Chapter 22
"Such evil deeds could religion prompt"
― Lucretius
Meanwhile back on the farm, Jerry was cleaning the cultivator blades, which there seemed to be around a thousand of, when he noticed the man coming to see him again. Jerry's anger rose. He didn't want anything to do with this guy. He was just using Jerry, and Jerry knew his type. He could easily be this guy. The man waved. Jerry didn't wave back.
"That man is dying for a cigarette. Did you get them?"
Jerry shook his head no. "I don't owe you anything. Stop coming here."
The man's entire disposition changed from one of stubborn insistence, to one of begging."Would it help if I said, 'Please?'"
"No! I'm done."
The man looked at the ground for a moment, and when he looked up, he appeared to be genuinely sullen. "Look, this is my family. My Dad, he smoked. My twenty-year old daughter. My wife. We were all killed in an auto accident 50 years ago. You're the only one I know who can get through the curtain to the land of the living. We're not bad people. This just helps so much."
"Mister, I've heard every sob story, and told most of them myself. I've seen grown men cry to get their way. Look at me, I'm a reformed demon. I wasn't a good person - I know a scam artist when I see one. I don't trust you, and I have everything to lose by helping you. Don't come back."
Jerry watched the man walk slowly away. He shouted after him, "Bring your family in here."
The man shouted back, "My Dad won't come. He was a war veteran, and he doesn't feel like he deserves anything after the violence he unleashed on people."
Jerry almost believed him. Good story.
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The first thing John had to do was find his friend, Victor. He could not abandon him. He tried his hovel, but he wasn't there. He suspected he was on or near Jerry's farm somewhere.
He would have sent William to help look, but he needed someone watching over the town just in case something went haywire. It had been two weeks since Bryan and Persiphus "got religion." Bryan was supposed to have a party and then be taken to Paradise. A party might be good for Victor, especially if John could arrange a date.
Victor liked solitude. John decided to follow the outskirts of the farm. Sure enough he found Victor sitting on the backside of a hill, staring into space.
"Mind if I join you?"
"Hi, John. I can spare a few minutes from staring into space."
"What are you doing out here?"
"I have a decision to make."
"How is that going?"
"I don't know how to think about it. I can't get any women to like me, so even though I like it here, I don't like it here. And Richard wants me to come to his town and help build it, and I will get power and women, and make people do things. How do I decide?"
"Which one seems to be more you?"
"I don't really like making people do things, but it would get me a woman. I really like it here, but I can't get a woman. I think the Lake Of Fire might be the right place for someone like me."
"Nah. Getting a woman just takes time and you have all of that you could possibly need. Others can help you."
"I'm lonely. I want a woman now."
John realized Victor said, Richard. Chaos at the gates! How did Richard reach in here to Victor? "Wait a minute. Did you say Richard wants you for his town?"
"Yes."
"How did he get back into Johnstown?"
"I don't know." Victor was in too much pain to care. He continued sulking.
"I need to talk to Vagabones. You know what? Bryan is throwing a party later today. You can do some socializing and let women get to know you." John smacked him on the chest. "There is a lot here to like, big guy." Victor didn't smile; he just shook his head. John left.
When John got far away from Victor, he started shouting, "Vagabones!," over and over until the dust tornado formed that announced his arrival.
"Woooohoooooooo!" Vagabones wailed. "Stop that racket! I'm here. What is disturbing your peace, or suffering, whichever?"
"Victor told me that Richard has his own town. That same idiot Richard that we threw out of Johnstown. Is that true?"
"Why, yes. I gave him a barren piece of property in Asphedolus and a entire group of followers who were really disturbing the proper functioning of Hell."
Exasperated, John yelled, "And you expect him to build a town?"
"What concern is that of yours?"
"Well, I firmly believed we were on the right track, and he wasn't, so it seems very implausible. Now you are making me question everything, and I have enough questions right now as it is."
"So... what is it you want from me?"
"Uh, an explanation as to why Richard gets a town?"
"To each his own. Not that it's any of your business, but Richard doesn't have a town. He has land and people like him. Maybe he will succeed, maybe he will fail, but that's up to him. At least he is not disturbing Hell. Is that all?" Before John could answer, Vagabones answered his own question. The tornado restarted and Vagabones disappeared.
John shouted after him, "I don't know why I bothered to ask." Vagabones voice shot back from nowhere, "Because you want simple answers to questions with no simple answers."
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John had no sooner reached town than he saw a crowd gathering in the street around the big yellow tractor, driven into the street by Persiphus. He stopped the engine, then rose, making him 16 feet high. Not bad for a 5 feet tall person.
He began proudly, "Lasses and gents, I have had a revelation. I have talked to God. Why he would talk to anyone as lowly as I, I don't know. I have killed people on the order of a commander. I have stolen food and raped women. I have done many things I am not proud of, but God himself talked to me."
"I asked, 'What is the secret to being with you?" He said, 'Meditation.' I said, 'That means communication and knowing are most important?' He said, 'Yes.'"
Bryan joined the crowd, as did John and William.
The crowd scoffed. One shouted, "You didn't talk to God. You talked to some demon." Another yelled, "Your imagination is overactive!" Another yelled, "You hypnotized yourself."
"So I'm telling each and every one of you, and inviting you, to be my followers. This is the true way to God. Meditation will get us out of here and get us to a better life. How many of you will join me?"
"You're wrong!" Bryan yelled. "I fasted and sacrificed for two weeks. I understood then that religion is hard work. You have to prepare yourselves to do the difficult by doing difficult things. This is the true way, and the only true way! Don't follow this man, he has a crazy idea that goes nowhere!"
Cat jumped up from behind a front tractor wheel and stood on the engine cover. "Don't beest misled by swine. Don't followeth either of these men. The lads who claim to beest close to God wilt rape thee and accuse thee of crimes, and hang thee. It's what those lads doth for excit'ment. Those lads art not like God! Those lads art godless. Don't ponder followin' those folk."
Bryan jumped onto the hood, knocking Cat flat on the ground. "Tonight I'm throwing a party! Whoever is with me can come to the party. If you aren't with me, don't come."
Mary picked Cat up from the ground. Together they took knives and stabbed Bryan in the leg. William began to come after them, but too late. Persiphus joined the two women. Together they dragged Bryan to the ground and began stabbing him over and over.
Mary screamed, "Carve that hent into pieces and troweth that gent to the swine! We'll beest rid of this menace!"
William barreled into them and knocked them all away from Bryan onto the ground. He rose with his sword pointed at the three. He growled, "Leaveth this sir alone, beest that gent valorous or not. Now wend ere I cutteth thee all into pieces and feed thee to the swine."
The three rose and backed away, with a wary eye toward William. "This isn't over," Bryan seethed. "Only I am the true way. There is no easy way." Cat stabbed Bryan in the back three times as she walke
d away. Bryan crumpled to the ground, and Mary kicked him in the gut. William chased after them with his cutlass, but they ran in different directions.
John came to William. "Thank-you." William nodded. "I think I understand Shakespeare's warning. Nothing makes people hate and be violent more than thinking they have the exclusive corner on God. But what is coming?"
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How there was a sun and moon in Asphedolus, no one could explain, but there was. And the moon, always full, shone all night from the same spot. Not that anyone needed sleep, but it was good to relax. It gave people time to reflect on the day's events, and their meaning, or to escape the day's events to refresh themselves.
Bryan's party started just after sunset. John, Franz, and William, suspecting trouble would come, arrived early, and were immediately told that since they weren't followers of Bryan's religion, they couldn't take part. In fact, he told them, "I will use this party to show people what they could have. I don't think anyone will be allowed in tonight."
So John, Franz, and William posted themselves outside. After an hour, 3 people had arrived, and with a speech and flourish, were sent packing. They shook their head in disgust as they passed the trio. Parties usually don't get started well until after 11, so the 3 settled down for a long wait.
Jerry arrived. He barged into Bryan's home without knocking, as expansive and effusive as a politician. As he headed for the food table, Bryan blocked him.
"Are you a member of my religion?"
"Are you nuts?!" Jerry stepped around him.
"You can't come in here and be part of this party unless you are a member of my religion. You can join if you want."
"Join?! Over my dead body!" Jerry reached around Bryan and grabbed some food, then stuffed it in his mouth. Bryan knocked his hand away from his mouth, sending a few morsels flying across the room.
"What's it going to hurt if I eat some? Nobody's coming to join your goofball religion anyway. This is all going to waste."
"You don't know that. You have to leave now."
"I walked all this way for a party, and now I'm going to party. You can watch."
Bryan grabbed Jerry by his shirt collar and attempted to remove him. Jerry made 3 turns of his body and loosed himself from Bryan's grip. He then caught hold of the table cloth, pulled all of the food into the middle and as he ran out, flung the cloth over his shoulder like a knapsack.
Bryan, in hot pursuit, yelled. "Jerry, you ass, get back here! You're stealing my food! You're ruining my party!"
Jerry ran smack into John, Franz, and William. With a scowl, William pointed to the knapsack. "Be that yours?"
"Of course! Everything here belongs to everyone! It's all free!"
While Bryan stood watching Jerry, Cat and Mary sneaked behind him and went inside.
"You're confused, Jerry," Franz asserted. "It is Bryan's house, Bryan's party, Bryan's guest list, and Bryan's food for his party."
"Law of convenience!" Jerry shouted. "I walked here expecting a party, not someone trying to force some cockamamie religion down my throat. Never did like religions."
"There is no law of convenience!" John announced loudly to anyone listening.
"I use it all the time! If I need it, I take it. If someone isn't using it, it's no problem. That's fair. Want to borrow my Case tractor? It's sexy. You can have it for as long as you want."
Franz picked Jerry up by his shirt front. "It may be very convenient for you to have a law of convenience. But that doesn't make it true. Do you understand?! Stealing is still stealing!"
"Oh, yeah! You're just favoring Bryan because he's one of the originals here. Just like Mary and Cat get away with stabbing people. They're originals. They can't do anything wrong! But me, I do all this farming, and you watch me like a hawk and I can't get away with anything."
Bryan screamed from inside. Cat and Mary had dragged him inside and were carving him up with their knives. John and William rush in to rescue him. Jerry bolted. Franz rushed after Jerry, tackled him, then dragged him back by the ankle.
William pushed Cat and Mary back out through the door. "Hie's menace! " Cat shouted. "Clergy wilt bringeth misery on us all."
Jerry looked in the door at Bryan. "Pull yourself together man, and get rid of these foolish notions. You're inciting the citizens." Bryan threw a piece of cake at him.
John looked at the three of them, Jerry, Cat, and Mary. "This can't continue. If Bryan wants to have his own religion, that's his business. Understood?" Cat and Mary gave him the evil eye. Neither even nodded 'yes.'
"Jerry, I appreciate what you do, but this law of convenience thing has to stop. Understood?"
"No! I'm right! Nobody has shown me anything wrong about it. That's my job here, isn't it, to show you how I can wiggle through your rules? But I'm not even wiggling, I'm right."
Franz touched Jerry and he became a mouse. Franz picked him up by the tail. "We got rid of rules. Now we live by, 'Do to others...' When people can no longer be kind to others in normal circumstances, then their heart is failing the test."
Orpheus materialized. He picked up Jerry the mouse then threw him out of Asphedolus. Jerry screamed as he flew, "What about Cat and Mary?!"
John looked shocked. "Seems a bit harsh."
"We'll see," Franz said, then John acquiesced. Franz knew his business.
Franz turned to Cat and Mary. "I understand you two aren't in normal circumstances. You have some hate to work out. See that you do."
Bryan, having pulled himself together, slammed the door with himself inside. Cat and Mary flounced away, muttering hateful secrets to each other.
From the shadows, another set of eyes shrank back into the darkness. Persiphus.
John, Franz. and William walked back toward John's office. "Among the living, things would have worked out differently," John remarked, addressing the mystery in his mind. "Mary and Cat would have gone to prison for years. The police and prosecutor would have laughed at Jerry."
Franz replied, "I suppose Cat and Mary would have, especially if they didn't have money."
William snorted. "Pirates wouldst not has't been so gentle with any of those folk."
Again John thought aloud, "Does justice have such lax rules. In one world, a person gets a slap on the hand, and in the next he gets hung for the same offence?"
William angrily jabbed the sky with his sword. "Aye, the wealthy barter for a favorable outcome, while the poor waste in a cage or hang for the same."
John nodded in agreement. "In my world, money made all of the difference. That isn't justice. What is the point of it all?"
"Alas, how do we know who be guilty or innocent? We cannot see men's hearts or thoughts."
Franz stepped in front of them to stop them. "In my world, it was I who determined guilt. I already knew the likely sentence. I was trapped into looking into men's hearts. You don't want that job. It is terrifying. Be thankful you can't see such things."
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With everyone gone, Persiphus stepped to Bryan's door and knocked. Bryan didn't respond. Persiphus knocked twice more, but Bryan would not answer, so Persiphus entered. Bryan was sitting on his couch, quietly praying. "What do you want?" Bryan asked.
"I want to stop this disagreement between us. What if we are both right, or both wrong?"
"I'm right, absolutely. God chose me to tell people the right way to be with him. Now I have to convince them."
"But God chose me for the same. Both right? Both wrong? Maybe we could have different followers?"
"No. There is only one way. I have to spread that, and stop anyone who tells people differently."
A look of worry formed on Persiphus' face. "What are you going to do to stop me?" He drew his sword.
Bryan took a knife out from under his couch. "Come any closer and I will show you."
Persiphus made a show of putting his sword away, and as Bryan put his knife back under the couch, Persiphus sprang for him, pulled his sword, and swung at Bry
an's lowered head.
Bryan leaned away, so the sword missed, and retrieved his knife just in time to dodge another swing. Bryan leaped from the couch and rushed out the door, with Persiphus in hot pursuit. Bryan had longer legs, but each time he turned to look for Persiphus, he lost ground. They soon caught up to John, William, and Franz.
Franz saw what was happening, opened the passage to Hell just as they passed, and before they realized it, they were through. John shrugged. "Why must religion, with the best of intentions, so often lead to the worst of intentions?"
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The next morning, Shakespeare met John as he reached his office. "I'm told that your presence will be required today at the Lake Of Fire. Important events are about to unfold there, and many are about to become undone."
John sighed. "My life is not my own. Others tell me where to walk."
"All the world’s a stage
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages."
"Seems fitting. I believe you wrote that."
"Yes, As You Like It. Act II. Scene VII." Shakespeare bowed with flourish.
"The lake is huge. How will I find them?"
"Follow the Enumi; they can smell hopelessness. Or just follow the path."
John found William and Franz, and entered Hell. Peira joined them. A dust tornado arose and Vagabones joined them.
"Woooohooooooo! We're going to have a wiener roast," shouted Vagabones.
They followed the path and soon found Jerry sitting at the Lake Of Fire.
"What are you doing here?" John asked.
"Did you come to throw me in, or just watch a useless, once human demon who wasted his life and made the wrong decisions at every turn, do the responsible thing and end it?"
Franz addressed him. "Neither, Jerry. I see the Lake has had its desired affect and sobered your choice of thoughts and words."
"Once a piece of crap, always a piece of crap. If you want to call that sober, you nailed it."
John knelt before him. "That's not true."
"I met a young woman on the way here. I had refused to help her father. He came to me asking for things. I could see myself in him. Deceit. A user of other people. A scam artist. Someone just trying to use me to make himself wealthy and powerful. But when I met him and his family... waiting in Hell, just for his Father who wasn't ready to come, I knew I had misjudged him. John, I'm just poison. I'm so poisoned, I can't even see the good in others for the bad in me."
"So, are we going to roast him?" Vagabones asked. Peira jabbed him in the ribs with her elbow and gave him a scornful look.
John took mercy on him. "No one wants to see you end it in the Lake Of Fire. You've made a a lot of progress, and we want you to succeed."
"Funny way of showing it."
William thrust his cutlass at him. "I would have just skewered t' likes o' you for your sass, but these men have gentler ways."
Jerry looked at the sword and at Vagabones. "Shish Kebab Jerry. Did you bring marshmallows?"
John smiled at his sense of humor. "We want you to come back and resume your place. But give more thought to our way of life, not just finding excuses to hurt other people. Kindness first."
Jerry looked away for a moment, then turned back to them with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry! I don't deserve -"
Franz cut him off. "Yes, I get this all the time. We have others out here today. We have to go."
Jerry gave them all a big hug and headed for Asphedolus. Vagabones opened the curtain and then Jerry stepped through.
They moved on. Soon they came across Victor sitting on a hillside and throwing stones into the Lake. Sitting, Victor was as tall as any of those standing.
John stepped up to him and asked, "Victor, what are you doing here?"
"Nothing. What is there to do?"
"That's not really an answer. Why are you at the Lake Of Fire? Does it have something to do with women?"
Victor shrugged. "I don't like power. I don't like hurting people to get them to do things. Richard makes me hurt people. I left that place. I can't get a woman anywhere. So this is the best place for me. Hopeless."
"This be not t' place for any Victor I know." William smacked him in the side of the head with his cutlass.
"Ow!" Victor shouted, and swatted at William, who had stepped out of reach.
"Quit feelin' sorry for yourself and get aft t' Johnstown."
John poked Victor in the ribs. "Each of us grab a leg and we'll drag him back to Johnstown." Victor suppressed a smile.
Vagabones shouted with glee, "I will turn him into a mouse, and you can carry him back in your pocket!"
Victor laughed.
John laughed with him. "Before you started wanting a woman, were you happy?"
"I didn't know I wasn't happy. Women brought that to my attention."
"They do tend to do that. But you have friends at Johnstown. You have fun with people. We just made you laugh. You have things to do, so come back to us."
"But now I know I'm not happy."
"You were happy. You just want more. You have to give that time. You don't get more just because you suddenly want it. But eventually...."
Victor considered that, and finally rose and walked over to the Lake Of Fire. He stood there for a moment looking at it. "It's too warm for a swim, don't you think?" He looked back at them.
Vagabones kicked him in the shin. When Victor bent down to grab him, Vagabones said, "You're not the only giant in Hell, Victor. But the others aren't ready. Make good use of your time."
"Go back to Johnstown, Victor. You know you want to." Victor smiled and turned to go back. Peira opened the curtain.
They walked farther on. Suddenly Cat and Mary rushed by them. They neared the lake bank and jumped. Peira froze them in mid-air. They could move, but not drop down.
"Where are you going, ladies?" John asked.
"Isn't t obvious," Cat retorted.
"Why?"
Mary sobbed. "Because we wilt not liveth with men and clergy having power ov'r us. Nor an evil God who doth approve their depravity. The Lake Of Fire giveth more comfort. So one of us must kicketh the bucket, us or those gents. Since thou seemeth to defend those gents, then it's us! Now leaveth us to our merciful demise, I beg thee!"
"The men have no power over you here," John countered.
"But they must! 'Benefit of clergy!' It hath been the church privilege for eons, above any man madeth law."
Peira reached out and took Mary's hand in both of hers, comforting her. "I understand. There are no clergy here. You are all equally able to find the better way, and to progress."
Mary looked relieved, but not Cat.
"Better a dirty grave,
or a deep and fiery pit,
than e'er a scummy man
bugger me one whit."
John nodded in understanding. "They have no more power over you, than you over them."
Cat considered that for a moment, then cracked a smile. John knew what she was thinking - she could take on any man. "Thou swear on thy life that those mad lads art not going to maketh us swear allegiance to their way, or hang us?"
John nodded. "Yes."
Mary blinked a few times. "Canst thee alloweth us down, please? This is very strange hanging hither in the air. Too like having our necks stretched and feet dancing by the hangman."
Peira lowered them slowly to the ground. Vagabones opened the curtain and they walked back into Asphedolus.
In the distance, they could see Persiphus chasing Bryan. Bryan caught sight of them and ran toward them. As he arrived, William stepped in front of him and raised his sword to Persiphus.
John smiled at Persiphus. "What are you doing, Persiphus?"
"This man is determined that he is going to kill me. If I let him live, then that's my death warrant. He has sworn some
oath to God that he will either convert me or kill me. There is no compromise in him."
Bryan said in no uncertain terms, "I know the right way to Heaven. There is only one way. Mine."
Peira moved her hand and suddenly Bryan was suspended over the Lake Of Fire. He raised his feet away from the searing heat. "I have the power, should God agree, to end your existence right now. Who do you suppose gave me that power?"
"I don't know."
"Be honest, you don't really want to know, do you? God is love. God is not what you know. That's crazy human nonsense. You can only know God through love. You can't know him through hate, that's the antithesis of God. You can't know him through knowledge, knowledge is only helpful. You can't know him by declaring yourself the only one, love is not exclusive. Now is there love in you, or only hate and some radical desire to be his only child?"
"I, uh, I don't know. I don't think I hate anyone. I was just... confused. Can you put me down, now please? It's hot out here." Peira put him down.
John patted him on the shoulder. "Amazing how the flames of Hell help people bring things into focus."
"Please don't do that again. I swear, I'm not a bad guy. I just got confused."
"Persiphus, would you like a turn?"
"Oh, hell no!" Persiphus said, then backed away. Everyone laughed. He smiled, and then started laughing. After a moment he said, "But what about the spiritual experience I had? Wasn't it real?"
John turned to Peira. She nodded back to him and faded away. "I guess... I have to say... you know, I mean... I'm not good with this stuff. I think God knows your heart, and when you talk to him, he listens. The answers are in the still, small voice that says do the loving thing. And the answers are in the direction your life takes. That's uh... That's all I have." John looked around. "Peira? Any changes?" She didn't reappear. "I, uh, I guess not."
The group re-entered Johnstown and went their separate ways.
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John had almost lost everyone close to him. He entered his office, gave a giant sigh of relief, and sat down behind his desk. He propped up his feet on his desk, leaned back and closed his eyes.
"Jumpin' Jimminy, you brought the second act of my play, to a successful orgasm." John's eyes popped open and his feet fell off his desk. Shakespeare stood before him.
"Orgasm? Play? What are you talking about?"
"My play. You are performing it beyond my wildest dreams."
John gave him a very perplexed look. "Orgasm? You must mean climax."
"Thank-you, my dear man. Yes, of course. I always get those two confused. Leave those words to the English teachers - they love them. Yes, climax. Up the steepest hill and over the hump and down the slope to the denouement. Are you ready to wrap up this play? Shout, 'That's a wrap!'"
"You're making my brain hurt. And I'm already in the throes of mental death. What are you talking about?"
"My play. We just did a play. You were in it, don't you remember? You, Cat, Mary, William, Persiphus, Jerry, Bryan, like seven trains headed for a collision at the climax."
"This was all a play? Where is the script?"
"Oh, I don't write on paper anymore. All of that every other word emphasis pain in the arse. I work with real people. I whisper in their ears and get the ball rolling, and then they write the play oh, so beautifully, and artfully, and in the end they are enriched like no other story. Great fun. Great fun!"
John stood and shouted, "But they might have jumped into the Lake Of Fire. Only Peira was able to stop Cat and Mary! That's reckless!"
"Peira, Vagabones, Franz, they have all done this before. They love it. Thank Peira."
John gave a low, long groan and sat down. "Tomorrow," he said. "My brain won't take any more of this torture today. I have never been so afraid of messing up people's lives."
Liars Truth Page 22