by Karin Shah
The courage that had allowed him to touch her drained away. His hands trembled. His feet dragged as he followed her back to the campsite.
What he’d said was correct. She could have anyone.
Why the hell would she want a freak like him?
Chapter 21
Sofia set down her salad and spaghetti and accepted the orange Fanta Lu handed her. “Thanks.” It was already open and she took a swig. “How did you know this is my favorite?”
Lu grinned. “Hey, I pay attention.”
Sofia lifted the cold damp can in Lu’s direction. “Salud!”
She noticed Lu and Thalia exchanging a glance as she drank. She swiped at her mouth with the back of her hand. “Why do I feel like you two are up to something?”
Thalia laughed. “Because we are. The preparations for the party are a go. You ready to be our diversion?”
Sofia nodded, though the idea of seeing Roan again fizzed in her veins like the bubbles in her soft drink. She was both excited and reluctant.
His words in the field had buffed away some of the scar tissue around her heart from her previous relationships, if you could even call them that. But she wanted him too much, and she doubted her ability to read him. She’d been fooled before. “I hope he’ll fall for it.”
“Why wouldn’t he want to hang out with you? He’ll be happy to see you with his dinner and not boring old me.” Lu tilted her chin and propped it on her tattoo-latticed palm, appearing not the slightest bit boring with her dangling earrings sweeping sculpted, tattooed shoulders, and her slinky black clothing.
Sofia sliced a hand in the air and groaned. “Ugh! One minute, I think he’s into me. The next, he seems so . . . so distant.”
The dog sitting next to Thalia on the bench whined, his prick ears sweeping down. If he’d been human, Sofia would have thought the animal was following the conversation. Thalia patted him. “Maybe he’s shy? He’s not exactly normal-looking. That could give someone a complex.”
Sofia straightened in her seat. “He may look unusual, but I think he’s handsome in his own way.”
“Down, mama bear!” Lu laughed. “We’re not criticizing him.”
Sofia grimaced and buried her embarrassment in a long gulp of the soda, then glanced at the can.
“Something wrong?”
Sofia shrugged. “This tastes a little different today. I hope I’m not coming down with something.”
Lu shook her head. “Oh, no? How do you feel?”
“Actually, I’ve felt a little off for a few days, but with everything going on . . .” Sofia jerked her shoulders.
Sue slid onto the bench at Sofia’s side and set a plate piled high with spaghetti and garlic bread in front of her. Her broad, handsome face crinkled with concern. She studied Sofia with the practiced eye of a former nurse. “You do look a little flushed. Maybe we should postpone . . .”
“No.” Sofia took another chill sip of her soft drink. “It’s not that bad.”
“Ooh, Orange Fanta!” Sue’s gaze followed Sofia’s hand as it returned to the table with its fizzy cargo. “I haven’t had one of those in ages. Can I have a sip?”
“No!” Lu and Thalia chorused together.
Sue flinched, her thin eyebrows disappeared into her graying hairline.
Lu shoved at her own curly hair. “Didn’t you say you’re pre-diabetic?”
Sue stared at her. “It’s only a sip.”
Thalia put her hands on the table and stood. “Besides, its flu season. I’ll just go get you one of your own.”
Sue gave them a puzzled look, but let it go. “Thanks, newbie.”
The magician shrugged as she moved toward the cooler. “I’m closer.”
Sofia took a gulp of her drink, grimacing as the sweet, cold liquid hit her throat. The way they were acting, if Lu and Thalia weren’t women, she’d think they’d slipped something in her drink.
She wouldn’t have accepted an open beverage from an unknown guy. She almost laughed at her fancy. Lu and Thalia had met yesterday. They couldn’t be conspiring together.
She dismissed her paranoia and finished the can.
Thalia came back with another Fanta for Sue and they dove into their meals. Lu swallowed a bit of bread and sighed. “I’m glad you wanted to do a party. January is soooo dull. Nothing until Valentine’s.”
“Ugh!” Sofia shook her head. “Don’t talk to me about Valentine’s.”
Lu wiggled her eyebrows. “Ooh! A story!”
“No.” Sofia fiddled with the pop top of the empty Fanta can. “No story. I just don’t like Valentine’s.”
“Uh-huh.” Lu pressed her lips together skeptically.
Sofia had been around the other woman long enough to know she wouldn’t let it go until Sofia spilled her guts. She sighed. “Fine. I met this guy online just before Valentine’s a couple years ago. He was Latino, like me. We got coffee and he seemed nice, and he was very handsome, so when he invited me out for a nice dinner on Valentine’s, I was pretty excited.
“We went to this lovely restaurant. You know the kind, white linen, candles, limited menu.”
Lu nodded. “Go on.”
“He was all flirty and charming. Then after we’d been there about ten minutes, this other couple walked in and is seated several tables away. All of a sudden, he started laughing harder and talking louder. I just thought he was nervous, until . . . the skinny blonde half of this other couple gets up and heads our way.”
Lu leaned in closer as if she knew what was about to happen. Sofia’s chest felt tight at the memory of what happened next. “Blondie immediately lights into him, saying he knew she was going to be there with the other guy and it was over between them. My date actually admits he planned the whole thing to make her jealous.”
“No!”
“Oh, yeah! I thought it was weird he was able to get reservations for Valentine’s evening at such a trendy place at such short notice. But it wasn’t short notice at all! He’d planned the whole thing before we’d even met!”
“I was so embarrassed and humiliated, I ran out of there.”
Lu tutted sympathetically and patted her shoulder. “Guys are assholes. Except Roan,” she added quickly. “I know he really likes you. Besides, if he hurts you, we’ll kill him and hide the body.”
Sofia grinned at Lu. “He’s your best friend.”
Lu saluted her with a soda can. “Chicks before dicks.”
Sofia chuckled. Leave it to Lu to lighten the mood.
She finished her bread and Lu started peppering Thalia with questions about her life.
Sofia listened with only half an ear. While the story had brought back mortifying and painful memories of her past love life, if you could even call it that, Lu hadn’t needed to tell her Roan was different.
She could feel it.
She buried a smile. Roan’s head had felt so perfect cradled in her lap that afternoon. But at the same time, she’d been wound up, her whole being focused on his proximity in a way that had nothing to do with comfort.
With his body stretched out on the king-sized quilt, she’d been all too conscious of his big, well-built form. He was lean, but sinewy, and she’d found her gaze straying to various highlights. The vein popping up along his bicep as he shifted position on the comforter. The broad expanse of his muscular shoulders and the taper of his torso to his waist. The long, powerful contours of his thighs and calves.
She’d caught herself imagining him naked, spread out on his bed in his trailer, motioning for her to join him, inviting her to examine the mysteries clothing masked—with her tongue.
Her face heated. She hid a shiver, her hand massaging her cool breastbone beneath the V-neck of her shirt.
His fingers had felt so soft on her face.
> He’d surprised her when he’d asked to touch her, both because he’d wanted to and because he’d asked. In her experience, most men didn’t ask before such a seemingly innocent touch. Not that it had felt particularly innocent, what with the sensual direction of her thoughts at the time.
But after what had happened to him, it made sense that he would be sensitive to consent. Some crazy person had stolen him off the street and modified his body without permission. Even his eyes must have been operated on, because she’d come to realize they weren’t contacts.
A ripple of laughter tore her from her ruminating, and she caught the tail end of a story about Thalia’s son, Gabriel, her dog, Spirit, and a missing can of coffee.
Sofia forced herself back to the present.
Darkness had fallen while they were eating.
The lights came on. Someone plugged in several more strands of fairy lights and brought out the tiki torches. She stood to dispose of her empty paper plate. Her heart beating against her ribs like a moth in a lantern.
Showtime!
Chapter 22
The knock on his door should have signified Lu’s arrival with his dinner tray, but the heavenly scent coming from the other side of the flimsy aluminum barrier wasn’t food. Sofia had somehow ended up with the task.
A frisson of happiness charged through him. Had she asked to do it? He tamped it down. For all he knew, Lu had shoved the job on her in the fire eater’s usually bossy way, hoping frequent togetherness would trigger a miracle. Despite experiencing the horrors of war, Lu was optimistic like that.
He opened the door and Sofia entered, hefting a tray laden with a plate of spaghetti, a green salad fragrant with tangy Italian dressing, and a plate with three large chunks of crusty garlic bread.
She didn’t say hi, just set the tray down on his table and picked up the plate of spaghetti, moving toward the microwave. “We’d better heat this. I think it’s gotten cold.”
Suddenly tongue-tied, he nodded and wedged himself on the banquette beneath the table.
They were both silent for a moment while the microwave counted down the seconds. The air between them seemed to hum, buzzing against his skin.
Finally, an embarrassed chuckle left Sofia’s lips. “I didn’t even say hi, did I?”
Roan shook his head, glad she’d given him something to say, but at the same time annoyed at himself for being so tongue-tied. A man his age shouldn’t be so damned awkward. “Thanks for bringing my dinner. I told Lu I could eat with everybody else now, but she suddenly turned into a hard-ass.”
He’d wondered why Lu had insisted, but most likely this had been her plan all along.
Sofia adjusted her weight from foot to foot. She seemed unsure whether she should go or stay. He knew which choice he wanted. His dragon clicked in agitation. Need not want. Convince her, idiot. He patted the table, lifting his eyebrows. “Sit with me while I eat?”
She smiled and it was like the sun shone on him. He almost purred to himself as she slid into the padded bench seat across from him. His dragon wiggled with joy.
She’d changed into dark jeans and a pretty, red, long-sleeved, thigh-length shirt with colorful embroidery on the hem and sleeves. It almost looked like a very short dress. He was sure the style had a name, but he didn’t know it. The material clung to her lush breasts, dipping just low enough to hint at her silky cleavage and flared out over her hips. Her cheeks seemed to glow, her lips were rosy, and her chocolate eyes with their edge of green seemed deeper and more mysterious. She looked good enough to eat.
Damn, was he staring? Words eluded him, so he ripped his gaze away and tucked into the mound of crunchy salad in front of him, making short work of the tangy greens, before demolishing his pasta and marinara sauce. She made light small talk as he ate, filling him in on the goings on around camp while he’d been holed up in his trailer.
As he swallowed the last bite of garlic bread and chugged down the water she’d brought, he couldn’t delay any longer and made himself speak. Though, he couldn’t dredge up something witty, let alone charming. “Thank you for bringing this.”
She glanced down and her cheeks took on more color. “You’re welcome.” She snuck a peek at her phone. Had he kept her too long?
A weight pressed down on his chest. He hated to see her go, but his brain wouldn’t produce an excuse that didn’t sound insincere.
Before he could just flat out ask her to stay a while longer, maybe watch a movie or something, she surveyed his empty plates and slapped an open palm to her temple. “Darn, I forgot dessert. Why don’t we go get some together?”
Her scent became a bit tart around the edges. His brows pulled together. His dragon reacted uneasily to the faint odor which it associated with deception. What was going on?
A whisper of doubt filled his ears. One of his buried memories from childhood surfaced. Once, a classmate had invited Roan to a party, but when he’d shown up, the guy pretended Roan had misunderstood, that he’d been inviting someone next to him, even though no one had been around. The mocking laughter of the other kids rang in his ears.
On the heels of the memory, he patted his stomach and shook his head. “I don’t know if I can. I’m pretty full.”
She stood, holding out one graceful hand. “Come on. At least keep me company.”
With all the roustabouts and other performers around, a lack of company was rarely a concern, but he got to his feet anyway, the hopeful expression on her face softening the sharp edges of the memory.
Sofia had never been cruel to him. Even when he’d been rude, she’d continued to be nothing but friendly and welcoming. Besides, not only was there nothing he wanted more than to continue to enjoy her presence, he was supposed to be courting her. It was an old-fashioned word, but she deserved the attention and care it implied.
He froze. Her surprise arrival had thrown him off. He’d forgotten to take the potion Thalia had given him. “Just a sec.”
He grabbed the small vial from his kitchen counter and downed the liquid inside in one gulp. “Vitamin,” he said at her questioning look.
She swiveled on her heel and wiggled her fingers in a come here gesture. “Let’s go.”
He nodded, and remembering his manners, moved to open the door, but she popped his door open and leapt nimbly to the ground, before he could do the chivalrous thing, leaving him inside the doorway of the trailer, but then turned around and extended her hand to him, reminding him he was still supposed to be recovering from a stab wound.
He curled his fingers around hers, enclosing her soft, delicate hand, loving the feeling of it wrapped in his. The pleasure of the simple touch ignited a heat that traveled to his heart and warmed his whole body.
If he could have this sensation every day, he would pretend to be wounded forever.
She didn’t release his hand after he found his footing, and he swallowed the lump of joy her gesture kindled in his throat, breathing deeply to maintain his composure as she led the way to the mess area.
He was so focused on her as they walked, the change to the small mess canopies when they reached them, was a complete surprise.
Someone had augmented the usual strands of round white bulbs with tiny fairy lights. And even more astonishing was the large banner hanging over the area. It read in big block letters THANK YOU, ROAN!
“Surprise!” The crowd who jumped up bellowed in various pitches and levels of unison.
Roan opened his mouth, dumbfounded.
He glanced at the beaming Sofia, then swept the crowd and located Lu right in the front. His voice came back to him. “What? Why?”
“You saved Sofia’s life, stupid,” Sue said, with her typical bluntness, her broad, sun-reddened cheeks rounded with a wide grin.
“And Lu told us you’re the one who loosened those rusted nuts for me.�
�� JD said.
“And dropped the money I needed to make my child support,” someone else added.
Several other reasons were shouted out, and the reality of what was happening washed over him like a tide. After everything—his boorishness, years of being the outsider—they were extending an olive branch. They forgave him. All he had to do was meet them halfway. A lump expanded in his throat.
The gratification filling him at the display turned his knees to jelly. Thank God Sofia still held his hand because he might have collapsed without the anchor.
Sofia led him to the tables beneath the small mess pavilions and a large sheet cake with the same words as the banner gleamed pearl-like in the center.
He stared at it for a minute, speechless. On his other side, Lu pinched him on the arm. “Yes, you’re awake! Now go cut the cake.” She winked, signaling they’d successfully given Sofia her share of the potion.
He swallowed and stepped forward. “Thanks, everybody.”
“The party is to thank you!” someone joked, and that broke the ice.
He cut the cake and the horde descended. He and Sofia and Lu passed out slices of cake as fast as they could cut them.
Soon, half the cake was gone and Roan enjoyed his own piece. It was good cake, but the feeling of belonging was sweeter. All these years, he’d pushed the other carnies away before they could reject him, but he was done with that.
He vowed to be a whole new Roan from today on.
That started with opening himself up to Sofia. He could never hope to have her love him if he couldn’t lower his barriers and risk being hurt.
He glanced at her as he ate. His pulse thundered. She’d almost finished her slice.
She beamed as people approached them to offer their individual apologies and thank him for the things he’d done. He traded his own regrets and gratitude with each of them, but his focus remained on her.