by Dale Mayer
“Right. The things that we do in order to hide everything we’re going through,” Brianna said. “I’m still angry at her. And I think I’m angry because I’m hurt that she would have done such a thing.”
“Of course you’re angry. Not only did you waste a lot of money on a wedding that didn’t happen, but her affair ruined your relationship and what should have been your special day.”
“And yet now that there’s been the passage of this much time, I miss her,” she said. “How wrong is that?”
Susan sighed. “You’re not the only one,” she said, “but we can’t ever go back to what was.”
“I know. I can’t trust her, so I don’t really want to resume any friendship with her again,” she said sadly. After she talked to Susan some more, she hung up.
When she went to put her phone down, it buzzed. She checked to find an email—from her ex. Gerald had responded with, You’re a better person than I am. She paused, thinking that was big of him to open his response this way. She read the rest of his email.
I wouldn’t have forgiven me for what I did. I had no business hurting you. I never intended to. But my relationship with Jenna was founded on a lie because I was engaged to you. And neither are we still together. Like you, I’ve done a lot of soul-searching. I don’t really like what I’ve seen. I hope you have a better future.
Gerald
She sat back and stared out the window. “Wow,” she whispered, “I didn’t expect that.”
She frowned, set her phone off to the side, and wondered if she should respond. They’d been friends for a lot of years. However, it was better to let sleeping dogs lie because she didn’t want to deal with him further or to resume that friendship either. She just wanted some closure, wanted to get that off her chest.
If they’d been smart, they would have stayed friends. Once you become lovers and move into a much more intimate relationship, everything changes. And, at the heart, they’d still been just friends. She’d loved him, but now she wondered if she’d been in love with him or had she loved him just as a very good, close friend. Those were questions that she would no longer get answers for because everything was different now.
And that was a good thing.
At the end of the day, Jaden could feel the knot twisting in his back.
He texted Shane and said, “I know the massage request was tossed out earlier, but I’m starting to knot up pretty bad.”
“Be there in ten,” Shane said. “On your bed just in boxers under the sheet again, please.”
Jaden slowly headed to his room. He was feeling old, especially after the talk with the psychologist. He’d also had a physical from the medical doctor as well, and now he was just tired out. As he made his way to his bed, he stripped out of his clothes down to his boxers, climbed up onto the bed, and collapsed.
Shane poked his head around the door about the same time. “Good,” Shane said. “You’re ready.”
“Maybe not,” he said. “I’m feeling pretty old and worn out today.”
“Some days are like that,” Shane said. “And that’s for us who are healthy and without any injuries to deal with too.” He quickly pulled the sheet over Jaden’s hips and put something on his hands.
Jaden could hear the bottle open and close and then set on the bedside table.
Soon afterward, Shane’s very capable hands started working on his shoulder blades. “Where are you knotting?”
“Side of the ribs,” he gasped, “and the center of my back.”
“Close your eyes and just rest,” he said. Very slowly but very surely, he worked the knots out of Jaden’s back, easing up the tenseness. “Was it something this afternoon that set this off?”
“Yes,” he said. “You and then the psychologist.”
“Right. Same thing again. So maybe it’s all good, as you need to talk with Brianna sooner rather than later.”
“What can I say?” he said. “I’m an idiot. I’ll just apologize firsthand and save myself a lot of effort.”
“And that won’t do any good,” Shane said. “A lot more is required. You need to discuss this with her. You need to hear her words setting things straight.”
“And this is where I get to act like a two-year-old and say, I don’t wanna,” he said, mimicking Shane’s tone at the end.
Shane kept working in silence.
Jaden was tired and worn out, as well as restless from all the uneasy thoughts and suspicions he had been battling for days, wondering just what he was supposed to do about any and all of this, if anything. Jaden let his eyes drift closed. By the time Shane worked all the way down to his thighs to his lower calves, Jaden was relaxed and at peace. “You’re dynamite,” he said. “If nothing else, I’ve certainly learned the value of a good hard massage.”
“Well, this one wasn’t hard. This was specifically for easing your tension and stress and loosening those knots,” Shane said quietly. “But maybe, if you’re lucky, you’ll sleep now.”
“It’s dinnertime,” he said. “I should get food, but I did eat a huge lunch.”
“If you’re not hungry, don’t eat,” Shane said. “If you want something light, somebody can get it for you.”
“Maybe you’re right,” he said. “Maybe I’ll just lie here and relax.”
Shane finished up, then grabbed his jar and said, “Take it easy. If the knots come back again, let me know.” And he walked out of the room, closing the door quietly behind him.
Jaden lay on his bed with his arms at his side, still in the same position Shane had left him, as Jaden again let his eyes drift closed. His mind was consumed with images from when he was a child and happy and carefree, a time in his life when he had nothing else to worry about except putting a smile on his face and having his every need—just the basics—covered. Food, a hug to know he was loved. And he had been absolutely happy. But just that memory reminded him of how different his world was right now. He no longer had family. He did have a couple friends, and Iain was one of them.
He opened his eyes, wondering if he should call him. Would he understand the need to touch base with someone? What Jaden really wanted to do was talk to Brianna. Just to have coffee outside and to know that he wasn’t alone. And because of that, he didn’t do it. He didn’t even know how to open up a dialogue with her now. It wasn’t that he had a problem, not with her, not since Shane had said he wasn’t interested in her that way.
Jaden just didn’t know how to bridge the gap that had yawned wide between them. He didn’t know if he had created it or if she had, but it existed nonetheless. He still hadn’t seen her in days, and it bugged him. He reached for his phone, brought up her number because she was part of his team, and sent her a quick text saying hi.
When he got her hello response back immediately, he smiled.
Then she immediately texted again and asked, You okay?
At that, he put down the phone and frowned because, of course, she was responding in her capacity as a nurse. The caregiver in her had risen to the forefront, and she was worried about him. And he didn’t know how to reconcile that with the friend who he wanted her to be.
When another text came in, he stared in the direction of his phone, wondering if he wanted to check it. But he couldn’t resist. He reached for it and read her message.
I won’t make dinner. I was thinking about getting something a little later. I’m still pretty full.
He smiled. It seemed almost like a normal conversation for them. Same here. Just had a heavy massage. Not going anywhere.
Sounds like you need to rest.
I’m fine. But his response sounded stilted to his ears. Yeah, Shane was right. Jaden wouldn’t get over his doldrums until he talked to Brianna. Something he really didn’t want to do, yet he truly wanted to be on the other side of that conversation, back to normal with Brianna.
He sighed, tossed down his phone, and turned so he could stare out the window. His body was like fluid butter right now. He didn’t want to move and didn’t want
to tense anything in order to make the muscles do much. It would be so much better to just ease into sleep.
But now his mind was awake, and he kept thinking about her and all the things that they had left unsaid. Then his phone rang. He was kinda happy it wasn’t another text from Brianna until he could face her. He groaned as he reached for the phone, picked it up, and looked to see it was Dennis.
“Hey,” he said. “Do you need some dinner?”
“No, I’m still full from lunch, and I’m not feeling very well. I’ll just have a better breakfast.”
“Coffee, tea, or something like warm milk?”
“No, I don’t feel like anything,” he said, “but thanks for offering.”
After Dennis rang off, Jaden thought about how unusual it was to have people be so concerned. But, as the sun slowly sank, he lay here in the semidarkness, not moving, his mind awash with thoughts and feelings and consumed with everything that had happened in his life and how different it was from the pathway he had hoped for.
When a tentative knock came at his door, he called out, “Come in.” And he was startled to see Brianna. He stared at her for a long moment. “Are you okay?”
“I think that’s my line,” she said quietly, as she stepped in a little bit. She left the door open and said, “How are you feeling?”
“Odd, weird, disconnected,” he said. “It’s just … an off time for me right now.”
“I can understand that,” she said. “I feel the same.” She shoved her hands in her jeans, her slim form moving quietly over to the window. “I like to look out the window at times like this. Something feels more natural about being out there than being in here.”
“I get that,” he said. “I was thinking about going outside and just sitting, but I didn’t want to be around people.”
He felt her start, and she looked at him and asked, “Do you want me to leave?”
At that, he didn’t know what to say. He shrugged and said, “No, that’s fine. I appreciate you coming to check on me.”
“We’re friends,” she said quietly. “That’s what friends do.” She walked back to the door. “Have a good night. Maybe meet for breakfast?”
He thought about it, smiled, and said, “Sure, and thanks for coming.”
And she stepped out, closing the door quietly behind her.
He felt as if he’d lost something special in that moment. Yet he hadn’t so much lost anything as he hadn’t reached out and connected with someone, and that could have been special. Maybe that was the problem. He’d had an opportunity, and he had missed it. Right then, just the two of them had been here in his room, and they could have talked.
Instead, he got caught up in his own weird mental state and didn’t know how to even broach the subject of whatever it was that had pulled them apart. He sighed heavily, pulled the blanket over his shoulders, and let himself drift off to sleep.
Tomorrow. Maybe tomorrow things would be better.
Chapter 10
Something was off between them, and Brianna didn’t know what. She figured the problem was hers since she had been the one who had made that horrible realization and had run. She had checked up on him last night, after she sat in her apartment, not being able to stop thinking about him. So she’d gone over to check, but he’d been different. Not exactly happy to see her, yet not maybe unhappy either.
She didn’t know if something had gone on in his world or with his treatment to cause this. She was only privy to part of what went on with any one of the patients’ days. She could read their charts, but, other than that, she wasn’t there for everything that went on in their lives. But what she did see was usually amazing. Sometimes it was devastating, and sometimes it was good news accompanied by tears. If it was bad news, there were more tears.
She’d seen a lot of men cry in her lifetime. Being a nurse, she knew it was just part and parcel of being hurt. But here she’d seen more acceptance, growth, and determination that went way past the human norm. It’s like every emotion was amplified in Hathaway House. She enjoyed it, but it was also wearing. It’s like she was being bounced off the same emotional currents that everybody else was riding along.
Maybe those emotional currents were why she’d taken herself in such a crazy mental loop here the other day. Yet, with or without those currents, she also understood that the people here made this job so enjoyable. She felt like she was part of something which truly helped others, something that took them to the point where they could lead independent and useful lives again. Hathaway House gave them a jumping off point to the next phase of their lives.
As she got dressed this morning, she decided to thank Dani for taking her on full-time. Brianna hoped she had absolutely no need to worry about her job because this was one place where she saw herself staying for a long time. So much was going on here that Brianna felt part of something valuable, bigger than her, with job security as well.
Anytime a new patient arrived, she saw how Dennis immediately checked to see what they needed and what he could do to help. But not just Dennis. Everybody here was involved in some way along every step of the healing process. And Shane—although he was here, there, and everywhere—he ran a team of physiotherapists who always went above and beyond their duties. Dani set that good example by always being heavily involved in everybody’s needs, whether a staff member or a patient or one of the animals here.
Hathaway House was a place of caring, and maybe Brianna didn’t have any chance to avoid caring for these people, every single one of them. Maybe just being in this environment made her look at herself a little bit more carefully. The fact that she didn’t like what she saw in herself gave her a chance to sit down and to reassess if what she thought she saw was actually what she’d really seen. Or was that fear talking, holding her back? Because, man, this place was full of fear too. Fear that the patient would never get better, fear that things would be even worse, fear that who they were inside wasn’t enough.
The emotions just went on and on. Sometimes for the better. She was proud of herself for having contacted her ex, but now she didn’t know what to do with the rest of that disaster. Should she contact her maid of honor too? Brianna was afraid of opening that door. They’d been friends since kindergarten. Maybe that was why it felt like a much bigger betrayal because of the length of time that she’d known Jenna. Was her friend hurting too? Should Brianna leave well enough alone?
She walked into the cafeteria, looking to see if Jaden was here. He was so busy, so happy, cheerful doing his healing thing. She had to admit she had changed here too in the short time since she had arrived. She hadn’t really expected it. But did being around people who were healing automatically help her to heal? Did being around people who were striving to be so much better than what they were when they arrived mean that she was striving too? Was it like osmosis and just something that seeped into her soul? She didn’t know, but there had to be a logical reason for this shift in herself. Maybe it was just a matter of timing.
“Good morning,” said a woman behind her.
She turned to see Dani there. Brianna smiled and said, “Good morning.”
“Are you looking for Jaden? Because I saw him in the hallway.”
“Oh, good,” Brianna said. “We were to meet and have breakfast together.”
“Good,” she said, as she stepped past her, but Brianna reached out a hand.
“I wanted to tell you,” she said, “how much I really appreciate that you hired me full-time here. I hadn’t realized how much of a change and an effect it was having on me, but I’m very glad to be here and to be part of something so special.”
Dani looked at her in surprise, and then her smile and gaze warmed up. “You’re more than welcome,” she said. “Thank you for being a part of it. It takes people like you to make it special. It’s not just about the patients. It’s about how the staff and the medical teams act too and how everybody works together. It’s also about what we do with ourselves while we’re here, and I can tell
you that we can do an awful lot.”
“Isn’t that the truth,” she said. “I hadn’t expected some of what I’m seeing.”
Dani’s eyes shifted. “Tell me more?”
Brianna shrugged. “I see people heal. I’m healing too.”
Dani nodded. “And that is a phenomenon we have seen here before,” she said gently. “It’s hard not to when you see so many other people working and striving to open up their world. And, for that, I’m grateful for myself and for you.” Then she moved ahead and got into line.
As Brianna turned around, she saw Jaden on his crutches. She looked at him and smiled. “Wow,” she said. “I gather you had a good night’s sleep.”
“I did,” he said, his smile bright and much more positive than she’d seen in a while.
He looked at her, then back at Dani and asked, “Problems?”
“No,” she said. She waited for him to step into line beside her. “I was just thanking her for the opportunity to be here. It’s nice to be a part of something like this.”
“Agreed,” he said seriously. “She’s also a special person who has been through a lot.”
“Right. I think Aaron is supposed to be coming back soon, but I forgot to ask her.”
“Maybe,” he said. “I haven’t met him myself.”
“Neither have I,” she said. “He’s been at vet school the whole time.”
“And that’s a challenge in itself,” Jaden said. “Long-distance romances are tough.”
“All romances are tough,” she said with a bright smile. She stepped into line and moved up with him.
“How are you feeling about yours nowadays?”
“Much better,” she said cheerfully, realizing the truth in her words. “I contacted my ex and told him that I forgave him.” At a strange sound coming from him, she turned to see Jaden staring at her in shock. She shrugged. “It seemed like the right thing to do.”
“Not for most people,” he said.
“No, maybe not, but it was holding me back,” she said quietly. “I haven’t contacted my girlfriend, the maid of honor, and I don’t think I can do that.”