Feathers: A Novel

by Kylie Stewart

  “You really care about this little Lottie girl, don’t you?” Marion asked me one day after I rattled on about a new song I’d received. “That’s so cute! She’s like your little sister.”

  Staring at the house, anxiety spread throughout my limbs.

  What would Lottie think about Marion?

  Lottie saw through people easily, and knowing she’d see how superficial Marion was terrified me. The girl didn’t mince words. She’d tell me I could do better.

  Come on, you know you can do better.

  So why didn’t I?

  I didn’t know what inspired me to bring her home to meet Grams. The moment my gaze met Grams’s, her thin brows arched. She gave Marion a sweep from head to toe, a well-hidden wince covered by a smile.

  What the hell have you brought home, Hawk? I heard her in my head. Does she even eat?

  Heather and Melody greeted us along with Grams and Kelly. Cassandra flounced down the stairs and said a shy hello.

  “Where’s Lottie?” I asked Kelly, looking over the sea of heads in the foyer.

  Marion clung to my waist and planted a large kiss on my cheek. “This house is so adorable! It’s so old-world charm, I love it.”

  My grams wrinkled her nose at that comment. I inwardly grimaced.

  A tall, lithe girl descended the stairs with fluid grace, her blond hair braided over her shoulder. Her chin tipped up, and our gazes met.

  My jaw popped open, and my eyes shot wide.

  Lottie?

  She gave a warm smile and sauntered up to me. She wrapped her arms around my waist, greeting me with a hug like she always did. Only this time, her head came to just below my chin and her breasts pressed against my chest. She smelled of lavender and vanilla.

  “It’s good to see you, Hawk.” Lottie pulled back. Her intense green gaze turned to Marion. “It’s so nice to finally meet the woman in all of Hawk’s pictures.” She took Marion’s hands in her own. “He’s a super lucky guy.”

  Marion feigned kindness, but I’d seen the glare Lottie got when she saw the beautiful blond girl.

  “Oh, thank you!” Marion giggled, but my bullshit meter went nuts. Judging by the way a corner of Lottie’s mouth tugged downward, she’d caught it too. “I’ve heard so much about you, Lottie. Though Hawk never mentioned how pretty you were.”

  Fuck, Marion, she’s seventeen.

  Marion had an ugly habit of being a super bitch to any good-looking woman I spoke to.

  Lottie giggled along with Marion. “Thank you, but really, you’re model material. You should be on the cover of Vanity Fair.”

  “Aww, so sweet.”

  Lottie turned her attention back to me, and I gulped. Her eyes narrowed, zeroing in on just me. Telling me I’d done something wrong.

  Fuck.

  She gave me that look again.

  The one that said, “Go on, try to fuck with me. You won’t win.”

  What had I done to deserve that this time?

  Dammit, Lottie.

  “It’s good that you’re home.” She turned, heading toward the hall, and for the first time, I noticed her long, tanned legs and the way her hips swung. When she glanced over her shoulder, I guiltily righted my gaze away from her rear. “Sorry to run, but I have to practice for my audition for a music program.”

  “It was nice to meet you,” Marion said sweetly, but venom lurked behind her words.

  My protective instincts kicked in, and I looked down at Marion. Lottie smirked, catching my leering stare, and disappeared around the corner.

  Grams stepped in to defuse the tense atmosphere. “Hawk, why don’t you show Marion her room.”

  “Oh, won’t we be staying together, Hawk?” Marion’s blood-red lips forced a smile. “We have to sleep in separate rooms?”

  Oh, shit.

  Grams narrowed her gray eyes onto my girlfriend. I wanted the world to swallow me whole.

  “In this house, I have four girls under my roof who are my responsibility.” She clasped her hands with a kind smile. “I hope you can understand.”

  Marion opened her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. “No, that won’t be necessary, Grams.”

  My grandmother’s thinning brows arched, but she didn’t say anything else.

  Grabbing Marion’s wrist, I led her up the stairs and down the hall to the guest room. This wasn’t how I wanted to start our week-long stay. She complained the entire way until I gently tossed her into the room and shut the door behind us.

  “What gives, Hawk?” Her hands went out to her sides. “Your grandmother wants to treat us like children.”

  “My grandmother has rules, Marion.” I raked my hands through my hair. “Can you just try to not be a brat?”

  “A brat?” Brown eyes bore daggers into me. “Excuse you?”

  “No, excuse you.” This was my home, and I was not going to let her ruin this for me. “Ever since we landed, you’ve been critical and negative about this place, my home. I need you to follow the rules my grandmother has set.”

  “You didn’t tell me that Lottie was that pretty or practically a woman.”

  Oh, great.

  I rubbed a hand down my face.

  Here we go—she was about to make this about a girl who wasn’t even eighteen.

  “I don’t see her that way, Marion. God, she’s seventeen, a baby.”

  Her lips pursed. “You looked a bit surprised when you saw her.”

  Exasperated, I snorted. “I haven’t seen her in almost eight months. I remember her as a little girl.” Shaking my head, I leveled my gaze at her. “She’s growing up, and it’s a shock because I do see her as a little sister. I’m protective of her, and I won’t allow you to think it’s anything more because you’ll bitch at her like you do to all of the girls I try to talk to.”

  “I bitch at the other women because they want in your pants, Hawk.” Marion pouted. “They all just want to take you away from me.”

  I’d seen a lot of wounded girls in my life, but Marion’s pride and vanity brought on her self-doubt. Not an abuse case—she’d been pampered all her life.

  “Well, they won’t.” I crossed the space between us and gathered her into my arms. Her perfume suddenly smelled strong and stale compared to the light scent of Lottie’s. She seemed satisfied with that answer and held me back.

  What unsettled me was Lottie.

  Why hadn’t I seen it before now?

  Without me realizing it, she’d grown into a young woman, confident and gorgeous in her own right. With Lottie, she didn’t hide anything. She told me what she thought and never lied.

  Suddenly, bringing Marion here didn’t seem like such a good idea. Hell, it wasn’t ever a good idea. Marion and I wouldn’t last.

  And all it took was one look at my twin soul to realize why.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Charlotte

  He noticed me!

  Victory flooded my body. The way his blue-gray eyes widened upon seeing me. His jaw even dropped, giving me a sliver of hope.

  Mission accomplished.

  Mentally high-fiving myself, I stopped to lean against the entryway to the piano room. I hadn’t lied about needing to practice, but my heart needed to come back down to earth before I could concentrate. The very thought of Marion with her blood dipped nails and matching ruby lipstick did just the trick.

  I didn’t like her, and it wasn’t just because she and Hawk were together. Her aura didn’t feel right. Her eyes lied. She sneered instead of smiled. Growled instead of giggled. She was all wrong for Hawk.

  Well, there’s not much I can do about that. I continued toward the piano and organized my sheet music on the stand. Hopefully, he sees what I saw.

  The next few days were painful to watch, albeit a bit amusing.

  Marion insisted on taking my usual seat next to Hawk, and over talked everyone but Mrs. Ames at dinner. Hawk grew more and more morose on what was supposed to be his vacation. He’d try to stop to talk to me, but Marion would always butt in, stealing
his attention away.

  I became concerned she had her hooks in him too deep.

  Hawk had appeared cool and in control before he left for Florida. Now he allowed Marion to essentially boss him around. I didn’t like it.

  Three nights before they were scheduled to go back home, Hawk and I had yet to carry on a decent conversation.

  Sitting out on the porch swing, I stared up at the stars. One hand propped up under my chin, resting my elbow on the armrest. Yes, Hawk noticed me, but nothing came of it. My heart sank a bit lower into my stomach. I resigned myself that our age gap was too wide. Besides, how did I expect to actually keep Hawk’s attention?

  Every boy in school who’d asked me out on a date or to a dance, I politely refused. I still fought the urge to shrink away from adult men who carried a harsh or domineering attitude. At seventeen, I still hadn’t been kissed.

  I heavily sighed, irritated by my past’s ability to continue to plague me.

  “I finally found you.” Hawk’s dulcet tones made me jump and break out of my thoughts. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” He sat down next to me and leaned back, his hands clasped behind his head. “Marion’s in bed, and I figured I’d come have an actual conversation with you.”

  Wrinkling my nose, I gave him a look. “She’s a high-maintenance brat.”

  Hawk’s gaze widened, and I realized what I said. Before I could backtrack, he burst out laughing and nodded in agreement. “Yes, that she is.”

  Glad he wasn’t angry with me for being so blunt, I decided to push a bit more. “So why are you with her?”

  This time, he sobered. “To be honest, I’m not sure anymore.” He shrugged. “She was great when we first met, but away from our normal lifestyle, I can see a bit clearer.” Hawk’s mouth pressed into a thin line. “She and I aren’t going to last.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  What else could I say?

  Thank God?

  That would be rude.

  Hawk shot me a mischievous grin. “No, you’re not. I knew you weren’t impressed at the first meeting.”

  It was my turn to shrug.

  He playfully nudged my arm with his elbow. “You’ve grown up so much, Lottie. I’m glad to see you doing so well.”

  My body tensed under his compliment. “Thanks. The boys in my school won’t leave me alone.”

  A strange expression furrowed his brow. “Are they pushing you?”

  “Oh, no.” I realized how bad that sounded. “No, they are all really nice. They just ask me out all the time.”

  “Oh?” His face smoothed. “Anyone catch your eye?”

  Blushing, I shook my head. “No. I don’t, umm, want a relationship with any of them.”

  Hawk continued to study me while I squirmed under his intense scrutiny. I didn’t like the way he seemed to see through my insecurities. It made me want to tell him things I’d promised myself I’d never tell anyone.

  “You’re a gorgeous young woman, Lottie. I’m sure you’ll find the right one when he decides to come along.” He patted my hand resting on the seat. “No rush, though.”

  “What if he’s already come along?” My mouth moved before my brain could stop it.

  Hawk’s right eyebrow arched high, and he tilted his head. “Already come along? Is there a guy at your school, or does he go to Caz?”

  Caz was short for the private university in our town, Cazenovia College. I took my hand out from underneath his as though he’d burned me and picked at the light salmon nail polish on my fingernails.

  “Nothing. Forget I said anything.” My voice wavered, and I couldn’t hide my nervousness.

  “No, now I’m curious.” Hawk turned his entire body toward me. “Who is this guy, Lottie? I’m not around all the time, so I’d like to meet him and see if he’s up to my standards.” The slight smirk playing on his lips gave me the feeling he was trying to make a joke, but the steeliness in his eyes belied that intention.

  He’s serious.

  Swallowing hard, I chewed on my lower lip. “He’s older than me.”

  “How much older?” The sharp edge to his tone meant he’d already decided this “guy” wouldn’t pass his test.

  You started this, Lottie.

  “About seven years.”

  Hawk shot out of his seat, clearly agitated, and began to pace.

  “Please don’t be mad.”

  “No, I’m not mad, Lottie.” He carded a hand through russet locks. “I’m just a bit taken aback, that’s all. That’s not a boy; that’s a man.”

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I sank in my seat. “I know.”

  “I mean, that’s our age difference, Lottie.” Hawk gestured between us. “You realize how crazy that is, right?”

  My blood ran cold at his insinuation.

  I’m crazy for liking a man seven years older than me?

  A dagger lodged itself in my chest.

  If only he knew.

  “Lottie.” Hawk knelt in front of me, taking both of my hands as I blinked back the tears that snuck up on me. “Please don’t be mad at me, but you’re young. A man seven years older than you only wants you for one thing.”

  He was trying to be kind.

  He wanted to protect me.

  “I know what men want, Hawk.” My words came out clipped and cold. “Trust me—he’s not like those men at all.”

  Hawk frowned. “Still, Lottie, he’s a man.”

  “And I’m just a girl?” I couldn’t keep the sharp edge out of my voice.

  “You are a young woman who deserves a good guy.” His thumbs ran along the backs of my knuckles. A shiver shot down my spine. Heat warmed my stomach.

  “He’s a good man,” I whispered, lowering my gaze to our hands. “He understands me. He always has.”

  Hawk’s thumbs came to an abrupt halt.

  Now or never.

  “Lottie.” His tone issued a warning.

  Gathering my strength, I stared at him directly. “Hawk.”

  He stared at me, trying to read me.

  When it finally clicked for him, he shook his head. “No.”

  I almost whimpered. “Why?”

  Hawk dropped my hands and stood, backing away from me. “God, Lottie.” He rubbed his palms over his face.

  “I’m sorry …” Shaking, I wrapped my arms around my waist, hugging myself.

  “No, I’m sorry.” He exhaled in agitation. “I should have kept my distance, like I always do.”

  “No.” I jumped to my feet, placing my hand cautiously on his arm. “I’m so glad that you were kind to me. I got better faster because of you.”

  “But now you’ve basically imprinted on me.” He ripped his arm away from me, and in doing so, my heart went with it. “I should have known. You were broken by men older than you, so it’s only natural for you to connect to the first man who was kind to you.”

  “That’s not it at all!”

  “Then tell me what it is, Lottie?” he fumed. “Because this is very uncomfortable for me.”

  “You think it’s easy for me?” I slammed my hands onto my hips. “You think it’s easy for the broken girl to admit she has feelings for a man she knows won’t hurt her, yet she can’t help but be afraid of?”

  Hawk’s mouth opened, but he quickly shut it.

  “I saw your face when you saw me in the foyer.” I lifted my chin in challenge. “You actually saw me for the first time not as your pseudo little sister, but as a girl in my own right.”

  He sneered. “I was shocked to see you dressed so scantily, that’s all.”

  “Bullshit.”

  His gaze widened in shock at my outburst. I didn’t move, didn’t back down. Hawk drew closer, towering over me. Broad shoulders, wide, muscular chest, and powerful, corded arms dominated my space.

  “Don’t sass me, Lottie.” His eyes narrowed dangerously. “I don’t want to ruin what’s left of our friendship.”

  “I’m not Marion.” I gave a short laugh. “You don’t scare me, and I refuse to r
ely on childish retorts.”

  “So you want to be treated like an adult?” He practically snarled.

  “I want to be treated with respect.” My body grew heavy under his intense stare. “Equal respect.”

  Hawk’s breathing grew louder, his nostrils flaring. Usual clear eyes grew dark and cloudy, hinting at something that made my belly flop. He reached up and tucked a stray hair behind my ear, allowing his touch to linger on my cheek. His fingertips burned a trail along my skin, and I gasped.

  He leaned down, brushing his lips against the shell of my ear. “You don’t want me to treat you like an adult, Charlotte. Trust me.”

  Something inside me snapped at the sound of Hawk saying my full name for the first time. My stomach flipped, my thighs clenched, and my heart raced. The sound of his baritone rumbling over every syllable made me tingle. Every ounce of logic flew out of my mind as desire took over. Was this what lust felt like? Wanting someone so badly you could almost sense them ghosting over your skin?

  I wanted him.

  I wanted him so badly, and it drove me mad. With him so close and obviously fighting some war in his own head, I longed for just one kiss.

  My first kiss.

  Rapidly in the cool summer air, my last strands of childish innocence unraveled from around my heart to pile at my feet. Strange warm, tingling sensations tickled my belly and lower between my thighs. Hawk’s proximity made me ache. The whisper of his breath in my ear caused me to shake.

  “Hawk …”

  “Don’t, Lottie.” His voice lowered to almost a growl, resonating in his chest. “Don’t ruin this.”

  I drew back slightly until we were eye to eye. “You feel it too, don’t you?”

  “Yes.” His jaw clenched. “But I shouldn’t.”

  “Why not?”

  His gaze darkened even more. “Seven years is a huge gap, Lottie.”

  Frowning, I tilted my chin. “What if I don’t care?”

  “I do.” Hawk exhaled sharply, stepping back and breaking the magic between us. “I don’t want to talk about this again, understood?”