by Elks, Carrie
It made him feel sick. Like the kid he’d been when he’d cried in the hospital, the only one in the pediatric ward not surrounded by adults who loved him when he’d been injured.
A mistake.
A bad decision.
It all added up to the same thing. He wasn’t wanted.
“I gotta go,” Griff said, shaking his head, though the messy thought refused to move.
Lydia reached out for his arm. “You should wait to talk to Autumn. She’ll be out soon.”
“I can’t.” He shrugged her off in the same gentle way he’d eluded Ember. When you’re as big as he was, you knew how to stop from hurting others inadvertently.
Funny how he couldn’t stop himself from hurting, though. Not when the word ‘mistake’ was battering around in his head like a pinball on speed. He heard it in his mom’s voice, a little bit screechy, and a whole lot of painful.
For all his life he’d gotten in the way of her plans. Was he getting in the way of Autumn’s, too?
Christ, he needed a drink. Or five.
* * *
“The pier isn’t for sale,” Autumn said, looking from her father to Mr. Carlsson and back again. “I’m sorry for your wasted journey.”
“Of course it’s for sale.” Her dad did that lying laugh again. It grated her nerves like cheese. “As I explained, Autumn has gotten attached to this place. Who wouldn’t? It’s a beautiful property in a beautiful town.” His steely eyes slid to Autumn’s. “Hence the agreed price.”
“Dad…”
“Actually, could you give us a minute?” her father quickly said, striding over to the door and pulling it open. He beckoned at Josh, who was standing with Lydia and Carla of all people. Autumn frowned, wondering where Griff was.
“Josh, can you take Mr. Carlsson on a tour of the pier?”
“Now?” Josh asked, frowning just a little.
“Yes. I want to talk to my daughter alone.”
“Oh, sure,” he smiled agreeably. “Let’s go.”
Autumn watched as they left, her arms folded tightly across her chest. All the adrenaline shooting through her veins seemed to evaporate, making her body feel leaden and achy. She collapsed into a chair, frowning as she tried to work out how the day had morphed from triumph into disaster.
She should have been up front with her dad about the pier not being for sale. It was her own stupid fault that this had happened.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” Autumn asked him.
“Because I wanted to surprise you.”
She wasn’t going to hit something. Not even if her fists were aching to feel the wood of her desk. “You should have called. You’ve just wasted twenty-four hours for nothing. And I haven’t even gotten started on Josh being here. Why the hell have you involved him in this?”
“Because he has good contacts, and he wanted to help. He feels bad that you bought this place while you were drinking away your sorrows.” Her dad frowned. “You should have told me all about that from the start, by the way. I could have stopped the sale.”
“I didn’t want you to. I wanted to buy the pier.” She blew out a mouthful of air. “And I’m glad I did, because it brought me back to life again. Made me realize I can make it on my own. Without Josh and our business. And without your help.”
His face fell, and she winced. That hadn’t exactly come out right.
“If you don’t sell, it’s going to be impossible to manage this place from New York. Which means you’ll have to employ somebody to do it for you, and that’ll eat into your profits even more.” He leaned forward and cupped her face. “Think about what you could do with the money if you sell. I’ll help you set up a new business if you want.” He blinked at her expression, hastily pulling his hand away. “Or I can let you do it yourself,” he added quickly. “But it’ll give you the freedom to choose.”
She took a deep breath, steeling herself. “I don’t know that I want to come back,” she said, not quite able to meet his eye. “I like it here.”
He didn’t respond for a full thirty seconds, and her nerves felt every one of them. She could hear the blood rushing through her ears, matching the beat of the music from the stage.
“Is it about that man?”
“Why does it have to be about a man?” She shook her head. “It’s about me. What I want. What makes me happy.”
“You left because of Josh. And now you want to stay here because of this captain. That doesn’t sound like you’re using your business sense to me.” He sat on the edge of the desk in front of her. “You’ve had a hard couple of years, sweetheart. I know how tough the divorce was on you. Plus losing the business. And I can see the lure of escaping somewhere new and leaving all your troubles behind. But if you stay here, you’ll wake up one day and realize what a huge mistake you made. You’re my daughter. I know you better than anybody does.” His voice quieted. “And I really want you to come home. I miss you.”
Her eyes welled up. “I miss you, too.”
“Then sell the pier. You could fly home with me tomorrow, and leave all this behind. Let me take care of this for you.”
Her stomach dropped at the hope she saw in his eyes, because to her the situation felt hopeless. No matter what she did, somebody was going to get hurt. Her dad, Griff, and even herself. She hated that thought.
“I can’t,” she whispered, giving him a watery half-smile.
“Why not?”
“Because I love Griff. I want to stay here with him.”
Her dad shook his head. “That’s not love. It’s infatuation.”
“How would you know? You haven’t even met him.”
“I don’t need to. I know you, sweetheart, and that’s enough. I know how ambitious you are. Or how ambitious you used to be, before you came over here and seemed to give up. I know how much you loved working in Manhattan, how much you enjoyed running a big business.” He leaned toward her, and touched her face again. “The Autumn I know would never be happy living here for the rest of her life.”
“Then maybe you don’t know me at all,” she said softly, a tear sliding down her cheek. She wiped it away with the back of her hand and stood, looking at the door. “I need to get back out there and check that everything’s okay.” And she wanted to talk to Griff, too. “You can stay here if you want, or come and enjoy the charity day.”
“I’ll come.”
“Okay then.”
It was almost a surprise the pier was still full of people when she stepped outside. It felt like she’d been in the office for hours, long enough for the sun to go down and come up again. Lydia was leaning on the rail, her face serious as she caught Autumn’s glance.
“You okay?” she asked, looking warily from Autumn to their father.
“Yeah.” Autumn gave a quick nod. “Um, where did Griff go?”
Lydia took her arm and pulled her away from their dad. “It’s all my fault, she whispered, walking Autumn over to the side of the pier. “Well, it’s Dad’s fault really, for bringing Josh. He’s such an asshole. I never knew what you saw in him.”
“Did Josh say something to Griff?” Autumn felt her stomach churn.
“He was just being his usual self. Making things ten times worse than they already were.” She took a deep breath. “He told Griff you only bought the pier because you were drunk. That it had been a mistake.”
“How did he know that?” Autumn felt her breath catch in her throat.
Lydia bit her lip. “I told Dad, who must have told him. I’m so sorry, I should never have said anything. But Dad’s always talking about you as if you’re some kind of perfect daughter. I wanted him to know you’re human, but you’re also perfectly able to manage your own problems.” She sighed. “I know I’ve made things ten times worse.”
Autumn squeezed her eyes shut. “All right,” she said softly. “So that little sordid secret’s out. It’s okay, isn’t it? What else did Josh say?”
“Nothing. But Griff left looking pissed. That’s wh
en Dad asked Josh to take the buyer on a tour of the pier.”
“He looked pissed? Why? Because I actually do stupid things when I’m drunk?” She didn’t understand. Not at all. Why was it even an issue?
“I don’t know. I asked him to wait for you.” Lydia’s voice was small. “I’m so sorry. I’m such an idiot. I should think before I speak.”
“No, you shouldn’t. I like you the way you are, loose lips and all.” Autumn hugged her. She’d fallen out with enough people already, there was no way she was going to let this come between her and Lydia.
“Thank you,” Lydia mumbled into her shoulder. “Now go and find Griff. The two of you have some talking to do.
27
It took almost thirty minutes to make her way down the pier, thanks to all the people who wanted to talk to her about the charity day, and a few snafus that required her attention. With every minute that passed, Autumn felt her anxiety increase, especially when Griff didn’t return the messages she quickly tapped out on her phone.
Was he really that angry about her getting drunk?
She weaved through the crowd, her head turning from side to side as she sought him out. It was infuriating – he should be easy to spot, but she couldn’t see him anywhere.
Then her gaze landed on his boat. The gangplank was down. She tried to remember if it had been that way earlier. Taking a deep breath, she walked onboard, feeling the gentle bob of the anchored boat as the waves lapped against it.
“Griff?” she called out, feeling a strange shiver snake down her spine. “Are you here?”
She was about to turn back when she heard a sound coming from the front of the boat. She walked past the cabin, and the ladder that led to the wheelroom. Her eyes landing on him sitting on a bench, a glass full of something amber held to his lips as he looked out to shore.
She could see the outline of his muscles through his thin t-shirt. Was it only this morning she was running her hands all over them?
“I’ve been looking for you,” she said softly.
He stood as soon as he heard her, the glass still in one hand. There was a blankness in his eyes. “I’ve been right here.” He lifted up a bottle that was resting on the bench beside him. “Did you know this whiskey’s been here since my dad ran the boat? He must have forgotten to take it with him when he left.” He shook his head. “About the only thing he’s ever given me. I kept meaning to throw it out, but maybe I knew it’d come in handy.” His words were slurred. Enough for her to know it wasn’t the first glass he was drinking.
“Can we talk about what just happened back there?” she asked. “Maybe go to my office?”
“Why? You want to sell me a pier?” The roughness of his voice sent shivers down her spine.
“No. I want to explain.”
He looked down at his glass. “There’s nothing to explain. If you want to sell the pier, that’s fine. It’s what you intended to do all along.” He lifted the whiskey to his lips and tipped his head back, emptying the glass before pouring himself another.
“Can you slow down?” she asked, shaking her head as he swallowed another mouthful. “This is supposed to be a happy day.”
“I’m just trying to see how it feels. How drunk do you have to get to buy a pier?” He shrugged, that steely glint still in his gaze. “Two drinks? Three? Five? How many until I become somebody completely different for a few weeks.”
“You’re making an idiot of yourself,” she hissed, grabbing his arm. “Can we please talk about this somewhere less open?”
“Why? You want to tell me about your ex? I didn’t know you’d invited him to the charity day.” He gave her a sour smile. “Maybe you should have warned me.”
“I didn’t know either.” She let out a sigh. “I’m sorry… I should have…” her voice trailed off. What should she have done? She had no idea. All she knew was she hated the way he was looking at her.
Like he was angry and hurt and every emotion in between.
She was acutely aware of how alcohol and boats didn’t mix. It made the hackles on her neck rise up. “Come on,” she said again, reaching for his arm. “Let’s go.”
“What is it with women and my arm,” he muttered, pulling away from her. “You chicks have a thing about it.”
“Chicks?” She straightened her spine. “Seriously?” Damn, he was aggravating. “Maybe it’s you who’s got the problem. If you just came with me when I asked, I wouldn’t have to drag you.”
“I’ve come with you enough.” His voice was low. “Every night for the past few weeks. Remember all the times I held you in my arms afterward? All those long conversations about my family and your divorce? I don’t remember you once mentioning you only bought the pier because you were drunk.”
“Why should I mention it? It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s big enough for your ex to know about it.”
She took a deep breath. “What did Josh say?”
Griff looked down at his drink, staring at it as though it had all the answers. “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered, then lifted the glass to his mouth.
“It obviously does,” she whispered as he swallowed another mouthful. “I know he told you about me buying the pier when I was drunk. What else?”
“There’s more?” Griff shook his head. “What, did you buy the Empire State Building, too? What else does Josh and your sister know that I don’t?”
“Nothing! And Lydia’s my family. Of course I’m going to tell her everything.”
“Because family’s more important than anything else, right? More important than me.” His words were becoming more slurred.
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t need to.” He tipped his head back and finished the whiskey, slamming the glass on the bench. “I get it. Your family matters to you. More than I do.” He stood, and she was hyper aware of his height. He wasn’t steady on his feet like he usually was. One tumble and he could hurt himself. “Maybe that’s why Josh and your Dad have no idea I even exist. I’m nothing to you, am I? Less important than this damn pier.”
“You should go home,” she told him. “Sleep it off. Before you do something you regret.”
He looked her in the eye, and it made her heart jolt. There was nothing there. No kindness, no understanding. Just blankness, like he’d closed down the shutters and left his body to do the work.
“You want me to leave?” His voice was icy.
“Yes… no… I just don’t want us to be talking like this while you’re drunk. And on a boat, too. You know how dangerous the ocean can be.”
“Did you throw your dad off the pier?” he asked her. “How about Josh, is he gone?”
“No I didn’t. And I’ve no idea where Josh is.”
“I guess I know where I stand. Below your family, below your ex.” He gave her another sickly smile. “Sorry if I’m messing with your style, Miss Paxton.”
“I never said that.”
“Nope. But I can see it in your eyes. What was I, a distraction? A bit of rough for the rich girl?” He raked his hand through his hair, and it made him stumble to his left.
“Don’t bother answering,” he muttered. “I’m leaving.” He stepped forward, this time not meeting Autumn’s gaze.
“I’ll call you later,” she whispered.
“Don’t bother. You’ll be too busy with your family. And your ex, no doubt.” He blinked.
She tried to take a breath, but her chest felt too tight. “So what happens next?” she whispered.
He shrugged, his dark eyes finally meeting hers. “Nothing,” he whispered. “Nothing happens. I’ll go home, have another drink, and remember why I don’t do relationships. Because they fucking suck.”
* * *
He’d almost made it to the pier entrance before he let out a growl of anger. Every bit of him hurt. The healing bruises on his skin, the muscles he’d used to build the stage, but most of all his chest.
It felt like his heart might explode out of his ribcage.
There were people everywhere, brushing past him in their excitement to get on the pier. To eat funnel cake and ride the rollercoaster, or listen to the band whose music was echoing from the stage.
And yet he’d never felt so alone. Or like such an asshole. He wanted the pain to go away. Wanted to take her pain away, too, but it was impossible. He’d messed it up, the way he always did.
“Griff?” Ally called out from the Déjà Brew stall. “You okay?” The makeshift shop was surrounded by customers desperate for a caffeine fix.
He nodded. “I’m good.”
“Where you going?”
“Home.”
She opened her mouth to say something else, but he turned and walked away. He didn’t want to talk to anybody. Not now. He had a feeling if he opened his mouth again he’d only hurt someone else.
He needed to get away and close the door on the world. Maybe then he could think about what he’d just done.
Because right now, it felt like he’d ruined everything.
* * *
“He didn’t mean it,” Lydia said, passing Autumn another tissue. “He was blindsided by Josh and Dad arriving, that’s all. It was his ego talking, and we all know that guys’ egos are full of bullshit. Give him a day to sober up and he’ll be begging you to take him back.”
“Maybe I don’t want him back,” Autumn said, shaking her head wearily. Every muscle in her body ached. It was like she’d spent the day climbing Everest rather than overseeing a charity event. The pier closed an hour ago, laughing visitors leaving after the final concert, as the fairground rides switched off one by one. And now the pier was empty, save for Autumn, Lydia, and Ally who’d snuck into her office with a bottle of wine and three glasses. Ally was pouring them out as Lydia helped mop up Autumn’s tears.
“Griff’s a complex guy,” Ally said, passing the wine out. “He’s like an iceberg. That top ten percent is calm and easy-going as hell. But it hides all the crap he’s been through in his life.” Her eyes caught Autumn’s. “And he’s been through a lot.”