Xerxes’ dark eyes gave nothing away. ‘And what is it that you wanted to do?’
That was the issue. She didn’t know, not when it came to dealing with the child. Children had not featured anywhere in her future plans for herself and never had. Neither had a husband. All she’d wanted was to serve her country, be the kind of loyal, true soldier that her father...
Oh, God. Her father.
Cold crept through her, winding deep into her heart.
‘I want to serve Axios,’ she said, trying to ignore it. ‘That’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. And perhaps be promoted to the king’s guard. I...hadn’t thought of children.’
Xerxes didn’t move and yet a sense of threat radiated suddenly from him, the powerful force of his will pushing against her. ‘You’ll be keeping it.’ There was a whole world of certainty in those words that left no room for argument.
Of course. She hadn’t considered her options, had she? And adoption was one of those options. But as soon as the thought occurred to her, something twisted in her gut.
Could she really give this child to someone else? Abandon it to suit herself and her own needs?
You’ve put yourself first before and look how that turned out.
No, she’d followed her mother that day after school because she’d been suspicious. It didn’t have anything to do with her own anger because Nerida had cancelled a much anticipated shopping trip.
And she’d been right to be suspicious, as it had turned out. She’d seen Nerida kissing a man who wasn’t Calista’s father, and so she’d gone home straight away and told her father.
She was a good and loyal soldier, exactly as he’d said.
It certainly wasn’t a betrayal simply because you were furious and hurt.
Calista forced that thought away, looking down at her stomach, still flat though perhaps a little softer than it should have been. There was a life inside there, a son or a daughter to protect and defend.
Realisation moved through her, shifting to certainty. Yes, she was a soldier and a soldier’s duty was to protect. She’d dedicated her life to her country, but there was room for a child, too. She would make room.
She wouldn’t be her mother, walking past the daughter she’d once said she loved more than life itself and ignoring her as if she wasn’t there. Never speaking to her again, not even after the divorce.
She wouldn’t abandon this child the way her mother had abandoned her.
Calista put a hand on her stomach, feeling suddenly fierce. ‘Of course I’m keeping it. This child is mine.’
‘And mine.’ Warning tinged his voice, the predator guarding what was his. ‘Don’t forget that.’
He’s strong. He’ll keep the child safe, too.
The thought was instinctive, the primitive response of a mother wanting safety for her child, and it made her uncomfortable. She didn’t want to have to acknowledge him in any way.
‘I could hardly forget,’ she snapped.
‘See that you don’t.’ He leaned back in his chair, all that taut muscular power deceptively casual. ‘So, where were we? Ah, yes, your objections. Let me answer them. First—’ he held up one long-fingered hand and began to count them off as she’d done earlier ‘—yes, I’m a prince and you’re a guard, but if I say it doesn’t matter, then it doesn’t. Second, to be a royal of Axios whether by birth or by marriage is to dedicate your life to your country so that wouldn’t change. Third, neither love or like is required in a royal marriage. Fourth, if you want me to ask you, I will.’ The smile he gave her was ridiculously charming. ‘As long as the answer is yes.’
Calista sat on the edge of the wooden chair, her back ramrod straight, one hand on the arm of the chair, one resting protectively over her stomach. She still looked pale and she couldn’t have slept well because those dark circles under her eyes seemed as heavy as they had been the day before. She needed rest and good food, and a little cosseting wouldn’t go amiss.
He wouldn’t mind cosseting her. Especially if that cosseting involved a bed and being naked. Except it was clear she wasn’t ready for that, which meant he’d have to take things slowly. That was fine. All of this had come as a shock; she’d need some time to come to terms with it.
But come to terms with it she must. No other choice was permissible and especially not now. Last night he’d seen Eleni and broken the news to her, which meant his course was now set. Eleni had taken it well and had been more than happy that his offer of military support would still stand. She’d also agreed to still provide Axios with political support, as long as she was seen to be the one ending the engagement. It was what he’d been planning to offer anyway, and so she’d rushed off to talk with her PR people.
The interview with his brother, however, had been less satisfying.
Adonis had been furious with him, especially about the pregnancy, and had had a few choice words to say about Xerxes’ reputation, his position, and how he’d promised to uphold Axian values, et cetera, ad nauseam. It wasn’t anything Xerxes hadn’t either heard before or expected to have thrown at him, and because strategy had always been his strong point, that was when he’d told Adonis that he would marry Calista.
Adonis still hadn’t been happy, but he’d had no choice but to approve the marriage after that.
Once that had been dealt with, Xerxes had decided a period of absence would be best while the news of his broken engagement to Eleni circulated, mainly to give time for the scandal to die down. Then another announcement would be made concerning Calista. He’d told Adonis in no uncertain terms that the pregnancy would need to stay a secret until after he and Calista were married, as he wanted no hint of scandal to touch her. His brother had been scathing, muttering something about horses and barn doors, but Xerxes had been adamant. This had to be managed and managed carefully.
Scandal would happen—there was no avoiding it—but he wanted the wedding to take place with the minimum of gossip if he could possibly help it.
Both of them being absent from the palace and official duties would help, as well as giving Calista some time to come to terms with the idea of marrying into the family.
The expression on Calista’s face now, however, was anything but accommodating. ‘What if I don’t want to say yes?’
‘This is not a debate, Calista.’ He reached for the coffee pot and poured himself a mug. ‘This is non-negotiable.’
And he was prepared to fight for it. His father had told him just before he’d banished him that he was weak, that he was a vulnerability neither Adonis nor Axios could afford, and that had left him with a choice to make.
He could prove that his father had been wrong about him, and make himself strong. Or he could admit his father was right and drown himself in self-pity, giving in to the weakness inside himself.
Or he could simply choose not to care.
Up until now he’d chosen the third option and that had worked well enough. But it would not work any more. To be a good father, he had to care about the child and so he would. He was nothing like his own father, after all.
She watched him put the coffee pot down, anger glowing in her eyes. ‘So what I want doesn’t matter at all?’
‘Not when it comes to the safety of our child, no.’ He cradled the mug in his hands and studied her. ‘What is it in particular that you don’t like? Or is it only that you weren’t given a choice?’
Her jaw hardened. ‘It’s not “only” that I wasn’t given a choice. You’re essentially ordering me to change the entire course of my life for you.’
‘Not for me,’ he amended. ‘For our child. And the entire course of your life will have to change anyway. Or did you think you could continue to serve Axios while nine months pregnant?’
A flush stained her cheekbones. ‘I...hadn’t thought about it. It’s not as if I’ve had time.’
He gestured with his hand. ‘Well, h
ere is your time. Think, Calista. Your life will change regardless, so marrying me isn’t going to make it any worse. You’ll have a roof over your head, support for you and the baby. You won’t have to worry about money; everything will be taken care of. There will be no down side.’
‘Except I’ll be married,’ she said flatly. ‘To you.’
‘Is that really a down side, though?’ He smiled, allowing her to see a bit of the heat that was burning inside him. ‘I can make being married to me extremely pleasurable.’
Her flush deepened. ‘I don’t want to be married to you. The army is the only life I ever wanted. Serving Axios is all I ever wanted.’
Again with the army and Axios. He loved his country and he would lead its armies, but that wasn’t all he wanted, not now. Where had her dedication come from? This one-eyed view of what life could be? It didn’t have to be so all-or-nothing. Even in the dark days in Europe, he’d allowed himself some consolations, such as sex for example. But she didn’t even want that?
‘Why?’ he asked, curious. ‘There are other ways to serve your country that are much more exciting than following Adonis or me around all day.’
‘My father was a soldier. He was a captain and I wanted to follow in his footsteps.’ She paused, then added, ‘And our country is important to me. I want to help protect it, defend it. I’ve worked hard for years to get where I am and I don’t want to throw that all away on marriage.’
He understood that. She must have faced many challenges to get where she was today; he knew what an army career was like all too well.
‘Is it the glory you want?’ he asked. ‘Is that the big drawcard?’
She sat ramrod straight, at attention like the soldier she was, and he had an urge to put down his mug, and go over to her, put his hands on her stiff shoulders and massage away those little knots of tension.
‘No.’ Her voice held conviction, but there was something else flickering in her eyes that he couldn’t identify. ‘I don’t care about glory. I love this country and I can’t think of a greater privilege than serving it.’
That sounded like his father. Too like his father.
‘And your child?’ he asked, because she would have to understand this sooner or later. ‘Where does that leave the child? If you don’t marry me, what will you do instead? Mothers can certainly be soldiers, but if they are they usually have a partner to look after their children, or day care to send them to. Tell me, who will be looking after our child, Calista? Or will they have to come second to Axios?’
That unidentified emotion flickered across her face again, and it looked like shock. Then she glanced away abruptly, her jaw tight. ‘I don’t know, but I’ll think of something.’
A strange feeling shifted in Xerxes’ chest, one he wasn’t expecting. Sympathy. He knew what it was like to be stripped of your choices, to feel—as well as to be literally—trapped. He didn’t enjoy doing the same to her. But it had to be done.
Failure was not an option.
Calista looked back at him again. ‘Why are you being so insistent about this?’
She was one for blunt questions, wasn’t she? She had been up in the helicopter, and he’d surprised both of them by telling her the truth about why he’d left the military. It wasn’t something many people knew, and part of him had wanted to tell everyone when he’d returned to Axios, precisely because his father had never spoken of it. But Adonis had counselled otherwise. It was better to let it go, his brother had advised. Let it stay forgotten. And because he hadn’t cared one way or the other, that was what he’d done.
He still didn’t care, not about that. So why not tell her? The truth wouldn’t hurt.
‘Because I’ve failed a great many people in my life.’ He met her level gaze. ‘But I will not fail my child.’
‘How will marrying me help?’
‘Because I want him or her to live with me in the palace, where I can protect them. And they’ll need a mother. They’ll need a family. Marriage will give them that.’
Calista’s knuckles whitened on the arm of her chair as her grip tightened. ‘And where do I fit in to all of that?’
He watched the sun slide over her hair, igniting shades of gold and caramel and gilt, and his hands itched, wanting to touch it. ‘Where do you fit? In my bed, of course.’
Her gaze snapped back to his and it was clear that she did not like that, not one bit. The flare of her temper was like heat from a furnace, bursting up through the cracks in her discipline like flames through an iron grating, and he could feel his own rising to meet it, adrenaline flooding through him.
God, what he wouldn’t give to channel her anger into passion and pleasure, to ease the tension he could sense inside her. He’d done that for her once before and she’d loved it. She’d been so hungry for it.
‘That’s all you want from me?’ she demanded. ‘Sex and my child?’
‘Our child,’ he corrected. ‘And as far as anything else, what more can you offer me?’
Her chin came up, amber eyes glittering with gold fire. ‘Don’t play these games with me, Your Highness. I’m not one of your pretty little toys. I could kill you where you stand.’
Such a warrior. He loved it.
He smiled, every muscle in his body tightening at the thought of her attempting to do exactly that. ‘Try it, soldier. See how far you get.’
For a second he thought she actually might, the look in her eyes blazing. The pulse at the base of her throat was beating fast, the dappled sunlight coming through the grapevine above their heads shining on her skin like drops of pure gold.
He wanted her to get up from her chair and reach for him. And he would put his hands on her, gather her anger and change it, turn it into pleasure.
But she didn’t move, her expression hardening, going utterly rigid. It was as if she’d poured cold water on the fire of her anger and doused it utterly. ‘I need to rest now,’ she said, her voice stiff. ‘Please show me to my room.’
You have hurt her.
He couldn’t have said what gave it away, but he knew he had. And he didn’t like that. It made him aware of the power gap between them, of the fact that she really didn’t have a choice, while he did. She couldn’t refuse him, and even if he allowed it, it was she who’d be left with the child.
She’s vulnerable.
A soldier who wanted only to serve her country. Who’d worked hard to get where she was. A soldier who’d made one mistake and who now was paying for it. She was right. Playing games with her wasn’t fair.
But...she was more than just a soldier. He’d seen glimpses of the woman she was, a passionate, fiery sort of woman, and it was the woman who interested him the most. Didn’t she know that it was okay to be that woman sometimes? And if she didn’t, why not?
However, now wasn’t the time for such discussions, not when she looked so shattered. So he said carefully, ‘I am Defender of the Throne. That’s my official title. And my purpose is to head the army, to defend Axios. It will be my wife’s purpose, too. In fact, the job of any prince or princess of Axios is to defend this country. It’s not the army, I realise, but the end goal is still the same.’
Her gaze flickered, a little of the stiffness bleeding out of her. ‘I...hadn’t thought of it quite like that.’
‘Don’t be blinded by titles or the differences in our social standing, Calista. There’s a reason Adonis and I wear the tattoo and that’s because we’re soldiers of the cause, the same as you. We’re the ultimate protectors of this country, and by marrying me you will join our ranks.’ He hadn’t expected to start sounding like his father, or, rather, like the ghost of the idealistic boy he’d once been. And it should have disturbed him. Yet he was rather surprised to discover that he meant every word.
She stared at him, a slight crease between her brows. As if she was surprised. As if he was telling her something new.
&
nbsp; ‘Yes,’ she murmured, after a moment. ‘You’re right. We’re both serving our country, aren’t we?’
‘Of course I’m right.’ He studied her face. ‘Why do you want to serve Axios so very badly?’
‘My reasons are my own.’
‘You’ll be my wife, Calista. Your reasons are now mine.’
‘But I’m not your wife yet.’
He smiled. ‘Did you ever think that goes both ways?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘If you’re my wife, I’ll also be your husband. You tell me something, I’ll tell you something.’ It had suddenly occurred to him that convincing her wasn’t simply a matter of laying out logically why this was a good thing. That might convince the soldier, but she wasn’t only a soldier, as he already knew. She was a woman, too, and though he might admire the soldier, it was the woman he wanted in his bed.
And that involved a seduction. Laying breadcrumbs was the trick, that and knowing which approach to take. The direct approach wouldn’t work with Calista when it came to this marriage, and if he hadn’t known already, he did after today. No, she required a subtler approach. Luckily, he was very good at that, too.
Her expression became measuring. ‘How do I know you’ll tell me? That you won’t lie?’
Clever soldier. He could get angry about that, be offended that she doubted him. But he’d given her no reason to trust him.
Maybe your marriage starts here.
If he didn’t want things to start off antagonistically then they would have to start somewhere. And although he liked the prospect of a fight, he wanted her surrender more. But she’d have to be given some enticement.
‘I swear on my brother’s life that I will be truthful,’ he said, holding her gaze. ‘And I will uphold my end of the bargain.’
She gave him a long, narrow stare then nodded. ‘Okay. Well, to answer your question, yes, I do have personal reasons for wanting a military career.’
Of course she did. No one was that dedicated without something personal pushing them.
Her fingers traced the carving on the arm of her chair. ‘My father always wanted a son, but my mother left him when I was a girl and he never remarried. So I decided I’d be that son for him.’
Promoted To His Princess (Mills & Boon Modern) (The Royal House of Axios, Book 1) Page 10