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He smiled against her hair. "Since the moment I saw you."
She leaned her head back to look into his face. "And you
let Rudy have me?"
"Yeah. Dumb move on my part, huh?"
"Yeah, dumb move. But you've more than made up for it."
They fell silent again until he finally gathered the
courage—or maybe it was the idiocy—to tell her. "There's
something you should know."
"Oh?" Running a hand over his stomach, she felt her way
down to his groin. "Like maybe that you're about ready to do
it again?"
He sucked in a breath, already growing hard beneath her
touch. Gritting his teeth, he reached down and gently
removed her hand. "I'm always ready for you, sweetheart.
But we should talk first."
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Rising up to her elbows, she looked at him. "Okay. We'll
talk. This sounds serious."
He couldn't say it with her tantalizing, nude body so close
to his. He rose and swung his legs over the side of the bed.
Plucking his jeans off the floor, he stood and slipped into
them. He turned and stared down at her, shoving a hand
through his hair.
He took a deep breath. "Nicolette, about Rudy's affair..."
A shadow of pain crossed her face. "Yes?"
"I knew."
She frowned. "I don't understand."
"I knew about the affair before you told me."
Coming abruptly to a sitting position, she pulled the sheet
up to her chin. "You knew Rudy cheated on me? This whole
time you knew, and you didn't tell me?"
He shook his head. "I found out yesterday."
Tears sprang to her eyes, and she clamped her lips
together, taking a deep shuddering breath before speaking.
"How?"
"I found a hotel receipt in his papers. I went to check it out
and..." He shrugged.
"Oh, God." She shook her head and leapt from the bed,
dragging the sheet with her. "Oh my, God. You knew and you
didn't tell me? How could you do that to me? How could you
keep something like that from me?"
"I don't know. I'm sorry. I just couldn't bring myself to tell
you. I tried but—"
"If you told me, then maybe I wouldn't have fucked you,
right?" Her voice shook with rage and tears. She paced the
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floor, shaking her head, running one hand through her hair
while the other kept the sheet over her body. "Dear God. Of
all the people I thought I could trust." She whirled on him. "I
can't believe I said I loved you. That I actually believed you
loved me."
"Nicolette, I do love you. I just didn't want to hurt you.
You've been through so much, were already dealing with
enough. I wanted to keep you from suffering any more than
you were."
He went to her and reached out to take her in his arms,
but she jerked away from him.
"No! Don't touch me. Don't you ever touch me again."
A sharp pain cut through his body, and he fought back
tears of his own. "Please. You have to listen to me."
"Get out!" She pointed to the door. "I want you the fuck
out of here, now."
"You don't mean that. I know you're hurting, but if you
just calm down and think this through, you'll understand I
was trying to protect you."
She attempted an incredulous laugh, but it came out as a
sob. "I think I've had about enough of your kind of
protection." Gathering the sheet around her hips, she turned
and stalked to the door. Without turning to look at him, she
said, "Get your shit, and get out. I don't want to see you
again. I won't calm down, and I won't change my mind.
You've gotten all you're getting from me, Heath. I mean it. I
never want to see you again."
"Nicolette—"
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But she jerked the door open and stormed out, slamming
it behind her.
Deflated, he sank to the bed, despair making his limbs
weak and his gut feel like it was filled with hot lead. He was a
fool. The last thing Nic needed was for someone else to
betray her, and that was exactly what he'd done. He rubbed a
hand over his eyes, not even ashamed to feel the dampness
of tears. He'd blown it. For a few brief moments his fantasy
had been in his reach, now it was gone forever.
With all the enthusiasm of a condemned man preparing for
the gas chamber, Heath dressed for his brother's wedding.
He'd gone to his mother's house shortly after he'd broken
Nicolette's heart and had done his best to respond
appropriately to the joyous wedding talk. As pleased as he
was for Alex and Zoe, seeing all the wedding decorations and
hearing the buzz of preparations had only deepened the
yawning hole of grief in his soul. He'd gone for a drive earlier
that evening, needing some space, and had nearly been late
getting back in time for the wedding.
Although they hadn't spoken of marriage, for a little while,
he'd imagined he and Nicolette would someday be doing all
the sappy shit the people downstairs were doing. How's that
working out for you, asshole?
He shook his head and made an effort to push away his
black mood. The family he loved was counting on him. He'd
promised Zoe he'd walk her down the aisle. Parade her to her
place at Alex's side while a handful of guests looked on with
sickeningly sweet smiles.
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As much as Heath wanted his brother to find happiness,
putting on a fake smile and pretending his heart was in the
celebration felt like climbing Mt. Everest. The whole ordeal
only reminded him of the chasm between him and Nicolette.
Drove home exactly what he couldn't have. There was
nothing he wanted to do less than watch two people vow to
love one another till death parted them. Come to think of it,
death sounded pretty appealing right now.
He checked himself in the mirror and straightened his tie.
His face was drawn in lines of tension. He tried on a smile but
it looked like a death grimace. Turning away from the mirror,
he dropped to the bed to put on his shoes.
What was Nicolette doing right now? It was Christmas Eve.
She was all alone, sad, and no doubt feeling lost. This was
her first Christmas without Rudy. It would have been hard
enough without all the other shit, but Heath had made sure to
heap on a little more pain. At least he'd caught the
blackmailer. Nic wouldn't have to worry about that. They still
didn't know who'd killed Rudy, and although there was
nothing to indicate the killer was a threat to Nicolette, Heath
couldn't get rid of the worry that tugged at his gut.
She shouldn't be alone tonight. He would call Marla, but of
course, other than him, Marla was the last person Nic wanted
to be with. Nicolette
didn't really have anyone else. Louisa
wasn't able to go over there. Donovan? He seemed to care
about Nic.
Nicolette had given Heath Donovan's number in the list of
people he may need to talk to during the investigation.
Picking up his cell, he dialed the number.
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When Donovan answered, Heath said, "Hey, Donovan, this
is Heath King."
"Heath? How you doing, man?"
"I'm good. I'm worried about Nicolette, though."
"Oh? What's wrong with her?" Heath detected concern in
his voice. He did care about her.
"I'm not sure. We had a disagreement, and she's alone. I
know it's Christmas Eve and all, but I wondered if you could
do me a favor. You have plans tonight?"
"Nope. Nothing going on. We don't do much until
Christmas day. What do you need?"
There was nothing to indicate he was distressed. Maybe
Donovan was the only person in town who didn't know his
wife had been screwing Rudy.
"I wondered if you would go see Nicolette, maybe spend
the evening with her. She's alone, and this is a rough time of
year for her."
"Yeah. I imagine so. Her first Christmas without Rudy.
What'd you two fight about, if you don't mind my asking?"
He minded all right. No way was he going into the whole
sordid thing with Donovan. In order to do that, he'd have to
shatter his world by telling him about his wife's affair. He'd
done enough world shattering for one day.
"It was a stupid misunderstanding. No big deal, but I can't
be with her. My brother's getting married tonight."
"Hey, that's great. Tell him congratulations. And, yeah, I'll
be happy to go stay with Nicolette. Marla's not home, and I'm
kind of at loose ends myself."
"Great. Thanks."
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"No problem."
"One more thing," Heath added. "It might be best if you
didn't tell her I asked you to go over there."
"Okay. Yeah. Got it."
Heath felt marginally better when he hung up the phone. If
he couldn't be with Nicolette, at least he knew she wouldn't
be alone.
He took in a deep breath and released it, then headed to
the door. Time to perform his brotherly duty. He hoped he
wouldn't make a mess of that, too.
Nicolette sat on the floor in front of the Christmas tree,
staring at the twinkling lights, pretty much the same thing
she'd been doing since she'd stormed away from Heath.
Throughout most of the day, the lights had blurred behind
her veil of tears. The tears had stopped hours ago, and now
she just felt hollow and drained, like a dried husk of corn. This
was better than the pain, though. She could live with the
numbness.
She'd gone over it all in her mind. Heath telling her he
loved her. The way he'd stroked and held her, she'd believed
he really meant it. But how could he love her and keep
something like that from her? Let her go on thinking Rudy's
only sin had been his drug use? She'd had to find out from
Marla, in the most devastating, humiliating way possible. All
because Heath had chosen to deceive her.
She'd lost her parents, she'd lost Rudy, and she'd lost
Marla's friendship, although she'd come to learn that Marla
had never been a true friend.
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The loss that cut the deepest, the one from which she
would likely never recover, was losing Heath. She'd had his
friendship, then his love, and now they were both gone.
Yeah, that's it. Feel sorry for yourself. How about a nice
pity party for Christmas? Right. That was sure to make
everything better. She barked a laugh, but it only made her
throat hurt. She hadn't had anything to eat or drink all day.
Probably not a good idea.
She was debating whether to try choking down some food,
or at least a drink when a knock sounded on the door,
causing her to jump.
Who could that be on Christmas Eve? Her heart started to
pound, the most active it had been since it had cracked this
morning.
Heath? Was he here to try one more time to convince her
he was sorry? Too bad. She wouldn't let him in. To hell with
him.
The knocking continued and a man called out, "Nicolette?
Are you in there?"
Not Heath. Donovan. Poor, sweet, Donovan. Did he know
about Rudy and Marla? Probably not. Not yet, anyway. Maybe
she should tell him. Why should she be the only one
suffering?
Because Donovan was a good man, and he didn't deserve
to be hurt. No, she wouldn't tell him. She'd do the same thing
Heath had done for her. Protect him. It was Marla's place to
tell him, anyway.
Donovan banged again, louder this time, and she forced
herself to her feet.
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On legs that were shaky from despair and lack of activity,
she made her way to the door.
Cold wind rushed in as she opened it, and Donovan stared
down at her in concern. "Are you okay? You didn't answer my
knock. I was worried about you."
"I-I'm fine. I was just..." She motioned behind her with her
hand, but dropped it when she realized she wasn't sure what
she was going to say. "Come in."
He entered, and she closed the door behind him, then led
him to the living room.
"Marla's out doing some last minute shopping," he said. "I
thought I'd come hang out with you. You busy?"
"No." She forced a smile. "Not busy at all. Have a seat."
He took off his coat and laid it over the back of the couch.
They sat, and he peered at her with a frown. "Is everything
okay?"
"Yeah. Sure."
"You seem upset. Did something happen between you and
Marla?"
Her eyes flew to his face. Did he know? "Why would you
ask that?"
"She seemed upset when she came home after seeing you.
She wouldn't talk to me about it. Now you seem bothered
about something. Just wondered."
"No. Nothing happened."
Now she was doing the same thing Heath had done,
deceiving someone she cared about. Only this was different.
Heath owed it to her to tell her. He would have been saving
her pain. If she told Donovan, she would ruin his marriage.
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She was tired of pretending and wanted the whole thing out
in the open, but she wouldn't be the one to tell him. That was
on Marla.
"Hey, you hungry?" Donovan asked. "How about we go
grab a bite to eat?"
Nicolette shoved a hand through her hair and looked down
at the sweats she wore. She must look a mess. She'd
showered after her roll in the sack with Heath, but hadn't
bothere
d to even run a comb through her hair. "I look like
hell. I can't be seen in public."
"You look great." Donovan smiled. "Not that many
restaurants are open on Christmas Eve, anyway, so we can
just go to a fast food place. You don't have to get out of the
car. I'll run in and grab our food. At least you'll be getting out
of the house. The fresh air will do you good. Plus, I'm
guessing you haven't eaten much today."
She shook her head. She hadn't eaten anything. "I'm not
hungry."
"Maybe not, but I am. You wouldn't let a friend starve,
would you?" He stood and offered his hand. "Come on, let's
get you a blast of that nice frigid air."
She forced a smile and let him pull her to her feet.
They both donned coats and Donovan held the door open
for her while she braved the winter outside. Donovan tried to
engage her in conversation as he drove, but all she could
manage was a brief nod from time to time. The tears she'd
emptied from her body wanted to surface again. She just
thought she had no more left. Somehow, being out of the
house, even being with Donovan, made her loneliness
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increase. The soft Christmas music playing on Donovan's
radio, the Christmas lights outside the window twinkling
amidst the lightly falling snow, the few people who were out,
no doubt finishing up last minute holiday errands so they
could settle in with their families, only magnified what she
didn't have.
"Is LC Burgers okay?" Donovan asked.
She hadn't even been aware they stopped, but they sat in
the parking lot of her favorite burger joint.
"Sure, yeah. That's fine. Just get me whatever you get."
Not like she'd be able to choke it down, anyway, whatever
it was. The lump in her throat was growing. Heath was at a
wedding right now, surrounded by loving family and friends.
Their friendship, and whatever else had been developing
between them, was truly over. Forever. Tomorrow he'd go
back to Oklahoma City and she'd never see him again.
Wasn't that what she wanted? No, not what she wanted,
but after what he'd done, it had to be.
The tears surfaced and she searched her purse for a
tissue. When she didn't find one, she opened the glove
compartment, shuffling through the items inside. She tugged
out a napkin to wipe her eyes, knocking a cell phone out in