“Bloody hell, Circe,” he bit out.
“You need this too.”
“No.” He fought the pull of her, but gave in to his needs and hers in the end.
She watched his orgasm take him over. She accepted all of him until he became limp in her arms. Sated he pulled away from her and fell onto his back beside her. Circe rolled over and studied his face. Something was most definitely wrong.
“Why?”
“Why what?”
“Do not play with me, Reese. Why did you not want to come inside of me?”
“You’re imagining things. Go to sleep.”
“Answer me.”
“It’s a moot point now. Let’s get some rest. It’s been a long day.”
Circe rolled onto her side and faced away from him. She curled up, feeling colder than she had after seeing those dead women on the beach. Something was going on with Reese, even if he refused to tell her. She felt his arms snake around her and pull her backwards until her back touched his front. Circe tried to pull away from him, to put room between them, because she did not know how she currently felt. She was angry and hurt and depressed.
“Be still,” he murmured, kissing her neck.
“You try to pull away from me, now you want to cuddle, and you tell me to be still? I think you should back away a bit. I am feeling quite smothered.”
“Of course,” he said and rolled away from her to face the other direction.
Circe felt as if a wide chasm separated them. Her chest was tight from the ache and silent tears coursed out of the corner of her eyes, soaking her pillow. I just found him and now I am losing him, she thought morosely. All of this has been too much. He thinks I am to blame, and he is probably right. She lay there, working the pillowcase in her fist and biting her lower lip in an attempt to hold back the sobs.
“I’m scared.”
The words drifted to her in the darkness. She shifted so that she now faced him. She swiped the tears from her face and gave a loud sniff. “What did you say?” Circe watched him roll over so they were now looking at each other in the barely there light.
“Don’t cry, sweetheart,” Reese murmured as he cupped her cheek. “I can’t stand it.”
“I am losing you.”
“You’re not losing me.”
“I am. You are already tired of me. I had to practically beg you to make love to me and then…then you did not want to—” She watched him lean in and kiss her. This kiss had an altogether different feel to it. It was tender and protective and had another feeling that she was afraid to put a name to. She was afraid she would be terribly disappointed if it turned out to be something else entirely. Circe sighed when he broke off the kiss and rested his forehead against hers.
“I’m scared, Circe.”
“I know. Dorothea is unpredictable and—”
“It’s not Dorothea. I mean, yes, I’m worried about what she might do to you. I have a feeling she’s not finished with us,” he said prophetically.
“Then what is it, Reese?”
“Something that Ruth said about women dying in childbirth. It struck me that if you were to become pregnant I could lose you.”
“But you might have to put up with me long into our dotage.”
“If only I could be so lucky.”
She pulled away in an attempt to see him more clearly. They were inches from one another and she could smell whisky on his breath. It mingled with the scent of his soap and the musk of their lovemaking to create a heady combination. She kissed him softly. “Reese, what are you trying to tell me?”
“I’m telling you that you have become so ingrained in my life, such a part of me, that I can’t imagine going on without you. You are more than my best friend, you are the other half of me.”
“I have to know, Reese, how does this feeling compare to what you felt for her?” He was quiet, and she felt she had pushed too far and demanded too much information. Finally, he spoke up, causing her heart to start beating once more.
“Isabelle made me believe we had something that was more than just physical. She twisted me until I didn’t know which side was up. I thought I was giving her everything I had, but I found out much later that there was so much more she was keeping from me. She used me and manipulated me. Who knows how it would’ve ended up if she hadn’t died? Perhaps we would’ve successfully left England. We might have even made it here. But after knowing what I do now, I would still be somewhere, licking my wounds because I allowed her to play me for a fool.
“You, however are kind and compassionate. I admire your tenacity. From the start, you were willing to do whatever necessary, including staying sequestered in your room to stay away from me, to meet your goal. We both felt there was an attraction between us, but you fought it until the very end. I am proud to call you my wife and my helpmate. I, unlike your father, would not have settled for anything less than your hand in marriage, even if that meant carrying you over my shoulder to a priest or ship captain or anyone else qualified to marry people and forcing you to say your vows.”
“That is all well and good, but you still have not answered my question. How do the feelings you felt for her compare with what you feel for me?”
“I had hoped you would understand.”
“Sometimes a girl, despite how independent she may claim to be, just needs to hear the words,” Circe said simply.
“Before I do, you need to know that I never spoke them to her. I started to once but she stopped me and I’m glad she did. She told me she was afraid they would jinx the relationship,” he said, chuckling bitterly. “I’m glad she stopped me, because now, the only women to have ever heard these words was my mother and aunt, and trust me I did not feel for them what I feel for you. Mother would have loved you, you know. She would have enjoyed your spunkiness and independence and would have gotten you into so much trouble, and Father would have been completely smitten with you. I can’t wait for you to meet the rest of the clan.”
“Reese, you are killing me.”
“Anticipation, my love, anticipation.”
“Reese,” she threatened.
He propped himself up on his elbow and looked down at her with an expression of such tenderness that her heart felt like it was spasming in her chest. Tears stung her eyes and she blinked furiously to keep them at bay. Please, please let him tell me what I want to hear from him and only him so badly, she sent up a silent prayer. And please let him mean it. Her eyes fluttered shut when she felt his calloused hand cup her cheek. She felt his hot, damp breath tickle her ear.
“I love you, Circe Marie Taggart,” he whispered so only she could hear.
Her eyes flew open at his words and a watery smile lit her face. “Truly?” she asked.
“Truly. I love you more than life itself.”
“I thought you once said love was an illusion.”
“Why do you remember all the bad things I said?”
“You were in a very bad place for a while,” she said.
“I did think love was an illusion. That was until when I reached out to grab it and there wasn’t a ghost there, but you. And my arms didn’t go through the spectre mocking me, they wrapped around you, a warm, pliable body that returned the hold back, freely and unconditionally. It was when you were willing to risk your heart and tell me how you felt without hearing the words back that I realized that love was very much a real thing, and it was what I felt for you.”
“Oh, Reese, I love you, too. I have loved you for so long, but I fought it so hard. I thought you were everything I did not need, did not want, but now I could not imagine my life without you. I do not know what I would do if I could not talk to you every day, share my thoughts, rely on you to keep me safe and protected. I love you so very much.”
The kiss they shared started tenderly and full of shared emotion before it crescendoed into something that threatened to overwhelm them both. Not caring, they let the emotions sweep through them, leading them to a physical joining that was unlike any t
hey had shared before. This time when they reached their completion, they lay in one another’s arms, boneless and content.
“Reese?”
“Hmm?”
“I will do my best to survive childbirth. You, yourself, said my hips were made to guide our children into this world. Not all women can say that.”
“You’re right.”
“Did you know Granny Mabel once told me that I would have no trouble having babies?”
“Did she?”
“Yes. She also talked a lot about fate. Reese, do you think she knew how she was going to die?”
“I don’t know, Circe.”
“Promise me that you will do your best to stay alive for me.”
“Of course I will.”
“Good. That means no encounters with highwaymen, no being pick-pocketed and acting the hero and chasing after the thief, and most importantly staying away from Dorothea.”
“You have my word,” he said. “Now, I’m worn out. Go to sleep,” he directed, brushing a kiss along her temple.
“I love you, Reese.”
“I love you, too.”
She lay in his arms and listened to him softly snore. She wished she could turn off her mind, because even now she doubted his words. What if he had said all those sweet things to placate her because of all that was happening? No, he had sounded sincere, she chastised herself. She pushed all the negative thoughts to the back of her mind and tried to focus on the fact that they had told one another that they loved each other. Surely that is a start? She thought somewhat hopefully. I desperately hope so.
Chapter 26
Over the next week, they fell into a pattern. Reese woke her every morning to languorous, drugging kisses that turned into bouts of quick, energizing lovemaking. Then they would both dress and join Ruth, Sean, and the children in the kitchen. After breaking their fast, the men would go out to the fields, and the women scrubbed the inside of the house from top to bottom, going room by room. They would discuss how they thought each room should be decorated.
They would stop mid-day and have a small meal to get them by. Then while Ruth saw to the baby and put the children down to nap, Circe would sneak out of the house laden with a basket of food. She would find Sean and tell him that Ruth sent him some of it, but then she would go in search of Reese. It was that time she enjoyed the most. He took her around and showed her different parts of their plantation.
Toward the end of that first week together, they were walking hand-in-hand. They paused and looked at different flowers and trees when Reese posed a question to her. “Did you know that Barbados has the oldest Parliament besides England?”
“It seems like I might have heard that before, but I did not know if it was true,” she answered truthfully.
“Well, it is, and did you know that Montserrat, an island not far from here, has a very large Irish population?”
“Really? Why is that?” She listened intently as he outlined the information to her. Even though she had heard some of it, she enjoyed how Reese but his own twist on the subject he was talking about. When he was finished, she said, “Hmm…”
“What is it?”
“Just thinking that you have fallen back into your love of history.”
“So I have.”
“You have gotten a lot accomplished here, Reese.”
“Where?” he laughed caustically. “There’s still so much that has to be done. I fear it will take forever to clean up the crop. It was left without supervision for too long. It’s become unruly and wild. Weeds are everywhere. I have nothing to add here except my labor. There’s nothing I know about sugarcane, rum, or syrup. These men and women are teaching me everything as we go along. I’m afraid it won’t be enough.”
“Do you want to be a plantation owner?”
“You know, I thought it would be simple. I won it years ago and held onto it. After Isabelle died, I kept it in the back of my mind until I became bored and needed an adventure, certain that it was being kept up and making money. I arrived and found out the total opposite had happened. This is what I found.” He swept his arm wide to encompass the land around them.
“It is beautiful.”
“Yes.”
“But?” she asked hearing the hesitation in his voice.
“I don’t know,” he said on a disgusted sigh. “I miss home. And not just Yorkshire, I miss all of it, even London. I never thought I would say that. I thought I was done with all of those places, the bad memories, the sneers, the reputation that followed me everywhere I went. It seemed though, like you, my reputation preceded me. It makes sense, doesn’t it? I mean these people are friends and relatives of people back home. I should have been surprised if they had not heard of those Scandalous Taggarts. So, yes, this island is beautiful, but it feels unreal, as if I’ll wake up at any moment, and it was all a beautiful dream, especially you, and that scares the hell out of me, Circe, because of all this, I don’t want you to be a dream.”
“Regardless of where we live, I will always be with you, Reese, even if you choose to become an explorer and move all over the world. I will be there. Even if it means being on a ship the rest of our lives and me being ill much of that time.”
“I do love you, Circe, and speaking of ships, I am so very thankful you were on the Mary Anne.” He wrapped her up in his arms and hugged her tightly.
“I love you, too. Now, come on, I thought I saw a cave back here somewhere.”
“What are we going to do in a cave?”
“Well, Wild Lord Taggart, if it is not already occupied by some sort of animal, Wild Lady Taggart is going to help you forget your woes if only for a short while.”
“When you put it that way, if there are any animals, I will do everything in my power to run them off, my love.” He took her hand and together they laughed and crashed through the undergrowth, certain that by the time they reached the cave, if there had been an animal in it, it had long since found somewhere else to live for fear of the raucous humans invading its territory.
* * *
Later that week, Circe made her way outside and walked toward the sugarcane field. Men and women alike were working, harvesting the crop. Some gave her an odd look before returning to their work while others blatantly stared, and still others ignored her completely. She kept walking, searching for Reese, but taking in all of the activity around her. Finally, she saw Sean O’Connor speaking to a group of men. She approached the group but stood aside and waited until it disbanded.
“Looking for your husband?” Sean asked.
“Yes.”
“Keep going that way,” he pointed her in a certain direction. “He’s supposed to be on the back side of the fields.”
“Thank you.”
“Be careful. It starts t’ get pretty wild where he’s at. We’re still doing a lot of clearin’ in that area.”
“I will be,” she assured Sean before walking off in the direction he indicated Reese could be found. She walked and walked until she was certain she would come out on the other side of the island. The further she walked, the denser the foliage became and she saw fewer and fewer people. Now the sun dappled her path instead of beating down on her as it had earlier. She was suspicious that she had either gone too far, or strayed from where she should have been. “Reese,” she called out softly, hoping he would hear her and rescue her.
Just as she was about to turn around and attempt to retrace her steps, she saw some movement out of the corner of her eye.
“Reese?” she asked curiously. Still there was no answer. “Reese, I swear if you are trying to frighten me, you will regret it.” She squealed as she was wrapped up in arms and swung around in a circle. Reese’s laughter allowed the racing of her heart to calm down somewhat. “Put me down this instant.” She squirmed in his arms.
“Keep doing that,” he whispered lasciviously.
“Is that all you think about?” she hissed, spinning on him once she was free.
“When you’re around.”
“Oh, you are impossible. I came out here to show you this.” She reached into her apron pocket and pulled out an envelope.
“What’s that?”
“An invitation to the Governor’s house for a dinner party tomorrow night. Do you know why we have been invited?”
“I suppose we won’t know until we go,” he replied nonchalantly.
“You are planning on attending?”
“No, we are planning on attending.”
“But what if Dorothea is there?”
“Then we’ll face her together. I’ve promised to protect you from her. Remember?”
“I am not worried about myself.” And she found she was not worried about herself, for she had come to rely on believing in Granny Mabel’s prediction, but Reese was another story.
“Nothing is going to happen.”
“I wish I could believe that.”
“Are you saying you don’t trust me to take care of you?” he asked, tipping her chin up so he could see her face better.
“I am saying I do not trust her devious nature. Do we truly have to go?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“It is an invitation from the Governor,” he said as way of explanation.
“He is not the King.”
“Near enough for this island.”
“What will I wear?”
“We will go to town early and see if we can purchase you something to wear. Surely there will be a dressmaker that has something ready that we can coax from her for the right price.”
“You mean you can coax it from her.”
“Jealous?”
“Hardly,” she scoffed. “Now, what are you doing?” She spent the rest of the day shadowing Reese and helping him when she could.
* * *
That afternoon the air turned hot, sticky, and still. Only an occasional breeze rolled in to end the oppressive heat. It was a suffocating feeling, and as she prepared for bed, Circe found herself wishing for England’s coolness. True, they had their spells of heat, but on the whole it was substantially cooler than here. Besides, all the work they were doing meant she was sweltering more often than not, and tonight was definitely one of those nights.
Wild Lord Taggart Page 32