‘OK…’
‘So, I just thought it was because you weren’t used to them and you like spending time at home on your own. I’m used to mixing with people all the time, so it was bound to be different. But it wasn’t that at all and maybe I did know that. Or at least had an idea. But I didn’t pay much attention to it. I didn’t think I needed to.’
‘So, what happened, darling?’ Mum asked.
‘I got an email a couple of days ago from one of them. I suppose now I look at it, she’s rather the ringleader. Honestly, they’re a bit like a mean girls clique from school! It was the first I’d heard from them in a while. None of them were returning my messages when I suggested coffee or anything.’
‘Just because you couldn’t host a book club evening?’
Sally smiled. ‘No. Because I couldn’t get them the free upgrades they all wanted for a holiday they’d booked over Easter to Bermuda.’
‘What?’
‘They wanted me to upgrade them to first class.’
‘On a holiday you hadn’t even been invited on?’
Sally gave an eyebrow shrug. ‘Yes. And I don’t have that kind of authority anyway. I’m cabin crew for first class, but I can’t just pull free upgrades out of my… hat.’
I sniggered. ‘You were going to say something else then.’
She smirked. I hadn’t seen her do that for years. ‘I can’t. We have guests.’
‘Oh pffft. He’s ex-Army. He’s heard it all and worse.’
‘Good to know for next time.’
‘So, they wanted freebies, at one of the busiest times of the year and then cut you out when you couldn’t do it for them,’ Mum summed it up.
‘Yes. That’s about it in a nutshell.’
‘Well,’ Mum said, wrapping a protective arm around her eldest. ‘They don’t sound like the sort of people you want in your life anyway.’
‘No. You’re right. I was a bit upset at first, but the more I thought about it, the more it just made me angry that they had treated me like that. That they’d been mean to Lottie when she was doing me a favour, and me forcing her to shut her dog away just because I was worried about them getting a stray dog hair on their designer outfits, and what they’d think of me if they did.’
Things suddenly started making a lot more sense.
‘You were right, Lottie. I mean about saying no to things that don’t make you happy. They weren’t making me happy and, before, I might have bent over backwards to try and win them back, no matter the cost. But I thought about it, and I talked to Oliver and realised that their company didn’t make me happy. I was doing it because I thought they were the “right kind of people” for me to mix with. They barely ate anything, so I barely ate anything and I’m not sure that’s been the healthiest option I could have chosen.’
‘We have worried about you sometimes, darling.’
‘I know. And I’m sorry about that. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the last few days and I’m going to make some changes. Good changes.’
Mum squeezed her, kissing her on the cheek. ‘I’m very glad to hear it.’
‘So… Oliver’s still on the scene then?’ I asked, in what I thought was a casual manner. From the look on my sister’s face, I may not quite have nailed it.
‘Yes,’ she grinned. ‘He is. He’s on his way down from London this evening and going to spend a couple of days working from my place so that we can spend a bit of time together before I have to fly out again.’
‘That’ll be nice, love.’
‘Yes. Yes, I think it will be.’
If Oliver was supportive of the changes my sister was making in her life, changes that already seemed to be making her happier and healthier, then I was rapidly becoming one of his biggest fans. By the relieved and happy expressions on the faces of my parents, it looked like I might have competition for that title.
26
‘How’s Jess doing?’ Seb asked as we got off the Tube close to the restaurant where we’d arranged to meet her and Harry for dinner.
I shrugged my shoulders. ‘She’s Jess. She’s being all bubbly and normal but, honestly? I’m a bit worried. I’ve never seen her stunned into silence like she was that night. Tarquin really got to her. I don’t know why. Well, I sort of do, but the things he said? Whatever Harry says, it can’t make her unhear those words. The damage is done. And I don’t know what to do about it.’
‘You can’t always fix things for people, Lottie. You’re there for her, and she knows that. That’s probably the best thing you can do for her right now. Harry’s crazy about her. Anyone can see that. Even a bloke like me!’
I slanted my eyes at him and he gave a wink. ‘I’m pretty sure you’re more observant than you pretend.’
‘I can neither confirm nor deny that.’
Leaning against the door to the restaurant, I faced him, giving him an exaggerated eye roll in reply. ‘Of course, you can’t.’
He shrugged.
Jess waved as she saw us enter, and having handed our coats over, we headed across to the table, exchanging hugs.
‘How are you?’ I asked quietly. I’d spoken to Jess a lot over the past few weeks since the incident, but, like I’d said to Seb, I was certain she hadn’t brushed off the comments as well as she claimed to have.
‘I’m fine,’ she replied, smiling. I still wasn’t convinced.
‘I’m so glad you could both come,’ Harry began, once water and wine had been poured. ‘Ideally, I’d have liked to have done this closer to the night in question, but it was important that Seb was able to be here too, and I know coming down is a bit more of a trek for you, so thank you.’
Seb nodded in acceptance.
Harry took a deep breath and let it out slowly. ‘Well, as you may have gathered, I basically brought you all here to apologise for Tarquin’s behaviour at the party.’
Seb shifted in his seat. ‘What he said to Jess was out of order, as was the way he spoke to Lottie. But you didn’t have to do all this,’ he waved his hand at the high-end restaurant, ‘for me as well. I can look after myself. Not that these two can’t,’ he gave me a little grin. ‘But you know what I mean.’
‘I appreciate that, Seb. But I felt the need to. I was embarrassed by his behaviour and I have come to think of you, and hope you think of me, as a friend.’
‘Without question. But you still don’t need to buy me dinner. I’m cheaper than that.’ He gave Harry a grin, dissipating his friend’s discomfort and leading us all to relax a little more.
Harry returned the smile and lifted the bottle of Cristal from its ice bucket. ‘Champagne?’
The meal was delicious and the conversation easy and open with a lot of laughter. It was good to see Jess relaxing and I was happy to see Harry and Seb getting on so well.
Just as we ordered our dessert, a man approached. Late fifties, with a bespoke suit and hand-made Italian shoes, he stopped by our table, laying his hand on Harry’s shoulder as he shook his hand, before Harry then introduced him to the rest of us.
‘Of course, you already know Jess.’
They exchanged greetings before Harry moved on to me, and then Seb.
‘And this is Seb Marshall. It’s his charity I’m raising money for with the triathlon next month.’
‘Oh yes, I heard you were doing that. A veteran’s charity, is that right?’
‘Yes, sir.’ Seb nodded. You could take the boy out of the army, but you couldn’t take the army out of the boy.
‘Excellent cause.’
‘There’s a gala in the summer too, if you fancy buying a ticket. Or a table?’ Harry grinned.
The man smiled back good naturedly. ‘I’m sure I can fill a table. Send me the details. I’ll get my assistant on to it.’
Under the table, I grabbed Seb’s hand and squeezed. Harry just sold us a whole table!
‘This triathlon?’ the man said.
‘Yes?’
‘Keep in touch about it. Whatever you raise, I’ll double it.’
/>
It was hard to shock Seb. He’d seen it all. Done it all. But from the tiny movement I made with my head, I could see his mouth open just the smallest amount. Mine, of course, had almost hit the crisp linen tablecloth. I heard a small squeak and came to the conclusion it must have been me.
Closing my mouth, I gripped Seb’s hand even tighter to try and maintain an outward appearance of dignity. Under the table, he placed his other hand on top of mine.
‘That’s extremely generous of you,’ Seb offered.
‘Nonsense. It’s the least I can do. Our servicemen and women don’t get nearly enough assistance through the normal channels. Much of the time it’s down to good people like you to find them the help they need, but none of that comes for free. If I can assist in some small way, it’s an honour to do so.’
Some small way… I knew how much Harry had already raised and it was looking pretty damn good. Luckily for the charity, he had a lot of friends with deep pockets, and from what he’d told us, he wasn’t done yet. And here was this man offering to double whatever he raised. Plus buy a table at the gala. It might be small to him but it was a huge, huge thing for the charity. Seb pushed his chair back from the table, holding out his hand as he stood.
‘Thank you. It’s very much appreciated. I look forward to seeing you at the gala.’
‘I look forward to seeing you again too,’ the man said, laying his hand over Seb’s as he shook it. ‘It was a pleasure.’
‘Blimey!’ Jess blurted once he was out of earshot.
‘Yeah, he’s a good guy.’
‘Think he’ll actually come through on that, though?’ she asked.
‘No shadow of a doubt,’ Harry confirmed. ‘I’ve known him a long time. He’s upfront and says what he means. There are no games with Jacob. I’ll send him the details tomorrow and you’ll have the confirmation from him shortly after. I guarantee it.’
‘Blimey,’ Seb echoed.
Harry tilted his head. ‘Thankfully, not all of my friends are like Tarquin.’
Encouraged by the wine, I made a steeple with my fingers and rested my chin upon them. ‘Can I ask a question?’
‘Of course.’
‘Why are you friends with him? Tarquin, I mean.’
Harry opened his mouth to reply, but I carried on.
‘I mean, I know the whole you’ve been friends with him since Prep school and all that, but people change. Grow up. Grow apart.’
‘Lottie…’ Jess flashed a warning. ‘I’ve never wanted to come between Harry and his friends, or family.’
Harry turned, resting his hand over hers and closing around it. ‘Jess, darling. Of course you’re not. Why would you ever think that you would, or could?’
Jess gave him a look, but Harry seemed genuinely mystified. She shook her head. ‘It’s fine, Harry. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.’
But Harry was not to be pacified. ‘No, clearly there’s something more going on here. I need you to tell me.’
‘There’s nothing. Really,’ Jess said, shooting me a look.
‘I know what Tarquin said upset you, and I will address that. I’ve just needed to take my time because I was so bloody angry, and I want to tackle it in the right way. But I’m now getting the feeling there’s more to this. Someone else has said something?’ He put a hand on her cheek, the gesture tender, nothing but love and concern in his eyes. ‘Please, my darling, tell me.’
Jess let out a sigh. ‘Oh Harry. We both know I’m not exactly what your friends or family would have planned for. I don’t have the background you do, the education, the cut-glass accent, blue blood or white skin. I know none of that matters to you and I love you for that. But we both know it still matters to some people.’
‘Yes, I suppose that is true. It does matter to some people – but not the ones that matter.’
Jess gave him a little smile of acceptance and curled her fingers a little more into the hand he was holding.
Harry was still looking at her. ‘There’s something else going on here, isn’t there?’
‘No, nothing,’ she replied.
Harry looked across the table at me and I swallowed. I knew Jess was still festering about what Tarquin had said, especially about Harry’s family, playing on doubts she already had in her mind, exploding them into far bigger ones, but it wasn’t my place to say anything. This had to be something between Harry and Jess – as much as I wanted to blurt it all out, I couldn’t.
Even without looking, I could feel Jess boring holes in me with her eyes. Reaching out for the water bottle, I busied myself topping up my glass and asking if anyone else wanted some.
‘Jess?’
‘God, Harry, you’re like a dog with a bone!’ she laughed, but none of us missed the underlying tension in it, despite her best efforts.
‘Yes,’ he said softly. ‘I can be when it’s something important. And this – you – are the most important thing in my life. There’s something going on here and I want to know what it is. If we’re going to be married, we shouldn’t be starting out with secrets.’
‘There are no secrets, Harry. But… I have been wondering about things. That perhaps we’re rushing things a little. Whether it might be beneficial to everyone if we took a little more time, gave those who need it a bit longer to come to terms with the fact you chose a real wild card to bring into the family.’
‘Maybe Lottie and I should go and get some air while you two discuss things,’ Seb said, making to push back his chair, but Harry shook his head.
‘No, stay. Please.’ He looked at me and then back at us both. ‘Whatever’s going on here, I’m pretty sure Lottie already knows about it already. It just seems to be me that’s in the dark.’ He paused for a moment, then leant back in his chair. ‘I have an announcement. We’ve all been very interested in Lottie’s decision this year to say no to the things she doesn’t want and I am going to take a tip from that.’
I felt my stomach churn, the wonderful food of earlier now sitting leaden inside me. Jess’ face froze. Under the table, my hands were balled into fists, the short nails I’d managed to grow recently digging uncomfortably into my palms. Suddenly they were warmer as Seb’s large hand covered them, and I felt a wave of comfort and support wash through me. I still held my breath.
‘It’s about time I said no to a few things that I should have done a long time ago.’
Jess’ eyes were fixed on the tablecloth in front of her.
‘One of those things is maintaining any sort of contact with Tarquin.’
Jess looked up.
‘I asked him to leave the party that night after he had insulted not only two of my friends but also the woman I love and plan to spend the rest of my life with. It was inexcusable and I should have not only told him to leave but also that our friendship was over. Just because I’ve known him forever doesn’t mean I have to put up with his behaviour. I don’t want someone like that in my life. I want friends I can trust, and whose company I enjoy and who are supportive of me and my life. Not people who want to destroy and poison things.’
‘Are you sure?’ Jess asked.
Harry interlaced his fingers with hers. ‘The last time I was this sure about something I was asking you to marry me, so yes, I’m absolutely positive.’
Their kiss was soft and romantic and I suddenly felt as if I were intruding so averted my eyes to the sparkling chandeliers above us, the intricacy of the ironwork on the stairs and finally my gaze landed on Seb, who was looking at me and grinning.
‘What?’ I whispered.
He shook his head, but his hand remained on mine, and he gave it the briefest squeeze in reassurance.
Harry, it appeared, wasn’t quite done. ‘Now, however, I am pretty sure there is something that my lovely fiancée also wants to say no to, but, for the life of me, I can’t work out what it is. I only hope that it isn’t saying no to marrying me…’ Suddenly the confident, positive Harry looked unsure.
Jess’ eyes widened at his obvious concern a
nd, without warning, she burst into tears. ‘Oh Harry! Of course it’s not! I love you! I never thought it was even possible to love someone as deeply as I do you and I can’t ever imagine my life without you in it now. I don’t want to.’
‘So, what is it?’ he asked, softly.
Seb slanted his gaze to me and raised an eyebrow. I met his eyes. I had a pretty good idea, but, even though we’d got into the habit of sharing almost everything, this was Jess’ secret and not mine to talk about.
Jess rolled her shoulders back, took a huge slug of wine and turned in her seat to face Harry. ‘I don’t want the small wedding your family have been politely insisting on ever since we got engaged. Despite what Tarquin said, and what some people might think, I only ever plan on doing this once and I want it to be the wedding I’ve always dreamed of. Not one that someone else thinks is “appropriate”.’ She made the little shapes in the air with her fingers. ‘For whatever reason.’
Sensing she wasn’t yet done, Harry remained silent.
Jess took another huge swig and carried on. ‘I’ve seen the pictures of your sister’s wedding and it was bloody huge! Even if she was marrying into another old family, it shouldn’t make a difference to what we have. I feel like they’re insisting on this small wedding because they’re ashamed of me. Of your choice. I don’t want to be the cause of any more rifts within your circle of friends and certainly not your family, but I don’t deserve to be treated like an embarrassment either.’
She let out a breath and downed the rest of her glass. Harry, meanwhile, was looking slightly shell-shocked. After a moment, he came to and reached for his own glass before taking Jess’ hands in his.
‘I had no idea you felt like this. Why on earth didn’t you say something to me sooner?’
‘Honestly, I don’t know.’
That was the same answer she’d given when I’d asked a similar question of her a few weeks ago.
‘Jess, we will have whatever size wedding you want. I consider myself the luckiest man to be standing up there with you, so I’ve already got everything I want. Now I want you to have everything you want too.’
My Year of Saying No Page 22