Maybe she just wanted to spend some time alone with them.
A knock sounded on the front door and I stood to answer it, Emery staring at me on the other side when I did, something wild flashing through her gorgeous eyes. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I moved out to the front porch and closed the door behind me.
She tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and ducked her head. “So, I have some news.”
“All right?” Maybe she didn’t know I’d overheard her conversation with her parents earlier.
Her eyes met mine, all frantic, like something was haunting her. Maybe it was. She gnawed her bottom lip and looked away. “I’m leaving for Biola next week.”
Man, that wasn’t what I was expecting her to say. “Next week?”
She nodded, playing with the hair tie around her wrist. “I just got done talking to Pastor Gregg. My coach is recruiting a new player. I have to be at the summer training. My parents are here—”
“Did you know about the training before you came up?”
She nodded. “He said it was optional.”
I blew a deep breath. “Emery, it’s college ball.”
She grunted. “I know that, Tucker. I just . . . I wasn’t in the place to go where Nick was. So, I told my coach I needed a few weeks and I came up here. I thought I’d be able to stay the whole summer, I didn’t realize he’d start recruiting someone new.”
“All right.” I slid a finger over my mouth and shook my head. Did she really not know how risky that move was? “So, what’s your plan?”
She rubbed her hands on her shorts and drew a deep breath. “He basically said I need to be at the program at the end of next week, or I’ll ride the bench.”
“He wouldn’t bench you.” At least, he’d be insane to bench her.
“The other girl’s just as good.”
I frowned. “Why don’t I believe that?”
“Tucker,” she said, her bottom lip trembling, eyes pleading with me for something I couldn’t give. “What do I do?”
Huh. Interesting question.
Stay.
It was on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say it more than anything, to convince her she could finish out the summer here, no big deal. She was so good, no coach in his right mind would bench her, but that look in her eyes killed me. I couldn’t ask her to stay for a summer that would end anyway. Not when my life was madness, and she was just starting her dream, a dream she’d be jeopardizing if she didn’t go.
My throat tightened and I swallowed past the pain, lifting a shoulder. “I think you already know the answer.”
She closed her eyes. Shook her head. “I’m not ready to leave,” she whispered, opening her eyes and setting them on mine. She stepped toward me and it took every ounce of control I had not to close the gap. To pull her into my arms and kiss her until we both forgot why she came.
If I knew it could work out, I’d try, but this wasn’t some little dream. She was good enough to go pro if she wanted to. And, I didn’t doubt that somewhere, deep down, she wanted to.
“Talk to me, Tucker,” she rasped, stepping closer, setting a hand on my shoulder. “Please. Why are you shutting down?”
“You have to go, Emery.” I forced it out, even though I hated saying it. And for as much as I hated saying the first part, saying the second part would probably haunt me every summer, for the rest of my life. “It’s not that hard of a decision. There’s nothing here to stay for anyway.”
Her brows dove in a frown. “What? You’re here.”
The pain in her voice made me feel like the worst jerk in the world, but I couldn’t let her believe she had anything to lose. I lifted a shoulder. “Maybe, but we both know this whole thing’s insane. You deserve so much better than what I can give you.” It was true. I’d be selfish to believe anything else. “And, honestly, we were stupid to think this could work past the summer.”
“You don’t mean that.”
I didn’t. I couldn’t make myself mean it if I wanted to, but old habits die hard, and I’d been an expert at breakups before. This shouldn’t be any different. Only, it was. My stomach clenched, but I made myself keep going. “We come from different worlds, and mine’s basically non-existent right now.” That part wasn’t a lie. The wise thing was letting her go. I cleared my throat, every muscle in my body stiffening as I forced myself to look her in the eyes. “It’s over, Emery. It never should’ve started.” That part was the furthest thing from the truth, but she needed to hear it. She needed to be able to think about the game while she was there, and she couldn’t if she was worried about making things work with me. My heart sank and my chest tightened, but I held my face in check.
“No.” She shook her head, and stood on tiptoe, her eyes misting, roving my face, before she pressed her lips to mine, fogging my logic.
Everything inside me screamed that this was it. She was it. End of story.
But thinking like that was lethal.
I pulled back, and nodded toward the road, clamping my jaw before I decided to change my mind. “You need to go,” I said, low and gruff, and it was the exact opposite of what I wanted to say, but this was where it ended for us.
She needed to be free.
TWENTY-EIGHT
-Emery-
I couldn’t believe Tucker meant what he was saying at all. The gravity was shifting the longer I stood there, studying his handsome face, trying to convince myself I needed to walk away.
“I mean it, Emery, go,” he whispered.
“You’re wrong about this,” I told him, a stream of tears breaching their bounds as I cupped his face and shook my head. “Ask me to go official. We can make it work.”
He closed his eyes, swallowed, drew a deep breath, and opened them again. “I refuse to be the thing that holds you back. Just, go kill it out there, all right?” He drew my hands from his face and pressed my palm to his lips. “I care too much about you to get in your way.”
“You’re not in my way,” I countered. “God’s the one crossing our paths, remember?”
He shrugged. “I guess I was off when I said that.”
“You’re off right now, but I’m not about to beg you. I’ll be praying for you, Tucker.”
He nodded.
I sniffed and made myself back away from him, ignoring the deep ache in my chest as I turned toward the road. It didn’t matter that the lump in my throat was swelling with every step away from him. Or, that my heart was begging me to turn back and make him see.
He had enough on his plate without adding me into the mix. Anyone in their right mind could see that. And, Lauren was right, summers aren’t reality. I didn’t want to force it.
I went to find my parents and give them the news about my Biola plans. They were on the tennis courts, Mom trying to show Dad how to finesse the ball over the net, but he was just slamming them over, one by one, laughing every time.
“Classy, Dale,” she chided, as I lifted the handle on the gate.
The hinges squealed as I pushed it in and slipped inside to take a seat on the rubberized court beside their game.
“Look who’s here to watch the reigning champ, honey.” Dad nodded in my direction and Mom turned toward me, a hand on her hip as her trained eyes raked me over.
She hustled toward me, ripping her sunglasses off as she crouched in front of me. “What’s the matter baby?”
I rolled my eyes, wishing I would’ve remembered my sunglasses. “I talked to my coach.”
She shot a hopeful look at Dad. “And?”
He twirled his tennis racket and came toward us, nodding. “What’d he say?”
I sniffed and locked my arms around my knees, willing myself to keep a straight face. “I’m staying through the week and I’ll head down after that. I just gave my notice to Pastor Gregg.”
Mom gasped.
Dad did a silent fist pump.
My heart stopped working after my conversation with Tucker. I had to go into full athlete mode or I would fold right here
.
I cleared my throat. “Dinner’s on right now, if you guys want to grab something.”
“Isn’t that Snack Shop open all night?”
“It closes at eleven, but if you want actual nutrition, you should go to the cafeteria. I’m going to go get some practice in.”
Dad balked at that, stopping at my side to tussle my hair. “I’m proud of you, cupcake. I know you had your heart set on staying up here.”
“Winning doesn’t count if it doesn’t hurt though, right?”
He chuckled. “There’s my girl. Now, what’s on the menu up there?”
-Tucker-
Telling Emery she should go was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do, but it was right. As awesome as she was, she deserved someone who had more to offer her than I could. I wanted to kick myself for thinking I could find a way to date her in the first place, but that wouldn’t help anything. My family was enough to deal with.
Better just to move on with my life.
I tried, but Emery didn’t make it easy.
Every day after I broke things off, she found a way to cross paths with me, and I saw it in her gaze. The torture of being apart. I felt it, too, but that didn’t mean it had to happen. Whenever I saw her, I ducked out like a coward and went somewhere else, and I avoided the Boathouse like the plague. It was too tempting, the thought of trying to make it work. It couldn’t. I’d tried that route before.
“What’s your deal?” Walker asked me one night on the courts, after he saw me chicken out at dinner. “I thought you and Emery were going official.”
I shrugged and put up a shot. He went in for the rebound. “I thought we were, too, but she’s leaving for school at the end of the week. She has a basketball scholarship on the line.”
He frowned, dribbling to the left, and spinning right before he shot again, and I went after it. “So what? If you like her, you like her, right?”
“I wish it was that simple.” I dribbled to the three-point line and squared up to shoot. The ball hit the rim like a resounding gong and shot off to the side.
“It is that simple.” He hustled over and hurled it back at me. “If you want to be with her, be with her.”
I frowned. “She’s going to a division two school on a full-ride scholarship. She won’t have time to be thinking about a long-distance boyfriend.” Even if she went there thinking about me, someone else would swoop in, and she’d forget me before she could blink. It’s just the way college worked.
“What’s there to think about?” He dribbled twice. “You go for it,” he drove to the hoop and dunked, coming down like some kind of animal. “And you commit.”
I grunted and shook my head. “It’s harder than you think. She’s from an ace family from a good part of town. Look at us. Our family’s in the dumps.”
“So?” He shook his head, scowling at me like I ate the last bowl of his favorite cereal. “We were ace before last year. And what does that have to do with anything anyway? You sound ridiculous.”
“It’s called being smart,” I countered, about done with this whole conversation. I didn’t need a sixteen-year-old telling me how to handle an adult situation. “Maybe, if it was another summer, it would’ve worked, but she needs to keep her head in the game, and I’m not about to be the guy that ruins her future. I respect her more than letting her waste her time on me.”
“I still don’t get it, but whatever you say, man. I guess I can respect it if you think you’re really doing her a favor. But from my angle, it looks a lot more like giving up.” He set the ball on his hip and nodded toward the lake. “Wanna fish later?”
My chest tightened. “For sure. After dinner?”
“Yeah. Bet I’ll catch twice what you do.”
“How much you wanna bet?”
He narrowed his eyes and stepped toward me, tapping his fingertip to my forehead twice. “Two cents. You could use that much right about now.”
TWENTY-NINE
-Emery-
I convinced Mom and Dad I was fine up here by myself for the last week. They stayed a few more days, but headed back the Thursday after they came. I took in every drop of Bridgeport I could in my last few moments, using my in at the Boathouse to take a paddle board out every night after work. It was amazing, being out there on the lake, nature alive and well around me, bringing a soothing calm to my spinning mind.
Tucker avoided me at every turn after our conversation outside his cabin. I don’t know why it hurt the way it did. Maybe it was the disappointment of knowing how great we could have been if he would have been patient. How right we felt. But, he had so much on his plate, I didn’t want to be selfish. I didn’t get why the pain stuck with me. It had only been two weeks. How deep could things really have gone?
Saturday morning reared its annoying head. Everything I’d brought up to Bridgeport was packed in my car already, and the last thing to do was say my goodbyes.
Lauren groaned from her bed, rolling over as I shut my alarm off. She blinked a couple times and glanced at me. “So, you’re really leaving.”
I nodded. “I don’t have a choice.”
She yawned, and drew a finger beneath her eye before she pulled the blankets tighter. “You’re a heartbreaker, Emery. First Nick, now Tucker. He must be crushed.”
I sighed, a painful twinge pulling in my chest. We hadn’t talked since he broke things off. I mean, if you can even count the end of an unofficial relationship as a breakup. “Who knows.”
She sniffed, yawning again. “Nothing a little rebound fling won’t take care of though, right? ”
I hoped not. Part of me wanted to stay and make sure. I swallowed, shaking my head. I could get lost in an eternal mindgame, wondering why he decided to end it, but the facts didn’t change. We’d only spent three weeks together, he had his brothers to worry about, and I had basketball. The end. I just had to find a way to stop thinking about him and forget whatever lies Lauren was trying to plant in my head.
“I really hope you find some peace up here, Lauren,” I said to her, heading for the door. I didn’t want to say the next part, but I knew it was the right thing to do, and I knew I had to be the bigger person. And maybe, God would use it to help her see how good He is. “I used to put way too much stock in Nick’s opinion of me,” I added. “It was a mistake. I have a God who loves me no matter what, and I’ve found so much peace in that fact. He loves you the same way. I’m sorry if anything I did hurt you. I’ll be praying for you, Lauren.”
She furrowed her brows and I left for the cafeteria before she had the chance to argue. I needed to grab some breakfast for the road.
I walked up the stairs, looking around for everyone, preparing to say my last goodbyes, but it was eerily quiet.
“Surprise!” a chorus of voices yelled, as I opened the door to the staffer hall.
June and Hannah stood side-by-side next to the parfait bar, blowing on a couple bazookas. Black and red balloons danced through the air in rows, tied to the backs of every chair in the room.
My school colors . . .
My eyes misted as Nolan stepped forward with a huge rustic wooden picture frame. A simple white quote was set in a black background inside:
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take- Wayne Gretzky.
We’re glad you’re taking yours.
“Turn it over,” he said, eyes sparking.
I did, a bunch of staffer signatures and well-wishes staring back at me. I tried to read a few, but my eyes were blurring, my face heating to a million degrees.
“Thanks, guys,” I croaked, turning it over again, running my hand around the frame.
“It’s made out of Bridgeport pine,” Nolan said, before he retreated into the group.
I didn’t know how to react, but I was so grateful for all of their support. “I’ll miss being here a ton.”
“We’ll miss you, too, Chuck!” Mal shouted, from the back of the group.
“You’d better crush it out there!” Hunter added, beside him.
I ducked my head, trying to keep it together, but these guys had been like family since I came, and as excited as I was for Biola, I’d seriously miss this place when I left.
I scanned all of their faces as the crowd dispersed, but I was really only looking for one.
He wasn’t there.
Walker was though, hands in his pockets, heading toward me with the same exact stride as his brother. I ignored the way it made my heart ache.
Tucker didn’t want to try. What else was I supposed to do?
“Hey, Emery,” Walker said. “I just wanted to say thank you. I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said. About finding my passion. And I’m gonna do it. I’m going out for the team in the fall.”
“That’s awesome, Walker.” I returned his smile. “Seriously, keep in touch and let me know if you need help with anything. I want to hear all about it.”
“I will.” He dipped his head and swallowed. “And, I’m sorry. About you and Tuck. I tried talking to him about everything, but he’s being so dumb. He doesn’t think you can make the long-distance thing work. I thought you guys would be awesome together, though. But that’s just me.”
“No worries.” I shook my head, my heart dropping the longer I studied his downcast face. “He has a good point, and he’s doing what’s best for you guys right now. Try not to harp on him too much.”
He grunted.
“Take care of yourself, okay, Walker?” I added. “And, if you can try and help out with Kyler, I think that would go a long way. He needs a big brother to look up to right now.”
“I’ll try.”
“I’ll be praying for you guys, okay?”
“Same,” he said, with a shrug before he walked away.
I drew one last deep breath, trying to commit the whole room to memory before I loaded up a plate to-go and said my last goodbyes.
I kept waiting for Tucker to show up as I walked out to my car. My heart warmed when I saw a tall form leaned against it from a distance, but the closer I got, I realized it wasn’t Tucker.
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