Mikey glared at him. ‘I haven’t got time for this.’ He scrolled through the texts on his phone. Maybe he’d missed something from Ellie or Mum earlier. Nothing. He checked his voicemail. No new messages.
Jacko sat next to him on the bench. ‘Any news?’
‘Like you care.’
‘I do, actually.’
Down on the beach, a little kid was running with a kite snapping on the end of a bit of string. Funny how when life was that simple, you never realized how lucky you were.
Jacko nudged Mikey’s foot with his. ‘So, is this an official break you’re having out here?’
Mikey shuffled away, opened his phone again, texted Karyn, Hurry up.
Jacko said, ‘Listen, man. I know this is none of my business, but I don’t think you should push it with Sue. She went nuts yesterday when you didn’t come in. You want to keep your job, don’t you?’
Mikey texted Mum, Call me NOW.
Jacko sighed. ‘Maybe one day we’ll look back at this and laugh.’
‘I doubt it.’
‘You never know.’
Mikey pretended to think about that. ‘No, Jacko, I really don’t think that’s going to happen. You know why? Because when this kicks off, Ellie’s never going to speak to me again.’
‘Two months ago you never knew her and she didn’t speak to you anyway.’
Mikey sank his head into his hands, dizzy with how far away he and Jacko were from each other.
‘Blame me if you like,’ Jacko said. ‘I don’t mind.’
‘Yeah, maybe I’ll do that.’
The trill of his phone made them both start. His fingers were clumsy. He scowled at Jacko. ‘Do you mind? This is private.’
Jacko shrugged, moved away to the end of the bench and pretended not to listen. Mikey sat on the harbour wall and looked down at the boats.
‘Mum?’ he said. ‘What’s happening?’
‘I can’t speak for long, Mikey, we’re right in the middle of things here.’ She sounded sober, wide awake, oddly calm.
‘You called Gillian then?’
‘I wasn’t going to sit around waiting to see what happened next.’
‘Yeah, well, thanks for that.’
‘I’ve got a daughter here who needs me, Mikey. I told you that last night.’
I need you too, he thought, but he didn’t say it out loud. He’d brought this on himself and now he had to take it.
‘So, what’s the news?’
‘Gillian said it’s good we told her, and she phoned the detectives in charge of Karyn’s case and let them know.’
‘And what did they say?’
‘They’re going to go round and pick your friend up.’
A pulse banged in Mikey’s head. ‘Round where?’
‘I don’t know – her house, I suppose.’
‘She won’t be there, she’ll be at school.’
‘Well then, I expect they’ll go there.’
‘You can’t send cops round the school!’
‘For goodness’ sake, Mikey, they only want to talk to her. It won’t hurt her to tell the truth, will it?’
He cut her off, didn’t want to hear any more. He turned to Jacko. ‘I need the car.’
‘No way.’
‘You owe me.’
‘I don’t.’
‘Come on, man, you heard that. You’ve got to help.’
Jacko got out his tobacco and strapped a rollie together, slowly, deliberately, as if time was something there was a lot of. Mikey tried to hold his anger down, knew he didn’t stand a chance of the car if he pushed too hard.
Jacko said, ‘Why do you like her so much?’
‘I don’t know, I just do.’
‘Very descriptive.’
Mikey kicked the wall with his foot, scuffing up sand. ‘What do you want me to say?’
‘I want you to say why you like her.’
Jacko seriously wanted him humiliated, that was obvious. It was going against every rule, every part of the male code. But it was worth it for the car keys.
‘I can’t help it, it’s as simple as that. I can’t do anything to stop it.’ He took a breath. ‘Like you can’t help being addicted to your car.’
Jacko frowned. ‘She’s like a car?’
‘No, man. She’s – I dunno …’ He ran a hand through his hair, tried to think exactly what it was that Ellie did to him. It felt important to get it right. ‘She shines.’
‘Like a car?’
‘Stop taking the piss.’ He sat on the bench and looked Jacko in the eye. ‘When I was growing up, I had this fantasy of a perfect girl. She never really had a face, but she had a great body and she liked everything about me.’ He felt himself flush, but knew it was important to carry on. ‘When I first saw Ellie, I knew it was her – she was my fantasy. I didn’t want it to be true, but every time I met her it was obvious, and the funny thing was that she was better than the fantasy, like I got more stuff than I’d imagined.’
Jacko blew smoke out in a long thin line towards the harbour. ‘Like what?’
He listed them on his fingers. ‘She makes me laugh, she knows stuff, she listens. She surprises me, you know – like, she can be calm one minute, then totally out there the next? What else? She’s drop-dead gorgeous, she’s a mystery. I dunno, man, this sounds like bollocks.’
Jacko’s eyes softened slightly, and Mikey dared to carry on.
‘I thought I could keep away from her, but I couldn’t. Whenever I wasn’t with her, I’d think about her. I tried fancying other girls, and couldn’t. I mean, I’d literally walk down the street and try and imagine other girls naked and it didn’t do it for me, I didn’t want them. And when I thought Ellie set me up for a kicking and when I didn’t see her for ages and thought she didn’t care, I went nuts. I didn’t want to get up, or go to work or anything, and I’m sorry about that, mate, I can see how crap it was for you, but I was terrified I’d never see her again. I like her that much.’
There, he’d said it out loud and Jacko could think what he wanted. But instead of yelling at him, or taking the piss, Jacko grinned. ‘Thank God for that.’
‘What?’
‘That’s the first time you’ve told me the truth in weeks.’ He reached into his pocket and pulled out the car keys. ‘Here. Don’t scratch it and don’t say I never do anything for you.’ Their fingers touched; Jacko didn’t let go of the keys. ‘I’m here for you, man. I’ve always been here for you, it’s just you stopped knowing it.’
Mikey threw an arm round him and gave him a thump on the back. It was exactly the right thing to do, he could tell by Jacko’s smile. ‘Tell Dex I’m sorry.’
‘You’re going to have to do that yourself.’ Jacko nodded towards the entrance to the car park, where Dex was striding over. He looked weird outside, with his apron flapping in the wind.
‘You need to come back inside,’ he called. ‘Both of you, now. Sue’s on the warpath.’
Mikey couldn’t look at him as he got close. He took off his own apron and passed it to Jacko, put the keys in his pocket.
‘The car’s round the back,’ Jacko said, ‘in the yard.’
Dex put his hands on his hips. The disappointment in his eyes was horrible. ‘Where are you going, Mikey?’
‘I’m really sorry.’
‘If you leave again, I can’t help you.’
‘I know.’
‘It’s urgent,’ Jacko said. ‘I’ll cover for him. You won’t even notice he’s gone.’
‘No,’ Dex said. ‘If he goes now, that’s it, there’s nothing I can do.’
He had a wooden spoon in his hand, some kind of paste clinging to it in a sticky lump. And, weirdly, it was the spoon that was hard to turn away from.
Forty
It was crazy, Mikey thought, the things your body could do when you didn’t want it to. The heat spreading from chest to face to eyes, blood racing, the mad adrenalin surge. Even his voice became hoarse and faltering as he saw Ellie through the school fence
and called her over.
She frowned at him like maybe it was a trick, then picked up her bag and walked towards him. Just looking at her hurt.
She said, ‘Aren’t you supposed to be at work?’
‘I bunked it. I had to speak to you.’
‘Is everything OK?’
‘I tried calling. I sent you loads of texts.’
‘My dad took my phone.’ She laced her fingers through the metal loops of the fence. She looked ashamed. He hated her family for that. None of this was her fault.
‘Can you get out?’
‘The bell’s gone and I’ve got a Maths revision class.’
‘It’s important. Just for a few minutes?’
‘I don’t know.’ She glanced around at the kids retreating back into school, at the teacher at the gate herding stragglers in. ‘I’m trying not to get into any more trouble.’
He felt suddenly knackered. All these kids walking across the playground and back into school; soon they’d be whispering about this, nudging each other, laughing at Ellie. He felt the aching sadness of that.
‘Five minutes, Ellie, please. Come and sit by the river with me. Ten minutes max, I promise.’
‘You’re going to hate me when you know what a coward I was last night.’
‘I told you yesterday, I’ll never hate you.’
She smiled. ‘You always make me feel better, you know that?’
She walked to the gate, and he followed along the pavement on his side of the fence. A woman walked past with a baby twisting in her arms. Somewhere a bird sang. Everyday things. There was a teacher at the entrance, ‘Come on, come on,’ he yelled as the last few kids made it through. ‘Move yourselves, or you’re going to be late.’
Mikey shivered. He hated all this – the rules, the adults bellowing, timetables and places to be. It narrowed everything down.
Ellie tried to sidle past the guy, but he stuck his arm out, blocking her way. ‘Wrong direction.’
‘It’s important,’ Ellie said. ‘And my tutor said it was OK.’
He frowned down at her. ‘Do you have a permission slip?’
‘He forgot to give me one.’
‘Then turn round, please, and go straight to class.’
Ellie folded her arms. ‘There are urgent and personal reasons why I need to leave and my tutor is fully aware of them. I’m sixteen, so it’s not statutory that I remain on site and I believe you may be contravening my human rights by not allowing me out.’
Mikey was stunned. She gave the guy her name and tutor group and he simply opened the gate.
‘That was cool,’ Mikey said as she joined him on the pavement. ‘I thought you said you weren’t brave?’
‘I’ll be in trouble later, wait and see.’ She smiled at him. ‘You know, however hard I try to be good, it always goes wrong.’
They threaded hands as they crossed the bridge. It was fantastic to touch her.
‘I can’t be long,’ she said. ‘Serious, I shouldn’t be. I promised myself I’d revise today.’
He didn’t fancy explaining why she actually wouldn’t be going back, but he managed to persuade her to step over the railings and walk with him down the grassy slope to the river. It looked dark, lots of green stuff swishing about in it and trees hanging overhead. The slope was dappled with shadow and patches of sun.
‘Let’s sit here for a bit,’ he said.
It was hidden from the school, hidden from the road. At least if the cops came, they wouldn’t see her down here.
‘So,’ she said. ‘What’s happened now?’
He reached for her hand again and clasped it, like he could take care of her in a small way, even though he was about to hurt her masses.
‘You’re not going to like it.’
‘Just tell me.’
He shook his head, couldn’t believe he was about to say this, was sure the whole town took a pause – all the cars and TVs, all the people, everything still and listening. ‘I told Karyn what you said yesterday about not being a witness for your brother.’
The light left Ellie’s face. ‘Why did you do that?’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to. Jacko told her we were seeing each other and she went mad and I got mad back and it just came out.’
‘Oh.’
‘And that’s not all. I’m sorry, but she knows you lied in your police statement.’
Ellie covered her face with her hands and collapsed backwards onto the grass. ‘Oh,’ she said again, but quieter this time.
He wanted to touch her, to take her hands from her face and kiss her. But he didn’t know if that was the right thing to do, so instead he lay down next to her and told her the whole story, from the moment he got home last night, to the moment he took the call from his mum half an hour ago. He tried to make it less dramatic, tried to find spaces in it where it didn’t sound important, but when he got to the bit about the cops wanting to haul Ellie in, there was no hiding.
‘They might come to the school,’ he said. ‘That’s why I had to find you. My mum wasn’t sure if they’d go to your house or come straight here.’
Ellie lay completely still, only her belly moving up and down.
He said, ‘Why aren’t you saying anything?’
From behind her hands she whispered, ‘You tricked me after all.’
‘I didn’t tell Karyn on purpose!’
‘You and me at the cottage – I absolutely fell for it.’
‘No, Ellie, this isn’t part of some plan to get information out of you. Yesterday was real. You have to believe me.’
‘I have to?’ She sat up. She looked different, harder. ‘Do you know how it feels to have no one you can trust?’
‘I didn’t trick you.’
‘So you say. Let’s look at the evidence, shall we? At the beginning you got to know me on purpose, so you could find stuff out about my brother. Then, when I discovered who you were, you did your big Oh no, you can trust me, I really like you speech and I fell for it. I did tell you stuff, and as soon as you heard it, you ran to Karyn with the details. Bit suspicious, wouldn’t you say?’ She narrowed her eyes at him. ‘You’re the world’s biggest trickster.’
‘You’re paranoid. I could just as easily say you’ve been tricking me.’
‘What! How did I trick you? That makes no sense.’
‘Maybe you wanted me to tell Karyn. Maybe you didn’t have the guts to tell the truth to the cops yourself, and now you can tell Mummy and Daddy that the scary boy from the housing estate forced it out of you.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous!’
‘I might be wrong.’
‘Yeah, you might be!’ She stood up. ‘I have to go.’ She took a couple of steps up the slope, then turned back to him. ‘I actually thought you liked me – isn’t that mad?’
‘I do like you. Blame me if you want, tell me I’m a total tosser, but don’t tell me I don’t like you. I really like you, Ellie.’
She smiled, a small glimmer of warmth. ‘Liar.’
‘Truth.’
She sank to the grass. ‘Are they going to arrest me?’
‘I don’t know. They probably just want to talk to you.’
She buried her face in her knees. He went and sat next to her, stroked her hair, wanted her to know he was sorry.
‘Don’t.’
‘Please, Ellie.’
‘No.’ She pushed him away. ‘I’m thinking. Leave me alone.’
Above them, the trees were beginning to do their thing. All the leaves looked like mouths about to open.
‘I’ve got Jacko’s car,’ he said. ‘I could drive us somewhere.’
She didn’t say anything.
‘We could disappear.’ It was a brilliant idea. The shit would hit the fan later – with Karyn, Mum, just about everyone in fact, and Jacko would be pissed off about the car – but it would make today easier. ‘We could hide out at your grandparents’ place.’
‘Don’t be ridiculous.’
‘I’ve got money. We
can buy food, loads of it, and go and live there for a while.’
‘No.’
‘Think about it, Ellie – just until the worst is over.’
‘Are you insane?’ She took her hands away from her face. ‘It isn’t going to be over, don’t you get it? Someone’s family’s going to be ruined – yours or mine, that’s the choice. We can’t run away. This is real life, Mikey!’
She sounded like she was talking to a kid, or someone stupid from another planet. He hated that.
She lay back on the grass and covered her face with her arm. He got out his tobacco, made a rollie and lay next to her. They were quiet for ages. He wondered if she was coming up with some clever plan, or maybe she was considering the running-away idea. It’d be good holing up in that cottage. They could stay there for weeks, making fires, talking, touching.
When he’d finished smoking, he nudged her with his elbow, very gently. ‘How you doing?’
‘My bones hurt.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘And everything’s gone very bright and light, like I’m floating.’
‘Maybe you’re in shock.’
He leaned over and kissed her neck.
‘Don’t,’ she said.
‘Don’t what?’
‘Don’t do that.’
‘Why not?’
‘Because we only met six times and now it’s over.’
‘Seven, and it’s not over.’
She looked at him desperately. ‘I don’t want it to end.’
‘Neither do I.’ He took her hand. ‘I’m sorry I told Karyn. I completely fucked up. But it doesn’t have to end.’
She blinked at him. ‘I think it does.’
He leaned over and kissed the tip of her nose. Very softly. Three times. She didn’t stop him. He rolled her onto him and held her there. She gave him her weight, tucked her chin into his neck, so they were warm and tangled. It was sunny, maybe the warmest day of the year so far. Shadows lengthened across the grass as Monday lunchtime turned into Monday afternoon.
‘What will they do to me?’ she said eventually.
‘Talk to you, that’s all.’
‘Where?’
‘At the police station.’
‘What will I tell them?’
‘The truth.’
‘I want to speak to my mum.’ She rolled off, picked up her coat and bag. ‘My dad won’t be home from work yet.’
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