"Please, can we just stay here?" I asked, pouting and giving him my puppy dog eyes. Rolling his eyes, he kicked his feet up on the footstall and laid back.
"Fine, but you need to stop eating the ice cream."
My mouth popped open. "Are you calling me fat?"
"No, of course not. You're not fat. I didn't mean that, it's just..." Sighing harshly and glaring, he added, "You did that on purpose."
I laughed, nodding. "So, what do you want to do?"
"Hmm, let me think... What can we do while we're alone..."
Oh, of course. "I walked right into that one, didn't I?"
"You did. Want to watch something? Nothing depressing, it's got to have fast cars, a bit of nudity and blood."
"Going all out on the stereotype, huh? Sounds good to me, though." I handed him the remote and lifted the blanket up so he could get under it.
"Are you going to let me feel you up under there?"
I arched my eyebrow. "No."
"Then I'm not boiling under a blanket."
"You're lovely," I said, dropping my arm.
Laughing, he flicked through the channels and found an action movie.
"So, how're you doing? And don't just tell me you're fine."
I shrugged and scooted closer, laying my head on his shoulder. "I'm doing okay now. It's over and there's nothing I can do but move on."
"You're sure it's over?"
"Really sure. The last time we spoke was awful. I accused him of never really caring and he told me to grow up. I don't understand how he can care if he walked away, you know? You can't tell someone you love them and expect them to believe you when you leave."
"I don't know, sometimes loving someone means making hard decisions. If someone you loved would benefit from you not being near them you'd go, right?"
I glared. "You're supposed to be on my side, Kai."
"Hey," he said, holding his free hand up. "I am on your side. I do, however, think there's more to it than what you think."
"Maybe. No point in obsessing over it now, he's made his decision. Are you all ready for camping at the weekend?"
I felt his body tense beside mine. Kai had come to terms with losing Isaac, but Isaac's birthday camping trip was coming up and he was fooling no one when he tried to show it wasn't hurting him. I knew what that felt like, I didn't want to tell Mum how much I still struggled after everything I'd put them through. I wanted them to believe everything was getting better and would be okay.
"I guess," he said, not looking away from the TV. Gulping and gripping my hand, he added, "Will you come?"
My heart ached. Kai, usually always smiling and a bit cocky, was sullen and withdrawn. "Yeah, course I will."
Cracking a smile, he squeezed my hand. "Thanks. You gonna hate it?"
I shook my head, even though the idea of sleeping out in the cold wasn't on the top of my list, especially at the end of October. "It'll be fine. I'm not peeing outside or eating anything you catch, though."
"We take food and there's a toilet and shower block a minute walk from where we camp."
"What? You don't actually camp at the proper site?"
"No, we camp a bit further in the forest, near a stream. Isaac loved it there. We used to tie rope to a tree and swing across the waster," he said, smiling at the memory. "The amount of times I had to push him across that fucking thing..."
"My dad tried to get me to go camping once."
"You didn't do it?"
I shook my head against his shoulder. "Nah, attempted it but I got bitten within an hour and made him take me home. There was no way I was laying awake in the freezing cold all night while mosquitos feasted on my blood."
Kai's body rocked beneath mine as he laughed quietly. "I promise the only thing that'll bite you next weekend is me."
"Don't think I won't spray you with insect repellent because I'll do it gladly."
"Please, you'd love it. Hey, so when you went to car shows and races together did you make him book a hotel?"
"Hell yeah, I did. The ones that were over a couple hours away anyway." I loved the ones that were far enough for us to stay over. He'd book a family room and we'd eat a ton of junk food in the living room area before starfishing in double beds across the hall. There was no better dad than him and I still found it hard to accept that he was really gone.
Kai, almost as if he sensed that my mind was pulling me into the dark void, kissed the top of my head and muttered, "Can I at least cop a feel over the top?" It was enough to bring me back, make me laugh and thump him on the arm.
***
My phone alarm went off at stupid o'clock for sixth form. I only had three days left before summer though, so I made myself get up and have a shower. I felt like I'd had no sleep at all. Last night I dreamt about the accident again. I couldn't remember it all, just small parts, like the crunching of metal and the heat from flames that'd never been there.
During the day I could successfully block everything painful out but at night I had no way of locking it up. I didn't want to go to school and be around people. I wanted to hide away and pretend that I couldn't smell rubber from the tires and hear Dad pleading for help.
Mum and Ava kept away, sensing that I really just wanted to be a hermit for a while. After I'd snapped an 'I'm fine' they backed right off. When I left for sixth form I did it without saying goodbye. They had the photo albums on the arm of the chair again and I couldn't even deal with that on a 'good' day.
I got halfway there when my stomach started churning up. The thought of spending the whole day smiling, laughing and pretending I was fine when I'd watched my dad die in my dreams last night made me feel sick. I turned around and headed to the one place I knew I was safe from endless questions and those look-how-fragile-poor-Tegan-is looks.
Arriving at Kai's office, I stopped at the front desk. "Hello," the receptionist said, brushing her perfect platinum hair out of her eyes. "Can I help?"
"Hi. Yeah, is Kai here?"
"I'll just see if Mr Chambers is free. Can I take your name?"
Mr Chambers. I couldn't imagine him in a working environment, being high enough up the chain that he was called Mr Chambers. "Tegan Pennells."
She smiled and picked up her phone. "Hello, I have Miss Pennells in reception for you. Okay, thank you." She hung up and smiled again, grabbing a folder. "He said to go through, I'll show you to his office."
"He has his own office?" I asked as we walked down a hallway of glass walls. Walls with some sort of magical blind system inside the glass. How the hell you closed the blinds in there I had no idea.
"Yes, it's just here on the left." She knocked on the door and waited for him to answer. "Here's Miss Pennelles and the folder you wanted," she said, walking to his desk and putting it down.
"Thanks, Jade," he replied, frowning at me as I turned a laugh into a cough. "Yes, I have to work, princess."
Smiling, Jade made her way out and closed the door.
I walked over and sat on his desk. "Do you, though? You're in this office all by yourself. No one would know what you're doing. I bet you're playing solitaire right now." I said teasingly, looking over his screen.
I was a little disappointed when he wasn't playing games.
He smirked. "See. Working. What're you doing here anyway?"
"Couldn't face going in today. I had a bad dream."
He looked at me for a second longer than necessary. "Right, you can be my PA for the day then. First job, coffee. I'll show you to the kitchen."
And that was exactly why he was the only person I wanted to be around when I was feeling like shit. I followed him to the kitchen and leant against the worktop.
Blinds were closed in here. "What's the deal with the walls?" I asked.
"They separate the rooms."
"Oh, so funny," I said sarcastically.
Chuckling, he nudged me playfully. "Turn that little knob on the frame and it'll open and close the blinds."
Okay, that was cool. "Wow, all you hav
e to do is twist this then you can have private sex in your office."
"If you want to try it out..." he said, flicking the kettle on.
I wasn't at all ashamed to admit that I was considering it. Kai in black trousers and a shirt was just as sexy as t-shirt or hoody Kai. He had the top button undone and the sleeves rolled back, exposing his neck and forearms.
"Thanks, but I don't think I want your dad to hear me having sex."
"But my co-workers are fine?"
"Well, no, but more fine than your dad."
"Course," he said, rolling his eyes.
"Hello again, Tegan," Kai's dad said as he came into the kitchen with an empty mug in his hand.
"Hi." Wow, thank God he didn't come a minute earlier.
"So, I hear you're coming camping with us. How are you with bears?"
My heart literally stopped. He had such an honest and straight face that even though I knew bears in the UK were confined to zoos, I still panicked.
Kai and Jason laughed. "Tegan, he's joking."
"I know."
Jason took over making the drinks and Kai leant against the worktop, angled towards his dad the same way as I was. Half of his chest was pressed against my back. We'd stood this close before, closer even, but it felt different now. His breath cascaded down my neck when he laughed and I had a hard time keeping up with the conversation.
Things with Kai had always been hot, and now I was single I couldn't help thinking about all those times and all the things he'd done to me. Biting my lip, I leant into him and was pretty sure my face was flushed.
Chapter Fifty-One
Kai
After work I took Tegan back to mine. We stood in the kitchen trying to figure out which pizza to order for dinner. One of her arms was curled around my back and her cheek was pressed against my chest.
I should let go but I couldn't move my arms from around her waist because, frankly, I wanted to feel her up for a bit longer. She was in no hurry to move either.
She was doing a lot better since Lucas broke up with her. She was back to smiling more and she could talk about him now. The person she still wouldn't talk about much, and the one she needed to, was her dad.
"Hawaiian pizza?" she asked, scanning the menu.
"Sounds good. I'll order and you put Friends on." We were making our way through a bunch of TV shows, starting with Friends.
Conveniently, the episode was about a girl that wanted to go to space camp. She never said one word but she didn't need to, the smirking was enough to tell me what she was thinking. Ignoring her was hard to do. I was drawn to her, without meaning to my eyes always drifted in her direction. Thankfully, stuffing my face gave me something else to concentrate on.
I'd just finished the last slice when she turned to me and grinned. "Hey, you want me to make you a hat like that? You have foil, right?" she asked, nodding to the foil hat the little girl was wearing.
I sat forward. "You have a five second head start, princess."
Her eyes widened in alarm and she leapt off the sofa. I gave her three seconds and then I was up, too. She was fast but I would always catch up with her, no matter how fast she was or how far she drifted. I reached her just as she burst into the bathroom.
I scooped her up and pinned her back against my chest. "Kai," she squealed, laughing and wriggling in my arms.
"I'm sorry, okay, I'm sorry!"
"You're only sorry because I caught you. Now you're going in."
She gasped as she realised what I meant. With one arm keeping her firmly in place, I turned the shower on and laughed in her ear.
"No, come on. Let's talk about this. I made one little joke and you're throwing me in a shower."
"Yeah," I replied.
"That's not fair!"
"Never said it was."
She planted her feet on the floor as I tried to push her forwards. "No! Kai, don't." So, I wasn't getting her in alone. I lifted her off the ground and stepped into the shower.
We were soaked in seconds, clothes sticking to our bodies. Tegan squealed again, batting my arms with her hands. I couldn't stop laughing. The water was warm but it would turn cold if we were in here too long. I was about to turn it off and get her out before she got ill but she wriggled herself around so her pert breasts were firmly squished against my chest.
I hardened instantly. Her hair stuck to the sides of her face and her t-shirt was plastered to her body. Her glare softened as I stared at her like a moron. In the bright light of the bathroom her green eyes had never looked so crystal clear.
Fuck it.
I pulled her up, crushing her against my body and smashed my lips down on hers. I wasn't gentle but neither was she. Her fingers dug into my scalp and tugged painfully at my hair. I moaned, shoved her against the tiled wall and she wrapped those legs around my waist.
I almost lost it when she ground herself against me. Her clothes needed to come off.
She reached between us and grabbed the bottom of my t-shirt. I pulled back enough to let her take it off and then I got her topless. When her wet, naked chest grazed mine I groaned into her mouth.
"Kai," she muttered, rolling her hips and causing friction that made my eyes roll back into my head. I dropped her legs and worked at getting her jeans off at the same time she shoved mine down. I loved that she was as eager and needy to get down to it as me.
My skin screamed and dick throbbed to feel her again. I picked her up again and entered her hard. Her back hit the wall with the force but it just made her gasp and dig her heels into my butt.
I kissed her again, fucking her mouth at the same wild pace I slammed into her. She was tight, that hadn't changed one bit, and I fought to stay in control. I didn't want this to end quickly, or at all. She got under my skin in the best way and nothing had ever felt as good or as right as when I was inside her.
She broke out of the kiss, her head making a thud as it hit the tile. "Kai," she moaned, meeting me thrust for thrust. The water sprayed down on her breasts and stomach. I arched backwards, delving deeper. Digging my fingers into her hips, I bit out a string of swear words as her walls tightened around me.
Moaning long and loud she came around me, milking me until I felt like my knees were about to give out and I was spent.
Collapsing against her, I planted my mouth over hers and kissed her until the aftershocks wore off. I let her down when her body went limp. "You okay?" I asked, turning the shower off. She slumped against the wall, chewing on her lip and nodded.
I needed more than that. I needed her to tell me she was fine and mean it. Sex with her was out of this world and more than just sex but it wasn't worth it if it meant losing her.
"I'm getting cold," she said, wrapping her arms around her body.
I got out and handed her a towel with my heart in my stomach. I couldn't have ruined everything, she was right there, too. She wanted it just as much as I did. That had to mean something.
Wrapping a towel around her, I dried my body with a smaller one and followed her into my bedroom. "You know you can wear whatever you want," I said, nodding to my drawers.
"I know," she replied and dropped the towel. I know I was supposed to be a gentleman now but my eyes immediately dropped to her breasts and the beaded pink nipples, then lower to the delicate curve of her hips, those hipbones, and that triangle between her legs.
I licked my lips. How the hell was I supposed to move from this spot, let alone find her something to wear and get dressed myself.
She tilted her head to the side, stepped forwards and ran her hands over my stomach. "I don't want to get dressed yet."
I blew out a breath. "Okay."
She smiled. "Lay down on the bed."
There was no way I wasn't doing that. I moved backwards and laid down when my knees hit the edge of the bed, never taking my eyes off her.
"Right back."
I scooted up. "So, now you have me where you want me, princess, what're you going to do to me?"
The corner of her m
outh kicked up and she climbed on the bed. Only she didn't come up face to face with me. With a mischievous glint in her eyes, she lowered her head and took me in her mouth. My hips jumped up involuntary and I swore under my breath.
I almost came as she wrapped her hand around the base and pumped slowly, teasing me. "Princess..." Now was not a time to tease. She laughed, which I felt vibrate through my entire body. Hissing through my teeth, I gripped a handful of her thick hair and pumped my hips, unable to hold off any longer.
It felt too good; being in her mouth, feeling her tongue swirl around me, over me.
Swearing again, I pulled her away and flipped her onto her back. She panted as I gripped her hips and positioned myself at her entrance. She squirmed, trying to get us all lined up.
Fuck, it was hot when she was like that.
I wanted to tease her but watching her try to get me inside her drove me crazy. She gripped around the top of my back and pulled me forwards. I entered her slowly and shuddered as her walls clenched, pulling me deeper.
Her mouth fell open and eyes dilated. Thank fuck because there was no way I could hold off that long. She moved with me, raising her hips at the same desperate pace to meet mine. I wanted it to be slow and take our time, and even though we'd had sex not long ago, it still felt like ages and we both needed it just like this.
Lowering myself, I scooped her into my arms, burying my head in her neck and slammed into her with such force we moved up the bed. She gasped, wrapped her legs around me and bit down on my shoulder.
Her orgasm came fast and hard and she gripped me so tight I had a hard time moving. But it was the way she cried out, incoherently saying my name that had me following suit seconds later.
I rolled over and brought her with me. She hummed and I felt her breathing grow heavier as soon as she got comfortable lying on my chest.
It took me a minute to realise what we'd done and I hated myself instantly. I felt sick at the thought of putting her through another pregnancy test. We hadn't used a condom.
"Tegan," I whispered. "We didn't... use anything."
She sighed sleepily. "I went on the injection after last time."
Oh, thank God for that.
I let her sleep for an hour while I watched her breathe in and out and occasionally sigh. She looked so peaceful when she slept. All of the pent up grief, sadness and anger evaporated when she'd drifted off. I wanted that for her all of the time but I knew from first-hand experience that that would never completely leave.
Save Me Page 26