

  The dwarf narrowed his eyes and nibbled on the inside of his bottom lip. “You do?”

  “Yeah. You can teach me stuff, right? I don’t know about guns or anything but, like…how to fight. You know, as a girl and not a wolf.”

  “Huh. If the truth be told, I don’t know much about fightin’ girls.”

  She snorted a laugh and rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

  “Have you ever been on a boat?”

  “Well, my dad has a yacht. Had a yacht—”

  “Naw, that ain’t the same. What about fishin’?”

  The girl wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “I’ve never done it but I could learn. And hunting, too. I like that part.”

  “Yeah, I bet you do.” He leaned forward over his lap and wagged a finger at her. “I mentioned ground rules.”

  “Yeah. Sure.”

  “If you’re gonna live here, you stay outta my room.”

  Amanda swiped both hands through the air. “Off-limits. Got it.”

  “And don’t touch my guns.”

  “Yeah, I won’t.”

  He turned slightly away from her and squinted again. “And if you go anywhere, you tell me about it first. I ain’t buyin’ a cell phone for a twelve-year-old, so I best be able to trust that I can find you if I have to ʼcause you told me about it first.”

  “Seriously?” The girl’s eyes widened. “Like I can leave the house? By myself?”

  He chuckled. “The concrete jungle ain’t nothin’ like the Everglades, kid.”

  “Yeah, okay. Deal. That’s…that’s awesome.”

  “All right.” Johnny slapped his thighs and pushed to his feet with a grunt. “Now go on and tell that half-Light Elf pretendin’ to check her email on my front porch that we had our little chat and we’re good to go.”

  “Okay.” She bounded from the chair, darted toward the living room, then stopped and turned.

  Johnny didn’t know what hit him when she threw her arms around his neck and gave him a tight squeeze.

  “Thanks, Johnny. For everything.”

  “Uh-huh.” His hands moved like molasses toward her back to give her two awkward pats. “Kid, I ain’t…uh, that much of a hugger.”

  “Right.” She released him, searched his face, and punched him in the shoulder. “Me neither.”

  The girl’s bare feet pounded across the floor toward the front door.

  The dwarf’s bushy eyebrows danced up and down as he watched her, unable to decide which fucking emotion he felt right now. “All the wrong damn ones.”

  He slapped his forehead, rubbed his eyebrows, and turned in a confused circle. The only option he had left was to sink onto the couch and stare blankly at the coffee table again.

  The dog door clacked open and shut in the back and the hounds’ nails clicked across the hardwood floors.

  “Wow, Johnny. That was…intense.” Luther stopped in front of his master and sat to look at the dwarf with glistening, puppy-dog eyes.

  “You could’ve told us.” Rex sat in front of Johnny’s other leg and rested his chin on the dwarf’s knee with a low whine. “We didn’t know you had your own pup, Johnny.”

  “I sure did.” Johnny’s eye twitched as he stretched absently to pat his hounds on the head. “It looks like I got another one now.”

  Right on cue, laughter from both Amanda and Lisa filtered through the screen door, although Johnny couldn’t make out any words. They are probably laughin’ at me but who the fuck cares?

  “She’s a good one, Johnny.” Luther thumped his forepaws onto the couch beside the dwarf’s thigh and wagged his tail. “Good for you.”

  “Good for us.”

  “Just good.”

  “I know.” With a sniff, he let his hands linger on his hounds’ heads. “I’m only hopin’ I can be the same for her.”

  “Come on, Johnny. You’re good for us. And we’re a lot more work.”

  “No opposable thumbs. I can’t even put on my pants by myself.”

  Johnny looked at Rex and raised an eyebrow.

  The hound’s thin chuckle filled his head. “Kidding.”

  “Oh, I get it. Pants. ʼCause you don’t—” Luther stopped and whipped his head toward the door before he uttered a sharp bark. “He’s back.”

  “Johnny.” Rex raised his head and spun hastily. “Johnny, it’s him. The salty two-leg.”

  “Asshole alert!”

  Both hounds raced across the living room at the same time and scrambled across the hardwood toward the front door.

  “Great.” With a scowl, Johnny stood again and headed toward the door. “If he ain’t here to pat me on the back and hand me a drink, he can move right along.”

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  “Johnny! Open the door!” Rex barked.

  “We’ll get rid of him for ya.” Luther couldn’t hold still and pranced enthusiastically in front of the screen door.

  “What’s going on?” Amanda appeared in the doorway and looked at him with wide eyes. “Who’s here?”

  “The Fed with a hole in his pants,” Luther said.

  Rex barked again. “Yeah. And his butt.”

  She gave them a confused smile. “Um…”

  “You can let ʼem out,” Johnny called as he strode toward the front door. “They get too excited and forget about the damn dog door.”

  As soon as she opened the creaking screen door, the hounds rocketed out of the cabin like two bullets, baying loudly, and raced up the drive with a flurry of dust behind them.

  Johnny stepped outside onto the porch and let the door close with a soft thud. He stopped beside Amanda and folded his arms. “This’ll be a joke and a half.”

  Lisa frowned at him. “Johnny?”

  He nodded at the end of the drive as the black SUV came into view, trailing
a cloud of dust. The hounds circled the vehicle continuously as they barked, snapped their jaws, and bayed like they’d flushed a gray fox. “Nelson.”

  “Damn.” Lisa wrinkled her nose. “I thought I had more time.”

  “Don’t write your vacation off yet, darlin’. He ain’t here for you.”

  “You don’t know that.”

  “He’s the only liaison with enough balls to step onto my property. If your bosses wanted you, they would have called.”

  “Hmm.” She frowned as Agent Tommy Nelson’s SUV rolled to a stop in front of the folding lawn chairs again.

  Rex and Luther barked and snarled outside the driver’s door, their heads low and hackles raised.

  Tommy opened the door, jerked his ankle away from a pair of snapping jaws, and shut the door again.

  “Johnny!” His voice was muffled from inside the car. “Johnny, call ʼem off, huh?”

  The dwarf cupped a hand around his ear and leaned forward. “I can’t hear you, Nelson. Come on up.”

  “Come on, Johnny.” Tommy lifted a briefcase from the passenger seat and grimaced at the hounds who bounded up to claw at the window. “Your dogs are gonna rip me apart.”

  “I already did, dummy,” Rex shouted. “Remember? You taste like ass.”

  “Ha.” Luther dropped to all fours and panted. “Funny. ʼCause that’s where you bit him.”

  Johnny whistled and the hounds turned toward him. “Give the agent space, boys. Only for a minute.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” Rex backed up across the dirt. “We’ll watch him.”

  “He won’t get past us, Johnny.”

  With a sigh, Tommy opened the door again slowly and set his shiny black shoe gingerly on the dirt. The hounds backed away but growled as the agent pulled the briefcase out carefully after him and shut the door. Rex barked and the man jumped. “Jesus. Do you bark at every loud noise?”

  “Only when you’re the one makin’ it,” Rex replied. He bared his teeth and continued to growl. “Better be careful.”

  “Look at him shaking, Rex.” Luther’s laughter flooded Johnny’s mind over the admittedly terrifying growls and snarls. “Yeah, that’s right. Keep walkin’.”

  “And don’t make any loud noises.” Rex sniggered. “Who knows? You might fart too loudly and set us off.”

  “Ha-ha. Good one.”