Chapter 20
"Conscience whispers, but interest screams aloud."
― J. Petit-Senn
"What makes a good religion?" Bryan asked Persiphus, as they walked along through the countryside around Johnstown. They could see Jerry riding in the field on his tractor, and waved to him.
"Where did he get a tractor?" Persiphus asked. "And why does he need one?"
"He's happy, so I don't care. I think he sneaks into the land of the living and steals things."
Persiphus shook his head. "Isn't stealing a bad thing? 'Thou Shalt Not Steal;' isn't that carved in stone somewhere."
"I think the way he sees it is, it's like the old custom of people eating grain from fields when they travel. It's permitted."
"Yeah, our military did that, too. We just took what we wanted. Some called it a tax."
Bryan walked along deep in thought, considering that. Finally he said, "So what are all of those religious rules for, if you can just break them?"
"Yeah, how can you show God you can follow rules, if they are just meant to be broken?" Persiphus shrugged. "It's all nonsense."
"All of those religious people make things so complicated. One moment they say one thing, and then they turn around and say something else. And they talk forever. Mountains of crap, and endless books! Who can understand all of that religious crap? It can't be that hard."
Jerry was getting off the tractor. Persiphus picked up a stone and threw it, trying to hit Jerry with it. Jerry looked up at them when the stone plopped nearby, but he didn't respond. As they watched, Jerry began pushing on the tractor, but got nowhere.
"Buddha was always having his son practice things. We could make a religion where we practice things, like not having sex for a long time, or giving up food for days. We can't die. Wouldn't that show God that we mean business?"
"Sure. I think that's called fasting and sacrificing. Religions do that. I could start now, and when I get done, I could have a feast for everyone."
Jerry was still getting nowhere with pushing the tractor. He waved them over. Persiphus started walking toward Jerry, but Bryan walked back toward town. "I'm going to my room and sit in front of the TV and give up sex and food for two weeks."
"Bryan," Jerry called. "I need your help pushing the tractor out of the mud."
Bryan waved to him and walked on. As Bryan walked, he spotted Victor walking toward him. The giant covered the distance in twenty steps.
"Hi, Victor. I'm going to go practice my religion. Want to join me?"
"Will it get me a woman?"
"Wow, you are so direct."
"I want a woman, but they don't like me. I'm a giant and I'm ugly."
"So do you want to join me or not?"
"What do you do?"
"I'm going to sit in front of the TV and not eat or have sex for two weeks."
"I'm already doing that. It's boring."
"OK. See ya.'" Bryan walked on.
Victor could see Jerry and Persiphus in the distance trying to push the tractor. He headed for them.
"Help push!" Jerry called to him. Victor ran toward them, slammed into the rear of the tractor, then kept pushing. It moved three feet, then four, then five and was out of the mud. The disc remained in the mud. Victor picked up one side then walked it out of the mud onto dry ground. He dropped it. The three stopped and sat on the ground catching their breath.
"We couldn't have done it without you," Jerry said appreciatively and patted him on the back.
"How do I get a woman?" Victor asked.
"Don't ask me?" Persiphus replied. "I was a soldier. We were mostly unmarried. We paid for women, or raped them. We didn't live long enough to get married. If we got injured, we just fought until someone mercifully killed us."
"I saw you with a woman."
"Yes, but I didn't get her. She got me." Persiphus chuckled, remembering how the woman came to him, and seeing that he was clumsy with the opposite sex, pinned him to a wall and kissed him. She pulled his face into her chest, and nearly smothered him. Struggling to get loose, he touched her all over, and then nature took its course. After that, she owned him.
"Huh? Is that how it works?" Victor looked between the two men.
Jerry replied. "Don't look at me. I usually just bought them. But that doesn't work here."
"John says it's a mutual attraction. You spend some time with a woman, maybe in a group, and see if you like each other. But I don't want to wait. I want one now!" In frustration, he scooped up a bucket full of mud with his giant hands, and threw it all the way to the hill at the edge of the farm. Jerry and Persiphus were amazed.
His strength gave Persiphus an idea. "Maybe you could do something to attract them, like lift a tractor when they're looking. They like me when I wave a sword in the air and threaten to cut someone's head off who is giving them trouble."
"Can I drive your tractor? Would a woman like me if I drove a tractor around?"
Bryan suppressed a laugh. "I heard a song like that once. I guess some women go for tractors and some for pickups. Some for hotrods. Some women think that stuff is sexy for some reason."
"Then that's got to work. Jerry, get me a tractor, and a pickup truck, and a hotrod. Three chances to get a woman."
Bryan did his best to suppress a smile and turned his head away. Jerry looked at him sympathetically. "Have you ever seen a pickup or a hotrod?"
Victor shook his head. "I don't even know what they are."
"Well, sorry to say, you wouldn't fit in a pickup or hotrod. You better stick with tractors. I'll get you the biggest tractor I can find tonight."
Victor gave him the world's largest smile.
QQQQQ
John paced his office. He needed to get this figured out. There were guards now to catch people trying to go to the Lake Of Fire. There were counselors to talk to them. They had started programs to find out what was important to them and get them involved. But he just felt he was missing something. Lurking somewhere in his strategy, there had to be giant hole through which all of this was going to collapse. He just couldn't put his finger on it.
Peira gently touched him on the shoulder. He jumped. He didn't know she was there, as usual. The sight of her was somehow calming and exciting at the same time. And her wisdom! She knew the answers, if she would just tell him. But he knew she wouldn't.
Peira kissed him on the cheek.
"Thanks." He smiled at her. "I like that much better than a kick in the stomach."
"It worked," she replied. "Be patient. You are doing well. Much better than expected. You will find the way, John. Have faith." She faded away again. John gently waved goodby to her, not that it made a whit of difference.
William entered the office. "Times be strange," he said. " Everyone be actin' very different."
"I know. I've seen it. Any idea why?"
"Nay. Not even a feather of an idea. But it's peaceful. That's all I care about."
"Have you seen Franz? Or even Vagabones?"
"Nay, not once. Maybe Franz be keepin' company with Shakespeare."
"Well, quiet is good. Franz must be important in Shakespeare's play. But this Lake Of Fire thing is keeping me in a knot. I don't think I could even tell you right from wrong at the moment. Do you know Jerry is taking things from the land of the living?"
"Aye. So?"
"Where I come from, that's grand theft. It means prison."
"Where I come from, pirates take from others, but not from each other. That's t' way it has t' be. When you push people out o' t' world o' good because o' crazy rules, like sufferin' a bad captain t' your death, you have t' figure people will do what they have t' do t' survive."
John sighed. He sat behind his desk, then leaned way back in his chair and let his head fall back to stare at the ceiling. "How am I supposed to govern with this craziness?"
"How didst they do it in your world? Didst you barter favor from bankers? Would that be corrupt?"
John thought about th
at for a while. "Maybe bankers were the pirates. They had their own code of what it was right to take from others. To get a loan, you had to agree, or no loan. So their highest ideal was to get 30% interest from you. More if they could get it. They would take all they could get."
"Yardarms and planks be constructed for such men. Hangin' and steppin' deep.' T' ocean be just deep enough t' keep 'em forever."
"It was legal."
"Pirates say, that doesn't make it good. T' wrong men had their way with t' law on that one. There needs t' be some cutlass swingin' on that ship, and some heads loosed from their necks."
John sat up and gave William an appreciative look. "Pirates aren't as stupid and evil as we think. There's some wisdom in that. But what am I doing agreeing with a pirate. What have you done to me, William? I'm more confused than when you walked in."
William laughed a great belly laugh. "Do unto others, John."
QQQQQ
John went to see Bryan. He had a job for him. He knocked on the door of his bungalow. It was perfect size for someone by himself, or even for two.
"Come in," Bryan called out.
John entered and found Bryan sitting erect on a hard, straight back chair, staring straight ahead at the TV.
"Bryan."
"I'm busy, John. Two weeks. Don't disturb me."
"What in the world are you doing? Some kind of studying?"
"I might be meditating. I'm trying different things. First of all, I'm fasting and sacrificing."
"That's nice. I would like for you to do something for me."
"I can't, John. This is my soul were talking about, and getting into Heaven. I have to find a way to please God."
"Watching TV?"
"That's just to keep me able to do this fasting and sacrificing. It's really hard."
"You could just go sit in Hell for two weeks."
"Yeah, but I realized that wouldn't really be me making the decision. I decided to do this where there is plenty, and I will resist it. I decided to show God what a good person I am, that I can resist temptation. I really need to do this."
"Well, hear me out. We caught Lester headed for the Lake Of Fire. He's in counseling now. But he needs a mentor. Someone like you who has overcome his problems and can keep him thinking about the positive. This is important. Can you do this for me and for Lester?"
"I don't see how I can. I'm really trying to get this right. I need my mind empty of all things. No distractions. No food. No water. No entertainment. I'm even going to turn off the TV as soon as I can. My mind has to be completely empty. No more me. That's religion. Lester could have the wrong affect on me, the wrong influence. This is my ticket to Heaven, John. Two weeks and I'll be gone. Don't ask me to give this up."
John shook his head and let himself out. He would go see Persiphus.
"My butt is getting numb," Bryan said as John left.
QQQQQ
John didn't have far to look. Persiphus was sitting in the middle of the street in the Lotus position, thumbs making a circle with his index finger, on his knees, chanting om, om, over and over again.
"What are you doing, Persiphus?"
"Meditating. Don't disturb me."
John sighed. More obstacles were not what he needed. "What value is this?" he asked impatiently.
"I am trying to reach a higher level of consciousness. Transcend. Contact God. Learn the hidden secrets."
John groaned. This had to be the most useless thing he had seen yet in Hell. "Have you been talking to Bryan?"
"Yes, we are creating our own religions. He's sacrificing. I'm meditating."
"If you could see the face of God, don't you think you would already have gone on? I mean, that's kind of the way this place works. The main thing holding you here is just yourself."
"Yes, that's because I don't know the secret knowledge. If I learn that, then I'm gone to Paradise."
"I don't suppose you would have time to mentor Lester? He badly needs a mentor. Maybe share that secret knowledge with him?"
"Just walk away, Renee. I won't be here."
"Uh, OK. Why don't you meditate at the side of the street so you don't disrupt traffic?"
"God will protect me. No wagon has run over me yet."
Liars Truth Page 20