by Erica Penrod
His mind flashed back to the night he found her on the road and the connection he felt the second she fell into his arms. When his pulse quickened and he braced himself against the counter, Lucas gave in and let the sensation carry him away, letting his body remember how he wanted to be near her. He gripped the edge of the counter until he thought he had enough control to look at her pretty face.
But when he looked over and saw her waiting for his reply, all he could manage was, “Yeah, I guess you could say that.”
Chapter 11
“You’re an idiot,” he heard Viv say through the phone.
“Please, tell me how you really feel.” Lucas leaned back in his office chair and rubbed his chest from her imaginary blow.
“Geez, Lucas,” she said. “I don’t understand why this is so hard for you. You like her … you think she likes you … and so what if she works for you?”
The hour was late on Saturday night and not only was he physically exhausted, but he was mentally spent as well. They’d spent most of the day hiking through deep snow, cutting down the trees, and then hauling them back to the house with the snowmobiles. While his body strained and toiled under the physical exertion, his mind was burdened with heavy thoughts.
“Well, let’s see … she could sue me for harassment,” he said.
“Don’t be so dramatic.”
Lucas could’ve sworn he heard her eyes roll. “I’m not.” He sat up, rested his elbows on the dark walnut desk, and looked at the framed photograph in front of him. The picture was taken at Boone and Viv’s wedding. His mother, Amanda, and her husband Eli, who was also Viv’s father, stood next to Viv, whose auburn hair fell across her shoulders and whose hazel eyes glowed with happiness. He stood on the other side of his uncle Boone, whose joy rivaled that of his new bride, and as Lucas stared at himself, he remembered the events in his life that led him down the path he was on now. While he could let regret hold him back, he chose to let his mistakes spur him on. “I’m just scared of going back to who I was before,” he said.
“Oh, that snobby guy,” Viv said. “Why are you worried about that?”
“Because Lexi makes me remember wanting things … or people … and doing whatever it took to have things my way. I don’t want to be that person again.”
“Like I said earlier, you’re an idiot.”
“Thanks.”
“What makes you think you can’t be the man you are now and have a relationship with a girl who sounds pretty amazing?”
“Several reasons. I’m her employer—”
“You mentioned that already,” she interrupted.
“I’ve only known her for a week—”
“So?” Viv piped in.
“Sooooo,” he exaggerated, “I need to focus on the boys and I don’t need the distraction.”
“Hhhhhppphhh,” Viv exhaled. “Talk to Boone. Maybe you’ll listen to him.”
Lucas felt his heart float as he closed his eyes, grateful for that fiery redhead on the other end of the line. “Love you, Viv,” he said.
He listened as she drew in a breath. “Love you too, you knothead.” She paused, and Lucas saw her smile in his mind. “Now here’s that gorgeous cowboy I’m married to.”
Commotion filled his ear as the phone changed hands.
“Hey, Lucas,” Boone said. “How’s it going?”
“All right.”
“Viv said I need to tell you to quit being a chicken and ask the girl out.”
Lucas chuckled. “Wow. Okay. Did she also tell you that I’ve known her for less than a week and that I’m her boss and that now’s not a good time to think about dating?”
Boone laughed. “Viv did mention something like that, but her vocabulary was a little more colorful.”
“I’m sure it was.”
“Look, man,” Boone said. “I’m not the person who should be giving you advice, but you’re in a unique situation.”
“I’m listening.” Lucas relaxed back into the chair.
“You live with the girl, so I don’t think typical dating rules apply. It’s not like you work forty hours a week, take her out every weekend, and try to get to know her one Saturday night at a time. You see her day in and day out.”
“Yeah,” Lucas said, thinking of the Lexi he saw this morning, with no trace of makeup, tired eyes, and hair that could be featured on When Animals Attack!
“So it’s understandable that you feel a lot more for her in a week than most guys do in a month.”
“I get that, but that still doesn’t make it right. I’m not sure I can handle anything more than running High Country right now, and I’m not even sure if Lexi thinks of me like that or not.”
“There’s only one way to find out,” Boone said.
“Oh, yeah, that would be good.” Lucas squeezed the bridge of his nose. “Do I call her into my office and say that while I think she’s an excellent chef, I’m attracted to her and I hope the feeling’s mutual?”
“Well, maybe not in those exact words,” Boone said. “But what if you quit worrying about your past and just get to know her as a friend for now? Eventually you’ll figure out what you want.”
“That’s easier said than done,” Lucas said, letting his mind drift as he pictured Lexi out in the snow today, with bright eyes and red cheeks and the way her black snow pants showed off her curves.
“I know … believe me, I know,” Boone said.
Lucas understood his uncle was referring to Viv and their whirlwind romance.
“But sometimes love is like a good steak, and it’s best to let it marinate for a while before you take a bite,” Boone added.
Lucas put one arm behind his head and laughed. “Now that sounds like something straight out of the book of Eli McIntyre.”
Laughter erupted from the other end of the line. “You guessed it. I’m starting to think my father-in-law might know a thing or two.”
“About love?” Lucas asked incredulously.
“He was smart enough to marry your mom,” Boone said.
“That’s true,” Lucas agreed. “And Lexi is a chef, so she should know something about marinating.”
“Now you’re talking.”
But Lucas didn’t hear him; he was too busy dreaming about Lexi, imagining the taste of her on his lips as he held her in his arms.
“Lucas?”
“Sorry,” Lucas said. “I was just thinking about how much I like steak.”
* * *
Lexi hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but as she pressed her back against the wall, whether she intended to or not, she couldn’t forget what she’d heard.
After dinner, Matt and Adam loaded the dishwasher and wiped down the counters, while Lexi put together two pans of breakfast casserole and stored them in the fridge to bake in the morning. Once she finished and the boys had joined the others on the third floor for games, Lexi picked up her menu for the following week and made a couple of revisions, deciding to go with a pot roast for Sunday’s dinner instead of on Monday. Tomorrow she could put the roast, garnished with onions, carrots, and potatoes, in the slow cooker after breakfast, freeing up her afternoon. Lucas asked her to supervise as they decorated the trees, and she wanted to have as much time as possible while still making sure she did her job and provided a hearty meal.
Wanting to go over the schedule for the next day, she headed to Lucas’s office. The solid wood door was slightly ajar, and as she raised her fingers to knock, she heard her name. Her pulse quickened and her mind panicked; her decision to listen teetered on her inner moral compass. Her mother’s voice lectured her on politeness while the rebellious bone in her whacked her on the head, chanting about her right to know why he had said her name. But the effect of her indecision meant that she lingered in the hallway and she heard, “I think she’s an excellent chef, I’m attracted to her, and I hope the feeling’s mutual?” The phrase repeated over and over in her head as she tried to calm herself enough to make it back to her room undetected.
Biting
her bottom lip, she pushed off from the wall, treading lightly away from his office and back to her room. Once inside her safe zone, she went to the bed and lay back, putting her hands over her face while her heart pounded like she’d just witnessed a crime.
Her phone vibrated in her pocket. She dug the phone out of her jeans, sat up, and in disbelief stared at the picture lighting up the screen. Perfect timing.
Brian.
Her fingers tumbled over one another as she swiped the screen to answer the call. Some habits were hard to break. She swallowed back her fear and drew in a breath. “Hello?”
“Hey,” the voice she’d tried to forget greeted her.
In spite of herself, she felt a rush within her, flooding her head with memories of their three years together. The good times grabbed her by the throat and she choked on the sobs she so desperately struggled to keep silent.
“Lexi?” Brian said. “Are you there?”
“I’m here.” She looked down at a broken stitch in the quilt, running her fingers over the loose thread, counting back the weeks since she’d last heard from him.
“I wanted to know how things were going in Utah.”
“Good.” She wondered why she continued to answer his calls.
“So, you like the job?” he asked, just like he hadn’t ripped out her heart all those months ago, torn it up, and kept a piece for a souvenir.
“Yes.” Hang up, hang up. Nothing good could come from this.
“I’m glad,” he said, and when she didn’t respond, he continued. “I stopped by your parents’ the other day.”
“Okay.”
“We had a good visit. I’ve missed them.”
“Okay.”
“They said you were coming home for a couple days for Christmas.”
And why do you care? “I am.”
“That’s good.”
“What do you want?” she finally asked, the words barely above a whisper. The heartache pounded, making her head ring. She pinched the bridge of her nose.
“What do you mean?” he asked.
“I mean, why do you keep calling me?” She threw her hand in the air.
“Because I wanted to talk to you.” He sounded offended.
“I don’t want to talk to you.” Her words got caught for a second, but then she continued. “Look, Brian. You went on with your life and I’m … I’m still dealing with your goodbye,” she admitted. “So I’d appreciate it if you’d let me try move on.”
“Lexi … I … I don’t understand.”
“You can’t have it both ways,” she said, louder than she anticipated. “You don’t want me … but you don’t want me to get over you, either.”
“That’s not true,” he said. “I care about you … I always will.”
“Well, don’t,” she said. “I don’t need you to care about me. I want you to leave me alone.” Lexi planned on hanging up then, but words kept falling from her mouth like a wrecked dam. “You know the hardest part of all of this?”
“No,” he said quietly.
“It’s looking back, wondering if I’d been a fool all along, believing you ever loved me.”
“Lexi—”
“Don’t,” she ordered. “I don’t want to hear what you have to say about it. Let me finish.” She exhaled. “And then I realized that all that time, when I was never enough for you, I would’ve loved you through anything, forgiven you of anything, because that’s how much I loved you.”
The tears fell down her face and the pain was so intense she could hardly breathe. “And I know now … that you would never do that for me.”
Dropping the phone to the floor, she sat and listened as Brian called her name. She wouldn’t answer for him again.
Bending over, she retrieved the phone and hit the end button. Suddenly the pain turned to anger and she chucked the phone across the room. Not caring about the cost, she had a moment’s satisfaction as the birthday gift from Brian lay on the carpet with a shattered screen.
“Lexi?” A voice came through the door, and then a soft knock. “Are you okay in there?” Lucas asked.
Wiping her eyes and nose on her sleeve, she tried to clear her throat. “I’m fine,” she said, but her voice cracked and a sob escaped her lips.
“It doesn’t sound like it,” he said. “I’m coming in.”
“No, don’t—” she said as the door opened.
“What’s going—” He stopped when he saw her face, and then he was on his knees in front of her. He pushed the falling hair behind her ears, held her face in his hands, and caressed away the tears with his thumbs. He pulled her closer and kissed her forehead. When he pulled back, looking into her eyes, she still felt the warmth of his lips on her skin. Leaning into his palm, she let him soothe away the pain, letting his touch pull her from the dark and into the light.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”
Lexi shook her head softly in his hands as she concentrated on his lips. What happened next, she could blame on the tears, but that would be a lie, because when she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him to her, crying had nothing to do with the way his lips filled her with sweet satisfaction.
* * *
Lucas held back, letting her lead him where she wanted to go, but when she leaned in and parted her lips, he couldn’t tell where he ended and she began. He tasted cinnamon and sugar and felt the fire spread through his veins like hot liquid desire. He couldn’t stop, even if he wanted to … Pushing his hands through her hair, she arched her head back, taking his mouth with her. Everything faded into the background but her scent, her touch, and her taste. He kept his eyes closed and had never seen her more clearly.
* * *
Once their lips parted, they stood up and Lexi exhaled. Lucas pulled her close and asked her if she wanted to talk. Shaking her head, she didn’t want anything, certainly not Brian, to disturb the way her body and her mind felt at peace for the first time in months.
* * *
The emotions behind the kiss were something he’d never experienced before, both exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. When their lips parted and he pulled her into his arms, asking her if she wanted to talk, a fear he’d never known, the kind that hibernated in the marrow of his bones, began to replicate throughout his body. Lexi could undo everything he’d worked so hard to overcome and before he succumbed to his desire, he gently pushed her away. She gazed up while he brushed the hair back from her face. Lucas kissed her forehead and said good night as he walked away.
He closed the door softly and went back into the office, knowing he couldn’t sleep with the taste of Lexi still on his lips. Sitting at his desk, his hands trembled as he tried to go over some paperwork, but he kept thinking about Lexi. He didn’t feel in control around her, and that wasn’t who he wanted to be. Viv assured him he was strong enough to be in a relationship and still be the man he was now. But with the way his body still craved Lexi’s touch, he wasn’t sure. Viv had been right about a lot of things in his past, and that feisty redhead’s voice kept taunting him, tempting him to try. She understood him like she did the horses, and if she believed he was capable to kiss the little blonde kryptonite and still be Superman … then maybe he was.
Chapter 12
Fresh pine filled the house while flames crackled in the hearth, and outside the frosted windows, snow fell in the silence. But inside the High Country home, Elvis’s “Blue Christmas” drifted in the air as the boys hung the ornaments on the first-floor tree, while Earl and Atiu operated two bustling hot chocolate machines, keeping the mugs filled to the brim.
Earlier, Lexi supervised the placement of the lights and the garland of red and black plaid ribbon, but now she leaned against the counter and watched as the guys did their thing. Like a game of darts, the decorations were launched and stuck wherever they landed. Gripping the cup of hot chocolate with both hands, she fought the urge to make any adjustments, even though the ornaments’ unsymmetrical spacing made her left eye twitch.
&nb
sp; “Looks good.” Lucas came up beside her. This was the closest he’d been to her all day.
“Mmmmhhhhh,” she mumbled, raising her cup to her lips, trying to ignore the goose bumps rising over her skin.
“Well, good for a bunch of teenage boys,” he added.
Cocking her head, she tried the tree from a different angle. “Somehow, it looks a lot different than what I’d envisioned.”
Lucas laughed, the sound thick and creamy, like the melted marshmallows in her cup. He bumped her softly with his shoulder. “The tree’s not the only thing I keep envisioning.” He winked at her as he walked over and picked up a pinecone.
Lexi managed to keep her hot chocolate from spilling, but couldn’t hold back remembering the night before, the sensation of his mouth on hers and the way he pulled her into his arms.
“Lexi?”
“Yeah?” She straightened up, trying to regain her composure.
Atiu shadowed over her. His dimples looked like they’d been dunked deep in mischief and his vibrant eyes teased with accusation.
“What?” She set her cup down on the counter.
“Nothing.” He over at the tree as he filled the spot beside her.
Good, she thought, hoping she wasn’t as transparent as he made her feel.
“I was just going to comment on the Christmas spirit around here,” Atiu said, looking back at her.
“Yeah, it’s great.” She wrapped her arms around her middle.
“You and Lucas seem to be extra full of holiday ambience,” he said as his dimples tugged on the corners of his lips.
“Ambience?” Lexi glanced up with a furrowed brow.
“Well, maybe mistletoe madness would be a better term,” he said, and this time he couldn’t keep from chuckling.
Lexi pinched the soft flesh under her forearm, hoping to draw the heat of her embarrassment away from her face. “I … I … I haven’t seen any mistletoe,” she said, and then clamped her mouth before she said anything else. Her cheeks burned and her hands were sweating.