by Ali House
It was crazy. The fact that someone would even think of a lie this absurd...
Her gaze fell on the pages. They looked so real, but they couldn’t be. They had to be fake. Those reports couldn’t be true.
Could they?
ϟ
The nightmares were back in full force. She woke up suddenly to Vaughn shaking her, her heart racing and her breath coming in frantic gasps. Vaughn was staring at her, his white eyes full of concern.
She looked around the room, trying to get her bearings as her breathing slowed down.
“That was a bad one,” Vaughn said quietly. “Are you okay?”
She swallowed hard before nodding. “Thank you for waking me up.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She felt her body tense up. When she was with Tecken she had to report on her dreams so that Wes could monitor the reassignment and make sure she wasn’t starting to remember. But she wasn’t with Tecken, and it was perfectly okay for Vaughn to ask. Anyone who was trying to make their partner feel better would ask such a thing. It wasn’t a sign of something sinister.
She shook her head. “I just want to forget it.”
He nodded and didn’t push her.
She took in a few deep breaths, trying to think of anything other than the dream, but it was difficult to forget something so horrifying. Someone else had taken control of her body, and she was trapped in her mind, unable to stop herself from doing anything, and only able to watch in horror. She could see herself being obedient to Erikson, following his plans and offering to help in any way. Then the dream moved to the war, showing her injuring people and causing massive destruction with her powers, demolishing building and ripping open streets. But that wasn’t the worst part. As the destruction escalated, she could only watch as her body attacked her friends. Confusion crossed their faces as she betrayed them, using her powers against them. Zenyth, Naydir, Bryanna, and Cale all lay before her, bleeding and unmoving. The sound of wicked laughter escaped her mouth as she turned on Vaughn, who was standing in stunned silence at the horror before him. His expression remained unchanged as she aimed a killing blow.
She knew that it was just a dream, but it felt so real, so plausible. She didn’t want to tell anyone about this terrible thing that her mind had created – she wanted it out of her mind as fast as possible.
Vaughn’s hand was on her back, moving in slow, comforting circles. Usually that was enough to calm her down, but this nightmare had shaken her to her core. She should tell him about it, just like she should have told him about the letters, but every time she opened her mouth, something held her back.
She put on an appreciative smile and turned to him. “Thank you for waking me up.”
“Do you want to try going back to sleep?” he asked gently.
She nodded, afraid that if she spoke her voice would betray her fear.
They lay down and she moved so close to him that she could hear his breathing and feel his chest rise and fall. Keeping her face hidden, she tried to relax her body, but every now and then an image would flash in her mind and she’d feel a tightness in her chest.
Eventually Vaughn’s breath settled into a rhythm and she knew that he’d fallen asleep. She envied him. He’d never done anything so terrible in his life. Even though he’d said he wanted to be there for her, he could never understand what it was like to be in her mind. He couldn’t help her. Nobody could.
Chapter 19
“Big meeting in five minutes,” Lei remarked as she walked past Zenyth’s desk.
Zenyth looked up from her paperwork and nodded appreciatively. Her brain had been so focused on the task at hand that she hadn’t realized almost an hour had gone by.
It would have been terrible if she’d been late for the meeting. Nobody in the office knew what it was about but they all had their theories: the most popular of which involved the current rumours swirling around regarding the possible registration of Elementals. The opinion column had been printing letters on both sides for the past week, but the ISS had yet to make any kind of official statement. Some people took the silence as proof that the idea was stupid, while others argued it was proof that they were considering the option.
Zenyth wished that the ISS would get off their butts and do something. She’d already had to deal with shouting matches in the street, and it was only a matter of time before tempers escalated further. Sources said that there was going to be a protest in front of the ISS building tomorrow, so maybe that would spur them into action.
Putting her paperwork aside, she headed into the briefing room, along with the other officers. Naydir was already inside, sitting on the other side of the room, and they exchanged a brief nod before Zenyth sat down. Everyone made idle chat, speculating, while they waited for the Chief. When he finally walked in, they all sat up straighter and readied their attention.
“I know that you’re all curious about assignments for the protest tomorrow, and those will be posted later today,” Chief Azeil began, “but that’s not why I’ve gathered you here today. There’s going to be a new initiative coming in from the ISS. It turns out that the newspaper assignment was a test, to see if we’d pick up on anything, and some of us happened to pass.”
Zenyth sat up even straighter.
“The ISS already noticed that the number of Elemental crimes in Briton was strangely high and wanted to find out if others thought the same way. Two of our officers happened to bring it to my attention, so I’d like to thank Officer Keen for mentioning it to me, and Officer Z. Hansen for writing up a ten-page report.”
He glanced over at Zenyth, who gave him a nod.
“Now that it’s been confirmed that there is a problem, we’ll need to keep a closer eye on the Briton crime pages, comparing reports and tracking issues on the island. Reading all of the Segment papers will continue, so thank you for your patience on this matter. In the meanwhile, the ISS will be coming up with a plan to send officers to Briton in order to investigate these matters further. I’d like you all to think about whether or not you’d like to help with this task – especially you two, Keen and Hansen. We don’t know exactly what it will entail at the moment, and it might last weeks or years, but it will go a long way towards creating a fair environment on Briton. Thank you for your time. You may all go back to work.”
The Chief left and the staff started to file out of the room.
“Congratulations, Z,” Naydir said as he made his way over to her. “You’re going to make the rest of us look bad.”
“Hey, you had as much opportunity as I did,” she informed him.
He gave her shoulder a quick squeeze of support before walking away.
As Zenyth walked over to her desk, Lei fell into step beside her.
“So, you thinking of signing up for the transfer?” Lei asked.
“Maybe,” Zenyth shrugged. “I guess it depends on what kind of operation they’re hoping to run.”
“I think you should do it anyway. Ten-page report...” Lei laughed to herself. “Heck, I barely gave it any thought, even after you brought it up.”
“That’s only because you don’t think that people are inherently terrible.”
Lei laughed again and headed to her desk.
≈
Later that day, as she was walking home from her judo class, Zenyth wondered if she should offer to go to Briton. It had been fun to imagine being a spy again, but now that it might become a reality, she had to put serious thought into it. The Chief had mentioned her by name, so there was no hiding behind indecision. Besides, what was keeping her on Stanton? Naydir had a life of his own and her friends were doing fine, and it wasn’t like she was staying here for anyone. As much as she liked her judo and boxing classes, they weren’t a reason to put off making a change. She’d always imagined her future being with her brother, but now that he had gone on his own path what was stopping her from doing something different?
It wasn’t that long ago that she’d been hoping for some kind
of project to sink her teeth into, and now there was one right in front of her. Sure, the Chief had once said that she was as subtle as a brick wall, but he wouldn’t have suggested she sign up if he didn’t think she could handle it. Besides, nobody knew yet what the ISS was planning for this operation. They might want covert spies or they might want more obvious plants, so there could be a spot that would be perfect for her.
It would be tough to travel to a new island where she didn’t know anyone, especially when that island was Briton, but after everything she’d been through, she could handle tough.
Chapter 20
The envelope was staring at her.
Everywhere Kit moved in the living room, she could see the envelope, sitting innocently on the coffee table with the rest of the mail. Even when she went into to the kitchen, she could feel its presence, calling out to her, begging her to come back and open it up.
It didn’t help that she hadn’t slept last night. After that terrible nightmare, she couldn’t bring herself to close her eyes. At work she’d tried her hardest to act like a functioning human being, but there were times when she was alone in her office when it was impossible to keep the act up anymore, and she could only stare at the wall, waiting for her workday to end.
When it was time to go home, she felt miserable. A few co-workers had asked if she was coming down with something, confirming her suspicions that she looked as bad as she felt. All she wanted to do was sleep, but images from the nightmare continued to haunt her. If only there was some way to guarantee that she wouldn’t dream.
Vaughn must have gotten the mail before going out for the afternoon, because he wasn’t in the apartment when she arrived home from work. When she saw the envelope sitting on the coffee table, she instantly froze. After finally gaining control of herself, she went into the kitchen to make a cup to tea, but the thought of what that envelope might contain wouldn’t leave her alone. Knowing that its existence would haunt her no matter where she went, she returned to the living room, where she sat cross-legged on the couch, holding her cup of tea and staring at it.
When Vaughn arrived home, she hadn’t moved. She didn’t know how much time had passed, but her half-finished tea had gone cold. When Vaughn saw her sitting there, the concerned look reappeared on his face. That look was showing up a lot these days.
“Rough day?” he asked gently.
Judging from his tone, she must have looked even worse than she thought.
“Did you see the paper today?” she said, thinking back to the opinion piece she’d read earlier.
He nodded. “It wasn’t the nicest thing the paper’s ever printed.”
“Maybe they’re right,” she remarked, looking out the window. “Maybe I am an abomination of nature. I mean, Tecken did a ton of tests and couldn’t figure out how I exist. Even science wants nothing to do with me.”
Vaughn sat down next to her. “Maybe science just needs to catch up. They’ll start learning more, and one day they’ll figure it out.”
She scoffed. “I’ll probably be long dead by then.”
“Kit, you’re not an abomination.” He put an arm around her. “Trust me, because I’d know if you were.”
“But I’ve done such terrible...” She felt tears starting to well up in her eyes. She’d only mentioned that stupid article because she didn’t want to talk to him about the letters – she didn’t think it would bring back all her regrets.
He didn’t say anything, just continued to hold her. It should have been enough.
She let out a sigh. “It’s difficult sometimes... To separate what I am from what people think I am. Maybe it would have been better if I’d left after the war and gone someplace where nobody knows me... Maybe I was an idiot to think I could live a normal life.”
“These articles are stupid, and they’ll stop eventually. People will find something else to focus on.”
“If only that could be guaranteed,” she muttered.
“Why don’t we talk about what we should make for supper and get your mind off of things that you shouldn’t waste time focusing on?
He stood up and held out his hand. Giving him a weak smile, she took it and he helped her to her feet. While they walked to the kitchen, he talked about all the different things they could make, making each of the options sound better and more exciting than the last. She found herself smiling, and it strengthened her resolve to forget about all the terrible things that had been haunting her and focus on the happiness she had.
And for a while it worked. Chopping vegetables and talking about books and movies, it felt as if her life had returned to normal.
“Any plans for tonight?” she asked him as they washed the dishes.
“I was thinking of a little photography followed by some late-night developing in my studio, but it can wait.”
“I don’t want you to give up on your plans, but how about you cut the developing short, and we watch a really stupid movie later tonight? I can make popcorn.”
He smiled. “Sounds like a plan. What are you going to do until then?”
She shrugged. “Maybe read something. Try to distract myself from the rest of the world.”
He gave her a kiss on top of her head. “Well, I wish you the best of luck with that.”
Vaughn left shortly after, grabbing his camera bag on the way out. Once he was gone, Kit sat in the living room and picked up the book she was currently reading. Although it was an interesting story about someone travelling through every island in Segment Alpha, she was finding it hard to focus. Maybe it had something to do with the envelope that was still staring at her.
When she realized that she’d read the same page three times over and still had no idea what was going on, she decided that it was futile to keep trying. She needed something better to distract her – she needed a hobby. A few years ago she’d tried knitting, but gave up after continual mistakes in reading the patterns and constantly dropping stitches. She didn’t know what to do with the things she’d made, since there weren’t many people who’d want a scarf of inconsistent widths that was full of holes. Maybe if she’d stuck with it, she’d have gotten better, but that could have taken years.
Finally, after glaring at the envelope, she decided to go for a walk. Usually she tried to stay inside and avoid contact with other people, but every once in a while the restlessness became too much and she had to get out. At first, she’d tried suppressing the urge, but it made her overly irritable. Eventually she’d give in and go outside, which would be great – for a while. She’d soon get tired of the staring and whispering, and her resolve to stay inside would return.
Going for a walk sounded like a dumb idea, considering all those opinion pieces about her that were floating around in the paper, but right now she’d rather deal with people staring and whispering instead of sitting here with that stupid envelope begging to be opened. Pulling a hat over her blue hair, Kit took a few deep breaths and left the apartment.
She wandered aimlessly for a while, walking along the streets closer to the water, taking in the fresh air. At first she was overly paranoid about people recognizing her, but the people she encountered didn’t seem to pay her much attention and some of the tension that she normally felt when she was out in public began to disappear.
She wandered downtown, going into a bookstore to see if there was anything interesting to read, but nothing grabbed her attention. She passed by stores, looking in through the windows to see if they were selling anything that she might be able to pick up as a hobby. After considering a few ideas, like painting or writing or woodworking, Kit realized that she wasn’t particularly interested in finding a new hobby. What she really enjoyed doing was going for walks, so she gave up on shopping and continued to wander.
As she walked, she wondered what her life would have been like if she’d stayed on Aesira after graduating. Would her powers still be a secret? Would the Second Invasion have happened? Would she be happier?
The reports from Tecken hovered in the bac
k of her mind. Was it possible that Aesira was a lie? She could remember being in school, but was that a false memory or a real one? Time had caused her memories to fade, but that happened to everyone. It was a normal thing and didn’t mean that the memories were less valid. Aesira was true. This was her real life.
Despite her assertiveness, the merest thought of the Tecken reports chased away her happy mood. She wondered if the people around her could sense the turmoil that was going on inside of her head. Nobody seemed to be staring at her, but it wouldn’t be difficult for them to turn away whenever she looked in their direction. Her skin started to crawl with paranoia, and she decided to head back to the apartment.
Vaughn wasn’t home yet, so she figured that she might as well clean up, hoping that the physical exercise would distract her. She didn’t want to deal with the living room and the envelope, so she started in the kitchen, washing the dirty dishes and wiping down the counters. From there she moved on to the bathroom, and then the bedroom, tidying up small messes and putting things in order. When she finally looked at the clock, she realized that it was past the time Vaughn said he’d be home. He must have lost track of time in his studio again. Some nights she never knew if she should bother waiting up for him or if she should give up and go to bed.
A knock on the door interrupted her cleaning, but the distraction was a welcome one. She wondered who would be knocking at this time of night. Maybe Vaughn had forgotten his keys.
When she opened the door, Sav was on the other side. His face was heavy with worry, and she wondered what had happened.
“Sav, what’s wrong?” she asked.
He swallowed hard. “I just got a call from Naydir. It’s Vaughn. There’s been an accident.”
Chapter 21
The scene was all too familiar. The stark white walls of the hospital room; Vaughn lying on the bed, covered by a white blanket, unmoving except for the rise and fall of his chest.