I did my best to gentle my expression. “I’m sorry, Natalie. I just need to stay busy right now. I need to make sure Harriet’s taken care of.” My voice started to crack on the mention of her name, but I willed it under control.
Natalie’s expression softened even further. “Of course. EMTs are on their way.”
I nodded. “We should notify the rest of her circle. We can split the call list.” That gave me something to hold on to. A task to complete.
Natalie started for the office. “I’ll get her address book.”
Time came in fits and starts. A blur of painful phone calls where I kept my voice carefully measured as I filled in Harriet’s nearest and dearest. Natalie let the EMTs in while I wrapped up a call with one of Harriet’s bridge crew.
Pine and spice filled my senses as warmth seeped into my back. Crosby cleared his throat. “I’m so sorry, Kenna.”
Sorry. Everyone was sorry. But what did that word even mean? I pushed to my feet and crossed out of the kitchen, Crosby on my heels. “What are you doing here?”
He caught my elbow just as we reached the foyer. “I loved her too, you know.”
“I know.” My eyes burned with the force of holding back my tears. “Do you need anything from me? You have all her paperwork and the instructions for a funeral, right?”
Crosby’s gaze surveyed my face as if looking for the truth beneath the surface. He wouldn’t find it. I kept everything too locked away.
“I don’t think that’s really important right now.”
I opened my mouth to answer when a sheet-covered stretcher snagged my peripheral vision. I froze, the air seeming to solidify painfully in my lungs. The world began to blur around the edges again, and reality hit me with all its deadly weight.
“I’m alone.” The words escaped me in a barely-there whisper.
Crosby gripped my arm, turning my attention away from the brutal truth and towards the hard planes of his face. “You are a lot of things, but alone is not one of them.”
But he was wrong. Sure, I had Bell and Caelyn, but they each had their own lives, their own families. Harriet had been my person. We’d built our own little two-person family. And now, it was gone.
“You have so many people in your corner, you don’t even see it. Bell and Ford. Caelyn and those crazy kids.” He paused for the briefest of moments. “Me. You’re going to get through this.”
Every person Crosby listed felt a million miles away right then. As if I couldn’t reach them no matter how hard I tried.
“None of us are going anywhere. We’re gonna walk with you through this. You’ll never be alone.”
I stepped out of his hold, doing my best to shake off the warmth that had spread through me at the touch, the comfort. Because at some point, he would leave. They all would. That’s what people did, no matter what they wanted or promised. There was only one certainty in life: people left.
I rolled over, but instead of meeting the mattress, I hit another body.
Caelyn let out a little groan. And it all came flooding back. Why Caelyn was lying on the other side of my queen bed, and Bell was curled up in a sleeping bag on the floor. Because Harriet was gone. A sob attempted to break free, and my body shook with the force of trying to hold it back.
“Oh, Kenna.” Caelyn’s arms were around me in an instant, the feel of them as familiar as my favorite slippers. But I didn’t want her touch, didn’t want the pain in me to ease. I took it anyway, knowing that rejecting her comfort would only hurt her.
Bell shot up. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?” She took in the two of us and pushed to her feet, climbing into the too-small bed and throwing her arms around us both. “I’m so sorry.”
I was really starting to hate that word. I swallowed back my sobs, locking down my muscles so that none could escape. It was the only way my friends would release me. And if they didn’t, I was going to scream. Finally, they let go, and I took a deep breath, pushing myself up against the pillows.
I’d forced the tears down, but the memories of yesterday were on an endless loop. The concerned faces and quiet tones. The news that Harriet had suffered a stroke in her sleep, that it would’ve been painless and instant. That no one could’ve done anything to stop it.
My body shuddered. I should’ve been there. No one could convince me that my presence wouldn’t have mattered. That there wasn’t a chance I could’ve saved her. But instead, I’d been deep-cleaning my cottage, trying to lose myself in busywork so that I wouldn’t think too hard about my conversation with Harriet, the one that had stayed with me for days.
I gave myself a mental shake. I couldn’t think about that right now. I’d just start crying, and then Bell and Caelyn would be stuck to me like glue. I glanced at the clock on the bedside table. “Crap. I’m late.” I scooted towards the end of the bed, heading for the bathroom.
“Late for what?” Caelyn asked.
“Work. What else? You’re going to be late too, if you don’t get moving.”
Bell pushed up from the bed, creeping towards me as if cornering a feral animal. “We both took the day off. We want to support you, Kenna. You shouldn’t be going into work.”
Bell was wrong. Work was exactly what I needed. Distraction and purpose were the only things that would get me through this day. “I’m going in.” Bell opened her mouth to argue, but I cut her off. “I need this.” I met my friends’ concerned gazes. “Please, just let me get through today. This is how I need to do it.”
Bell’s shoulders slumped. “Okay.”
“Call us if you change your mind. We’ll be here in a flash,” Caelyn added.
A bit of the tension eased out of me. “Thank you. For wanting to be here. And for not pushing.” I loved these women, but around them, I couldn’t don my armor and pretend that my world wasn’t crumbling around me. In one breath, I’d lost Harriet, my home, and the security I’d worked so hard to create. Soon, all I’d be left with was wreckage.
6
Crosby
“Crosby McCoy! You gave me thirty minutes’ notice that you were canceling, and the client was not happy.”
I sighed as I eased my truck down the ferry ramp, listening to my assistant rake me over the coals for making her job a nightmare. “I’m sorry, Penny. But it’s not like they had anything urgent to discuss. We can reschedule for later this week.”
I hadn’t been able to stomach the idea of sitting down with a man who was planning to sue his neighbor because he’d realized that the property line was eighteen inches off and wanted the fence moved.
“Crosby,” Penny growled.
“Sorry, what?”
“I asked if you were actually going to show up to this meeting or if I’d end up covering for you yet again.”
“Harriet died yesterday.”
There was silence on the line for a count of five. “Crosby, I am going to whup your butt.” Penny was maybe fifteen years older than me, but she talked to me like I was her grandson. Now, instead of that familiar tone, tears filled her voice. “Why didn’t you say anything? Of course, you can’t work today. But it would’ve been helpful if I could’ve told the client there’d been a death in the family.”
Family. It was what Harriet had become. And no matter how full and beautifully crazy her life had been, I still hadn’t been ready for it to come to an end. Kenna’s face flashed in my mind. That brief moment when she’d shown how broken and lost she truly was. But just as quickly as her true feelings appeared, they were gone again, an expression of nothingness overtaking her face. When Bell and Caelyn had taken her back to the guest cottage, I’d fought the urge to follow. I wasn’t sure what the hell I would’ve done, but I hated how closed off from the world Kenna had become.
I cleared my throat as I pulled onto the main drag of Shelter Island. “I am working today. I’m headed to the Alliance right now. I just needed this morning to get my head on straight.”
“Cliff jumping or rock climbing?”
I chuckled. “Mounta
in biking.”
“Did it work?”
“A little.” Not as much as I would’ve liked. But the adrenaline rush, the whip of the air, the jarring of my bones after each jump, it all helped.
“I’m sure Callie would understand if you postponed.” Penny’s voice was full of sympathy. As hard as she was on me, Penny was a big softie at heart.
I wound my truck through town, careful to keep my lead foot to the speed limit. “Callie would understand, but the little girl I’m meeting with would think I’m just another person who’s going to flake on her.”
Penny clucked her tongue. “You’re a good man, Crosby McCoy.”
“Just don’t go spreading that around.”
“It’ll be our little secret.”
I pulled into the parking lot to the side of the Alliance and shut off my engine. “I’m here, and I’ve got to jump if I don’t want to be late.”
“Okay. Let me know if there’s anything that little girl needs and my knitting circle girls will get it for her.”
“You’ve got an ooey-gooey heart in there, Penny.”
“Oh, hush. Get going, you troublemaker.”
I chuckled. “Thanks for managing the schedule. I’ll check back in with you when I’m done here.”
“Sounds good.”
I hit End on my screen and switched my phone to silent. I always made sure the first meeting was free of any and all distractions. Often, it was the first time someone had truly listened to what the child had to say and made them feel like a priority. When they felt important, like I genuinely valued whatever they might share, that was where the magic happened.
I rounded the old craftsman building that housed the Alliance and headed to the back where there was a playground and a small field. A handful of other kids and adults were present for their own meetings and mentorship time. Callie caught my eye and waved me over to a picnic table. “Zoe, this is Crosby, the man I was telling you about. He’s going to help you tell the judge what you want.”
The brown-haired girl at the picnic table was tiny. I’d assumed she couldn’t be more than eight years old, but I’d learned from her file that she was actually nine. The idea that her slight frame could be from malnutrition had my gut twisting.
“I want to go back with my mom.” Zoe’s voice was timid, and she didn’t meet either of our gazes. But at least she was telling us what she wanted. Some kids didn’t open up for weeks.
Callie rubbed a hand up and down Zoe’s back. “I know, sweetie, but your mom isn’t well enough to take care of you right now.”
“She probably just needs more medicine. She always gets sick when she doesn’t have it. Maybe the doctor could get her some more.”
There was a burning sensation along my sternum. Drugs. Zoe, not even ten years old, knew that her mother needed drugs to function in any capacity. And her mom had trained her to think of them as medicine. I eased down on the bench. “The medicine your mom has been taking is a bad kind. It’s not good for her, so some people are going to try and help her.”
Eyes wise beyond their years blinked back at me. “They do make her crazy sometimes. Or really sleepy. Sometimes, she doesn’t wake up for a whole day.”
I fought to keep the anger currently coursing through me from showing on my face. “So, it’s good she’s not going to be taking it anymore, right?”
Zoe twisted the end of one of her braids, wrapping strands of hair around her finger. “I guess. But how long is she going to be gone?”
I glanced at Callie over Zoe’s head. “We don’t know that yet. But you’re doing okay with the Calhouns, right?”
Zoe’s little body stiffened slightly. “I want to go home.”
Zoe’s home no longer existed. The trailer her mother had rented was now back in the hands of their landlord. Thankfully, Callie had gotten in to grab a few of Zoe’s belongings before the rest of the items were trashed.
Callie patted Zoe’s knee. “I know being in a new place is scary, but just give it some time.”
Something in the way the little girl had tensed at the mention of her foster parents had concern flashing through me.
Another volunteer motioned for Callie, and she rose from the picnic table. “I’m going to leave you to hang out with Crosby, but I’ll be right over there.”
Zoe nodded and then dropped her gaze to her lap, twirling her thumbs in circles around each other.
“So, what’s your favorite thing to do at recess? Maybe we could play that today.”
Her gaze lifted slightly. I braced myself for her to say “playing house” or something of the sort. I had gotten roped into playing Barbies on more than one occasion at this very picnic table. But I had to admit, I was good at doing the voices. “Soccer,” she answered.
My brows lifted, and a grin stretched across my face. “I happen to love soccer. But it’s been a while since I’ve played. Think you could remind me how?”
Zoe’s little head bobbed up and down. “I’m one of the best girls in my class. The boys only let me and Cindy play with them because all the other girls are too slow.”
I chuckled. “Well, it looks like I found the perfect teacher.”
Her shoulders straightened with pride. “We need a ball.”
“Come on, I know where Callie keeps them.”
For the next hour, Zoe put me through my paces. I was shocked at how fast and agile she was. We ran up and down the small field, worked on dribbling and passing. She laughed herself silly when I took a mock tumble. And through it all, Zoe started to let me in. I saw the little girl who was dying to get out, the one the anxiety and fear of living with an addict mother had been holding back.
I crouched down, pulling a card out of my wallet. I wrote my cell phone number on the bottom of it. “You call me anytime you need. Or if you just want to talk. I’m always here. Okay?”
Zoe nodded, carefully taking the card from me as if it were made of the most precious metal. She slipped it into her pocket. “Thanks for playing with me, Mr. Crosby.”
“You can just call me Crosby. We’re friends now, right?”
She beamed, and those amber eyes that reminded me so much of Kenna’s socked me right in the gut. I had to find a way to make sure this girl ended up with good people who cared for her.
“Zoe, Mrs. Calhoun is here to pick you up,” Callie called.
That same tension shot through Zoe’s shoulders again, and my gaze shifted to the parking lot. A woman wearing a baggy and worn sundress stood next to a station wagon that looked more than a little worse for wear. Mrs. Calhoun smiled and waved. Zoe looked up at me, and my heart cracked at the uncertainty in her eyes. “Just remember, you can call me anytime. If you’re scared or just want to talk.”
“Okay.” The life that had come back into Zoe’s eyes as we played soccer was gone now.
A muscle in my jaw flickered as I watched Zoe walk to Mrs. Calhoun and climb into the station wagon. Callie crossed to me and watched as Zoe and her foster mom drove away. “So? How’d it go?”
“I don’t have a good feeling about her placement. What do you know about the family?”
Callie’s brow furrowed. “I haven’t heard much about them, honestly. I don’t think we’ve had any other kids who were placed with them. But if there had been complaints, I’d know.”
“I think I’m going to make an unannounced visit or two.”
Callie groaned. “Crosby…don’t get us in trouble. The last thing we need is to have foster families complaining about us harassing them.”
“You know me, Cal. I’ll be perfectly polite.” I could turn on the charming bastard when I needed to. It wasn’t a part I relished playing. It reminded me too much of a past that I wanted to forget. But to make sure Zoe was safe, I’d do it without batting an eye.
I slipped my phone out of my pocket and muttered a curse. I had four missed calls from Penny. I gave Callie a quick one-armed hug. “I gotta run. I’m pretty sure my assistant is one missed call away from hiring an assassin to
take me out.”
Callie laughed. “You better get going. I wouldn’t want to be on Miss Penny’s bad side.”
She wasn’t wrong. That woman would put salt in my coffee. I tapped Penny’s contact as I strode towards the parking lot.
“Well, it’s about time. I’ve been fighting off the hounds of hell while you’ve been gone.”
I beeped my locks. “Sorry, you know I keep my phone on silent during those initial meetings.”
“I know, I know.”
“Who’s beating down your door? Has your knitting club been accused of murder again?”
“It’s a knitting circle. How many times do I have to tell you?”
I chuckled as I climbed into my truck and started it up. “Apologies. Now, who’s starting fires I need to put out?”
“The Abbots are here.” Penny whispered the words as if the family was standing behind her.
“In the office?”
“No, no. But they’ve called eight times, and I’ve heard they’re already on the island. They’re staying at The Cove.”
The greedy assholes couldn’t be bothered to visit their mother and grandmother more than twice a decade when she was alive, even though they only lived a ferry ride away in Seattle. They’d left her care to Kenna without any offer of assistance. But as soon as she died, here they were, hungry for money, no doubt. My hands tightened on the wheel. “Well, they can just wait.”
Penny scoffed. “I’d agree, except I’m the one who has to answer their increasingly angry calls.”
I blew out a breath. “Fine. Tell them to come in at four-thirty. I have to bring in Kenna first.”
“I’ll give them a call.”
“Thank you.”
I hit End, and my thumb hovered over Kenna’s contact in my phone. I had the burning urge to shelter her from all that was about to come her way. I knew that Harriet had the best intentions, but things were going to get incredibly messy. Hopefully, Kenna could hold on for the ride.
Perfect Wreckage (The Wrecked Series Book 2) Page 4