I sighed. “We’ve been broken up for over a year, Laney.”
Allison shook her head. “It isn’t that simple. You two have been the next best thing to a couple, whether you were officially dating or not.”
“I know. But Ashton and I aren’t going anywhere. You know that.”
Molly’s voice was soft. “Do we?”
“Yes! We’ve danced around it, and I even tried easing back into it. But nothing has changed. Now there’s Dylan, who I can have a real relationship with, and I want to include him in the rest of my life.”
“It’s going to be hard on Ash,” Delaney said.
“I know, and I don’t want to hurt him. But I can’t keep the guys I date away forever because Ash and I have history.”
Molly gave a reluctant nod. “You have a point.”
“It’s fine with us,” Delaney agreed. “It’s Ashton you need to worry about.”
“Yeah. I’ll talk to him.”
It was the last thing I wanted to do, but it had to be done. With Ashton at morning practice it was Dylan I saw first, though. He gathered me up when the bell rang to walk me to class.
“Why don’t you come sit with us at lunch?” I asked him.
His blue eyes settled on me in a penetrating look. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? You and Ashton... That’s not exactly a secret, you know.”
“I’m sure. Ashton and I have history, but I can’t let the past dictate my future.”
Those blue eyes lit up a little. “So I’m your future?”
“Don’t get ahead of yourself, buddy.”
“Dani, are you sure you want to do this? It’s going to be tough for you, too.”
“Yeah. It’s time to rip off the band-aid.”
“All right, then. You talk to Ashton, yet?”
“Not yet, but I will.”
“I don’t envy you that.”
“It’ll be fine Ash will understand.”
A little huff of laughter escaped him at that. “I do love your optimism.”
“I know him, Dylan.”
“Yeah, that’s kind of the problem, isn’t it?”
There was no good answer to that.
I ran Ashton down between classes after second period. “Ash! Wait up.”
He turned slowly, as though reluctant to face me. “What’s up?”
It hurt to dump this on him, but it had to be done. “I asked Dylan to sit with us at lunch.”
“And you’re telling me this because...”
“Come on, Ash. I’m trying not to make this any harder than it has to be.”
“That would be pretty impossible, wouldn’t it?”
“Ash...”
“Don’t worry. I’ll play nice. But don’t expect me to jump for joy about it.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me, too.”
I started to turn away, but his voice pulled me back around. “I wasn’t ready to give up on us, Dani.”
“I know. But there comes a time when you just have to admit that things are broken and let go.”
“Admit whatever you like, but we both know there’s something still there, and it isn’t going away.”
A terrible pain gripped my chest as I watched him disappear. Ashton wasn’t going to make it easy. And part of me wondered if he was right.
At lunchtime I walked into the cafeteria with Dylan, acting nonchalant and trying to put the best face on it that I could. Ashton was already at our table with Delaney, Walker, and Molly. My heart constricted at the sight, but I pushed forward.
Delaney saw us first. “Hey, lovebirds!”
“How’s it going, Dylan?” Walker asked. “It’s been a while.”
“You know how it is. I don’t exactly feel like I belong in the field house these days.”
“I know, man. But you still have friends there who miss you.”
“Thanks.”
I glanced over at Ashton, who looked as uncomfortable as I felt. To my surprise, though, he turned to Dylan with a ghost of a smile.
“”Walker’s right. You ought to at least come by and say hello once in a while.”
“Maybe I will.”
Some of the tension leaked from the air, but it wouldn’t have been fair to say the atmosphere was anything like normal. My friends helped ease things along as best they could, jumping in with light banter whenever the conversation lagged. After what felt like an eternity the bell rang, and I grabbed my backpack with one hand and Dylan’s arm with the other. All I could do was hope that it would get easier with time.
Delaney latched onto Walker and turned to us. “I’m glad Dani finally dragged you over, Dylan.”
“You’d better come back, too,” Molly chimed in. “Don’t make me send Quinn after you!”
Dylan laughed and slid his arm around me. “No need for that. I’ve got good incentive to come back.”
As we walked out together I heaved a sigh. “I hope that wasn’t too painful for you.”
“It wasn’t that bad.”
“It wasn’t?”
“Don’t worry about it. It was bound to be a little awkward at first, and could have been a lot worse.”
“Thanks for being so awesome about it.”
“Well, it’s like I told Molly. I’ve got some good incentive.”
I hoped I could live up to that.
The rest of the week did get better, thank goodness. All of my friends took to Dylan and he seemed to like them as well, although he and Ashton never exactly warmed up to each other. That wasn’t exactly a surprise, but it was still a disappointment. It certainly would have made life a lot simpler if they had.
I felt weird being around both of them at the same time, though. As much as I hated myself for it, I couldn’t help making comparisons in my mind. I knew it was wrong, knew it wasn’t healthy, and it made me feel like a horrible person. Even worse, every time it happened I couldn’t help but feel like something was missing between Dylan and me.
I didn’t understand it. I liked Dylan. Everything about him was great. My friends liked him and thought we made a cute couple. And we did. But I couldn’t get over that feeling. I just didn’t know what was missing, wasn’t sure how to fix whatever it was.
So I kept my thoughts to myself until Thursday after school when I went over to Molly’s house. We played games for a while, but it wasn’t long until Molly set her controller on the table and turned to me with a frown.
“All right. What’s wrong?”
“Huh? Nothing.”
“Don’t even go there. You haven’t played this badly in months. Something is eating at you, so why don’t you just tell me?”
Slowly I put my own controller down and rubbed the bridge of my nose. Why me?
“Uh, oh. I sense boy problems.”
“Maybe a little.”
“I know all about those. Spill it, girlfriend.”
So I told her everything, all about my conflicted feelings and doubts, and how badly I wanted things to work out with Dylan. Molly listened while it all gushed out and waited until I finally ran down before she shook her head.
“You’ve got troubles.”
“You think?”
“I think you’d better figure this out before you make things a lot worse.”
“How?”
“I wish I knew. But...” Her voice trailed off and she bit her lip.
“What?”
“You’re still holding onto Ash. That’s why you don’t feel anything with Dylan, why you keep thinking something is missing. You can’t move on with Dylan until you let go of Ashton.”
It was like getting hit in the head with a baseball bat. “You’re right,” I groaned. “What am I doing?” I buried my face in my hands, wanting to cry. I was hurting everyone with this.
Molly reached over and laid a hand on my arm. “Nobody said love was easy. Believe me, I know. I’m just making this thing with Quinn up as I go along, and hoping that I don’t screw up.”
“Well, it’s too late for tha
t with Dylan and Ashton.”
“You’ve still got time to make it right, but you’d better get moving.”
“I know. I just wish I knew how.”
No matter how much I thought about it, though, I couldn’t come up with any answers. How was I supposed to get over Ashton? I’d thought that was what I was doing, but somehow it just wasn’t working out that way.
I kept to myself on Friday as much as I could while I tried to sort myself out. What I needed more than anything was time. What I got was the rest of the day, right before our last pep rally of the year.
When I left Ms. Hobson’s art class Ashton was waiting for me in the hall. He hadn’t done that in weeks, and I froze like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming truck.
“Can we talk for a minute?” he asked.
“Don’t you have to get to the pep rally?”
“This is more important.”
I gulped a little. I wasn’t ready for this. “Okay.”
“Dani, this is crazy. Don’t get me wrong—Dylan is a great guy and I’ve got absolutely nothing against him. He’s just not the guy for you.”
“I don’t think—”
“That’s just it. You’re not thinking! You know he’s not right. I don’t know what it is you’re trying to accomplish, but this is just messed up.”
“What do you want, Ash?”
“I want you. You know it’s supposed to be us. Always has been, always will be. So will you just stop this already?”
I stared at him and felt my heart breaking all over again. I wanted to throw myself in his arms and let him hold me and make it all better. But it wouldn’t be all better. It would just be the same mess as before, and I’d had all of that I could take. No matter what I might want deep down, my mind had been made up for me.
“It can’t be us, Ash. We both know why. It hasn’t worked, and it won’t. We’ve tried. So it’s time to end it. I’m with Dylan, now. And we’re over. I’m sorry, but we’re over.”
Ashton shook his head. “Tell yourself that all you like, Dani. But it’s a lie and you know it. We’re not over yet. Not by a long shot.”
When he walked away, part of my heart went with him.
Chapter Nine
However good my intentions, in practice things just weren’t that simple. It should have been easier because Ashton went back to avoiding me and stayed away at lunch. Instead of relieving the tension, though, it only made things worse. The less I saw of him the more I thought about him, which made no sense but that’s how my stupid brain worked. It made it hard for me to spend time around Dylan. I did it anyway, went to lunch with him every day, walked to classes with him, and talked and texted with him in the evenings. Somehow I never got any closer to where I wanted to be with him, though, and the week before Thanksgiving passed in a haze of guilt and confusion.
To add to my issues, I got my next big art project that week.
Ms. Hobson leaned against the edge of her desk. “This is the last project before winter break. It should be based on a Christmas theme. All pieces will be entered in a school competition. The winners will move up to the district competition, and the winners there will go on to the regional competition. I don’t have to tell you that coming out on top of that would look really good on a college resume. The regional winners will also be featured on all the schools’ Christmas cards and hall displays, which means they’ll be seen all over this part of the state. So it’s kind of a big deal.”
The bell rang and everyone headed for the door. As I walked past, Ms. Hobson smiled at me.
“Make this one count, Dannika.”
Dylan was waiting for me out in the hall. “What’s wrong, beautiful?”
“Just another art project.”
“That shouldn’t be a problem for you.”
He was right—it shouldn’t have been, but I couldn’t begin to make any kind of progress on it in my state of mind. I drew endless doodles in my sketchbook, but nothing would gel. Why was I surprised? Nothing else in my life would gel, either.
Thanksgiving was almost here, and I was looking forward to some time away from my troubles. Dylan was going away to his grandparents’ home in Dallas and Delaney was headed to Florida with Walker’s family, so things were going to be a lot quieter for a few days. In the meantime, though, my friends were all determined to “help.”
We all got together at Delaney’s house on Tuesday after school for girls’ night. Dylan had asked me out, but I put him off with the excuse that the girls had asked first. Even though they had given me a pass and I could have gone out with him, I just wasn’t feeling it, any more than I was feeling particularly thankful. My life was a mess and I needed some time without any complications.
If I’d been smart I would have stayed home. The Monopoly board was out and whenever we played it was for blood.
Molly waved a card in front of Delaney’s face. “Marvin Gardens with a hotel. You owe me $1200!”
Delaney’s glare could have curdled milk. “You evil little...”
“Just pay up.”
Delaney slapped down bills, muttering under her breath while the rest of us giggled at her. Our mirth was interrupted by the dying duck sound of the doorbell.
“Pizza’s here!” Allison sang out.
Molly shook her head. “I can’t believe your dad still hasn’t gotten that fixed.”
“I’ll get the pizza while you two settle up,” I said.
Allison bounced to her feet. “I’ll help.”
As we went down the stairs I shook my head. “I don’t know why you bother. Even if it is Seth...”
“Hey, I can look, even if I can’t touch.”
To her disappointment it wasn’t Seth, but some older guy in his late 20s who openly leered at both of us. I shorted his tip and smiled sweetly as I slammed the door in his face. It was the first thing that had made me feel better since my last conversation with Ashton. We carried the pizza upstairs, where Molly and Delaney were still arguing.
Allison set her pizzas down on the floor. “Give it a rest, you two. You can knife each other after we eat.”
“Did you see Seth?” Molly asked as she opened a box.
I sat down next to her. “No. It was some older, creeper guy.”
“Ick.”
Allison snickered. “Dani blew off his tip and slammed the door on him.”
Delaney’s eyes went wide. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. It was awesome.”
I wasn’t in the mood. “Can we just eat our pizza?”
“Ooooh,” Delaney said. “Somebody is developing some serious attitude.”
“And unless you’d like to see some of it, shut up and eat your pizza.”
“Dylan,” Allison said around a mouthful of pizza. “Or Ashton.”
“Both,” Delaney corrected.
Molly held up her hands. “I’m eating my pizza.”
“So one of you will live to finish the game, at least. It would really suck to have to kill all of my friends in one night.”
Allison’s eyebrows rose. “And why exactly are you hanging out with us instead of being out with Dylan when he’s leaving town in the morning and won’t be back until Sunday?”
Molly grinned. “I know who’s dying first!”
With a sigh, Delaney shook her head. “We’ll leave it alone, Dani. But we’re all here for you if you need us.”
“I appreciate it. I just really don’t want to talk about it right now.”
Molly nodded. “You’ve been here for all of us. We’re here for you, too. You don’t have to do it all by yourself.”
“I kind of do,” I said. “It isn’t something anyone can help me with. But I love you guys and I’m glad you’re here.”
Allison picked up the dice with a grin. “Great. Now that’s out of the way, let’s get back to our game. I’m about to pass Go.”
While she rolled, I grabbed another slice of pizza. It would have been easy to unload all of my troubles on them, but I just couldn’t do i
t. They were all caught in the middle, friends with Ashton and they’d accepted Dylan into our circle. It wasn’t fair to put them on the spot, especially when I was the one who had pushed Dylan on them. So I had to keep it to myself and not drag them any deeper, even though it left me with no one to talk to. When I went to sleep on Delaney’s couch that night I felt as bad as back when Ashton and I had first broken up.
I woke up the next morning when my phone dinged with a text.
Dylan: Hey. Sorry to text so early. Just wanted to say goodbye. We’re about to leave.
Me: Hope you have a good trip
Dylan: I missed seeing you last night
Dylan: Did you have fun at girls’ night?
Me: No one died while we were playing Monopoly, so it was a good night
Dylan: LOL! You girls are something else
Me: We are, aren’t we? Not sure that’s a good thing
Dylan: You’re such a goofball. I’m glad you had a good time
Me: Thanks. Hope you have a good time, too
Dylan: Oh, yeah. Nothing like hours in the car with my family to make my whole day
Me: Ouch. I feel your pain. I’ve done road trips with the parents, too
Dylan: And my little sister. The Brat
Me: You’re so lucky :)
Dylan: I know, right?
Dylan: Well, we’re taking off. Text you later?
Me: Sure. Bye
Since Delaney was going out of town later that day, no one else got to sleep in either. The other three of us went over to Molly’s to let Laney finish packing. Molly cranked up the video games and we played Mario Kart for a while. My heart wasn’t really in it, though.
“How are you doing today, Dani?” Molly asked.
“Fine.”
“Uh, huh,” Allison said. “We believe you.”
“Believe what you like. I’m fine.”
Molly shrugged. “You two got plans after Thanksgiving?”
“A week in the gym to work off what I put on tomorrow,” Allison replied.
I shared an exasperated look with Molly. Allison was the slimmest of the four of us, but had been seriously weight conscious ever since last summer when some jerk had made a comment at the beach about how she looked in her bikini.
“Well, I’ve got to get some work done on my art project. I’d like to get it done so I’m not in a crunch going into finals.”
Just Friends (Bayview High Book 3) Page 7