I checked my phone, simultaneously relieved and worried that Hailey hadn’t contacted me. If she didn’t make contact today, I would have to find her. Berk had been clear—Hailey had to come in today.
Slipping my phone back into my pocket, I nodded to Gary. “I’ve got somewhere to be. I’ll call you later if I need you.”
“Sure.”
It only took me a few minutes to drive home. I made a beeline toward my closet, shuffling aside a stack of hoodies to find the worn legal envelope the back. I pulled it down and sat on the bed. My hands trembled as I placed the envelope on my lap. I flipped open the top of it and slid out the stack of papers.
Shuffling though them, I found what I was looking for. It was a photo of Hailey and I when we were fourteen years old, when she had decided to befriend me at school. She’d been my first and only friend when all the other rich kids looked at me like I was a leper. Staring at the picture, my eyes started to mist. I was carrying her on my back, with her arms hooked around my neck. She had that beaming smile of hers, with a little gap between her front teeth. I hadn’t noticed the gap in her teeth anymore and I wondered if they grew together as she got older, or if she got them fixed.
It didn’t matter, I supposed, but it was just another thing I’d missed.
I brushed my fingers over the photo and felt my heart thumping harder. She’d been beautiful, even then. I always knew she’d grow up to be stunning, but I hadn’t been prepared for the reality. I closed my eyes, gripping the photo as emotions warred inside me.
I needed to make this right.
Hailey didn’t deserve to be beholden to a criminal art dealer for her career. She didn’t deserve to be dragged into a messy undercover operation just because she knew me. I’d already ruined her life once, and now Berkeley was asking me to do it again.
I had to fix it. And I had to see her again.
Opening the envelope wider, I tipped the rest of the contents out into my hands. Yellowing pages of a contract stared back at me as my heart started to beat faster. It was only a page long, but it had changed the course of my life forever. I looked at Hailey’s father’s looping signature, right above my own cramped, scrawly one. Even looking at my signature now, I could sense the fear that had prompted me to sign it.
It was time for me to fix what had happened, to prove to Hailey that I wasn’t the monster she thought I was. I didn’t abandon her all those years ago. I thought I was doing the right thing. Her father lied to me. This contract was proof. I might have to take her away from Gianni Russo, but I would show her that I cared. That I’d always cared.
And I hoped—God, how I hoped—that she would forgive me.
I hoped that she would look at me the way she looked at me the night before, and that I’d get to taste her lips again.
Berkeley would get what he wanted. I would bring her in, and I would convince her to be an asset, but I would do it on my terms.
13
Hailey
Freddy’s card burned a hole in my pocket all day, but I resisted the urge to look at it until I was settled in Tanya’s spare bedroom.
Periodically, as we moved my things from the studio to her house, I’d touch my pocket and feel the little square of cardboard to make sure it was still there.
I knew the minute he put it in my hand that I would call him. I tried to force myself to be mad at him, but all I could think of were his hands on my body. The taste of his lips. His eyes devouring me. It was like he’d put a spell on me when he kissed me. He was a drug— he gave me one hit and now I was hooked.
Addicted to him.
… Again.
I laid down on Tanya’s guest bed and stared at the ceiling. My life was completely upside down but I felt almost… free. Jayden hadn’t called me in a couple of hours, and the silence was welcome. Maybe he knew that this time, it really was over.
Trying to process my emotions was almost impossible. I knew I should be devastated by Jayden’s betrayal. I should have been hurting, angry… anything.
But I just felt relieved.
I went through my relationship with Jayden and catalogued all the memorable moments. His laugh, his cooking, going to Miami together—good. The drinking, the fighting, feeling like I was doing something wrong without knowing what it was—bad.
Having somewhere to live—good.
Feeling like I owed him something—bad.
The more I weighed things up, the more I realized he’d been using the good things as leverage against me. It was toxic—maybe even emotionally abusive. All of a sudden, and I could see what he’d done to me. Jayden had made me smaller, weaker, more fearful.
I inhaled, following a crack in the ceiling with my eyes until I got to the far corner of the bedroom. A cobweb hung there, and I stared at it for a few moments. My mind tried to reach back and think about Freddy, about that moment I decided to protect him, and how that decision ruined my family and my future. I wouldn’t let my mind go there. I pushed the memories back down, as deep as they would go. I had enough on my plate between Jayden and Gianni, I couldn’t face that particular trauma. Not today.
Instead, I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and sat up straighter. I stretched my neck from side to side.
It was time for me to take care of myself—to protect myself. I needed to make sure that my future was stable, and that meant having a solid career.
I needed to find out what Gianni was doing, and if it would have any chance of impacting me. I needed to be selfish right now—to think of myself and forget about the men who had done nothing but leech off me. But in order to find out what was going on, I had to talk to one of those men.
The only way I could figure out if Gianni was dangerous was through Freddy. My heart thumped at the thought of talking to him again, of seeing him again. My fingers itched to reach into my pocket and pull out his card.
I jumped at a knock on the door.
Tanya poked her head in. “Brought you a coffee.”
“Thanks,” I smiled.
She came and sat down on the bed beside me, handing me the mug. My best friend glanced over at me, her eyebrows knotting together. “Are you okay?” She fluffed her fingers through her curly hair and searched my face.
“I think so.”
“It might not seem like it now, but breaking up with Jayden is probably the best thing to happen to you. He always seemed to be holding you back.”
“He tried to get me to refuse Gianni’s offer for the gallery opening. The studio, the exhibition… everything. The biggest opportunity of my career and he didn’t want me to take it.”
“Exactly.”
“I made like, thirty grand last night.”
“Girl…” Tanya grinned. “Yeah you did.”
“You know,” I said, thumbing the edge of my mug. “The weird thing is, I don’t even feel that bad about leaving him. I feel relieved, most of all. It’s like I saw that message on his account and all the smoke just lifted. I can see everything so clearly now.”
“I can see clearly now, the rain is gone,” Tanya sang, nudging her shoulder against mine. We laughed, and another crack healed in my heart.
“It feels like I broke up with him months ago in my heart, but maybe I was just waiting for an excuse to go through with it.”
Tanya put her arm around my shoulders and squeezed. I bit my lip. I didn’t want to tell her about Freddy, about the kiss, about his card in my pocket. I wondered if this feeling of being relieved had anything to do with his sudden appearance in my life. I felt like I was standing on the edge of a cliff, with every bit of my body urging me to jump. The only thing holding me back was the knowledge of who Freddy was, and what he’d done. How he’d walked away without so much as a goodbye.
What kind of person does that?
Tanya glanced at me. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”
I hid my grin by sipping my coffee. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Hailey, I’ve known you for,
what, six years? More? I know when you’re hiding something.”
“Everything is just a big mess right now, is all. Gianni…” I frowned, staring into my cup of coffee. “I’m worried he’s up to something that might not be exactly legal. I don’t know what, but I think… I don’t know what I think.”
“You don’t want to be dragged down with him in case he’s up to something shady?”
“Yes.”
“But he’s also your ticket to a successful career right now.”
“Precisely.” I smiled at my friend, who arched an eyebrow.
“See, I know you better than you know yourself.”
“Maybe you do.” I laughed gently, leaning my head against her shoulder. She knew me well enough that if I told her I was thinking about another man, she would be worried. Now was not the time to jump into another emotionally taxing relationship with a damaged man. Not that there was ever a good time to put yourself through that kind of torture, but right now was definitely a bad time.
“This is your opportunity to be selfish, Hailey. You need to take care of yourself.” She stood up, smoothing her hands down her pants.
“Thank you for letting me stay here.”
“Oh, stop,” she said. “I like the company, and I could use someone to walk to dogs when I’m at work.”
“I see how it is,” I grinned. “You’re just using me.”
“Shamelessly.”
“You’re just like everyone else.”
She winked and walked out of the room, closing the door gently behind her. I set my cup of coffee on the nightstand and reached into my pocket for the card. It was a blank white card with nothing but a black phone number on it. No name, no company, just a phone number.
I brushed my thumb over the numbers, inhaling. Outside my bedroom door, I heard the clattering of dogs’ paws on the hardwood floor and Tanya jingling two leashes. She called out to her dogs one by one, talking to them until the door opened and she was gone.
The silence was oppressive.
I knew that in order to protect myself, I needed more information from Freddy. With a deep breath, I pulled out my phone and started typing the number. I stared at the screen as my finger hovered over the ‘call’ button, and my heart thumped.
This moment felt significant. If I didn’t call, I was choosing to trust Gianni. I was choosing art. I was choosing my career—at least for the short term.
If I did call, I was choosing to trust Freddy. And that hadn’t ended well last time.
But I could still feel the shadow of Freddy’s lips on mine. My veins were still warm with embers from the fire he’d ignited in my blood.
So, against all better judgement—against the wisdom of experience and the screaming of my brain—I pushed my thumb down and called.
14
Freddy
“Finch?” I said as I put the phone to my ear.
Silence.
“Hello?”
A small breath hitched on the other end of the line, and I stiffened.
“Hailey?” I asked, sinking down into a chair in my kitchen. I knew it was her. I didn’t think she would call. I was simultaneously elated and horrified… I couldn’t delay anymore. I would have to bring her in to Berkeley.
“Hey, Freddy,” she said.
I closed my eyes, sinking deeper into the seat. “I didn’t think you’d call.”
“I wasn’t going to.”
“What changed your mind?”
“Self-preservation.”
A grin tugged at the corner of my lips. “I was hoping it was because you wanted to see me again.”
“As arrogant as ever, I see.” I could hear the smile in her voice. She took a deep breath. “Look, Freddy…”
“You don’t need to say it.” I inhaled, my heart squeezing. Rejection stung at the best of times, but to hear it from Hailey was just too much. “Look, what happened between us last night… I shouldn’t have shown up at your apartment. There are bigger things at play here.”
“What do you mean, bigger things?”
“Let’s talk in person. I’ll send you a location. Are you at home?”
“I’m at my friend’s house. I… I left.”
When she said ‘I left’, the words sounded heavy. They sounded like they meant a lot. She left her ex-boyfriend, she left her apartment… My heart skipped a beat. If she wasn’t with that douchebag…
I shook my head. Berkeley wanted her as an asset now. Even if she was single, I couldn’t get involved with her. Not that she would want me, anyway.
“Okay. Can you meet me at the waterfront? I’ll send you a location.”
She was silent for a beat, and then exhaled. “Okay. Now?”
“Yes. Now.” We hung up, and I texted her a location. It was a relatively secluded area of the Potomac River waterfront. There would be enough people around that she wouldn’t get spooked, but not enough that we’d be bothered. I rushed to get ready and then jumped in my car.
I was at the agreed location within half an hour. I scanned my eyes around the grassy area to the left and over to the small group of trees to the right. The river flowed in front of me and my feet crunched on the gravel as I made my way toward a worn, bronze statue.
In late September, there weren’t that many people here. It was starting to get a bit cold out, and that was exactly what I’d been counting on. A woman jogged past me with her dog as I took a seat on a park bench. My eyes kept roving from side to side, and I couldn’t sit still until I saw Hailey appear on the path.
Her hair was gathered in a high pony tail and her trench coat was cinched at the waist. She looked classy and stylish and completely out of my league.
Hailey’s expression was serious. She bit her lip when she saw me and hurried toward the park bench. I stood up when she neared and stood awkwardly until she leaned over and brushed her lips against my cheek. Her perfume wafted toward me, making my stomach tighten.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hey.” We both sat down. Her knee bounced up and down and her face stayed trained on the flowing waters in front of us. The late afternoon sun kissed her skin as she pinched her lips together. She swallowed. I watched every micromovement she made, drinking in every bit of her presence.
Her eyes swung over to me and a flush warmed her cheeks. She swiped her tongue across her lower lip and my mind went completely blank. All I could do was stare at her mouth.
“So,” she said, clearing her throat. “What’s this about?”
I didn’t want to talk about Gianni Russo, or the gallery, or sex trafficking. I didn’t want to see her face fall when I told her what we thought Gianni was up to. I didn’t want to bring her in to Berkeley, who would surely threaten her career to get her to cooperate with our investigation.
I wanted to kiss her, to tangle my fingers into her hair and taste her lips. To feel her body pressed against mine and hear the soft moans that would fall from her mouth. To kiss her skin and drink her pleasure until we were both sated. To forget about the world and escape somewhere with her.
Instead, I took a deep breath. “I work for the CIA.”
Her eyes widened. Those perfect, pink lips dropped open and my cock throbbed.
I looked away, forcing my body back under control. “We’ve been investigating the Russos for a couple of years now.” I was breaking all kinds of protocol right now. For all I knew, she’d run back to Gianni and the Russos would pack up and be gone within twenty-four hours.
Berkeley would have my head if he knew what I was doing, but I didn’t care. I owed it to Hailey to be honest with her—to give her a choice. Ten years ago, I made the wrong choice and she’d lost everything.
She shifted on the bench, folding her hands in her lap. “What… What are you investigating them for?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“Am I in trouble?”
“No,” I answered quickly. “No. But you shouldn’t get involved with them.”
She snorted. “A little la
te, isn’t it? Gianni is about to pay me tens of thousands of dollars for the paintings I’ve sold. I have half a dozen commissions to make because of him—including yours, by the way. I’ve just left my boyfriend and I’m staying in my best friend’s guest room. I have seventeen dollars in my savings account and three thousand dollars’ worth of credit card debt.” Her eyes shone with tears and she shook her head. “I can’t exactly walk away from him.”
I gulped. “I’m sorry.”
“What did Gianni do?”
“I can’t tell you, Hailey.”
She swung her eyes back toward me, frowning. “You can’t tell me? You expect me to give up my entire career just because you apparently work for the CIA? Come on, Freddy.” She scoffed.
“Hailey…”
“No, don’t Hailey me.” She stood up, and I did the same. We faced each other. Her eyes had gone from scared to angry in an instant. “You show up in my life, unannounced, at the worst possible time. The only thing I have going for me right now is my art. That’s the only thing that’s going well, and you’re telling me to give that up? My relationship is over, I’m homeless, I’m broke, and you think that just because I let you kiss me that I’ll ruin my life for you? I’ve already done that once, Freddy, and we both know how that ended. With you being a hero and me being thrown out of my fucking family.”
She turned away from me and I caught her hand. Hailey’s fingers squeezed mine even though her face stayed angled away from me. Tears brimmed in her eyes, and I brushed the fingers of my other hand over her cheek. Tilting her chin up toward me, I took a step closer to her. Her chest brushed mine.
I slid my fingers over her jaw and leaned my forehead against hers.
“I don’t want to hurt you, Hailey,” I said softly. “I want to help you.”
“You’re nothing but trouble.” She leaned into me, her hands resting on my chest.
I took a deep, shuddering breath, wrapping my arms around her waist. “You used to like a bit of trouble.”
His Word: A CIA Military Romance Page 7