by Jillian Dodd
"Yeah . . ."
"Don't fucking say that."
"I'm saying it, B, because it's true. Now, go find your dad and let him tell you his side of the story."
"Fine. I will. Merry Christmas, Keats."
"Merry Christmas, B."
Aiden looks at me expectantly.
"Um, I need just a minute." I put my face into my hands, take a few deep breaths, and try to process everything that just happened.
After a few minutes, Aiden sits on the bed next to me, wraps his arm around me, and kisses the side of my face.
"You okay?"
I nod.
"Wanna talk about it?"
"Not really, Aiden," I say, but then I see his eyes and remember what he said at Stockton's about his imagination. "It was B, as you heard. He was upset."
"Where are you going with him?"
"To visit his mom. He hasn't seen or heard from her since she left over ten years ago. Until today. And, to top it off, he found out that his dad has been lying about her all this time. He told B he didn't know where she was, but he just didn't want him to see her."
"Why?"
"His dad says she was mentally unstable. They got into a fight about it. He was upset."
"Why were you crying?"
"Because he started crying when I said I'd go with him."
Aiden is quiet and seems to be choosing his words carefully. "Will you be gone for long?"
"He wants . . ."
"You?"
"He wants to see how we feel. When we're together."
Aiden looks up at the ceiling, closes his eyes, and goes, "Boom."
And that sets me off.
"You're right. I'm in no position to be saying I love someone or sleeping with them when my life is such a mess. It's not fair to you. It's just, you made me feel--never mind. I have to go." I'm ready to start crying, and I'm tired of letting him see me cry. "Uh, I'll see you later," I say as I rush out the door.
"Keatyn. Wait."
I don't. I run outside, down the long drive, and to the gate. I see the guards and feel trapped.
Caged.
Like an animal in the zoo.
I have to get out of here, so I walk to the gate and open it.
"You can't leave," one of the guards says to me in French, another guard quickly repeating the same phrase in English.
I drop to my knees, bang my head against the gate, and start bawling.
A few minutes later, I hear Grandpa's voice.
"What's all this ruckus about?"
I wipe my eyes and turn to look at him.
He hands me a to-go cup.
"What's this?"
Grandpa smiles. "My special lemonade, of course."
"I need to go for a walk," I tell him.
"Then let's go," he says. "Boys, open the gate."
Surprisingly, the guards listen to Grandpa.
As we walk out onto the road, he turns back and instructs them not to follow us.
I take a deep, cleansing breath, pulling as much air into my lungs as I can before exhaling it.
"Talk," Grandpa commands.
"I'm hurting people that I love."
Grandpa studies me for a moment. "Sam told me you picked out a resting place."
"I thought our dealings were supposed to be privileged."
"They are," he laughs. "From everyone but me."
"So you know everything I put in my will?"
"Yes. You're a smart and caring young woman. I'm very proud of how you've changed. You're not the same girl you were when you visited me last summer."
"Having your life in danger makes the things that should be important more clear."
"Like what?"
"Love, mostly."
He nods, agreeing. "In the grand scheme of life, that's all that really matters. The people who you love."
"I need a plan, Grandpa. Mine is a mess. And, between filming and the wedding, I haven't had time to think about what's next."
"Then start with what's first. What will you do when you take over the company? How will you handle it?"
"Mostly, I want Vincent to know it was me. I want to personally fire him. I want to tell him I'll be remaking A Day at the Lake. Then I want him escorted out of his building."
"So do it."
"Do you think it will actually happen?"
"Do you doubt your Grandpa?"
I smile. "No."
"I won't let you confront him in person. But if you want to see him, I'll agree to a video conference."
"Put me on a big screen, huh? Hell, that's even better. Honestly, if I really wanted to piss him off, I'd wear Mom's bikini from the movie and scream."
"That's brutal," he says, slapping me on the back. "I love it. Then what will you do?"
"The movie is cast except for three characters. I'm going to do a press release. And then I'm going to cast the parts. I'll go back to New York City. I'll go to Malibu. Be seen around."
Grandpa shakes his head.
"It will be okay. We'll have Mom's publicist set it all up. He'll only see pictures of where I was last night, not where I am now."
"I had a chat with Garrett. He thinks pushing Vincent is a bad idea."
"I think it's a bad idea too, but it's my only option."
"Your Cooper is very loyal to you, isn't he?"
"Yes. He's become more than a bodyguard to me. He's more like a friend. His sister was killed by a stalker."
"No wonder he's on your side."
"If something doesn't happen quickly, I may have to deal with Vincent face-to-face."
"Hotshot, there's bravery and there's stupidity. It's a fine line."
"I hope to be on the smart side of stupid."
Grandpa breaks out laughing. "Now tell me the real reason why you were crying."
"It's Aiden."
"You love him. It's pretty obvious."
"I do, but I shouldn't."
"Why not?"
"Because he makes my life feel like a fairy tale when it's not. I'm setting us both up for heartbreak. I told him I loved him. I shouldn't have."
"Did you mean it?"
"With everything I am."
Grandpa's face changes.
"What?" I ask.
"Grandma had a bit of a scare this week."
"What kind of scare?"
"A man followed her from the grocery store and tried to run her off the road."
"What did she do?!"
"Your grandmother is one smart cookie. She turned onto one of the dirt roads that lead through the fields. He didn't follow her."
"Do you know why?"
"We put the hostile takeover together fast. The ownership of one of the shell corporations wasn't as tight as it should have been. My name was on it. Since our last names are the same, it probably didn't take Vincent long to figure out who's behind the takeover. This trip came at a good time."
"Stay here. Until this is over."
"Your grandmother is."
"You too, Grandpa. You can help from here."
"I can handle myself."
"I know you can, but you're not getting any younger."
"Cunning beats youth any day."
"Except in a fight."
"We're in a fight right now. This takeover is part of the beat down. You want Vincent humiliated. You want him too hurt to fight back. The only problem is that when a man has nothing to lose, he becomes desperate."
"That's exactly what I want. For him to be so desperate he won't be able to think or plan. Up until now--following people, breaking into rehab, maybe even the killings--were probably jobs he paid someone to do. I need him so beat down that he won't be able to think straight. I want him so mad he'll do things himself. I want him to feel trapped. Caged. To feel like everything he loves is lost. I want him to feel like I do."
"Cooper told Garrett he's afraid you're going to let yourself get kidnapped."
"There's really no other way. And, once we take over the company, it's got to happen quickly. Because
no one I love will be safe. It would also make me feel better if you were here. Those highly-trained guards of Garrett's just let target number one walk out the front door simply because you have an authoritative voice. Vincent is a good actor and a good liar. I'd feel better with you here."
"Good point," he says with a nod. "If I agree to stay, will you agree to discuss your plans with me first?"
I consider lying to him, but I can't. "I'll try to. I value your opinion, Grandpa."
"That's good enough for me," he says as a black car pulls up next to us. "Looks like our walk is over."
Garrett gets out of the car and motions for us to get in.
On the short ride back to the house, he starts to chew me out, but Grandpa quickly intervenes.
"You should be chewing out your boys at the gate. They're the ones who let me walk out with her."
"You're a guest," Garrett counters.
"Shouldn't matter. It's a weakness."
Garrett thinks about that for a second then says, "You're right."
Aiden meets me at the front door.
Before I have a chance to speak, Grandpa says, "Aiden, my boy, why don't you and I go have a chat in the library while Keatyn helps her grandma in the kitchen."
Aiden glances at me, those tractor beam eyes holding mine, speaking to me.
I sigh. Because now that I know what they're saying, they make me want to start crying again.
I do what I'm told and head to the kitchen, where the ladies are pitching in to make Christmas dinner. Grandma is sitting at the kitchen table, so I join her.
"Grandpa and Aiden are having a chat. What does that mean?"
"You'll know soon enough," she says with a chuckle.
"How?"
"If he doesn't come back bleeding, Grandpa thinks he's a keeper."
I hang my head. "I can't have a keeper right now, Grandma. I heard about the man who tried to run you off the road. Grandpa agreed that the two of you will stay here in France for a while. Until this hostile takeover stuff gets settled."
"I've always wanted a vacation in France. And any extended time with my granddaughters is welcomed."
"They're a handful."
She studies my face. "For years after your father died, I couldn't look you in the eyes. They are so much like his."
"Are you okay with Mom and Tommy getting married?"
"We can't control who we love. Just like we can't control when someone we love is taken from us. I'm very lucky that there's still a piece of your dad in you. And when you have kids someday, he will live on in them."
"Inga read my palm."
"She read mine years ago. Thought she was nuts at the time, but the woman was spot on. How many kids did she say you would have?"
"Four. But I don't think that will happen."
"Why not?"
"When she read it again, she said that death is coming for me."
"Death comes for everyone, eventually."
"Yeah, I guess you're right," I say, dropping the subject so Grandma won't have to think about losing someone else she loves.
"I like Aiden."
"I like him too."
"Is he the reason for all your cryptic questions about love?"
"I love him. But part of me still loves Brooklyn. And until I'm with him again--until I can see him again--I can't give Aiden my full heart."
I see Grandma glance behind me.
"He's not bleeding," she says. "Whoever you choose deserves your full heart."
"I know."
"Keatyn," Aiden says. "Wanna go for a walk?"
Grandma winks at me.
"Yeah, sure," I tell him.
I join him in the hall. He takes my hand and leads me up the stairs and into my room.
"I thought you wanted to go for a walk?"
"I just want to talk to you."
"You're not bleeding," I say.
"Why would I be bleeding?"
"Grandma said if you weren't, it meant you and my grandpa had a good talk."
"We did." He pulls me into his arms. "I love you."
I smile at him, but I don't say it back.
I can't.
I shouldn't.
Aiden lets go of me and starts pacing, much like he did on the beach.
"I believe in us," he says. "If you need to go see him--if you need to meet his mom--you have my full support. But I'm really concerned about you going back to Malibu. Is there a way you could get him to change the location?"
"I appreciate your support, Aiden, but I think it would be best if I wasn't with anyone right now."
He moves closer to me, pressing his chest tightly against mine and talking on my neck. "What does your heart want, right now?" he whispers.
"You," I whisper back. "It wants you."
Aiden kisses me, a kiss so powerful it makes me cry guilty tears.
"What's wrong, baby?" he asks gently.
"You know my life is a mess."
"Your grandpa just gave me some good advice about life."
"What'd he say?"
"That if you follow your heart, it will always lead you home."
I shut my eyes tightly, knowing he gave the same advice to my mom once.
"Do you believe him?" I ask, hoping with all my heart that the answer is yes.
"I think the more important question is, do you? I know what you're thinking. That it's good advice for everyone but you. Right?"
"Kinda."
"To answer your question, I believe that if you follow your heart, anything and everything is possible." He places his hand across my chest. "I love you, and I understand what you need to do. I'm going to help you in any way you will let me, but your grandpa told me this is your battle to fight and that I need to respect that."
"He's smart."
"Remember when I asked you to promise me tomorrow? I didn't fully understand your situation then."
"You don't want my tomorrows anymore?"
"I want you forever, but I understand now why forever scares you. It's your situation, not me."
"I lied to you earlier. I don't think he'll forget about me once I take over his company. I think it's going to make him very mad. Very soon, I'm going to have to face him. No matter how much I try to plan for it, I can't control it. And the reality is that I might not survive."
Aiden holds me tightly and whispers in my ear, "Follow your heart, baby. That's all I ask."
I promise myself, then and there, that no matter what happens, to do just that.
Keep following my heart. Keep doing what feels right.
"I wasn't going to tell you again. But I love you, Aiden. I really, really do," I say, tears flowing freely down my face.
"I love you too," he says, gently wiping them away.
TUESDAY, DECEMBER 27TH
Even when you feel lost.
4pm
After getting hugs and kisses from everyone, Peyton, Damian Aiden and I left for the airport. We boarded our plane and slept the entire flight.
Cooper meets us upon arrival and takes us to my loft.
As much as I loved being with my family, it feels surprisingly good to be home.
Damian checks the place out, helps himself to an energy drink, and then plops down at the kitchen island and starts making calls about the music video production.
Peyton gets her bags situated in their room, kisses Damian, and says she's going to take a bath. I think she's worn out from all the wonderful wedding and Christmas chaos.
Aiden pokes around the kitchen, looking for something to snack on, while I take Cooper upstairs.
I need to give him his Christmas present.
He opens the Tiffany gift box to find a round silver container with the date of his sister's birth engraved on the top. He opens the container, sees what's inside, and looks up at me. "A compass?"
"I know helping me has been hard for you. I just want you to know that I appreciate it. And I know that she'd want you to know that even when you feel lost, you'll never be alone. She's always
with you, Cooper."
"You put her birthdate on the top."
"I think you should start celebrating her life, not remembering her death."
His eyes get watery as he looks up at the ceiling and nods. Then he looks down at the compass, shuts the lid, and runs his fingers across her birthdate. "You're right. Thank you. That is what she'd want."
"You have to stop blaming yourself. You were too young to do anything about it. I also want you to know that it's okay to tell me no. I may not always take your advice, but, regarding my safety, I value your opinion more than anyone's."
He smiles at me. "I'm going to hold you to that."
My nose perks up at the smell of garlic wafting through the air.
"Aiden's cooking," Cooper says. "We should get down there."
As we're going downstairs, the intercom buzzes. I glance at the monitor by the door and see Riley grinning into the camera. I hit the button to buzz him in, then walk out into the hall to greet him.
"I missed you!" I tell him, throwing my arms around him in a hug. "Did you have a good Christmas?"
"Of course. With all the Johnson's around, you know it's going to be a good time." He lifts his nose to the air. "What are you cooking?"
"I'm not sure. Aiden's sauteing garlic for something he's creating."
"Smells good. I'm suddenly starved."
We all gather around the table and eat the pasta Aiden made while we talk through the plan for tomorrow. Riley says, "All the sets from school were delivered yesterday. My family worked on the surfboards, which turned out to be a lot harder to make than we anticipated."
"Why?" I ask. "I thought you were just going to put them on a spring."
"That was the plan, but all the springs we tried were too flimsy and wouldn't support the weight of a person. Then, the ones that would support the weight wouldn't hardly move."
"What'd you do?" Damian asks.
"Let's just say my uncle has a Porsche 911 in our garage that may or may not be missing its MacPherson struts."
"That's brilliant," Aiden says with a laugh.
"We thought so, too," Riley says, his phone buzzing in his hand. He pops up from his chair. "Ariela is here! I haven't seen her since the dance."
"Why don't you go let her in?" I say.
About twenty minutes later they join us in the kitchen, both looking a bit disheveled.
"Must have been quiet a reunion," Damian says under his breath, looking a little jealous.
Riley giggles.
Yes, he giggles.
What the hell were they doing in my hallway?
I get up and give Ariela a welcoming hug and offer her some of Aiden's pasta.
"She's not hungry," Riley says a little too quickly.
She folds her hands over her flat stomach. "I swear, I won't be hungry for a week. I ate so much over Christmas."