He shoved back his chair so violently it screeched against the floorboards. He set down his glass and stood up. “I think I should go. It’s quite late.”
He started past her chair toward the door, but Katie rose and put her hand on his arm to stop him from leaving. Before she could even speak, he pulled his arm free with a savagery that startled her. “Must you torture me?” he said through clenched teeth. “Have you forgotten your words to me about not wanting to become your mother? About not wanting to be a man’s mistress?”
Katie was startled by the fierce anger in his voice. “No,” she answered calmly. “I have not forgotten. But I—”
“Being my mistress is all that I can offer you. Marriage is out of the question.”
His statement seemed so abrupt, Katie shook her head in confusion. She hadn’t ever expected him to marry her, and she had told him so. Why did he feel he needed to hammer that fact home? “I know marriage is not possible.”
“War is coming,” he went on as if she had not spoken, “the future is uncertain, and I have many dangerous responsibilities. Even now, I am getting ready to leave Boston.”
“Leave?” Katie was dismayed. “What do you mean, leave?”
“I have business outside the city and will be gone for a week, perhaps two.”
“But where are you going?”
“That is not your concern.”
“Is it dangerous?” she asked, but before he could answer, she knew from his expression that it was very dangerous indeed.
“It could be. Gage is accelerating his efforts to confiscate our powder. And until England withdraws her troops from Massachusetts or the war begins, I will probably go on many missions just as risky as this one.”
“Whatever it is, why do you have to be the one to go?” she cried. “Why you?”
“Because there is no one else able to leave the city who can be trusted.”
“But if it is dangerous—”
“I’ve done many dangerous things before in support of liberty. This is no different.”
Katie closed her eyes. It is different! she wanted to shout. It’s different because I love you.
She could not tell him that, not when there was no future in it. “Why?” she asked, despreate to understand. “Why do you do these dangerous things when it seems to be such a hopeless business? Why?”
“Because I believe we all have the right to live within a government that is just and fair.”
“And I believe you live in a dream,” she shot back. “There is no government that is just and fair.”
“That’s why we are going to invent a whole new one.”
“How on earth are you going to do that? Would you listen to yourself? You talk as if inventing a new government is like inventing a new recipe for lamb stew.”
He did not reply, but one corner of his mouth lifted in that half smile that she loved. Just now, however, that smile only fueled her fear. “I do not understand you. Why do you risk your life for something unknown that might happen someday?”
“Of all the people of my acquaintance, I should think you would be best able to understand the appeal of liberty.”
“This is not liberty. It is madness.”
Ethan put his hands on her shoulders. “Katie, listen to me,” he murmured. “I do this because I believe that there is a better way to live than at the whim of another, be he a king or a master, and I am willing to risk my life to find it. I believe that we can create something extraordinary, something that has never been done before—a country where people govern themselves. One where we decide who our leaders will be, one where we can say what we feel and think what we please without fear of reprisal. One where we are not at the mercy of those who know nothing about us.”
She could not even conceive of such a thing. Survival was what mattered, not putting yourself in danger for something as nebulous as an ideal. “It all sounds very high-minded, very intellectual and noble,” she said, “but you are not doing this for ideals. You are doing all this fighting against the crown because of your father. You want revenge.”
Ethan’s mouth tightened, but, as always, he was cool, calm, and distant. “That was true at first. But over the years, I have come to realize none of this is about me, or my petty grievances.”
“It is still insane. The odds are overwhelmingly against you. You cannot win.”
“Sometimes it is more important to pay attention to what is right than to the chance of winning. Besides, as I told Chevain during my meeting with him, we don’t have to win. We just have to make them so sick of us they let us go, and that, Katie, is perfectly possible.”
She could not win, either, it seemed. “Go, then,” she whispered, sick with fear. “I can’t stop you, and I won’t waste my breath trying.”
He met her gaze straight on. “So you see, I am in no position to offer you marriage, Katie, and I know anything less would make you feel degraded.”
“Friendship would be perfectly acceptable to me.” That was a lie, but friendship was better than nothing for as long as it might last.
“Friendship? God!” He raked a hand through his hair, pulling it loose from its queue and paying no heed when the wide black ribbon drifted to the floor. “Don’t you understand, Katie? I’m trying to be a gentleman, but I’m not made of stone. Don’t you realize that all evening I’ve been fighting to keep myself from touching you?”
He drew a deep breath and stepped back from her before she could recover her surprise enough to reply. “I have given you exactly what you wanted. I sent Adam to Virginia to make the arrangements to purchase your indenture. Once that is done, our bargain will be complete, and you will be free to leave. Before another month has passed, I suspect Boston will be in chaos, so it would be very wise of you to leave as soon as Adam returns from Virginia.”
With those words, he turned on his heel and left her. Katie watched him go, and she knew she was crying because she could feel the hot tears on her face. She rubbbed her hands across her cheeks to wipe them away, and she hated herself for being so weak, for loving a man who did not love her, could not marry her, and would probably die before the week was out.
By the devil, she could count on one hand the number of times she had cried in her life, but falling in love with Ethan had shattered all her protective barriers. Her armor was gone, and she hated how vulnerable that made her. If he hurt, she hurt. If he died, a part of her would die with him.
The slamming of the front door told her that he was gone, and deep down inside, Katie felt as if she were dying already.
18
It was nearly midnight the following night when Ethan arrived at the Hancock-Clarke Parsonage in Lexington. It was dawn when he traveled on to Concord, and his six hours at the parsonage were not spent sleeping.
Samuel Adams and John Hancock felt as worried as he by the activity of Regulars in Boston. They were pleased that Ethan’s meeting with the French had succeeded so well and were in agreement with him that the cache of munitions stored in Concord must be moved. Thanks to the book of Shakespeare Katie had delivered to Bramley, hiding places for the weaponry had already been prepared. By the time the sun rose, Ethan was speeding his horse down the Lexington Road to Concord.
In that town, locals proved to be angry rather than frightened by the impending conflict and more than willing to help John Smith move their weaponry out of Gage’s hands. Nor were they surprised by the news. Gage had already sent several of his men to the town on secret missions of reconnaissance to map out the roads and locate powder stores, and since that sort of news always leaked out, Gage’s spies had been spotted for the redcoats they were almost immediately.
Ethan spent the next two days helping the citizens of Concord move their munitions. It was a slow process, for the supplies had to be scattered throughout the surrounding communities in small loads. That way, Gage’s troops couldn’t possibly get their hands on all of it. Activity in Concord and the anger of the locals increased to a frenzy when Paul Rever
e came with the news that Gage’s troops would march on the town the following day.
“Trust the redcoats to make war on the Sabbath,” one gnarled old farmer growled to Ethan over a pint of ale at Brook’s Tavern in Lincoln, where they had just deposited a pair of cannon in the local granary. “Godless, I call it.”
“They did it at Salem,” the barmaid reminded them, setting another tray of ale on the table. “Marched into that town on the Sabbath day.”
Ethan listened as outraged locals discussed every sinful, evil act ever committed by the king’s troops, and the strength of their resentment only confirmed Ethan’s belief that there was no going back. War was inevitable now.
Stories of the king’s atrocities, many of them highly exaggerated, flowed through the taproom as quickly as the ale, but when the door opened and two strangers entered the tavern, the resentful voices faded to quiet murmurs. The two seemed harmless enough, dressed as they were in the rough garb of country farmers, but with Gage’s spies combing the countryside and troops ready to march, suspicion quieted the tongue of every person in the room.
When Ethan saw the faces of the two men by the door, he knew their mistrust of these two strangers was justified. One of the men was Lieutenant Charles Weston.
Ethan turned his face away and leaned closer to old Farmer Hampton. “Those are redcoats,” he said softly as the two men called for the barmaid to bring ale and food. “Spies for Gage. One of them knows me, and I fear I must leave. Is there a way out the back?”
“Aye.” The farmer rolled his eyes toward the back of the taproom. “That door goes through the kitchen and out to the stables. Get your horse and ride. I’ll meet you in Concord tomorrow.”
Ethan nodded and rose from his chair. Hoping Weston was too preoccupied with the charms of the pretty, pink-cheeked barmaid to notice him, he made for the door Farmer Hampton had indicated. He slipped out the back and crossed the barnyard, making his way through the muck by moonlight, but he had barely made it halfway to the stables before a warning shout and the crack of a pistol broke the stillness of the night. He thought he heard the outraged voice of Farmer Hampton just as a searing pain sliced across the side of his head. He was unconscious before he hit the ground.
Katie had no idea how long Ethan would be gone, but her worry for his safety escalated with every moment he was absent. Two months ago, she wouldn’t have spared any man a second thought, but she was not the same woman who had arrived in Boston two months ago. She was a woman in love.
After seven days with no word from him and seven nights of waiting for him in vain, she could not stand the suspense. She had to see if anyone knew his whereabouts.
She tried the Mermaid first, but David was not at home that evening, and Molly had heard no word from Ethan at all. She studied Katie’s face for several seconds, then said, “My girl, there’s no sense in worrying. Worry never did a soul any good at all. Besides, Ethan’s done this sort of thing many times before, and nothing has ever happened to him.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Katie asked, sinking into one of the chairs in the kitchen.
“No, but I have something that might.” Molly poured a dollop of rum into a mug and handed it to her. “Get that down, and it’ll calm your nerves. You look all in.”
Katie swallowed the rum and choked as the burning liquid seared her throat. After a few moments, she gave a shaky laugh. “It didn’t help, Molly. I’m still worried to death.”
Leaning forward, she rested her elbows on the table and cradled her head in her hands. “This is the first time in my life I’ve ever done this,” she confessed without lifting her head.
“Done what?”
“Worried about someone else more than myself.” It was a painful admission to make. She straightened and looked the other woman in the eye. “I’m not handling it very well, I’m afraid.”
Molly did not look at all surprised. “With the life you’ve had, that’s understandable. I know, because I led that life myself. I was an orphan. I stole on the streets in Glasgow and got shipped here for my trouble. That was before I met David, and once I met him, everything changed for me.”
She reached out and laid her hand over Katie’s. “I know what it’s like to always look after yourself first because that’s the only thing you can do, I know how you’re always afraid to think about anyone else. But then one thing happens, and everything you thought about life goes by the wayside. Everything is different when you fall in love with a man.”
Katie sucked in a sharp breath and drew her hand away. “What makes you think that?”
“Katie, girl, it’s written on your face. Ethan once told me you were an excellent liar and not to believe a word out of your mouth, but there’s some things a woman can’t hide. Love is one of them.”
She was unaccustomed to being so transparent, but she did not bother to deny what Molly said. It was the truth, and she was so sick of lies. Her shoulders slumped, and she lowered her gaze to the table. “Aye,” she confessed, “I love him. A precious lot of good it does me.”
“People never fall in love because it’s good for them. They just fall in love.”
“What Ethan loves is his cause.”
“Aye.” Molly smiled at Katie with affection. “Didn’t I tell you he wasn’t the man to set your cap for?”
“You did, but it’s too late to remedy that now.” Katie rose from the table, and memories of the exploits and the laughter she and Ethan had shared flashed through her mind. “Strangely enough, Molly, I wouldn’t go back and follow your advice even if I could.”
She started to turn away, but Molly’s words made her pause. “Katie, you might try the White Swan. It’s possible Dorothy or Joshua have heard some news of him.”
She nodded and left the Mermaid. She stopped at her house to tell Stephens where she would be. Even though it was probably silly to think Ethan would return from his mission in the next few hours, and it was probably futile to believe he would come to her when he did return, she wanted him to be able to find her. Just in case.
The White Swan was as crowded with soldiers as it had been during Katie’s first visit. But she did not see Weston among the redcoats in the taproom, and she felt reasonably safe entering the tavern. Joshua was tapping ale for a group of thirsty officers, and Dorothy was nowhere in sight.
Aware of the possibility that Weston could make an appearance, Katie chose a seat at a table close to the door leading into the kitchen and tried to be patient as she waited for an opportunity to speak with Joshua alone.
Dorothy passed her from the kitchen with a tray of meat pies without noticing her, and Katie did not call to her. She knew from their first meeting that Dorothy did not like her or trust her, and she would much prefer to speak with Joshua.
But Dorothy deposited the tray of food before a table of soldiers, and when she turned around to return to the kitchen, she caught sight of Katie sitting there. She gave her no welcoming smile, but she did approach the table, and there was an anxious look in her eyes by the time she reached Katie’s side.
“Why are you here?” she asked. “Have you heard from Ethan? Is he well?”
“I don’t know,” Katie replied. “That’s why I’ve come to you. I was hoping you had heard something of him.”
“No, I have heard nothing.” The barmaid’s shoulders slumped a bit. “But then, you would know any knews of him before I would,” she said, sounding suddenly bitter. “You are his mistress, are you not?”
Katie opened her mouth to reply, but a face in the crowd by the door caught her eye, and she forgot whatever answer she had intended to give the barmaid. Captain Worth stood just inside the tavern door, scanning the crowd as if looking for someone in particular. Katie could not help the curse that sprang from her lips. “God’s blood,” she muttered, “when will this nightmare end?”
“If you find it such a nightmare,” Dorothy said, “perhaps it would be wise of you to leave.”
Katie paid no attention t
o the barmaid’s acerbic words. She started to her feet, thinking to run out the back, but Worth caught sight of her, and it was too late to run. He started toward her table, and she sank back down in her chair, wondering what he was thinking to approach her so openly.
Dorothy noticed that Katie was paying no attention to her, and she glanced over her shoulder to see whom Katie was staring at so intensely. Katie improvised an explanation. “There’s that dreadful Captain Worth, the redcoat who accused me of stealing his watch,” she whispered.
“You stole Captain Worth’s watch?”
“Ethan didn’t tell you about it?”
Dorothy shook her head. “Ethan does not confide in me,” she said, and again Katie caught the bitterness in her voice.
She wanted to assure the other woman that, mistress or no, Ethan didn’t confide in her, either, but Worth was approaching, and since she did not know his purpose, she wanted Dorothy gone. “You’d best go about your business. If Worth arrests me for theft, I wouldn’t want him to think you know me.”
Dorothy seemed to agree, for she started to depart, but Worth reached them before she could leave, and he greeted the barmaid with obvious pleasure. “Mistress Macalvey,” he said, removing his hat and giving her a long, lingering glance of masculine appreciation as he bowed. “It is a delight to see you.”
To Katie’s astonishment, Dorothy smiled back at him. But perhaps it was not so astonishing, since the barmaid was also one of Ethan’s spies. “A pleasure to see you as well, Captain. You would like ale, of course?”
“It astonishes me that you remember what I drink, ma’am. You have so many to serve.”
Dorothy slanted him a look that was openly flirtatious. “It is good that the king’s soldiers are here to provide us with protection,” she said. “My brother and I profit by it in more ways than one.”
“Indeed, and I can assure you that we do our best to see that the streets are safe and the taverns prosperous.”
Katie moved restlessly in her chair as the other two exchanged bantering small talk. What did Worth want of her that he made a point to come to her table? He must have a purpose, but she could not imagine what it might be.
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