by Haley Travis
He sent me funny texts and photos several times a day. He even drew me a daisy in one of his technical blueprint programs.
I kept telling him that I was busy as well, and even though I was looking forward to our Friday night date, I was in no rush. Maybe he had dated girls in the past who needed constant attention. I was so used to being alone that just having someone to send messages to at any time was exciting.
Friday morning he sent me a message an hour before our appointment.
James: It’s going to be strange not touching you while you’re touching me, but I promise to keep things exactly the same between us at the clinic. I don’t want you to get into trouble.
Me: Thanks for understanding. I think things are going easier with my boss, but she’s still watching me like a hawk.
James: I’ll still rant about how wonderful you are. Because you’re wonderful. But I’ll keep it completely platonic.
Me: So you’ll forgive me if I do my job by bullying you about your exercises?
James: Your job comes first, no matter what. But for the record, I did my exercises every single day this week.
Me: Gold star :)
It was definitely weird seeing him come through the back door of the clinic in his baggy shorts. But now that I’d seen him dressed to the nines, there was somehow more balance.
I went through the usual ritual of praising him for doing his exercises, running him through his stretches and mobility checks. Nobody seemed to be paying any attention to us at all, which was perfect.
When I had him on the table, massaging his shoulder, he groaned again. “I wish there was a tool that hit that little spot you manage to get,” he murmured.
“If you like, I can come over and train your next-door neighbor or something,” I laughed. “Someone you run into all the time.”
Linda walked by the open door giving me a funny look. Replaying what we had just said, it was completely innocent. All of the physical therapists made jokes with their clients as they worked with them. We had to keep things light during situations where we could be causing them some pain and discomfort.
When I got to his leg, I massaged around the affected area, then took a slow breath. James was acting completely relaxed, but I was nervous. I didn’t want to make him angry, but I was concerned about the sore patch. Maybe it was just fluid retention or something, and it had disappeared already.
Sliding my hands up a few inches above the knee, I tentatively grazed my fingers along that spot. Instantly he flinched.
“Just relax,” I said. “Something is a bit swollen here.”
Using almost zero pressure, I cautiously checked the area to see that the lump had definitely grown from last week. Biting my tongue so that I didn’t mutter, “Dammit” out loud, I let my fingertips cruise lightly around the spot, making sure that it was in the same position as last week.
It was definitely bigger, and more tender. The lightest pressure made James grit his teeth.
“Molly, may I see you in the hall?” Linda said sharply from the doorway.
“Sure.” I patted James on the knee. “We’re done, just chill out for a minute.”
As soon as I was in the hall, Linda pinned me with a strange look. “You two seem to be getting along well, and he seems to have stopped being difficult. Why did he look like he was in such pain just now?”
Placing my hand on her shoulder, I guided her back from the doorway, ignoring her shocked expression. “There is an area that was sore and tender last week, and now there is a definite lump,” I whispered. “He’s pretty sensitive, so I don’t want to freak him out.”
Linda’s prickliness dissolved immediately, realizing that this was serious. “You’re contacting his doctor?”
“I was just about to make the note in his chart. I don’t know if it’s urgent, but I also want to make sure he’s being checked by a specialist regularly,” I said.
She sighed. “Damn. Poor guy. I’ ll see that the file is sent to his doctor immediately.”
All I could do was nod and go back into the room to where James was sitting on the table looking worried. “Did I get you in trouble?” he asked quietly.
“No. Everything’s fine.”
I couldn’t tell him that he needed to go in for scans again. Maybe it was childish, but he was improving so much that I just couldn’t be the bearer of bad news when he’d done so much to help me last weekend.
I also couldn’t stand the thought of seeing the disappointment and pain in his eyes. There was always a chance that he had a regular checkup within the next week, so that it wouldn’t seem like it was my fault he was being called in.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
* James *
Dreading my Friday morning appointments had become a weekly ritual. But now that they meant I was going to see Molly, and then date night later on, this day was obviously going to be the highlight of my week.
I was relieved that she was so understanding that I couldn’t see her for a few days. My job always went through random busy spells, and they often hit at the worst possible time. Luckily, my sweet girl was a hard worker as well, and seemed to be completely fine with it.
As soon as I got home I flopped onto the couch, thinking that I might be lazy and order something for lunch before I caught up on my work in the afternoon.
But first, I flipped open my laptop to search for local restaurants. Since our first date had been all about making a good impression with her family, I thought that our second date should be something light and fun.
There was a refurbished retro bowling alley that apparently had incredible food. Or maybe the Polynesian place downtown that had exotic fruity tiki drinks, and a little live band in the corner.
My phone rang with an unknown caller. “Hello?”
“Hello, is this James Little?” It was a slightly older woman with that businesslike, receptionist tone.
“It is.”
“Mr. Little, this is Dr. Feldman’s office calling. There was a note from your physical therapy clinic about some swelling, and a lump right beside your injury.”
I could feel my back teeth grinding together, but didn’t speak.
“Mr. Little, the doctor is concerned that it could be an infection, or the pins shifting, so we’d like to get it scanned right away.”
“Are you saying this is an emergency?” I asked. “I’ve been healing up fine for months.”
“Yes, and we don’t want to derail your progress. There was a cancellation this afternoon at three, and Dr. Feldman strongly recommends that you take that appointment.”
In less than a minute, my mood had plummeted from happy anticipation to a seething mixture of rage and frustration. “Is this absolutely necessary?” I asked. “Why don’t we wait another month and see what happens?”
“I know this is inconvenient,” she said quickly, “But the doctor said that it could be nothing, but on the off chance it is something, it needs to be dealt with immediately so that it doesn’t get worse. He really doesn’t want to have to operate again just as the pins in your leg are becoming stable.”
“Fine,” I muttered, trying not to let the woman hear how angry I was. It certainly wasn’t her fault. “Tell me the time and place, and I’ll be there.”
I took down the details, then hung up, dropping the phone on the table.
I knew it was absolutely illogical, but I felt like Molly had ratted me out. Like she had betrayed me somehow. I had asked her to wait a little longer, to see if the lump was just a cyst or something that would go away.
The human body is a big stupid lumpy mess, so why did I need to go get a scan for one little sore patch? It was ridiculous.
Looking down, I saw that my hands were shaking, curled into fists. Up until about a year ago, I never went to the doctor beyond a physical every two or three years. I never got sick. I was strong. My body never let me down.
Until that one day when everything changed.
I thought that I had released my anger about the situation, but in a fla
sh it all came roaring back. If I’d landed in the dirt six inches farther to the right and not on that cinder block, I would still be the strong, indestructible man I used to be.
It wasn’t goddamn fair.
I know that everyone says that nothing is fair, and goes on about every life has some rain, and whatever other sort of garbage people spout to try to make other people feel better. But things like this have never happened to me before.
It was wrong to be angry at the medical industry who had patched me up and put me back together. I had nothing against the doctors and nurses and everyone who did such a great job of caring for people.
But being in that position made me feel fragile, and I hated that. It was like being enveloped by a horrible cloying smell that made me physically sick. Like a skunk, or chemical waste.
The sensation of being weak and sensitive just didn’t work with me. I couldn’t stand it.
And now just when I thought I was over the worst of it, I had to go in to yet another plain beige building, put on a stupid paper-thin blue gown, and be wheeled around while strangers tried to make conversation about the weather to cheer me up.
My phone rang again, and I picked it up to see it was Molly.
I needed to fling it across the wall. I needed to scream at her like a child having a tantrum. Instead, I took a deep breath before hitting the button. “Hello?”
“James, I just wanted to warn you about something,” Molly said quickly in a hushed voice. “I’m sorry, I have to be fast. I’m hiding in the washroom. My boss came by while I was spending so much time on your leg, and she thought there was some funny business going on. I had to tell her about the lump that I was keeping an eye on. But she made sure that I put the note in your file, so your doctor might be calling you soon.”
“They already did.” My voice sounded completely lifeless.
“Crap. I’m so sorry, James. Did they want you to go in for a scan in a few weeks?”
“Lucky me – there was a cancellation, and I’m going in this afternoon,” I said. I knew I sounded bitter, but I couldn’t help it.
“Where are they sending you?”
I told her the clinic and the time, which she sounded happy about. “That place is fantastic,” she said brightly. “You’ll be in good hands there, especially if Karen with the short black hair is working.”
“I don’t want to be in anyone’s hands but yours,” I said. “I thought things were going well. You said that I was making progress.”
“I know,” she said softly, “but it was extensive surgery. Sometimes infections can pop up months later. Especially when there are foreign objects like pins set in an area that moves a lot, like your leg and knee. Please don’t be mad. It really is for the best.”
“I’m not mad,” I said, knowing that my voice betrayed me. “I am annoyed. Can we just leave it at that?”
“All right.” She sounded unsure. “Will you call me when you’re done, and I’ll come meet you anywhere you want for dinner?”
“Let me get through this first,” I said, “Then I’ll call or text you. Okay?”
“Okay.”
I was about to hang up, but it sounded like she had something else to say.
“James, I really care about you. The last thing I would ever want to do is upset you. But your health is really important to me, and I would be both a bad physical therapist and a bad girlfriend if I didn’t do everything I possibly could to take care of you.”
“That’s the problem, baby,” I said sadly. “I want to be the kind of man who takes care of you.”
I heard a faint tapping through the phone, then Molly muttered at lightning speed, “I’m so sorry, I have to get back to work, I’ll call you as soon as I can, bye.”
I should have been taking a shower and getting excited for my date tonight. I should have dug up a bright side to focus on. Instead, I laid on the couch staring at the ceiling while quietly seething until it was time to leave.
CHAPTER TWELVE
* Molly *
I had almost no experience with men, and certainly didn’t know how the mind of a huge tough guy operated. But it felt like James had been trying to choke back his anger on the phone.
Perhaps I should have just left him alone to deal with the situation in his own way. But since it felt like it was partly my fault, I needed to help. Luckily, my clinic wasn’t terribly busy on Friday afternoons, so I was able to sneak out at quarter after two claiming that I had a headache.
My old blue car complained a few times as I raced to his house, pulling up just as James was stepping outside. He was leaning heavily on his cane, and those gorgeous eyes looked like the light had been drained out of them.
“Let me drive you,” I said, jumping out of the car and rushing to his side. “Please? I know exactly where it is, and since I know some people there, maybe I can get you in and out faster.”
He looked at me as if he were half asleep, or falling into a coma. “Sure. Thanks.”
Guiding him to the passenger seat, I adjusted it back to make room for his long legs. As we pulled out of his driveway, I mentioned, “You have a beautiful house.”
“Thanks.” He turned a bit to look at me. “I guess you were a nosy little thing and found my address in my file?”
“Yes.” Pulling out of his driveway, I headed for the clinic. “Look, James, I feel awful–”
“It’s okay,” he said quickly. “I know this whole thing isn’t your fault in the slightest. I also know that I’m being a baby and an ass about this.”
“I swear I’m not a pushy person,” I said, turning onto a larger street. “I mind my own business, and let other people mind theirs. But this is important. And…” I felt myself choking up, but tried to power through. “If this tears us apart, my heart is going to be completely broken. But I’ll get over it someday because I know that I’m doing the right thing.”
James didn’t look at me, but he reached out to place his hand on my knee.
We drove in silence until I pulled into the lot and parked the car. As he removed his hand, I saw that it was shaking slightly.
I took off my seatbelt and turned to him, grabbing both of his hands in mine. “It’s okay to be nervous,” I said softly. “I know that you are a big tough guy, but this is something that makes everybody feel rattled. It’s okay.”
His dark chuckle surprised me. “I’m fine. I was just so irritated that I forgot to have lunch.”
Pulling a granola bar out of my purse, I handed it to him. “Thanks.” James wolfed it down in three bites, then grabbed his cane as we got out of the car.
It was a fairly large medical building, but I’d been here before to take a tour of the equipment. James was quiet, and obviously moody. I was glad that I could guide him directly to the wing where they were expecting him.
“Karen,” I said with relief, seeing her spiky black hair from over the desk.
“Molly?” She jumped up and came around the desk to give me a hug. “Damn, I haven’t seen you in months. How are you?”
“Great, but I’m going to need your help today,” I said, turning to James. “You have an appointment for Mr. Little?”
Karen smiled at James, then made a point of tilting her chin higher and higher. “Little? Of course.”
James nodded, but didn’t speak.
“No offense,” I said, lowering my voice, “but he really dislikes all of this scanning and poking and prodding. Is there any chance we could give this nice soldier the gold star treatment, and get him in and out of here in a flash?”
Karen went back behind the desk and checked something on her computer. “Done. You’re next, don’t even sit down.”
The two of us escorted him down the hall, chatting lightly about the cheesy photographs in the lobby, and allowing him to be quiet.
“I’ll be back at reception if you need anything,” Karen said brightly, giving James a pat on the shoulder. “You’re in good hands with Gavin. He’s the absolute best, I swear.”
> To my great relief, the scan technician told James that hitching up his shorts would be fine, and he didn’t need to change into a gown.
“Do you want me to wait in the reception area, or stay in the room with you?” I asked.
He surprised me by wrapping his arm around me, pulling my body against his as he kissed me softly. “Stay.” I nodded, sitting down beside him as he lay down.
Gavin was soft-spoken, but very efficient. He had James stretch out his injured leg on the table, working it over with the ultrasound wand.
“This is the spot we are most concerned about, correct?” he asked, pointing to the area without touching it.