by Maisey Yates
And yet, he felt defeated.
There was nothing to feel overly proud of. Not in this.
He moved through the corridors of the palace, managing to neatly dodge any of the serving staff, but when he went to the staircase that he knew would take him to his room, he was met by his brother-in-law. Mauro was standing on the stairs, his gaze dark, his arms crossed over his chest.
“I didn’t expect a welcoming committee,” he said.
“You should have. Of course you should know that I would be aware that you had arrived back at the palace. And that we have all seen the headlines.”
“Yes. I suppose I should have realized you were monitoring the border.”
“Even you can’t go undetected when we would like to see you.”
“Well, that’s good to know. I’ll add espionage and surveillance to the long list of my sister’s skills.”
“How dare you come back here?” Mauro asked.
“I’m sorry, are you of royal blood?”
“Not last time I checked. But I am married to your sister. And I am a faithful husband.”
“As far as I know, infidelity is as storied a tradition as the grand Christmas ball that our family throws every year. My people have never much concerned ourselves with anything quite so pedestrian as keeping our vows. I’m not sure why I should be the start of that.”
“Astrid and I are the start of that. And she thought well enough of you that you might continue it.”
“Well, my sister is optimistic. Especially where I’m concerned. I am nothing immensely exceptional. She should not expect it of me.”
He began to move past Mauro, and his brother-in-law planted a firm hand on his shoulder. “Explain yourself.”
“I do not have to explain myself to a man such as you.”
“Explain yourself,” Mauro repeated.
“Sometimes the kindest thing a man can do is set a woman free. I would think you of all people would know that.”
Morrow’s face darkened. “Are you suggesting it would’ve been kinder for me to set your sister free?”
“No. But I know you thought that one time. And here you are. You are a good father. A good husband. A man that I am happy my sister has found a life with. But for a while you thought that would not be the case. And you did what you had to. I know myself. I know my heart. And what I have done for Latika was the kindest thing that could be done. Trust me on that.”
“You were not here to see her distress. I was. You broke her. If you weren’t such a coward that you ran to execute your plan, then you could have seen it yourself, and you could’ve told her that it was for her own good.”
Mauro shook his head. “For my part, I cannot see how harming another person in that way could ever be for their own good.”
“Why is it that you’re speaking to me instead of Astrid?”
“Astrid didn’t trust herself around you. She thought she might execute you.”
Gunnar laughed, and then pushed past Mauro. In many ways, he would believe that was true of his sister. She was fearsome, and it was one of the things he respected about her. One of the reasons he had always felt it was important that she be the one who took over the throne. That she be protected at all costs.
But what about yourself?
It didn’t matter. The choices were made. And they were done.
He had taken up his mother’s charge, and even she had not sworn any kind of loyalty to him.
After of a betrayal such as the one he’d committed, there was no reason to believe that Astrid ever would.
As he continued down the corridor, a door opened, and his sister appeared. “We must talk.”
“I just shook off your attack dog.”
“Yes I know. Because I told him to speak to you so that I wouldn’t have to.”
“And yet, here you are.”
“Because it’s important. It’s important that we speak. Latika told me that there was something I didn’t know about you. And she refused to elaborate. She said she would not break your confidence. She said this to me even after she had seen the news of your betrayal. Because that is the woman that you have behaved so poorly toward. A woman who would protect you when you absolutely did not deserve it.”
He shook his head, a grim weight settling in his chest. “Believe me, Astrid, the question was never whether Latika was good enough for me.”
“What don’t I know?”
“There is no point rehashing this. There is no point at all. Our lives are what they are. You have found happiness with Mauro, and I am glad for you. I don’t need to bring my pain at your feet. My life is also established. It is set. I am what I was made to be.”
He looked at his sister, who was like gold plated iron, and he realized he was selling her short. Her strength. Her wisdom.
He had always sought to protect her, but in many ways he had underestimated her.
As his father had always done.
And that...that could not stand.
“Then if everything is set in stone, you might as well tell me. If nothing can be changed...”
“You know how badly our father wanted me to be King.”
Astrid stared at him, her eyes wide. “Yes.”
“He sought to use me as a weapon against you. He wished to turn me against you. And his method of doing that was to attempt isolation. Torture.”
The horror in his sister’s eyes was everything he had been trying to avoid for the past twenty years. “And you can see now why I didn’t want to tell you this. You can see now why I never wanted any of this.”
“Why did you not tell me?” she asked, her voice a broken whisper.
“What purpose would it have served? I had to protect you. It was the most important thing I could do. I had to serve you. You are my Queen. You are my sister. And protecting you all this time has meant shielding you from just how corrupt our father was. Because what does it benefit you to know?”
“So that I could know you,” she said. “Not everything is about me, Gunnar. And that is a sentence I never thought I would say to you. Because you have lied all this time about who you are. You let everyone believe that you were selfish. And instead, everything you did was for me. How could you let me go my whole life not knowing that?”
“Because I am still broken. And there is no fixing it.”
“How are you broken? It was never you. It was them. All this time it was them. Both of them, Gunnar. Mom and Dad. Don’t think I don’t realize that. But I was the fulfillment of mother’s ambition. And that you are clearly the attempted fulfillment of our father’s. When we were lost in the middle. But look at how you have loved me. Look at how loyal you were. How loyal you are. Gunnar, you gave me things I did not deserve with your devotion. No one could possibly hope to deserve. Because how can a person deserve to have someone else sacrifice their safety and comfort for them? You can’t. Something like that is never about deserving. It’s about love. And love is never something any of us could earn. Not love on the level that you gave me. It is a greater love than most could ever hope to receive.”
“I have never felt like I possessed any great love inside of me.”
“Because you didn’t just let it sit inside of you. You poured it out for me. Love is useless as a feeling. It takes on a new shape when it becomes action. And sometimes that action is a sacrifice, and there is nothing comfortable and sacrifice. But it’s real.”
“I never wanted to hurt you with knowledge of our father’s treachery.”
Astrid put her hand on her heart, as if it was in pain and she was trying to minimize that pain. “I’m not hurt for me. I hurt for you. For myself... I have never felt so loved, Gunnar. To have a husband who loves me as he does. To know that my brother loves me in such a way. I cannot fathom how I was born so fortunate.”
Gunnar had never thought of i
t that way, and it was as if everything was turned upside down. That what he’d done for Astrid would make her feel not the betrayal of their parents, but the deep love that he felt for her.
And it was love.
He could see it now. The way that she’d spoken of it. Love that fills you up so very much that you had to pour it out. Love that existed somewhat uncomfortably because it demanded things of you that did not feel good or satisfying.
And now he felt he understood something about love. Something that perhaps might have saved his marriage.
Except... Except what he had done to Latika... She would not forgive him.
Though, he had not betrayed her, he had certainly made the world believe he had. And even if he were to try and fix it now, she might not believe him. And the world certainly wouldn’t. So she would always have to be the woman who had gone back to a man that had been unfaithful.
He had created for himself an impossible situation and now, it was too late to fix it. She would be gone now. As he had told her to be. Because he had broken her. Mauro had told him that.
“Excuse me,” he said.
Because whether or not it was too late, he was going to try.
Choices. These were the choices. He could live forever without Latika, or he could try. Living without her was unacceptable. And so he had to try, no matter how unlikely it was that he would ever earn her love again.
But love was such a very precious thing, and Latika had put her love for him into action. Had laid herself bare. And that kind of love had to be rewarded. Because that kind of love mattered. When he saw it through the same lens that Astrid did, that bravery and that sacrifice... Latika had done all that for him. She had begged, she had put herself before him raw and naked. And he had given her so little in return. He would make it right. He had to make it right.
He pushed his hands through his hair, making his way down the hall and pushing the door open, expecting to find that same sense of emptiness that had been in his San Diego home.
But instead, he saw her.
Latika was sitting on a bench at the foot of their bed, her long dark hair cascading over her shoulders, her expression set into one of seriousness. He could see that she had been crying. That he had made her cry. He had never despised himself more than he did in that moment.
“I thought I told you to leave,” he said.
“You did,” she responded. “And you did everything you said you would. You are a man of your word, Gunnar, I will give you that. But I didn’t agree to leave you. And I won’t leave you. I love you, and I want more than anything for this to work. And I know what they’ll say about me. How sad I am. That I’m so desperately delusional for thinking that my husband who was unfaithful to me could ever change.”
She shook her head. “I don’t care. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I’m not making decisions for other people anymore. I’m making decisions for myself. From my heart. And what’s right for me.”
“You would... You would stay with me even now?”
She stood. “Yes. I would. Because I fell in love with you, and I fell in love with each and every broken part of you. The broken part that made you feel you had to run. That made you feel you had no other choice but to try and undo this once and for all by sleeping with another woman. If I believe that love can heal, then I must give it time. I won’t stay with a man who cannot love me ever. But if you think there is hope, that we can make a marriage work. That we can love each other, then I will stay. I am...devastated that you would give to someone else what we have shared. But I promise that I will do everything in my power to forgive. To never hold it over your head. I believe that you can be better. And if I believe that, then I need to give you the chance to be.”
Her words nearly took Gunnar down to his knees. For what had he ever done to deserve such an offer? Such complete and utter loyalty. He had become his father in many ways now. He had tortured her. And yet, she held fast.
And then, he did find himself on his knees in front of her, taking her hands in his. “I don’t deserve such an offer,” he said, his voice rough.
“Love isn’t about what you deserve,” she said softly, her words so closely mirroring Astrid’s that the truth of them rang through him like a gong.
“My darling, Latika. I don’t know why you would choose to believe me. But I did not sleep with her. I didn’t even kiss her. I made all the world think that I did, though, and that means that it will follow us. That means that...you will not be free of the insinuations that will come, and the outright, blatant commentary. And that will be my fault. For I have done that to us.”
“You weren’t unfaithful to me?”
“No. And I’m sorry that I let you keep talking, and keep thinking it. But I wanted you to understand that I wasn’t telling you this to manipulate you into staying. If you would stay either way... And you know I have no reason to lie. I swear to you I wouldn’t lie. Not about this.”
“I believe you,” she said softly. “I swear that I do.”
“I was afraid. And I was running. And every single thing that I accused you of... I was the one who felt like I was stuck with a series of choices, handed down to me from others. And I realized that I was continuing to let my father manipulate and control my life. That I was allowing my mother to continue to have dominion over what I was.”
He pushed his hands through his hair, and saw they were shaking. “I have always fancied myself a man who lived free. A kind of rogue prince who did whatever he wanted, but that isn’t true. And it never has been. I let myself wonder...what kind of man would I have been if not for that?”
“A dangerous thing to wonder,” she whispered. “We are what we were made.”
“It’s true, but I think, Latika, I would have chosen you much sooner. I love you. I don’t need time to fall in love with you. I simply needed to find a way to rout the fear out of my heart so that I could give that love space to be felt. And more importantly, so that I could allow myself to act on it. I told you I didn’t know what love felt like, but I have come to understand that it isn’t important to know what it feels like. It is much more important to know what it looks like.”
His throat tightened, making his words rough. “Because love that feels like much but looks like nothing is useless. You demonstrated deep and real love for me. The way you chose to stand with me, to be steady. When I was not. You offered me faithfulness when I appeared to have given you none, when for all intents and purposes, I had given you none. You demonstrated bravery in the face of rejection when I couldn’t. And that, will always be what love is to me. And it is the love that I will endeavor to give back to you. To be brave when I feel afraid. To give when I feel like being selfish. To love when it would be easier to hate. I will make these choices for the two of us. I swear it. I swear it to you.”
She threw her arms around him, a sob racking her shoulders. “I was willing to forgive you, but I’m so glad that I don’t have to.”
“You will still have to forgive me,” he said. “Because whether or not the world will believe that I was faithful to you is another story. And our marriage may forever be tainted by the public perception of what I have done.”
“I don’t care about public perception. That is the only thing my parents ever cared about, and believe me, it never made any of us happy.”
“I don’t think I will ever elevate the nation. My reputation may be too far gone.”
“Whether or not the world ever knows, you did elevate the nation. You protected their Queen. You protected me. I hope someday the world understands the manner of man that you are. But if they don’t... I do. And I will ensure that our child knows it too.”
Gunnar took her chin in his hand, stared down into her beautiful brown eyes. “I don’t need the world to know a damn thing about me. As long as you trust in me, then I will be happy.”
“I trust in you.”
>
“Here I give you vows that I mean with all my heart,” he said, holding one of her hands clasped in his. “That I will be faithful. That I would lay down my life for you, and our child. But I will reserve the realest parts of me for you. And only you.”
“And I will do the same,” she said, one small hand covering his. Then Latika stretched up on her toes and kissed him. Pure and sweet and more than he could have ever hoped to deserve.
But the beautiful thing about love, the real love that had surrounded him for longer than he had allowed himself to see it, was that it transcended what a man deserved.
The best things, Gunnar thought as he carried Latika to bed, were free. They were beyond price. They could not be bought, they could not be worked for, they could only be given.
And Latika had given him her love.
The thing that a man who could afford anything, who had been entrenched in a life that involves no denial, and no deprivation, had never known he was missing.
And as they came together, man and wife in every sense of the word, that hole that had always been there in his soul felt filled.
Completed by this woman. Completed by her love.
EPILOGUE
THE KINGDOM HAD rejoiced when Astrid had given birth to her son, the heir to the throne of Bjornland, but there was no less celebration for the birth of Gunnar and Latika’s daughter.
The beautiful Princess with jet-black hair and eyes the same color as her mother’s.
And when Gunnar and Latika renewed their vows in an intimate ceremony, attended only by Mauro, Astrid and their children, the photos—of the new baby, and of Latika in a wedding dress made of simple, rich satin, that she’d been so afraid to let herself wear to that first wedding—had helped cement the acceptance of the royal couple as one that would last.
A couple worthy of rooting for. Especially in light of the new revelations that had come to light over the past months.
Gunnar and Latika had been willing to figure out a way to address the issues he had created with his headline within their family. To make sure their daughter understood what Latika believed if ever the time came when she stumbled across those stories.