‘Mum!’
‘Ellie, don’t grab me. I’m talking to someone, can’t you see? This is Mr Grigson, Tom’s barrister.’
There was reverence in her voice as she waved her hand at the barrister, as if to say, Isn’t he amazing with his black cloak and his white wig and his important bundle of paperwork?
Mr Grigson nodded at Ellie as if he’d seen hundreds of girls like her already that morning. He didn’t even say hello.
‘Mum?’
‘Ellie, I’m talking.’
‘But Mum, I want—’
‘If you need the toilet, it’s there – look. Be quick though, we’re about to go in.’
So, how could she say, Mum, I want you to take care of me?
The crowd was pressing up the stairs. Ellie couldn’t bear to meet Stacey again.
‘I’ll just be a minute.’
Mum nodded. ‘I’ll save you a seat.’
Like it was a trip to the theatre, like a seat near the front would be pleasant.
Ellie dived into a cubicle and bolted it, leaned against the door and clutched her stomach to try and stop the gripping pain. She attempted to think of beautiful things – hummingbirds sipping nectar from small flowers in bright places, mountains capped with snow.
None of it worked. Because this would be so much worse in a few weeks when there’d be a jury, when Ellie’s name would be called and she’d be invited to stand in the witness box and swear on a Bible and tell the truth, the whole truth, so help her God.
She vomited everything up into the toilet bowl – toast and coffee, last night’s bolognese. She felt small and transparent afterwards. She wiped her mouth, flushed it all away and sat on the toilet seat shivering. She always cried when she puked, so she knew her mascara was smudged now, and that instead of looking truthful and holy she would look a total mess and no doubt get into more trouble with her parents.
She spun a wad of tissue from the toilet roll and wiped her eyes. Behind her, high up, a thin streak of sun glimmered through the window. She leaned back into it, closed her eyes and let it dazzle her face for a moment.
‘Ellie Parker,’ she told herself. ‘You can do this. Do it for Tom. Do it for your family. Tom’s your brother. He’d never do anything to hurt you.’
She washed her hands and face in the sink, rinsed her mouth and tamed her hair in the mirror. She opened the door a fraction and checked along the length of the corridor in both directions. No one was about, the landing and stairs were empty. The courtroom door was closed. Did that mean she wasn’t allowed in now? No, this was another disaster! She hovered outside, unsure what to do, then decided to go back down the stairs to ask at reception. But as she got to the top stair she stopped because she heard voices and footsteps coming up and a rush of adrenalin flooded her face and chest. She recognized that voice.
Mikey McKenzie looked right at her as he turned the corner of the stairs. His eyes widened with surprise, but all he said was, ‘Hello.’
Ellie nodded, couldn’t speak.
He was with a woman, younger than her own mother, but definitely his mum. The whole family had the same dark hair. She hadn’t dressed up, no make-up and just a tatty denim jacket over a tracksuit. The three of them stood together at the top of the stairs.
Mikey said, ‘Are you going in?’
‘I don’t know. The doors were open and now they’re shut.’
He shrugged mildly. ‘The woman at the desk said to go in.’
His mother pressed her hand onto his arm and said, ‘Is that the loo? I should pop in there first.’
‘Sure, Mum. I’ll wait for you.’
They watched her go, the door swung shut. Just the two of them now.
Ellie said, ‘Does she know who I am?’
‘No.’
‘Will you tell her?’
‘Why would I?’
‘What about Karyn? Is she coming?’
He shook his head. Stupid question. Of course she wasn’t. She was too scared to leave the flat, didn’t everyone keep telling her that?
‘Jacko’s here,’ he said. ‘He’s parking the car.’
She nodded, knew she was blushing. Voices rose and fell beyond the door.
She knew he blamed her, knew he thought she’d set him up. They stood there awkwardly, and all she could think of were pleasantries – nice weather, how’s work?
‘Your eye looks bad,’ she said. ‘Does it hurt?’
‘Not really.’
‘It’s all bruised still.’
He flicked her a look. ‘You should see the other guy.’
Maybe it was a joke, but neither of them smiled.
She said, ‘I texted you.’
‘Yeah.’
‘Why didn’t you answer?’
He shrugged, looked beyond her to the courtroom doors. ‘I didn’t see the point.’
‘I had no idea Tom would come home when he did. I didn’t mean that to happen.’
‘Yeah, you said in your text.’
‘You don’t believe me.’
He waved a hand at the closed doors. ‘This stinks, the whole thing does. What I did to you was out of order, what you did to me I probably deserved. So we’re even, OK? No more texts. No more anything. Let’s just forget it now.’
He held her gaze for a second. She looked away first.
‘I better go in,’ she said.
He nodded. ‘Yeah, see you around.’
Twenty-seven
The public gallery wasn’t high up like the Old Bailey on TV, just a few rows of chairs with an aisle between them. There was no whispered hush when Ellie walked in, no tutting judge surrounded by barristers to tell her off for being late, just groups of people sitting around on chairs waiting for it all to begin. Stacey and her mates were in the far corner, and although they stared as Ellie walked down the aisle and squeezed in next to her mother, no one else took much notice.
‘I was beginning to give you up for lost,’ Mum said, and she patted Ellie’s hand, as if everything would be all right now.
It was like sitting in an airless registry office, waiting for a badvibe wedding. There was even an usher, some bloke flitting around with handfuls of paperwork. Tom was in the front row, the groom waiting for his bride. But the bride wasn’t coming. Karyn McKenzie was at home weeping, her wedding dress in tatters, refusing to get in the limo. I won’t marry him, I won’t! He’s cruel and I hate him.
Tom was scared – Ellie knew it from the way he concentrated on the floor in front of his feet, the tight pinch of his shoulders. He was wearing his new suit, chosen by Dad for its fine weave and quality stitching. But under his arms and along his spine, sweat would be gathering.
Mum leaned across and nudged her. ‘The mother’s just come in. I heard Barry say.’
Ellie turned her head slightly, pretending not to be that interested. Mikey’s mum looked as if she was trying hard to be focused as she walked up the aisle, her head very straight, her neck straight too. Behind her came Mikey. And trailing behind him, his mate Jacko. Ellie couldn’t take her eyes off them as they hunted for seats.
‘She’s very young,’ Mum whispered. ‘You reckon those two boys have different fathers?’
‘They’re not brothers.’
‘They might be. How do you know?’
Ellie didn’t even bother replying. Her heart stirred with softness for Mikey as he helped his mum to a seat and encouraged her to take off her jacket. She looked very nervous as her eyes darted about the place.
Mikey’s gaze swept the room as he took his own coat off. He clocked Tom, Dad and the solicitor, their heads bent together, locked in last-minute discussions. Then he saw Ellie and it was like an invisible electric wire joined them across the room. She turned away quickly and focused her attention on the high window above the judge’s bench. There was a line of grey cloud shifting across the sky. Under her chair, she crossed her feet, uncrossed them, recrossed them.
Mum nudged her again. ‘Here we go. Here’s the judge.’
Ellie found it hard to concentrate, hard to focus. Mikey was behind her, three rows back on the other side of the aisle. The bride’s side.
The barristers took it in turns to stand up and talk to the judge. They talked about statements on which the prosecution were relying and material that might benefit the defence. Legal jargon was tossed back and forth, and the crowd leaned forward, trying to make sense of it.
Was Mikey looking at her? How much of her could he see from where he was sitting? The back of her neck? Her shoulders?
On and on the barristers went, and just as people started to shuffle their feet and Ellie began to hope that Barry was right and people would get bored and go home, Tom was asked to go and stand in the dock. The crowd pressed forward in their chairs.
The dock was to the side of the barristers, a semi-partitioned area with steps up to it. When Tom stood there in his best suit, everyone could see his face. He looked paler than he had in the car, and very scared.
The judge said, ‘Is your name Thomas Alexander Parker?’
‘Yes, it is.’ He sounded young, his voice achingly familiar.
The judge read out his date of birth and then his address. He even included the postcode. The room seemed to tilt as he read the charge out. The words sexual assault echoed inside Ellie’s head. Tom was asked if he understood what he’d been accused of doing.
‘Yes,’ he said, ‘I do.’
Like a vow.
‘And how do you plead? Guilty or not guilty?’
Ellie could feel her own heart beating, her brain ticking, as the room slowed down. He could refuse to plead. He could plead insanity. He could say he did it.
‘Not guilty.’
A babble of objections broke out across the room, as well as a spattering of applause. Some of Tom’s friends must have come in, because a boy yelled, ‘You tell ‘em, mate!’ The judge banged his little hammer and asked for quiet.
In the fuss, Ellie stole a look at Mikey.
He was staring at the floor as if he’d given up. Her whole body felt cold looking at him. Mikey loved his sister, that’s why he’d tried to help her. He loved his mother too – see how he put his arm round her, see how she leaned in to him? He’d do anything for them, probably – isn’t that what people in families did for each other? Isn’t that what Tom was always telling her? But now Mikey would have to go home and tell Karyn that in a few short weeks, she’d have to leave the flat and come to court and talk about what happened. Her life would be taken apart and examined by strangers, and anyone could come and watch.
Not guilty.
The words repeated inside Ellie’s head. Every time she blinked she saw them flare.
Twenty-eight
Mikey was making coffee in the kitchen and spying on Karyn and Jacko at the same time. He didn’t want to be making coffee, he wanted to be in the car on his way to work, but Mum had bolted upstairs as soon as they’d got back from court and he knew caffeine was the best way to entice her down.
Karyn was curling her hair over and over one finger and listening intently to Jacko as he told her he’d called Tom Parker a wanker from the crown court steps.
‘We all booed as he came out,’ Jacko said. ‘He put a coat over his head, he was so ashamed. There were loads of people on your side. Lots of your mates from school were there.’
‘I should text them,’ Karyn said. ‘I’ve been a bit crap about that. Sometimes it’s hard to believe everyone hasn’t forgotten about me.’
‘Forgotten you? No, girl, we’re here for you.’ Jacko rabbit-punched the air with his fists. ‘Trouble is, the courts are full of bullshit. They should’ve left it to the masses. We’d have lynched him in the car park and hung him from a tree.’
‘Bad idea,’ Karyn said. ‘Look what happened to Mikey when he got too close.’
Mikey scowled at her. ‘What’re you talking about? I landed plenty of punches.’
‘You were trying to make yourself feel better.’
First she’d told Gillian about the fight, now she was mocking him in front of his best mate. He was astonished at how ungrateful she was.
‘You came home looking like a horror film,’ Karyn went on. ‘How did that help anyone?’
She shook her head at him like a disappointed parent.
‘He went solo, that’s why,’ Jacko said.
‘Yeah, forgot to take the brains with him.’ She leaned across and tapped Jacko’s head with a finger, which made them both laugh.
They were really beginning to get on Mikey’s nerves. Here he was making the drinks, and neither of them offered to do anything. They should be tidying up instead of sitting there. The table was crowded with stuff – ashtrays, coffee cups, plates from the scrambled egg earlier, a glass with scummy white lines from Holly’s milk. The whole room smelled faintly mouldy, like something was festering. Mikey knew this would all look the same when he came home from work tonight. He also knew that something had shifted in Jacko, something he didn’t quite understand. As Jacko riffed on about court, it was like he was suddenly in charge. It never used to be that way round.
‘The sister nearly fainted,’ Jacko said. ‘She had to be led out by her mum. They sat her on a wall and fanned her with a newspaper.’
‘Ellie Parker, you mean?’
‘Yeah, that’s it.’
‘She was in the house the night it happened,’ Karyn said, ‘and now she’s pretending not to know anything. I told you about her, didn’t I, Mikey?’
Mikey nodded as he fiddled about with sugar and spoons. Ellie’s name sounded very loud from where he was standing.
‘I remember more and more,’ Karyn said to Jacko. ‘I spoke to her a few times that night. She even got me a bucket in case I was sick, but on her statement she said she was asleep the whole time.’
Jacko frowned. ‘Shouldn’t you tell the cops?’
‘I did, but they say it’s not enough – just my word against hers. And she’s hardly going to grass her brother up, is she?’
‘You hungry?’ Mikey asked her, desperate to change the subject. ‘Did you eat anything when we were gone?’
‘Not really.’
Jacko shook his head at her disapprovingly, like he was the chef. ‘You should eat properly,’ he said. ‘Mikey told me you’re not looking after yourself.’
‘Did he?’ Karyn glared at Mikey as he stirred milk into the coffee. Great, another reason to sulk with him.
‘Anyway,’ Jacko said, ‘as a mark of how brave you are, I bought you something.’ He rummaged in the carrier bag he’d brought in from the car and pulled out a tin of Quality Street. Mikey knew they were from Lidl – he’d seen the offer, two for the price of one. He wondered what Jacko had done with the other tin.
The way Karyn grinned, you’d think he’d bought her an iPod. She looked right at Mikey with a why don’t you ever do anything nice for me? face as she peeled the sellotape from around the edge of the tin, opened it up and stuck her face right in there to sniff.
‘Smells of Christmas,’ she said.
Mikey knew lots of things his sister liked – prawn cocktail crisps, white chocolate, Smarties, Pringles. Any of them would have done, so why hadn’t he thought of it? He could have cooked her a whole meal in fact, beginning to end, that would have been more impressive. It made him mad to see Jacko doing all the right things, but none of the legwork. Jacko didn’t have a clue what it was like living with three women. He’d like to see him try.
Karyn blinked at the chocolates and all the bright wrappers glowed back at her. She took a green triangle and offered the tin to Jacko. He took one without looking, unwrapped it and stuffed it in his mou
th. Mikey hoped it was coconut.
He slopped a coffee down in front of them both. ‘Don’t take too long drinking that,’ he told Jacko. ‘We have to go in a minute.’
‘Plenty of time,’ Jacko said, and he reached out and took another chocolate.
Mikey had a sudden urge to see Sienna because she thought Jacko was a tosser. He went back to the kitchen and texted her. She texted straight back, Die you creep. Why not? He deserved it.
To make himself feel worse, he went to his outbox and skipped through the stacked-up messages he’d written to Ellie but never sent. Like heartbeats, over and over. I miss you. Meet me. Forgive me.
He deleted the lot.
She was on her brother’s side, Karyn was right. He’d been an idiot to think otherwise.
As Mikey walked back through to the lounge, Jacko was going on about how Karyn was by herself too much, how it was bad for her and she should invite people over.
‘I could’ve sat with you this morning,’ he said. ‘I wouldn’t’ve minded.’
‘I was fine. Gillian was here.’
Jacko looked confused. ‘Gillian’s her cop,’ Mikey told him. ‘Karyn thinks the sun shines out of her arse.’
Karyn shook her head. ‘Don’t make me sound like a prat, Mikey.’
‘I’m taking this drink up to Mum,’ he said. ‘We’ll go after that, Jacko, yeah?’
Jacko nodded, then turned straight back to Karyn. ‘So,’ he said, ‘you think you could face leaving the flat soon, for a drive or something?’
What a wanker.
Upstairs, his mum sat on the edge of the bed with the ashtray on her lap. He put the coffee next to her on the table.
She said, ‘How’s Karyn?’
‘Surprisingly chipper.’
‘You told her he pleaded not guilty?’
‘Gillian did. It’s hardly a surprise though, is it?’
‘I suppose not.’ She took a long drag of her cigarette and blew the smoke towards the window. ‘I don’t know what to say to her, Mikey.’
You Against Me Page 17