by Nikita Singh
Tisha is the one wearing a pink mini skirt that goes to mid-thigh, with a beige top that is tucked into her skirt and is basically transparent. Her pink bra shows through in a very obvious way. To match that, she’s wearing very bright pink pumps and some of her short and spiky straight hair is pink too. (Mum said we’ve been friends only the last two years and she’s a bit wild.)
Bharat is the one next to Ada, in a plain white tee that is hanging carefree out of his faded blue denims. He is very tall, at least four inches taller than Ada, even though Ada is wearing those killer heels. He has his hands inside his pockets and is looking at me with a smile on his face. (Mum said he has been my friend since we were very tiny too and that his mum is a close friend of hers.)
The fourth person is Sameer, whose hair is slightly wavy and who is wearing beige khaki pants with a black shirt, smartly tucked in, a black belt around his waist, and black shoes. What strikes me most about him are his square jawline and straight nose. It looks like his face has been carved in marble by an expert. He’s holding a single red rose. (Mum said she thinks he’s my boyfriend and now I suspect so too, although it’s too awesome to be true.)
They all look like something taken straight out of a glossy fashion magazine, all the colours and styles co-ordinated too perfectly. It’s like they are not school kids but runway models. For a minute I’m taken aback. The pictures I saw were from some time ago, maybe a year or more. My friends weren’t dressed so impeccably then. It was less intimidating. My baby blue hospital robe lags so much behind in comparison.
‘HEY!’ they all scream in unison which cheers me up in a microsecond. That’s more like it. Appropriately teenager-ish!
‘Hi,’ I barely murmur, suddenly a little shy.
‘Oh my God, this is like, really insane,’ Ada jumps to my bed and grabs my hand.
‘Do you not remember anything? Like for real?’ Tisha’s eyes are wide and she’s chewing gum loudly.
Before I have a chance to say anything, Bharat says, ‘Don’t you go pulling a stunt like that ever again!’
‘You scared the hell out of us, dude!’ Sameer joins in.
Okay. I feel a little crowded.
‘So, now you can’t even speak or what?’ Tisha pokes my arm like I’m an alien and she doesn’t know what to expect.
‘I can . . . I mean, I speak. I can speak,’ I say. Now I’m even more nervous. I turn to Mum for support, but she is retreating from the room. ‘Mum,’ I whisper under my breath.
‘I’ll give you guys some time alone to catch up,’ she simply smiles and leaves the room. I think she somehow missed the terrified expression on my face.
‘Finally some privacy,’ Tisha makes a face and mutters. I don’t get it. Mum was here for about two minutes after my friends came in; she was hardly imposing on us or anything. What surprises me even more is how she could speak about my mother like that right in front of me. This can only mean that I also used to bitch about my own mother with my friends before the accident. That fits with everything else I’ve heard about myself so far.
I decide I don’t like Tisha. Her clothes are skimpy, she is loud and mean, she’s disrespectful of my mother and well . . . that’s it for now. I’ll figure it out as we go.
‘How are you feeling?’ Ada asks.
‘Good. I mean healthwise. Mentally, I’m a little confused,’ I respond in one crisp flow.
‘You must be! I can only imagine,’ Bharat says.
‘But relax. We’re here for you and we’ll help you go through this,’ Ada says.
‘Just that . . . do you honestly not remember anything or are you just fooling everybody?’ Bharat winks.
‘I hope you’re not doing this as an excuse to dump me!’ Sameer pipes in!
‘So you are my boyfriend, then,’ I state. He has come to sit on my right, which is my mum’s spot, and it bothers me a little, since he’s close enough to see an embarrassing blush creep up my face.
‘You did not just say that!’ Sameer makes a fake hurt expression and holds his chest as if what I said makes his heart ache.
To my intense dismay, I blush even harder.
‘I didn’t . . . mean to . . .’ I stutter.
‘I know! Chill, I was just kidding!’
If I get to wake up without my memory and have this guy as my boyfriend, I’d willingly do it over and over again.
‘Oooh, this is fun!’ Tisha rubs her palms together and sits on the foot of my bed, on the right. Bharat takes a seat next to her on the left. Now I’m surrounded. With Ada and Bharat on my left and Sameer and Tisha on the right, I feel like I can’t even make a run for it if I panic.
‘Fun isn’t the word I’d use for my friend waking up all blank and forgetting all about me!’ Bharat chides Tisha.
‘Shut up! It is fun,’ Tisha snaps and turns to me. ‘Okay, so you remember like, nothing?’
I nod.
‘Like seriously?’
I nod again.
‘Do you know who I am?’
‘Yes. Tisha. Mum showed me pictures.’
‘Why do you keep saying mum? What are you, like, British or something? We call our moms, mom,’ Tisha scolds.
‘Mom? What are you, like American?’ It escapes my mouth before I can help it. Everybody starts laughing and Tisha snorts out a forced laugh too.
‘I see you have not lost everything, then. You still have your wickedness. It’s adorable!’ Tisha says and then announces she needs to go out for a bit because her IM isn’t working, and she just needs to check her messages. The ‘stupid hospital’ doesn’t have network or something.
‘The one thing I have failed to understand since the beginning of time is why we let her hang out with us,’ Bharat has a deep thinking expression on his face.
Ada hits him softly on his arm. ‘Don’t say that. She’s our friend.’
‘Guys, seriously?’ Sameer asks. ‘Is that what we’re going to talk about? Let’s not forget that we’re making our first impression on my girlfriend right now!’
‘Oh, of course, let me straighten my tie really quick!’ Bharat says and adjusts his invisible tie.
‘The first impression has already been made,’ I declare.
‘And? Do we pass?’
‘Well, let’s see. Apart from what my mum told me, which was that we’ve know each other since we were about two years old, I have also realized that you are kind of a joker,’ I make a face at Bharat.
‘Joker is the word you are going to use for my supremely impeccable and tasteful sense of humour? I’ve lost all reason to exist,’ he shakes his head.
‘You have me,’ Ada holds his hand in fake-sympathy.
‘I knew it!’ I exclaim, and all eyes turn to me. ‘I knew you guys were together!’
‘What? How?’
‘The way you were looking at him! And he at you! You guys are so in love!’ I feel triumphant and a bit proud of myself for being so instinctive.
‘So that’s how my mom got to know! It’s the weirdest thing ever. I’ve been so, so careful ever since the beginning, but somehow my mom still got to know! I’ve been seriously freaking out, trying to figure out how she knows!’ Ada sighs in relief.
‘I think they always know,’ I turn to Sameer. ‘My mum told me that she thinks you are my boyfriend.’
‘It’s different in our case. She doesn’t know instinctively; she knows because she caught us kissing once,’ Sameer laughs.
‘Oh.’ So we have kissed. What else have we done? How long have we been dating? There is so much I need to know. ‘When?’
‘About two months ago, I think.’
‘Was she mad?’
‘Of course she was. But not as much as you were,’ Sameer chuckles.
‘What? I was mad? Why?’ I’m puzzled again.
‘Because she entered your room without knocking. She said she didn’t know you were home and she came just to pick up your clothes for laundry, but man, did you yell or what!’
I’m not really surprised. Maybe
I was a total bitch back then. Maybe I was like Tisha.
‘Anyway, so let’s get you up to speed real quick!’ Ada says. ‘I’m Ada, your oldest friend—’
‘Actually, I’m your oldest friend,’ Bharat intervenes.
‘You knew Bharat before me, but you were not friends. You became friends with me first, when you both joined kindergarten, then later, we became friends with Bharat,’ Ada explains, I don’t really know why. ‘So technically, I’m your oldest friend.’
‘Agree to disagree,’ Bharat makes a peace sign.
‘Okay,’ is all I say.
Ada continues, ‘I’m your oldest friend. Then Bharat. Bharat and I are dating. Which can be easy for you to remember if you think of A and B together. You know, for Ada and Bharat.’
‘I don’t . . . think I need the A and B logic to remember that!’
‘Oh, sorry. I’m a little confused about your . . . situation too,’ Ada looks apologetic.
‘It’s okay! I just don’t remember the past, but I’m good for new memories. I remember everything after the accident,’ I explain.
‘And what about your . . .’ Bharat looks uncomfortable for the first time since he entered this room.
‘Old memories? They will come back with time, the doctor says they can come back slowly over time, or maybe even all at once suddenly,’
‘Like in the Hindi movies? You see one thing and it jolts all your lost memories back, like BOOM!’
‘I guess, maybe . . .’
‘COOL,’ Bharat nods in approval.
We all laugh, before Ada continues, ‘Back to the catching up: we’ve known Sameer and Kapil since the sixth, when they joined our school. And Tisha joined in the tenth.’
‘Kapil?’
‘Oh, he’s not here. Tisha and he broke up a few weeks ago, so he doesn’t hang out with us when she is around.’
‘I think he sent a bouquet. The yellow tulips one on the left,’ I point to the arrangement of flowers.
‘Wow, it’s so pretty!’ Ada exclaims.
‘What is pretty?’ Tisha asks from the door.
‘The roses Sameer sent Kalindi,’ Ada says swiftly. Wow. She didn’t miss a beat telling that lie. I wonder if I’m such a fluent liar too.
‘Oh, hmm. They’re okay,’ Tisha shrugs. ‘Can we go now? We’re getting late for the gym.’
Ada checks her watch. ‘Right.’
‘And Kalindi,’ Tisha looks up from her cell phone nonchalantly and meets my eye, ‘When do you think you’ll be . . . you know, okay again?’
‘I am okay. As in . . . Physically, I’m fine . . .’ I don’t know where she’s going with this, so I don’t know how to respond.
‘It’s just that I have taken over your spot as the captain. And coach was saying I should take it permanently, seeing as we need training and you can’t come to practice anytime soon.’
‘Captain of what?’
‘The basketball team, OF COURSE! What else? See what I mean? You probably don’t even remember the rules and stuff either. Plus with the broken arm and shit . . . you need the rest,’ she looks pointedly at my cast.
‘Umm . . . okay, I guess . . .’
‘Anyway, don’t you worry, sweetie! I promise I’ll take care of the team and keep up your legacy; our house will win the finals this time too,’ she smiles (fake) sweetly at me.
‘I’m sure you will,’ I smile back (fake) sweetly too.
‘Great! See ya then, babe! Take care!’ she blows me a kiss and disappears into her phone before disappearing from the room.
‘What’s the deal with her?’ I ask Ada.
‘Don’t you worry, sweetie, she’s just finally getting all of your things, everything that she wanted but you had. Which reminds me: you need to come back soon, before you’ve nothing left to come back to,’ I can’t figure out if she’s being funny or serious. I hope she’s not being serious.
‘Enough now! Stop scaring her!’ Sameer interjects. ‘You kick some serious butt at basketball. Tisha isn’t bad either, though.’
‘Tisha just wants to be captain. She’s hijacking Kalindi’s spot and claiming to be trying to keep her legacy alive or whatever!’ Ada says heatedly.
‘Come on, man. She’s just a Temp. And before she becomes permanent, Kalindi will come back. Won’t you, Kalindi?’
I stare at them for a moment. ‘Are we seriously talking about school basketball team power games? I mean, Hello! I’m in a hospital bed here! And I’m missing roughly seventeen years of memories!’
‘Right. Sorry,’ Ada grins sheepishly. ‘I wish we could talk more, but we do have to go. We’ll come back tomorrow to see you. Get well soon!’
‘Yeah, see you!’ It has really been awesome to meet her. I can see why she’s been my best friend since we were tiny.
‘And,’ she moves in and whispers in my ear, only loud enough for me to hear, ‘bringing you up to speed: you are madly in love with Sameer and he with you. He’s been really sad and disturbed since you went ahead and had that accident.’ (At this point I want to ask her how exactly I went ahead and had that accident, but I don’t want to ruin the moment; she’s telling me about my love life and I have butterflies in my tummy.)
‘I’m sorry,’ I mutter reflexively. I wonder if it’s weird that I feel so guilty about getting into that horrible ‘accident’ and getting hurt.
‘Not the point. What I mean is I know you don’t remember stuff so you must be wondering what kind of a relationship you have with him. As your best friend, it’s my duty to tell you that you really love him and he really loves you—that’s the kind of relationship you have with him. Okay?’
‘Okay.’
‘Great,’ she moves back. ‘We’ll come back tomorrow then!’ She snakes her arm around Bharat’s and they turn to walk out of the room.
‘Stay hot!’ Bharat yells before they too disappear.
Now I’m left alone in the room with Sameer. Oh my God, I’m alone in the room with Sameer.
I don’t know what to say to him!
‘You are beautiful,’ he says.
‘I am?’ I ask. I’ve seen myself in the small mirror above the washbasin, and I think I look okay, but this is a glossy fashion magazine level good-looking boy, telling me that I’m beautiful.
‘Of course you do. You’re always beautiful to me.’
Oh. That’s just a nice way of saying I’m ugly, but since he’s my boyfriend and shit, he’s obliged to tell me I’m beautiful. I remember the sickly translucent skin and ugly scars I saw in the mirror yesterday. I’m hardly beautiful.
But still, he said I am beautiful! That’s what counts.
‘What will it take to bring your memory back?’ he asks.
‘I, uh, don’t know.’ Like, duh. If I knew, wouldn’t I have brought my memory back myself already?
‘I might have an idea . . .’
‘Really? Like what?’ I ask. I know Ada told me I love Sameer and Sameer loves me and all, but honestly, I feel a bit uncomfortable being alone with him like this.
To my horror, he leans in.
Shit, he’s going to kiss me. And I’m going to totally freak out and run away. You can’t honestly blame me. This boy is a lunatic. Does he honestly believe that kissing me will bring my memory back? Like seriously? Wake up! This isn’t a fairy tale!
I move slightly back before he can touch me and . . . oh. He’s leaning towards my ear. NOT my lips. Oh.
‘Let’s give it a few days,’ he whispers in my ear. ‘Once you’re discharged from the hospital and are allowed to go out, and you still do not remember anything, there is a place I want to take you to.’
My breath is caught. ‘Is it just me, or did that sound incredibly romantic?’
He laughs. ‘Hence the whispering. That’s what makes it romantic!’
‘Agreed. But, that’s not the only thing,’ I wink.
‘Agreed.’
He pulls back and pecks my cheek before standing up.
Oh God. He kissed me. On the cheek,
but a kiss for real. His actual soft lips on my cheek. I can still feel them. I’m so confused right now. I was mortified by the idea of him kissing me a moment ago, but as soon as his lips grazed my cheek, I turned into a weak-kneed, love-struck teenager. I guess one does need time to figure stuff out after losing practically all knowledge of one’s previous life.
‘You’ll come back tomorrow?’ I look up hopefully. Then adjust my expression in order to not come across as too hopeful and hence desperate.
‘I will.’
I’ll be waiting, I say in my head, as I watch him leave the room too.
Five
10 APRIL 2013
It has been a week since I woke up. And finally, finally, we are going home. They ran scores of tests on me, the names and needs of which I can’t and don’t even want to remember. Every part of my body was poked and prodded by one kind of a physician or another, and it was not a good feeling. I have also had three sittings with a psychotherapist. I’m not sure how I feel about that yet.
We have spent the entire week awaiting every test result in terror. But, thankfully, and much to my frustration, nothing new has been found. There have been no postoperative complications (the surgery on my brain was done when I was first brought in, which was twenty-eight days ago, and I was unconscious then), no new symptom has been discovered, the physiotherapy sessions have been going well and the neurosurgeon (Dr Sahani) said my brain looks good.
Apart from the lost memory, that is.
Yes, it isn’t back yet. But Dr Sahani suggested—and we agreed—that the best thing to do at this point is to take me back home. He asked me to get back to my life, my normal routine. I jumped at the idea. I’m really fed up of this hospital ward.
Priya (the bitter medical student on detention and forced to do nurse work) has been assigned to me and I’m glad that I’m leaving. Anita told me that Priya has only a few hours left on her detention anyway, but I don’t want to be around for any longer than absolutely necessary. What if by the time her detention is over, she goes ahead and does something terrible again and then I’m stuck with her for longer? No way I’m taking that risk. She’s mean. She even seems meaner than Tisha. But then Tisha laces her meanness with sarcasm and sugar-coats her sentences with affectionate expressions like sweetie and babe and says ‘that’s adorable’ when she really means ‘that’s so pathetic’. Priya, on the other hand, is in-your-face mean.